Why you didn't make it into a sorority.

[gem_star17]

Originally posted by kddani
gem_star17, it really sounds like you want us to reassure you that you have a good chance at overcoming your previous bad behavior towards the sororities at your school. I don't know that you're going to get the answer that you're looking for.

No, i wanted to know how often it was for a sorority to still want a girl after all that. like i said, at first i thought it was a joke that theyd still want me. i'm friendly with the president, now, remember? she reassured me that they were over it. i gave the 50-50 number as a conservative estimate. judging from the posts others put up it seemed like, if you were a bad pnm, you're chances were up, so initially i was suspicious.
In hindsight, i realized that it was dumb to be suspicious, as I'm sure these girls would have better things to do than try to recruit a girl they didn't want. I said that repeatedly..
now, i' am genuinely interested in hearing why a sorority would STILL want a girl that was a bratty pnm. Or better yet, if there were other cases. That is all. Really, if wanted reassurance, i have better sources than you. I'd just go to the president or the girls in that sorority.
i feel so bad. i feel like im being catty towards you and i dont like it. it's not who i am. so lets just drop it and please free to not reply to my future posts. i'd rather hear from GCers who are actually answering my questions (i.e GCers like HC) rather than GCers who are trying to guess if i have some ulterior motive.
All I want is an honest answer. That is what I am looking for and I'll find it if people will give me an honest answer, instead of insinuating i have some sort of agenda.


EDIT: if you only read my second post, i guess it could be taken for me wanting to know my chances. however, if you read my 1st post, i clearly said I had a happy ending. oh well, good job to HC for knowing what i meant!

[33girl]

Originally posted by gem_star17
thanks for your insightful reply, HC.... i could see a chapter giving a bid to a pnm that only half the chapter liked but if the pnm still made no attempts to fit in after rush then why even give the girl a bid just to make quota? isn't it painfully obvious that she's just after the letters? an "unpopular" PNM and a crappy pledge are two TOTALLY different things.

Well after rush, and after you've bid her, and she is a crappy pledge you're kind of stuck, unless she does something REALLY heinous.

And sometimes it has nothing to do with having to fill quota, sometimes it has to do with some of the sisters saying "well I know her and she's faboo" and the others not liking her, or another PNM whom no one knows anything about or has gotten enough of a read on her to tell what she'll be like. In other words, better the devil you know.

[Scandia]

I went to a huge school in the South, the University of Florida, that had a very large and competitive Greek system. I was a sophomore when I rushed.

And I was socially awkward back then. I may not have been in high school anymore, where I was the class nerd. I may have gotten treatment for PCOS and lost weight and gotten nicer clothes. I may have had more friends and belonged to various activities, including A Phi O. But one does not acquire perfect social skills from one day to the next. I think this may have been the main reason. My social skills are much better now. I make friends more easily and do interact well at parties and gatherings.

I had a few funny mishaps at Rush. I took a napkin accidentally from one house with my drink- but I was told on time it was against policy. I tripped on the steps of another house. I spitted water accidentally in a third one. One of the Rho Chis told me that she spilled a glass of water once when she rushed- she did not get invited to that house either.

I did not have any recommendations. I knew people in a couple houses, but not super closely. And I did not get to see them during Rush because the chapters were so big.

My folks were not too convinced about it either. So it may have been for the best that it did not happen back then. But now I am on my own and can afford to belong to a sorority.

I still enjoyed going through Rush and getting to meet all the 16 sororities that were in my school back then.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by honeychile
To this day, whenever asked, I have said that, if a large number of sisters dislike someone - not on the fence, but dislike - DROP HER!!!

I've obviously had to leave parts out, but the bottom line is this:
No one woman is worth the destruction of your chapter. NO ONE!

Agreed.

And we're not talking about a grey area, we're talking about quite a few people not liking a PNM. It's not that they have no opinion of her (which is not uncommon), they have a negative opinion of her..............

[Pessimist Null]

Originally Posted by SigK_Bama

Nope, not that I remember. We expelled her and sent a collections agency after her to get money we were owed, but I don't know if we ever got anything. Last we heard from her mom, she was somewhere in Arizona.

I'm not trying to doubt or contradict you but my brain = about this.

How could it be a homicide and an OD. And no wonder that girl is screwed up, she has a dead boyfriend

[KSUViolet06]

It's August, this one deserves a bump.

[kddani]

bump b/c there's been a lot of threads along these lines lately...

