Sorority Recruitment Translations

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Titchou

That may be the case in some places but, I assure you, it's not within my circles!

Fair enough.

And as long as I brought it up, I might as well point out that "aren't you/isn't that precious" can also be a compliment or a "polite insult," depending on context and tone.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by chioalum

My daughter's friend recently completed recruitment at Bama. She became very ill prior to graduation, and as of mid June hadn't secured any recommendations. I was able through my contacts, to secure her one recommendation to each house and to some two. She is an out of state student, she is an Alpha Phi legacy and she knew only one girl in a house at Bama. I tried to advise her and her mother on how competitive the recruitment process is at Bama. I honestly don't think either of them listened to a word I said. As her going away gift, we packed her a bag full of the sorority essentials needed during the process, we also added in some extras. Again, I discussed in detail how competitive this recruitment process is at Bama. As of late July her mother had not sent in a legacy form, nor secured her a recommendation to Alpha Phi. Neither the girl, nor her mother, ever thanked me or my contacts for assisting them with recommendations, this was kind of expected as they are kind of lacking in the manners department. I never heard from the mother, prior to her leaving, during the process or upon their return home. The daughter had a very rough recruitment, she only had four parties on 11 party day, and only 3 parties on 7 party day. She was dropped completely prior to preference round. I recevied a voice mail late last night from her mother blasting me for her daughter's results. I was quite shocked at what was said. I haven't returned the call as I have no idea what to say. Any suggestions from the experts?

Personally, I would wait a few days before responding. There is nothing you can say that will make her feel better. I would let her rant and complain and try not to get defensive. (Although you have every right to be!) I would simply state, "I'm sorry it didn't work out." I hate to see mother's over-react in these cases because it sends the message to the daughter that she really messed up. The mother that says "It's their loss -- you'll thrive at something else." is the type of mom who boosts her daughter's self image.

[MysticCat]

^^^ NutBrnHair's advice of "sorry it didn't work out" is probably the best advice, but I would be sorely tempted to say something along the lines of "I did everything I could to get recs for your daughter and to help prepare her for recruitment, and neither you nor she ever once said 'Thank you.' I guess nothing I could do could hide from the chapters the fact that you failed to teach your daughter basic manners, so I'm guessing that's why it didn't work out for her."

I'd want to say that, but I wouldn't.

[ellebud]

Originally Posted by chioalum

My daughter's friend recently completed recruitment at Bama. She became very ill prior to graduation, and as of mid June hadn't secured any recommendations. I was able through my contacts, to secure her one recommendation to each house and to some two. She is an out of state student, she is an Alpha Phi legacy and she knew only one girl in a house at Bama. I tried to advise her and her mother on how competitive the recruitment process is at Bama. I honestly don't think either of them listened to a word I said. As her going away gift, we packed her a bag full of the sorority essentials needed during the process, we also added in some extras. Again, I discussed in detail how competitive this recruitment process is at Bama. As of late July her mother had not sent in a legacy form, nor secured her a recommendation to Alpha Phi. Neither the girl, nor her mother, ever thanked me or my contacts for assisting them with recommendations, this was kind of expected as they are kind of lacking in the manners department. I never heard from the mother, prior to her leaving, during the process or upon their return home. The daughter had a very rough recruitment, she only had four parties on 11 party day, and only 3 parties on 7 party day. She was dropped completely prior to preference round. I recevied a voice mail late last night from her mother blasting me for her daughter's results. I was quite shocked at what was said. I haven't returned the call as I have no idea what to say. Any suggestions from the experts?

Since I too tried to help a friend's daughter (not NEARLY as competitive a recruitment) who didn't pledge after THREE tries all you can say is, "I'm sorry that it didn't work out. I was not in the parties, nor was I in chapter so I can't tell you what went wrong. I'm sorry that you are both unhappy."

If the friend (and I am no longer friends with my friend) continues to blame you, or as in the case of my daughter insist that my daughter NEEDED a sorority for her social life, cut the strings. Tell her you did your best to help but that all the information went to deaf ears. Sorry.

