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  #16  
Old 01-19-2018, 12:17 AM
aephi alum aephi alum is offline
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Disgusting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carnation View Post
I am horrified by her apparent belief that she could come to the South and say all that.
As am I.

Social media wasn't a thing when I was in college. The Web was in its infancy. (Hell, I wrote my chapter's first website, which went online before IBM's first stab at a website went live.) But, even then, most people knew better than to say such disgusting things - and, for those who didn't know better, word got out.

These days, fuggedaboutit. If you post something disgusting online, odds are it will go viral and bite you in the ... buttockal region.
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  #17  
Old 01-19-2018, 12:16 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Oye. The Internet is forever.
Yep and given the racist video and this latest video posted on Twitter (bragging about her favorite sexual activity for those who didn't see it) this girl has killed any career opportunities, at least for many, many years. Companies do a social media search on applicants all the time and even a lot of party pictures can harm one's chances.

When will these kids learn that social media is NOT their friend? I'm amazed at how many still post stuff (like pictures where they're clearly drunk) without any thought of the consequences. I get that they're college kids and at that age, you're not thinking logically sometimes, but still...
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  #18  
Old 01-19-2018, 02:03 PM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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I have given this a lot of thought since the story broke. I watched all the videos. I read the Fraternity Man's opinion.

Here's what it comes to for me:

1) there but for the grace of God go all of us. Alpha Phi was in the hot seat this week. I hold no ill will towards any organization for the actions of a single member.

2) Agree with Kevin re: bystander behavior. Have witnessed it in the chapter I advised. It's quite a culture, actually. There are people who do presentations on this topic. Not sure of the efficacy of talking to anyone. To me, it's innate: I speak up when I see wrongdoing. Consequences be damned. However, the majority of people don't have my "alpha" personality. I don't need nor seek approval from outside. And I've watched the viciousness with which people can turn on someone who does "speak up" or is a "whistleblower" even when the concerns are valid. Yes I have a few personal examples, and I weathered the storm (because as I already wrote, IDGAF what other people think or say!). I love the Lincoln quote which starts "I do the very best I know how". Google it. It's a great quote.

3) Good people don't stay silent when faced with evil.

4) All I can do is focus on where I can make a difference. That young woman is going to suffer mightily throughout the decades for her behavior (which, based on the videos I watched, isn't a random one-time occurrence, but, rather, reflects her fundamental moral code and beliefs). I'm really not sure how she will ever make this right with anyone. It's not up to me to say. My heart hurts for the pain her words caused to countless people. I will do my best to make a difference today when the opportunity arises. That's all I can do.

5) I am grateful every day for the support we offer one another. It is best to hold hands when we are in scary places. And in not so scary places either.
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  #19  
Old 01-19-2018, 04:41 PM
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DGTess DGTess is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCMS View Post
Yep and given the racist video and this latest video posted on Twitter (bragging about her favorite sexual activity for those who didn't see it) this girl has killed any career opportunities, at least for many, many years. Companies do a social media search on applicants all the time and even a lot of party pictures can harm one's chances.

When will these kids learn that social media is NOT their friend? I'm amazed at how many still post stuff (like pictures where they're clearly drunk) without any thought of the consequences. I get that they're college kids and at that age, you're not thinking logically sometimes, but still...

You hit on one of the biggies.

When will we quit thinking of them as "kids" and EXPECT them to act as young adults. Childhood now apparently doesn't end until somewhere around 25.

I've been preaching 'til I'm blue in the face that I don't want my organization's collegians thought of as "girls" but as "women".
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  #20  
Old 01-19-2018, 05:22 PM
NinjaPoodle NinjaPoodle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCMS View Post
Yep and given the racist video and this latest video posted on Twitter (bragging about her favorite sexual activity for those who didn't see it) this girl has killed any career opportunities, at least for many, many years. Companies do a social media search on applicants all the time and even a lot of party pictures can harm one's chances.

When will these kids learn that social media is NOT their friend? I'm amazed at how many still post stuff (like pictures where they're clearly drunk) without any thought of the consequences. I get that they're college kids and at that age, you're not thinking logically sometimes, but still...
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZTheta View Post
I have given this a lot of thought since the story broke. I watched all the videos. I read the Fraternity Man's opinion.

Here's what it comes to for me:

1) there but for the grace of God go all of us. Alpha Phi was in the hot seat this week. I hold no ill will towards any organization for the actions of a single member.

