How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[ADPiEE]

What a wonderful story!!

My cousin and I are ADPi's but my husband's family has DG's, ZTA's, and DDD's so it would be great if my daughter ended up in one of those I have KD, XO, DZ, APhi and Theta friends so that would be special if she ends up there. I would also be thrilled if my daughter was a Phi Mu so we'd both be Macon Magnolias (and share lions). And with SK, we could share violets!

I think that covers most of the chapters in Texas...I'm prepping myself to be happy regardless of where she ends up

[KSUViolet06]

This was a fun one.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by BeeBee23

I actually just read a TON of comments regarding this on the ADPi facebook page. Basically a bunch of moms are expressing their now "hate" for ADPi because their precious daughters were cut from the ADPi chapter during recruitment and no longer will support ADPi in any way and are demanding explanations. It's ridiculous! I think there is a huge generation gap going on and that mom's arent understanding (or remembering or refusing to remember) that membership selection cannot be told to them, and it's nothing against them or their daughter that they were cut.

Whoever runs the ADPi page politely responded with the "too many legacies to meet quota" only to be attacked by the moms saying it's a silly excuse.

I wish there was a way to help them understand about how the system works in today's times. ADPi has published articles regarding these issues, but moms seem to disregard it until their baby girl gets cut and then all hell breaks loose! It's just sad to see these grown women bashing their sorority and trying to encourage PNMs not to pledge ADPi because "legacies aren't treated fairly."

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 30 years ago.

I was in a chapter in the latter part of those years, and I assure you that even when Greek life was in the toilet, there were STILL girls who got cut.

Why a mom would want her daughter to be chosen just because she's her daughter, I honestly don't understand. I love my parents with all my heart, but God was it good to get away to college where I was something other than "Dad33's daughter" or "Mom33's little girl."

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by bakd

Or could it possibly be because it is true, and they have some perspective on that fact.

Remember, many of these current alumna moms are from roughly the years 1980 - 1986 and they virtually "saved" the Greek system.

Chapters during that time frame were closing right and left, and the popularity that the sororities have now is a direct result of the efforts of that annoying alumna from 25 years ago.

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by Nanners52674

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

Where on EARTH did you get that?

Sorority members want to give legacies a good look and hope that they'll find someone who would be a good sister, and if not, they hope she'll find a loving sorority home with another group. In huge rushes, it is hard to give ANYONE as much time as you want. Giving a legacy "extra time" may amount to 10 minutes of extra time. It sucks, but the only other way to do it would be to make rush last for a semester. Focusing only on legacies and not paying attention to any of the other rushees isn't fair to anyone.

The eyeroll is for those moms who feel their daughters are ENTITLED to membership, even if they are a horrible fit for the chapter, even if the daughter herself would be miserable in the chapter.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

Really, an eyeroll?

Why are legacies seen as the enemy? I just don't get it.

^^^If you'd read the thread in its entirety, you'd see that that's really not the case at all.

Chapters see the value in extending them bids, but there are schools at which if EVERY single legacy woman were extended a bid, the class would be nothing but legacies, leaving no room for anyone else. There's also the issue of having so many and having to decide which ones get invited back.

I also think that there is a generational disconnect regarding those coming from a time when every single legacy got a bid because there were no quotas and such and those younger members for whom there are quota, RFM, etc.

It is a hot-button topic at many schools. I understand that you are probably a mom with a daughter who was released or something, and I am sorry. However, the enemy they are not. That is rather dramatic.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by ComradesTrue

Because what is true? That [insert sorority here] doesn't value the legacy relationship?

My experience is that all organizations, including the aforementioned ADPi, value that relationship. However, when 150 legacies are going through recruitment and quota will be in the 60s, what does the 1980s generation recommend that their chapters do?

And please don't interpret this a generation bash. I pledged in 1992, so right on the heels on these moms. Their membership is certainly valued.

My organization has been shouting from the treetops about the legacy number quandary. However, my first-hand experience has been that the moms who protest the most are the ones who have been least involved in their organization for the past 10-15 years. I cast no judgment on their lack of involvement- we women can only do so much- but to not be involved and THEN bash the current ways that things are done is quite disrespectful and uninformed.

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

It's true. Which is why they cannot take all of them. If Q is 60 and and you have 70 legacies, then take all legacies, you get, well, a class of legacies. And the 10 left over would still cry foul.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by bakd

I think that if the national organizations would release some actual stats about how many legacies went through, etc. many alumna could come to grips with those facts. As it is, the numbers are never named, they only say that "at some larger campuses the # of legacies is larger than quota..." Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

I don't have stats, but what would you like the chapters to do? Take every single legacy regardless of whether or not they fit or make the membership requirements? If you'd rather alumnae and moms do the membership selection than the collegiate actives, I think you need to check your priorities.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^If you'd read the thread in its entirety, you'd see that that's really not the case at all.

Chapters see the value in extending them bids, but there are schools at which if EVERY single legacy woman were extended a bid, the class would be nothing but legacies, leaving no room for anyone else. There's also the issue of having so many and having to decide which ones get invited back.

I also think that there is a generational disconnect regarding those coming from a time when every single legacy got a bid because there were no quotas and such and those younger members for whom there are quota, RFM, etc.

It is a hot-button topic at many schools. I understand that you are probably a mom with a daughter who was released or something, and I am sorry. However, the enemy they are not. That is rather dramatic.

My double legacy daughter was cut from her legacy house last fall. Other than being cut by her legacy house, she had a perfect recruitment (and is very happy where she is now).

Because my own chapter was from out of state and not the school where dd was a PNM, if she had left off her affiliation on the rush form and if I had asked her recs to leave off our relationship, I almost feel that she would have been pledged by my sisterhood. It is when you come to this realization that you start thinking that the legacies are seen as the "enemy". Sorry for the drama.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by bakd

Yet, later when we see the bid day pictures - we only see a handful of legacies. It just sounds like hooey.

How can you tell if someone is a legacy from her picture??

It could be that the women who were legacies going through were either released for grades (grade requirements are MUCH higher than they used to be), for not having other requirements stated in the sorority's policies (say maybe, involvment in other extracurriculars), OR it could be that the legacies themselves either ranked their legacy chapter so low that they didn't have to go back, or that they behaved in such a way to make it clear to the sisters that they didn't want to be there.

[bakd]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

I don't have stats, but what would you like the chapters to do? Take every single legacy regardless of whether or not they fit or make the membership requirements? If you'd rather alumnae and moms do the membership selection than the collegiate actives, I think you need to check your priorities.

I think that the actives should take MOST of the qualified legacies. Simple. If they want to set a limit and rank them, fine, but I think those statistics should be released.