[daydreamer1112]

I got cut from XYZ house here on my campus and it really shocked me--I felt like I had really fit in there and had an amazing time and I couldn't imagine why they had cut me. I still don't know to this day why it happened: since then, I have had the opportunity to get to know even more amazing XYZ sisters and I know they made a mistake by cutting me because I am absolutely certain I would have fit in there. But it doesn't matter--after they cut me, I moved on and was extremely pleased to discover that Alpha Chi Omega appreciated me from the beginning and recognized all the great qualities in me that XYZ apparently missed. And XYZ happened to take a few rather...unsavory...girls in my dorm, as well; some of the less enthusiastic and bitchier ones. Oh well. AXO is my home, it's where I was meant to be from the beginning, and getting cut from XYZ and discovering that really helped me grow as a person and realize that the system just isn't perfect and you can't take it personally. I mean, how well can you really get to know someone from a 20 minutes conversation about where they grew up and what dormitory they live in?

[daydreamer1112]

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you? Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a brothel. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

While it's great that you found your home in Alpha Chi Omega, it really isn't necessary to bad mouth the house that didn't take you or the girls that they decided to take.

It doesn't make you or anyone look good.

Originally Posted by daydreamer1112

Also, I don't agree with the notion that if you get cut from your favorite house you should drop out and try again next year. If they don't want you once, why would they want you later? And why would you want to be with a group of girls who didn't appreciate you the first time they met you?

First of all, I want to say that I believe in maximizing options and NOT dropping out just because a PNM doesn't get invited to the favorite house.

Second, and this depends on campus culture, I fully support a PNM going through recruitment a second time because it could be possible that somehow the PNM just fell through the cracks the first time around. And why do you assume that the PNM would want to even be in her previous top house? Opinions can change over a period of time. I've read many stories here where PNMs had a change of heart and eventually found their home in another house.

You don't know the reasons why the PNM was cut, so you really shouldn't assume that just because they cut you the first time, they'll cut you again.

Have some self-respect, and examine why you want to be in a sorority in the first place. Most people who have their hearts set on one place feel that way because it's the "best" with the "hottest" girls that frats like the most. What the hell? You shouldn't join a sorority because you want to be in a BROTHEL. Look for girls who appreciate you and trust the system to find you the group you belong with, regardless of what the frats think of them.

While I don't doubt the fact that some PNMs go through recruitment for superficial reasons, it's very wrong of you to say that a PNM going through it a second time has no self-respect. PNMs fall in love with a house for reasons you don't even know, and it really isn't your place to question their integrity -- even if they may be setting themselves up for disappointment.

Finally, I won't even touch on your brothel comment.

That is all.

[daydreamer1112]

I agree, OTW, I just think that it's better to be open-minded and really examine the sororities that you have left rather than saying, "Oh, XYZ cut me, so I'm dropping out--screw all these other houses." I'm not saying there's never a situtaion where it is in the PNM's best interest to drop out and try again, I'm just saying in my experience, a lot of girls dropped out for the wrong reasons. They had houses left that were GREAT fits for them but dropped out because they weren't "the best" houses--and "the best" houses weren't necessarily places that I think they would have felt at home in.

PS: I didn't badmouth the house that didn't take me. In fact, I said nothing but positive things about them, although I do think they took a few girls they will regret taking. I still like them a lot and still feel that they would have made an amazing home for me--I'm definitely NOT trying to be negative about them, obviously I still like them or I wouldn't be saying that I still think I fit in with them, even though they cut me.

[AChiOhSnap]

Thanks

[als463]

As a Penn State Student in the Greek System myself-I must agree...Penn State is way too small a school after a while...don't worry about it, though....

[GlickThetaTau]

I have heard very few stories of people not getting a bid for the organization, in fact it is much more common for people to get 2 or 3 bids. One story does stick out. A girl cheated with the boyfriend of one of the sisters. The couple broke up after days of the cheating, broken up by the guy. The sister was an alumnus, and despite their differencies the girl and the sister became friends, but despite this fact the other sisters put their noses where they didn't belong and did not give this girl a bid, even though it was her one desire during college. She went to almost every rush event for 2 weeks but because of this one event (yes it is pretty big) she was not given a bid and treated very poorly by the sisters. Essentially they sisters had made up their mind before they even met the girl.

Now if one does not get a bid i have to think that they did something to anger the members of the organization. It has been my experience that organizations want numbers right off the bat. Thats what the pledging process is for so that you have a chance to personalyl interact with someone and truely find out their character. You cant learn everything about someone during rush, especially if your opinion of them is already tainted