Joint account or separate account

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Prenups and day to day accounts are not that different for many people.

See my above example.

Assets you inherited and assets you made are very different. Since B didn't inherit shit, it isn't different for her.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I'm sure Beyonce stans will go out of their minds, baby bump or not lol

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/167...aby-bump.jhtml

/onlycontribution

LOL. Yeah she's fulfilling her commitments even with baby bump. However, Beyonce's performances and commitments will change throughout her pregnancy and once she gives birth in a few months.

Remember the Prince tribute in which Alicia Keys was on the piano. Prince and others were looking at Swizz Beats like "pleeeeease tell her to be careful!"

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

See my above example.

Assets you inherited and assets you made are very different. Since B didn't inherit shit, it isn't different for her.

The average person in North America is not inheriting assets, let alone assets from 1812.

Most people don't inherit shit and that is particularly the case for people of particular socioeconomic statuses and disproportionately the case for racial and ethnic minorities. So, this topic should be understood and discussed from a range of life experiences and social statuses.

Assets you inherited and assets you made are the same thing if you consider it all your assets. These are all constructed legalities and constructed realities. When I inherit my parents' assets I will do so not because my parents want to keep peace in my family. Instead, as my parents have documented, my parents' goal is to divide their assets however they see fit. In turn, as they have also documented, my siblings and I can handle the assets that we attain as we see fit. That can include keeping the assets separate from our spouses or making legal adjustments to share these assets with our spouses. That includes selling assets and putting the money wherever we see fit. Therefore, these assets that we inherit are not that different from assets that we made ourselves.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The average person in North America is not inheriting assets, let alone assets from 1812.

Most people don't inherit shit and that is particularly the case for people of a particular socioeconomic status and disproportionately the case for racial and ethnic minorities. So, this topic should be understood and discussed from a range of life experiences and social statuses.

Assets you inherited and assets you made are the same thing if you consider it all your assets. These are all constructed legalities and constructed realities. When I inherit my parents' assets I will do so not because my parents want to keep peace in my family. Instead, as my parents have documented, my parents' goal is to divide their assets however they see fit. In turn, as they have also documented, my siblings and I can handle the assets that we attain as we see fit. That can include keeping the assets separate from our spouses or making legal adjustments to share these assets with our spouses. That includes selling assets and putting the money wherever we see fit. Therefore, these assets that we inherit are not that different from assets that we made ourselves.

My dad and his fiancee just signed a pre-nup that protects their children from intermixing of inheritances. So, should he die first, his fiancee gets a portion of his (singular) assets but the bulk goes to my brother and I. Should she die first, he gets a portion of her (singular) assets but the bulk goes to her children. This was so that the financial portion of my mother's (singular) assets will not go to some other person's kids, which is all documented in his will, as well.

For example: They currently live in a house that she built and is paid off, while my dad is selling his house. Should she pass away, my dad will find another place to live, while her children will inherit her house. This is all understood from day 1 so it's not a problem that any of us disagree with.

They're both (separately) financially stable though so it's not like she's going to not be able to continue with her standard of living should they break up or should my dad die.

Of course, should they need to sell everything they own and liquidate all of their funds for something, it's not like they need to ask our permission to do that. It's all still theirs right now.

Just giving an example of how a pre-nup isn't always in place just to protect yourself, it can also protect your kids.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by agzg

My dad and his fiancee just signed a pre-nup that protects their children from intermixing of inheritances. So, should he die first, his fiancee gets a portion of his (singular) assets but the bulk goes to my brother and I. Should she die first, he gets a portion of her (singular) assets but the bulk goes to her children. This was so that the financial portion of my mother's (singular) assets will not go to some other person's kids, which is all documented in his will, as well.

For example: They currently live in a house that she built and is paid off, while my dad is selling his house. Should she pass away, my dad will find another place to live, while her children will inherit her house. This is all understood from day 1 so it's not a problem that any of us disagree with.

They're both (separately) financially stable though so it's not like she's going to not be able to continue with her standard of living should they break up or should my dad die.

Does this safety measure include divorce or only death?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Does this safety measure include divorce or only death?

That portion covers only death.

The divorce portion I believe is quite simple (well, in theory) - listing of major assets/accounts, and whoever has what prior to marriage has that after (if it's still around). For joint acquisitions, they have a 50/50 split if they can.

This is because they're retired so while they don't necessarily have a tight budget, it is a fixed income. So there won't be any "I put you through school and now you make X amount of money."

I know they worked on it for a really long time. They seem happy with it, so I'm happy with it. None of that stuff is "mine" anyway - my dad already gave me a lot of things that were my mom's that hold more sentimental value than her life insurance payout. That was for him.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by agzg

That portion covers only death.

The divorce portion I believe is quite simple (well, in theory) - listing of major assets/accounts, and whoever has what prior to marriage has that after (if it's still around). For joint acquisitions, they have a 50/50 split if they can.

This is because they're retired so while they don't necessarily have a tight budget, it is a fixed income. So there won't be any "I put you through school and now you make X amount of money."

I know they worked on it for a really long time. They seem happy with it, so I'm happy with it. None of that stuff is "mine" anyway - my dad already gave me a lot of things that were my mom's that hold more sentimental value than her life insurance payout. :P That was for him.

