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  #1  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:28 AM
ZetaWJC ZetaWJC is offline
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Legacy was released - Sad Momma!

So here's the short story. I have been fighting the urge to post here for many reasons but I have to admit that there are so many strong women in this forum that I have come to value their insight on many of the topics discussed.

I am hoping someone may be able to guide me through this. My daughter just finished a successful rush at a competitive SEC school - Arkansas. She is now a very proud AOII. So happy for her and ultimately believe that the process worked. She kept an open mind and ended up in a great new home.

Here is the twist to this story. She is a legacy to 2 other sororities that have chapters at Arkansas. Although she kept an open mind she was crushed that both legacies released her after the 2nd parties. My concern is that I spent many hours writing rec letters for all of her friends and 90% of the girls that I recommended pledged the sorority that my daughter was a legacy to and my daughter was cut. Not only that but they are all the girls she hangs out with and it was truly a blow to her ego. Her resume was more impressive than most of the girls I wrote rec letters for. Additionally, several of the girls had no rec letters and received bids.

I have taken the high road through this process but I must say that I am disappointed and feel a bit let down by my sorority. I will be the first to admit that I have not been an active alumna, but this feels almost like I am being penalized through my daughter.

Do I have a right as an alumna to find out what went down with the process or do I let it go? Again, she is one happy AOII and is thrilled that they want her and she wants to be there. It was just a very emotional and stressful week for her and I just didn't have any answers for her.

Anyone out there want to weigh on on this?

AOII Momma and PROUD!

Last edited by ZetaWJC; 08-27-2012 at 05:25 PM.
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  #2  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:39 AM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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Originally Posted by ZetaWJC View Post
Do I have a right as an alumna to find out what went down with the process or do I let it go? Again, she is one happy AOII and is thrilled that they want her and she wants to be there. It was just a very emotional and stressful week for her and I just didn't have any answers for her.

Anyone put there want to weigh on on this?

AOII Momma and PROUD!
Oh Zeta WJC, I am so sorry! It's so true that this is all WAY worse on us mamas than on the daughters.
Take a deep breath....cry if you need to. A few days' space will help.
Remember than she may have fit better into her new sorority. Crazy things happen during rush, but as long as she's happy there, that's all that matters.
No, I'm sorry to say, we alumnae can't ask why. And if we do know who to ask, they simply can't tell us.
Your daughter will have her very own sorority adventure now! But you will still be panhellenic sisters who understand the frustrations and joys of being in a sorority.
Smile and be happy for your baby! (After a good cry for yourself!)
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  #3  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:42 AM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZetaWJC View Post
Do I have a right as an alumna to find out what went down with the process or do I let it go?
No. No chapter will release the details of membership selection. In most chapters, only a handful of people (e.g. rush chair, rush adviser, chapter adviser, president) even know the full details anyway.

It was kind of them to let her go early, so she had time to fall in love with AOPi, and she is, as you say, happy there. Try to take some deep breaths and trust that it is all for the best.
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  #4  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:49 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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Unfortunately, if you're not an active or advisor directly related to MS, I think you're outta luck. And I'm sure it seems really personal, but with this number of girls, I really think it's not. You know the rules - they have to invite her back once and they can't invite her to pref if they don't want to put her on their first list. So I think if she's on the fence, she would actually get cut where other girls might get given the benefit of the doubt.

Hopefully Arkansas will get a little less intense with a few more chapters to ease the burden, but I think that's not really on the horizon until the NEXT round of expansions, which my dollar says will happen in the next 3-4 years.

Be happy for her successful rush, and maybe get involved with the parents' club at her chapter, or reinvigorate your alumna activity, and move on. Sorry
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  #5  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:54 AM
Dixie_Amazon Dixie_Amazon is offline
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Talking

I am new to all of this too. My son was released from his legacy chapter. He is perfectly happy with his choice, I think it bothers his Dad more. TKE is small at LSU and he wants to be a part of building it back up.

I am so glad you daughter is happy with AOII and I am sure it will be beneficial for both of them.

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  #6  
Old 08-27-2012, 12:55 AM
BlueOwl BlueOwl is offline
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First, CONGRATS to your daughter on joining AOII !!! That is awesome!

Secondly, OH, I do feel your pain. My daughter was released from her legacy chapter just before pref round. I know that this is silly, but initially I felt so betrayed by my sorority! I even had to put my badge way in the back of my dresser drawer for several months...just couldn't look at it for awhile!

But, I soon got over it. It was fun to experience a little bit of another sorority during my daughter's collegiate years. I even enjoyed reading her sorority magazine (still do!). I'm still a loyal KKG, but I am proud to have a beautiful Alpha Phi daughter.
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  #7  
Old 08-27-2012, 02:02 AM
AOII Angel AOII Angel is offline
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You really do not want any details. I talk about this because AOII has a policy to call our sisters when we release legacies. We don't say why they were released, though sometimes people end up divulging too much and all it does is upset the relative. You wouldn't feel any better knowing that she didn't fit in or she was pretty enough or any judgemental thing you are thinking caused it. Just go with the idea that the sisters that rushed her didn't mesh well with her. Maybe it would have been different had she been paired with different people.