2) Agree with Kevin re: bystander behavior. Have witnessed it in the chapter I advised. It's quite a culture, actually. There are people who do presentations on this topic. Not sure of the efficacy of talking to anyone. To me, it's innate: I speak up when I see wrongdoing. Consequences be damned. However, the majority of people don't have my "alpha" personality. I don't need nor seek approval from outside. And I've watched the viciousness with which people can turn on someone who does "speak up" or is a "whistleblower" even when the concerns are valid. Yes I have a few personal examples, and I weathered the storm (because as I already wrote, IDGAF what other people think or say!). I love the Lincoln quote which starts "I do the very best I know how". Google it. It's a great quote.

3) Good people don't stay silent when faced with evil.

4) All I can do is focus on where I can make a difference. That young woman is going to suffer mightily throughout the decades for her behavior (which, based on the videos I watched, isn't a random one-time occurrence, but, rather, reflects her fundamental moral code and beliefs). I'm really not sure how she will ever make this right with anyone. It's not up to me to say. My heart hurts for the pain her words caused to countless people. I will do my best to make a difference today when the opportunity arises. That's all I can do.

5) I am grateful every day for the support we offer one another. It is best to hold hands when we are in scary places. And in not so scary places either.

All of this.
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  #21  
Old 01-19-2018, 05:24 PM
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IndianaSigKap IndianaSigKap is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clemsongirl View Post
Finstas are such a dumb concept anyways-when your friends all like your videos, Instagram can figure out who you are pretty quickly. Nothing you post on the internet is anonymous, no matter what you think.
If you have to have a finsta to post something, it's obvious you don't want people to know about therefore you know something is wrong with your post. Then don't post it. What a concept.
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  #22  
Old 01-19-2018, 06:06 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZTheta View Post

2) Agree with Kevin re: bystander behavior. Have witnessed it in the chapter I advised. It's quite a culture, actually. There are people who do presentations on this topic. Not sure of the efficacy of talking to anyone. To me, it's innate: I speak up when I see wrongdoing. Consequences be damned. However, the majority of people don't have my "alpha" personality. I don't need nor seek approval from outside. And I've watched the viciousness with which people can turn on someone who does "speak up" or is a "whistleblower" even when the concerns are valid. Yes I have a few personal examples, and I weathered the storm (because as I already wrote, IDGAF what other people think or say!). I love the Lincoln quote which starts "I do the very best I know how". Google it. It's a great quote.

3) Good people don't stay silent when faced with evil.
I agree with both you and Kevin and believe that bystander intervention is a major issue.

However, I think it can be especially challenging in this day and age to speak up. It's difficult enough potentially becoming the outcast (or worse) within your organization, but imagine the pressure when you could potentially bring down the entire Greek system at your school and ruin your org's reputation on a national level. I think that social media has a huge effect on this; it drags out the issue beyond a short newspaper article, and students don't want to be on the receiving end of threats. I know of a sorority woman who reported that she was sexually assaulted by a member of a fraternity, and she was bullied mercilessly online by her sisters, brothers of the fraternity, and others for months on end.

Nowadays, these things can get so out of hand that a simple brushing off of one's shoulders isn't enough.
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  #23  
Old 01-19-2018, 11:56 PM
BUDelta4Life BUDelta4Life is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 View Post
I agree with both you and Kevin and believe that bystander intervention is a major issue.

However, I think it can be especially challenging in this day and age to speak up. It's difficult enough potentially becoming the outcast (or worse) within your organization, but imagine the pressure when you could potentially bring down the entire Greek system at your school and ruin your org's reputation on a national level. I think that social media has a huge effect on this; it drags out the issue beyond a short newspaper article, and students don't want to be on the receiving end of threats. I know of a sorority woman who reported that she was sexually assaulted by a member of a fraternity, and she was bullied mercilessly online by her sisters, brothers of the fraternity, and others for months on end.