Makes sense!

Pre-nups; separate accounts; and separate investments all protect oneself or family/kids (for those who have family/kids to protect). Protection is protection regardless of who is being protected and where the resources are coming from. That's what Centaur1963 was saying.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Makes sense!

Pre-nups; separate accounts; and separate investments are all to protect yourself or your family/kids (for those who have family/kids to protect). Protection is protection regardless of who is being protected. That's what Centaur1963 was saying.

Right right right I was just giving a "real life" example. I'm also lucky that my dad/his fiancee are very pragmatic people and could see that there might be conflict in the future, since I don't get along very will with her daughter (thankfully we're grownups who only have to see each other a handful of times in our lives and live very far away from one another) so wanted to lay out the terms of their pre-nup/wills with us prior to their wedding since she is the executor of her mother's will, and I am the executor of my father's will.

I'd hate for my father's/mother's assets to be sold to fund a tea party rally.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by agzg

Right right right I was just giving a "real life" example. I'm also lucky that my dad/his fiancee are very pragmatic people and could see that there might be conflict in the future, since I don't get along very will with her daughter (thankfully we're grownups who only have to see each other a handful of times in our lives and live very far away from one another) so wanted to lay out the terms of their pre-nup/wills with us prior to their wedding since she is the executor of her mother's will, and I am the executor of my father's will.

I'd hate for my father's/mother's assets to be sold to fund a tea party rally.

I understand. This all helps those who do not want all of their eggs in one basket.

Yes only her own money can be used to fund "tea parties."

(I keep saying "right right right...." LOL)

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I understand. This all helps those who do not want all of their eggs in one basket.

Yes only her own money can be used to fund "tea parties."

(I keep saying "right right right...." LOL)

To continue to hijack this thread - the first time I met her, her first words were "God I hate that asshole Obama. I don't care if it's rude. If anyone here likes him we're going to have problems."

I could go either way on President Obama any given day but that's not the way to make a good first impression.

[33girl]

agzg, that's exactly the kind of thing I was talking about. (The house thing, not the Obama is an asshole thing.)

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

but the world is different now.

I don't choose my partner (potential husband) based on "worldy" views/values. Let's get that part straight before you continue to post/respond to me about this topic.

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

Both women and men are working, and more women are doing better than men financially now, so I think it's natural for both men and women to have their own just incase. It doesn't mean they don't trust each other, and it doesn't mean their marriage is going to fail, it's just a safety net because like the saying goes "shit happens" LOL. I laughing but it's true.

Of course I believe that partnership should bring financial increase. I also understand that most couples have two incomes to share. I just think that the goal should be to live on one income (our incomes as one) then, to save and give from the other (a savings account)...again, one income (our incomes as one). But it's not just about finances for me. It's about patience and doing my homework to know if it's someone I am compatible with, as I posted before. Did you read it?

I want to know more than just how he handles money and the whole joint or separate accounts thing. I want to know what he wants his life to look like over time. I might find that my goals are different. How does he spend his money? How does he handle stress? How does he speak to me and others? Is he sensitive and considerate to my needs? What is his attitude toward my views, goals, and gifts? Is he a man of discipline –faithful to keep his word? What is his reputation like at church, at work, among his family and friends? What is his relationship with God like? What is his sense of community at work and church as well as at home? It’s more about just finances to me, and this is just a short list. In other words, by the time I reach the altar, I should already know or have a very good idea what kind of man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with.

What you (in general) believe about the possibilities of the relationship as well as what you believe about your partner will affect how your relationship works. I believe that there is faith in love. People bail out of love, bad health happens, money issues devastate relationships, etc. The list of things that can damage or destroy a marriage is long, it's not just finances. Yet love can prevail in the midst of trying circumstances. It comes down to commitment. Emotions follow decisions, so if there is no “out” clause in your mind, heart, or spirit, you can create determination to work through whatever changes come (provided there is no cheating, verbal, and or physical abuse involved. I’m not putting up with that). Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. The things we build are devastated when we don’t adhere to the promises we make. The home, the family unit, the children, and all that goes into the making of a marriage suffer when promises made are not promises kept. All of this is a matter of faith (to me). We adhere to what we believe. We abandon anything we have no faith in, and you can only take hold of what you envision through the eyes of your belief. I believe in who I have chosen as my partner for several reasons, but mainly because we have similar values and beliefs. Faith in my relationship, in my partner, and in the ability of God to keep what I cannot keep myself will help me stand firm even if the foundation is shaking. Again, it's about being "like-minded"...Christian beliefs or not. "Shit happens" when you don't have enough patience to do your homework.

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

I see what you and cheerfulgreek are saying,

No you don't.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

What, we can share our bodies and all that entails, but my dough gotta be separate?

lol

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you're that far apart on money, IMO you shouldn't get married in the first place. It's SO much heavier than people realize. Even if you have separate accounts, if you're saying every other day "it's MY money and I'll do what I want with it" that's not a healthy relationship. Maybe you're not fighting-fighting, but you're still feeling the disapproval of the other person.

(Thanks heaven that I learned this lesson in my very first serious relationship.)

I won't argue that point. He can be a selfish little prick. I don't know what they see in each other.

[starang21]

thank God my wife isn't a loonball when it comes to spending money. though we disagree often.