I'm so glad she's happy to be an AOII. She'll have an amazing time in Xi Omicron. They're a great chapter, and we're doing some really cool things in AOII right now. I know it's hard not to hold these things personally, but you really shouldn't. As your daughter grows to love AOII, find it in your heart to forgive your chapter for ending your dream of a legacy. In the end you'll both be happy.
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  #8  
Old 08-27-2012, 09:17 AM
gee_ess gee_ess is offline
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So sorry ZetaWJC! Recruitment week is stressful, for moms and daughters alike! Your reaction is an honest one - and one I think every single mom can relate to! But I am so happy that you are able to be levelheaded about your daughter's AOPi bid. She is thrilled, and that is what you want! I cannot tell you how many unhappy, bitter, unable to be happy for their daughter, mommas I run into!

Rush is a fickle animal that no one can really ever tame. There are a million scenarios that could have occurred - MS occurs under great emotional and physical pressure. Girls are tired, stressed, emotional and, whether we like it or not, they can make irrational decisions (both the actives and the pnms). Naturally, I have no idea what occurred with your daughter. Over the years, I have seen a girl released for crazy reasons - because someone thought she might possibly pledge at Arkansas and transfer out of state, because the pnm was a former girlfriend of an active's current boyfriend, because someone assumed the pnm wanted to pledge another house, because the pnm looked uninterested during the party, etc. I give you those random examples because the reasons for release, more times than not, are so minor that you wouldn't believe it.

Congrats on your daughter's AOPi bid! She is going to love her years at Arkansas.
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  #9  
Old 08-27-2012, 09:18 AM
Katmandu Katmandu is offline
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Painful, painful, especially since you saw so many of her friends pledge her legacy house. It has to hurt. Cry if you need to, but then take the high road. You did absolutely the right thing helping other girls get recs and find their homes. I agree with the poster above--lots of times it is the luck of the draw as to the actives who are your hostesses.

Enjoy the opportunity to be an AOPi Mom and throw yourself into the world of pandas, red roses and a brand new, thriving chapter with a stunning house. Start to consider which gorgeous jeweled AOPi pin you are going to buy her for initiation. It hurts now, but it will get a LOT easier as you see her love her sorority. Now your granddaughters will be legacies to two organizations.
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Old 08-27-2012, 09:26 AM
Dixie_Amazon Dixie_Amazon is offline
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  #11  
Old 08-27-2012, 09:27 AM
MaryPoppins MaryPoppins is offline
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Start to consider which gorgeous jeweled AOPi pin you are going to buy her for initiation.
Ooh, maybe she should go look at the Badge Trends thread? So many lovely jeweled Alpha Omicron Pi Badges there.
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  #12  
Old 08-27-2012, 09:39 AM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Also, I'm gonna say it...you will never know if your daughter was the one to decide not to return to the legacy chapter.
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  #13  
Old 08-27-2012, 09:54 AM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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This is a powerful thread; the loving advice, sincere empathy and comfort (without being rainbow-blowing or treacly) from your Panhellenic sisters is awesome. I look at the user names and am pleased to see that you're getting responses across the board from NPC women. I'm adding this thread to my "file of threads to bump at recruitment time".

The whole "statistics" of recruitment itself is mind-blowing. I see legacies go in every direction here at Arizona. Sometimes we meet a legacy and fall in love with her and the feeling is not reciprocated. It works both ways; a legacy loves the chapter, but it doesn't fall out that way. I've seen sisters of actives go to different chapters. It happens, and we all adjust. Your daughter is happy now; and you are a classy woman to take the high road. There are many NPC women who throw fits and say "I'm never supporting (insert name of chapter here) again, how could they do this, blah blah blah".

Give time time. Don't wallow in this; day by day, the hurt will lessen. It works that way.
As I often say: things happen for a reason, and that reason is for ultimate good. Please come back and update us on how your daughter is doing and how you are doing also.
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  #14  
Old 08-27-2012, 10:00 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Also, I'm gonna say it...you will never know if your daughter was the one to decide not to return to the legacy chapter.
This is exactly what I was thinking.

Also, if she was a legacy to two different groups (I'm assuming yours and a group of one of her grandmothers) her loyalties may have been torn, and she may not have wanted to go to either for fear of offending either you or the other family member.

If any of this is the case, then it means you have raised a classy, considerate daughter who thinks of others' feelings and not just her own. Be happy with that, be happy with her happiness in AOII, and let it go.
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  #15  
Old 08-27-2012, 10:05 AM
agzg agzg is offline
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I don't have a lot to add since I don't have a legacy, but you seem pretty reasonable and I'm confident that once the sting wears off, you'll enjoy having a daughter who's an AOII. For the very simple fact that looking for panda stuff is going to be really fun.

Don't compare your daughter and the other women you wrote recs for - sometimes it's less about resumes and more about "fit." I doubt they're punishing you, though - you have to remember that these women are 18-23, and probably have no idea about your level of involvement with your group.

I'd take some time to think about things, and maybe get back involved with your organization through alumnae groups after a while. Maybe watching your daughter connect with her own organization will inspire you to reconnect. Maybe it won't. But best of luck to her as she gets to know a fabulous organization!
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