Potential Problem with Rushing

random2009 · #1 08-13-2009, 09:53 AM

Although I wasn't able to do it when I during my freshman year, I am now interested in joining a fraternity at my university. There are a few houses that look good, but there is one in particular that I am most interested in joining. I have already been to a couple of their events and had the opportunity to meet members in addition to those that I am already friends with.

My primary concern with this is that I have a progressive developmental disorder that is on the high end of the autism spectrum called Asperger's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome). This disorder has impaired my social life to a large extent. That said, since I found out that I had this disorder, I have been able to work on a lot of the symptoms now that I better understand them and how they are a problem. For example, I've learned to turn my "obsessions" into healthy interests and not talk about them all of the time. I am also better at being able to sound like a teenager when I have a conversation rather than sounding like a middle aged man in a professional environment.

In any case, while I have been able to lessen the severity of these symptoms, they still inhibit social interaction to an extent and I come across as being distant and awkward. That said, after a while, people usually warm up to me and accept my quirks as what makes me unique. I am pretty much set on rushing this fall. Are there any tips that you can think of that would help?

Kevin · #2 08-13-2009, 10:32 AM

Just do it... The worst thing that can possibly happen is that you get a bid and ultimately find out that the fraternity thing isn't for you. Best case? The sky is the limit. I wouldn't really focus on your condition. It's just part of what makes you an individual. Continue to be aware of it and adjust your behavior accordingly and things will in all likelihood be fine.

MysticCat · #3 08-13-2009, 10:43 AM

I agree with Kevin. The fact that you already have friends in the one fraternity means that they probably already are familiar with your quirks and, like you say, accept them as part of what makes you unique. That's a great start.

The only thing I'll add is to be aware of where you feel comfortable.

Well, I will add one other thing: I'm going to be really interested to hear how it goes for you -- I have a son with Asperger's who's making the transition to middle school right now. (He's already talked about starting his own fraternity when he gets to college.) Please let us know how it goes.

Good luck!!

Psi U MC Vito · #4 08-13-2009, 11:52 AM

I don't see it hurting you honestly. One of my friends has Asperger's and not only is he in a fraternity, he was pledge master after only a year and a half.

random2009 · #5 08-13-2009, 12:16 PM

Thanks. Like I said, I plan on doing it, the only thing is I've already been to a couple of summer events and I've run into a little bit of trouble already. People have been friendly, which is great. But I find that usually when I throw myself out there into a group when I don't know most of the people, that I am really quiet because I can't think of anything to say. This makes me look kind of wierd. I tend to do better when I can isolate people and get them to know me better as an individual and then have the people who know me individually gather together as a group rather than go into a group and stand out. It isn't a big deal right now because it's not unusual for some people to be quiet in new settings, but I guess the reason that I created this thread is that I wonder if this could effect getting a bid.

MysticCat, I will do that.

dreamseeker · #6 08-13-2009, 12:56 PM

no advice from me as i am not in a fraternity

but i wish you all the best.

random2009 · #7 08-13-2009, 07:03 PM

Any more advise?

UGAalum94 · #8 08-13-2009, 07:23 PM

It seems to me that what you describe about your ideal situation with groups is the ideal for any non-Aspergers but more introverted person.

I think unless you happen to be a person who gets really energized by new people, we all feel more comfortable in groups of people that we already know individually.

I'm sure the guys on here have a much better idea of things, but I'm not sure that standing out is as important as you might think. If you are comfortably and normally interacting with the individuals who do approach you, being kind of reserved is probably fine.

How are things going at the group that you were already kind of interested in? Are they asking you to follow up events and/or giving you a sense of their interest or are you just following a schedule that everyone rushing got?

Gusteau · #9 08-13-2009, 07:34 PM

If you're more comfortable with one-on-one interaction you could try to limit yourself to smaller groupings of people at rush events and trying to get to know one of the brothers at a time. The downside of this is it could come off as "clingy" so you should try to maximize the amount of people you talk to on a one-on-one basis that way you can make your rounds of the chapter and get to know as many people as possible and let them see your personality. I don't know if that made sense - it sounded better in my head.

Also, I would recommend that you attend events for as many fraternities as possible that way you can find the group that fits best from both sides (i.e. you mesh well with them and they feel the same way.) It's natural to have a favorite but just don't make it the end all and be all of fraternity experience - get to know as many groups as you can.

Good luck!