Nowadays, these things can get so out of hand that a simple brushing off of one's shoulders simply isn't enough.
Social media exacerbates all of this. Education and training has to start before they even arrive at college. My sister and I are constantly pounding it into my niece and nephew's heads that what they post can and will come back to haunt them. They both have hopes of eventually being D1 athletes, so it's especially important for them to be aware. I teach middle schoolers. Every day, I'm appalled by the taunting, bullying and flat-out inappropriate stuff they'll post to each other with no parental intervention. We have a large population of parents who think they have no right to monitor what their 14 year olds are posting online - kids whose frontal lobes aren't close to being developed and need guidance about how to do the right thing. I have parents tell me they "just can't" take their kids' phones out of their bedrooms at night. I always reply, "Well, that's the biggest time they're posting all this crap - late at night when you're not paying attention." I've had parents just look at me, helpless. I want to yell, "You pay for that phone. You own it; not your child. Be an adult."

Training and education should be a continuous part of every GLO's programming. Additionally, as others have mentioned, too many chapters have a culture of seeing how many members they can gain with thousands of Instagram followers instead of recruiting for quality. It should be more important to be a good person who genuinely respects all cultures, ethnicities and sexual orientations rather than someone who can be the chapter's controversial celebrity. I honestly can't even imagine what gets said sometimes in a culture like Alabama's. While the university has been recently committed to improving racial relations on campus and recognizes it has far to go, the historic culture combined with being in the deep South can often cause the worst of the worse to rise to the top. My brother in law coaches high school girls in elite club soccer and sends all of them on to play college soccer. He had a player a few years ago who went to Alabama but elected to transfer to another school and soccer program after a year because she told him she simply couldn't handle the racial slurs she heard on a daily basis anymore. (Not slurs directed toward her but simply language that was part of so many students' everyday conversation.) Having grown up in the West in a very diverse population in her school, community and teammates, she experienced culture shock, and she decided it hurt her humanity too much to be immersed in it. Before anyone from Alabama flames me, I know not everyone is like that, and as I said, the university is trying to change. But incidents that go viral nationally like Ms. Barber's video don't do much to change the perception of both the university and the GLOs there. It's sad because I personally know young women who are in chapters at Alabama and doing wonderful things for their philanthropies and their communities.
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  #24  
Old 01-20-2018, 05:56 AM
naraht naraht is offline
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On another board that I was on, they expressed surprise/admiration that the Alpha Phi national board was able to complete revoke Ms. Barber's membership in only 48 hours. Note this is *not* something that my Fraternity (Alpha Phi Omega) can do. The board can vote to suspend a brother's membership, but only the convention (every two years) may fully revoke it.
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  #25  
Old 01-20-2018, 08:26 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Originally Posted by naraht View Post
On another board that I was on, they expressed surprise/admiration that the Alpha Phi national board was able to complete revoke Ms. Barber's membership in only 48 hours. Note this is *not* something that my Fraternity (Alpha Phi Omega) can do. The board can vote to suspend a brother's membership, but only the convention (every two years) may fully revoke it.


It's actually not unique to Alpha Phi.
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  #26  
Old 01-20-2018, 08:28 AM
Kevin Kevin is online now
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Also, a phone call from the home office to the chapter to inform them to expel a certain member "or else" usually has the intended effect.
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  #27  
Old 01-20-2018, 08:28 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin View Post
It starts and ends with bystander intervention. Members have to feel empowered to say something when they see something wrong. Greek organizations are some of the worst when it comes to bystander intervention because we are as a rule so prone to groupthink type behaviors where no one will speak up because they are afraid to be found to be less a part of the group. One can only imagine how that dynamic is magnified in a place like Alabama where I'm sure new members who are lucky enough to find a home (and most of them know how lucky they are) are probably pretty determined to keep their heads down and not rock the boat until initiation.
This part.
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  #28  
Old 01-20-2018, 12:53 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I'm familiar with the town Ms Barber is from and although above the Mason-Dixon it may be, it most certainly is not a hub of diversity. So I don't think you can blame this on Alabama or its culture. She was a racist before she got there.
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  #29  
Old 01-20-2018, 05:27 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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I'm familiar with the town Ms Barber is from and although above the Mason-Dixon it may be, it most certainly is not a hub of diversity. So I don't think you can blame this on Alabama or its culture. She was a racist before she got there.
Bingo. She was a freshman - one whole semester in the Deep South.
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  #30  
Old 01-22-2018, 09:28 AM
granipc granipc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle View Post
And another one of her...mouth. Fun times.

The comments on:
APhi twitter
GR<--- fun

And found this
https://twitter.com/search?q=harley%...Video&src=tyah

Oye. The Internet is forever.
I.CANNOT.EVEN. That twitter video... what a gem she is!
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