Any encouragement?

[SageB11]

Hi. I go to a predominantly white school that used to have a chapter in the early 2000s. I have no idea why the chapter is inactive or who the people were before that used to run the chapter. I do know that it is not suspended on put on probation. If I want to join, I will have to start the chapter again under a new charter and basically be one of the founding women. I have already started that process. I have done my research, and read so much about the Sorority. My sister is a part of it. My whole problem is I don't know what to expect. I do not expect you to tell me because that is not allowed but I do need some encouraging words. I am all for this sorority, I love what it stands for, I love the pride and joy of a probate and I love the strong ways of the females involved. Also I want to make my sister soooo proud because she takes pride in me and with me being her little sister. I was never interested in sorority life that's why I went to a school and didn't check its Greek History. She gave me pointers about sorority life in general and told me to pick the organization that best fits me. She also told me not to join a sorority only because she is in one (but no doubt that influenced my decision). I researched them all and of course I found the one I loved and related with.

Long story short, I want to join so bad and I want to finish. But I know myself and sometimes I feel like I cannot make it through the sands to get to the land. I feel like I would get lost in the darkness and not make it to the light. I have read about people who died and I do not want to die, I do want to lose, I do not want to slip. Sometimes I consider just enduring how people would see me as a "skater" if i sign the paper (which may not be an issue in my campus) because I will still be able to greatness. I want it as much as the next girl but I dont know how much I can endure physically. You have to be strong and I am but it is something I never touched. I want to bring what the founders brought, sisterhood, scholarship and service (especially on my campus) I want to show people the great deeds of this sorority and join the history and amazingness of this Org but I do not think that I will make it through. I cannot help but to think that. Reading the stories break my heart and if it breaks my heart now, how will I feel when I'm doing it? Any encouragement, advice? I know there is so much you can tell me, but I will appreciate anything.