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  #1  
Old 02-23-2004, 08:42 PM
HBADPi HBADPi is offline
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When Harry Met Sally Debate

What do y'all think can girls and guys be friends without the sex issue getting in the way?

For the longest time I thought that I could be friends with guys no problem and came to think of some of my closest guy friends as brothers. Now I dont know if its the guys that I befriend that are like this but I've had this happen 3 times now that a guy I was friends with (that I had no romantic interest in) has mentioned he would like to take our relationship further. I dont think that I give them any reason to think that I'm interested and it always ends up being a difficult situation where our friendship is jeopardized because I dont feel the same way.

Most recently a guy that I met 6 months ago when I moved out west called me up to ask me out on a "belated valentines day" date and when I told him I had family stuff to do that weekend(which was not a lie) he gets all mad that I would blow him off to spend time with my family (the nerve!). He then goes off on this tyrannt asking why I dont like him, what can he do to make me like him and to make me date him, starts talking about how his family is loaded and he could give me anything...really laying on the guilt trip. When I finally was able to get off the phone with him he asks me to call him back and promise that I wont break his heart. Although this was a pretty extreme case, I still feel bad when I have to say no and risk the chance of losing a friend.

Any advice? Thoughts?

Last edited by HBADPi; 02-23-2004 at 08:45 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-23-2004, 08:49 PM
Colonist Colonist is offline
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It can start as friends but most of the time it will go beyond that plain and simple. One party gets attached.
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  #3  
Old 02-23-2004, 08:49 PM
PhiPsiRuss PhiPsiRuss is offline
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Re: When Harry Met Sally Debate

Quote:
Originally posted by HBADPi
What do y'all think can girls and guys be friends without the sex issue getting in the way?
No.
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  #4  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:22 PM
AXJules AXJules is offline
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I had never experienced this, then it happened to me three times in one month last semester.

I'm beginning to think that a few guy "acquaintances" wouldn't push our relationship further, but all my guy "friends" would given the chance. And that's really upsetting to me, b/c it makes you wonder why you even bother putting forth the time. But from now on, if I know this, then it's my own fault.

Still, I don't think it's fair to let the guys off with the excuse 'Well they're men...that's just how they are..." Personally I think that's the slacker's way out, but then again who can blame them if they can get away with it..

(Sorry for the rambling post: I'm watching M.B.F.O.F.)
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  #5  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:34 PM
Peaches-n-Cream Peaches-n-Cream is offline
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I think that men and women can be friends without romance. If you have chemisty and attraction, why would you want to be 'just friends'?
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  #6  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:35 PM
sugar and spice sugar and spice is offline
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I think they can, but it's relatively rare.
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  #7  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:39 PM
James James is offline
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People can be cowards. Or have poor romance skills. The guy might be "that guy" and always tries to be a friend hoping that leads to romance, likewise the girl can be like that too . . . bless their pathetic little hearts.

Also, you can meet when one or the other are already involved with someone else and then your relationship crystalizes as friends.

Or you can suddenly start hanging out all the frelling time (anyone get the reference?) and develop feelings that are inhibted by being friends status . .. good movie plot there.

Plus, never underestimate the human ability to fuck-up their chances at happiness



Quote:
Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I think that men and women can be friends without romance. If you have chemisty and attraction, why would you want to be 'just friends'?
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Old 02-23-2004, 09:42 PM
James James is offline
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A lot depends on that time spent quotient. The All Knowing They say that sublimated sexual attraction might be at the base of all male female relationships . . . a lot of contact is more likely to make that attraction bloom. Take it as a compliment.


Quote:
Originally posted by AXJules


I'm beginning to think that a few guy "acquaintances" wouldn't push our relationship further, but all my guy "friends" would given the chance. And that's really upsetting to me, b/c it makes you wonder why you even bother putting forth the time. But from now on, if I know this, then it's my own fault.

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  #9  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:43 PM
ZTAngel ZTAngel is offline
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I definitely think they can. One of my best friends is a guy I've known since middle school. There is NO sexual chemistry whatsoever.
If you start off a friendship have feelings for the person that you're supposed to be "just friends" with, I think that's when it becomes a problem. Staying "just friends" with someone that you have feelings for and watching them date others can be a really disheartening experience. I've been on both ends of the spectrum and neither side is fun. I really think that if you want a lasting friendship with someone of the opposite sex that it is important that both people NOT see each other as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend.


ETA:
And while some friendships tend to bloom into a relationship after a while, I can't help but think there had to be some sort of attraction from the beginning.
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ZTA
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  #10  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:47 PM
PhiPsiRuss PhiPsiRuss is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by ZTAngel
I definitely think they can. One of my best friends is a guy I've known since middle school.
You may not be attracted to him, but he might be attracted to you, and afraid to say so out of fear of damaging the relationship.
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  #11  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:58 PM
James James is offline
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Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people are self-aware enough to know there is an attraction to begin with you know?

But also, the acid test is to spend a LOT of time together while you are both single.

Quote:
Originally posted by ZTAngel


ETA:
And while some friendships tend to bloom into a relationship after a while, I can't help but think there had to be some sort of attraction from the beginning.
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  #12  
Old 02-23-2004, 09:58 PM
James James is offline
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True Dat.

Quote:
Originally posted by russellwarshay
You may not be attracted to him, but he might be attracted to you, and afraid to say so out of fear of damaging the relationship.
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  #13  
Old 02-23-2004, 10:05 PM
AXJules AXJules is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by James
A lot depends on that time spent quotient. The All Knowing They say that sublimated sexual attraction might be at the base of all male female relationships . . . a lot of contact is more likely to make that attraction bloom. Take it as a compliment.
Don't get me wrong. It's flattering, and sweet. And it means more knowing that they didn't feel that way when they first met me, but it was my personality that made it happen. Fine. Great. But it is kind of upsetting when you start friendships going"We're so platonic! This is awesome!" and then you just feel like you've been lied to....and I know it isn't always deliberate but it is kind of a let down sometimes.

And you don't want to start every friendship going "just so you know, I have no attraction to you...." b/c then it makes it sound like you just assume everyone's attracted to you...God could a person sound more conceited?

OY such is life.
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  #14  
Old 02-23-2004, 10:11 PM
Rudey Rudey is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by AXJules
Don't get me wrong. It's flattering, and sweet. And it means more knowing that they didn't feel that way when they first met me, but it was my personality that made it happen. Fine. Great. But it is kind of upsetting when you start friendships going"We're so platonic! This is awesome!" and then you just feel like you've been lied to....and I know it isn't always deliberate but it is kind of a let down sometimes.

And you don't want to start every friendship going "just so you know, I have no attraction to you...." b/c then it makes it sound like you just assume everyone's attracted to you...God could a person sound more conceited?

OY such is life.
But I wuv you :*(

-Rudey
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  #15  
Old 02-23-2004, 10:18 PM
AXJules AXJules is offline
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Rudith, rules don't apply to you.
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