If you want to read what happened read, My daughter's friend's recruitment. It may sound somewhat familiar.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Personally, I would wait a few days before responding. There is nothing you can say that will make her feel better. I would let her rant and complain and try not to get defensive. (Although you have every right to be!) I would simply state, "I'm sorry it didn't work out." I hate to see mother's over-react in these cases because it sends the message to the daughter that she really messed up. The mother that says "It's their loss -- you'll thrive at something else." is the type of mom who boosts her daughter's self image.

I totally agree, and I'd take it one step further and suggest that you don't have to respond to her complaints about rush at all ever.

[chioalum]

Thanks for all of the advice. One her repeated mentions in the voice mail is that I didn't tell them how competitive this process was. In fact that is all I kept repeating to both of them. My other problem is that her daughter's illness is not completely under control. I really questioned to myself, whether I would have let my own daughter go 12 hrs away with the recent diagnosis that could occur at any time. I never siad anything at all about this subject. She said " I just really wished you would have advised her she really had no chance whatsoever., Especially since she's so far away from home." I honestly think I'm not going to return her phone call. I had my daughter tell her friend how sorry I was that the process didn't work out for her, so I'm thinking that might be where I put an end to this fiasco. The mom also asked in the voice mail had I even secured a recommendation to Delta Gamma, because maybe at least she'd have a chance there." Wow is all I can think. Thanks for the great advice and responses.

[DubaiSis]

If you can be strong enough, I'd not say anything at all and wait for it to simmer. The Mom might, in bitching to others who know what the daughter was up against, realize her error. But if you blow up and say something you regret later, I can't hold that against you. Good luck.

eta/and you know as well as we on GC do that Delta Gamma is not going to be anyone's safety sorority.

[AOII Angel]

Wow. Don't we all wish we had a sorority alum whose job it was to get all of out recs, plan our recruitment AND answer for our results. This mother takes the cake!

[BraveMaroon]

I'm pretty sure that whatever I told Mommie Dearest, it would end with, "...and the horse you rode in on."

Wow. Just, wow.

[arrowlady]

Wow I can't begin to say what a good friend you were to help this woman and her daughter out.. I am so sorry that they are so dense and ungrateful. I think I would let her cool off and then maybe email ow write her that it is a shame it did not work out, and unfortunately it happens sometimes. Hopefully this girl can find another activity

[HQWest]

Chioalum - Obviously, we don't have all of the story, but a big clue here is that the girl is recovering from a major illness and going to school 12 hours away. Momma bear is trying to run to the rescue, but girl is trying to move away.

Spidey sense says recruitment is a moot point cause she will transfer anyway....

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by chioalum

My daughter's friend recently completed recruitment at Bama. She became very ill prior to graduation, and as of mid June hadn't secured any recommendations. I was able through my contacts, to secure her one recommendation to each house and to some two. She is an out of state student, she is an Alpha Phi legacy and she knew only one girl in a house at Bama. I tried to advise her and her mother on how competitive the recruitment process is at Bama. I honestly don't think either of them listened to a word I said. As her going away gift, we packed her a bag full of the sorority essentials needed during the process, we also added in some extras. Again, I discussed in detail how competitive this recruitment process is at Bama. As of late July her mother had not sent in a legacy form, nor secured her a recommendation to Alpha Phi. Neither the girl, nor her mother, ever thanked me or my contacts for assisting them with recommendations, this was kind of expected as they are kind of lacking in the manners department. I never heard from the mother, prior to her leaving, during the process or upon their return home. The daughter had a very rough recruitment, she only had four parties on 11 party day, and only 3 parties on 7 party day. She was dropped completely prior to preference round. I recevied a voice mail late last night from her mother blasting me for her daughter's results. I was quite shocked at what was said. I haven't returned the call as I have no idea what to say. Any suggestions from the experts?

As the current ABC, recruitment advisor, and alumnae chapter president, this does not suprise me at all. I offer to write references every year and that offer is largely ignored. I do not meet PNMs during recruitment or get involved with membership selection and I refuse to abuse my power that way (to the dismay of a few alumnae).

[HQWest]

Back to the original thread -

live recruitment thread not finished = withdrew from recruitment?

[Zillini]

I have a unique situation... = I haven't bothered to use the search function otherwise I would have found the 10+ threads that would have answered my question.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by Zillini

I have a unique situation... = I haven't bothered to use the search function otherwise I would have found the 10+ threads that would have answered my question.

Yes!