Needing motivation for myself and chapter!

[kt8319]

Hey sisters,
I am a new member this year, and our chapter is quite small (17 members), and made up mostly of new members. I haven't been feeling a real connection to most of my sisters, and I feel that we are all very separated, even though we have sisterhoods at least once a week. We have already had four girls disaffiliate, and morale is low. Honestly, I feel quite disconnected to my chapter and I'm having a hard time staying motivated. I really want to feel like a true sister and I just don't feel like that's happening. Does anyone have any ideas on feeling more fulfilled in your sisterhood and unifying a somewhat disconnected chapter, especially a small one? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[ASTalumna06]

Hey there, sister!

Originally Posted by kt8319

Hey sisters,
I am a new member this year, and our chapter is quite small (17 members), and made up mostly of new members. I haven't been feeling a real connection to most of my sisters, and I feel that we are all very separated, even though we have sisterhoods at least once a week. We have already had four girls disaffiliate, and morale is low. Honestly, I feel quite disconnected to my chapter and I'm having a hard time staying motivated. I really want to feel like a true sister and I just don't feel like that's happening. Does anyone have any ideas on feeling more fulfilled in your sisterhood and unifying a somewhat disconnected chapter, especially a small one? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I was also in a small chapter, so hopefully I'll be able to help you out some.

Now, before I ask some of the questions I have...

..being in a smaller chapter is always a little challenging.. especially if most of you are new members. As you start to get more involved, you realize that there are A LOT of positions to fill. At one point, I was holding 3 positions - Secretary (there weren't enough people to separate the position into Corresponding and Recording), By-laws, Collegiate-Alum Liaison... and I was also the President of Panhellenic. Try to understand that the active sisters probably have a lot on their plate.

The good news for you - this gives you the perfect opportunity to get involved. While there may not be enough members to have committees, you can still help out with positions. Approach the President and ask if there are any sisters who might need some assistance. Maybe even the President herself could use an extra hand. Is there a huge event approaching that a sister needs help planning? Be the person to step up and offer to do whatever you can. You might even want to suggest to your fellow new members that all of you shadow an active sister and help them with their duties/projects/programming.

Have you made an effort to hang out with the other new members? Do you girls do things outside of these weekly sisterhood events? If social events ALWAYS feel forced, people will no longer find them fun. One day, ask some of the new members if they want to go out after one of your meetings.

I know that you're pretty new to the chapter, but you might want to throw this idea out to the group: Secret Sisters. If you don't do this already or know what it is, it's just like Secret Santa, except it lasts all semester. Everyone chooses a sister's name out of a hat, and throughout the semester, you randomly do something nice for your secret sister. It could be something as simple as sending them a card to brighten their day. We always had a limit on how much we could spend for the semester, and we each made Secret Sister info sheets (containing small pieces of information about ourselves.. for example, favorites: food, color, music) that were found in a central location online - they would provide everyone with some facts about their secret sister if they didn't know them that well. At the end of the semester we'd have a small get-together, and everyone would reveal their secret sisters and exchange small gifts.


Now, saying all of that, a few questions:

1) Why is morale low?

2) Why did the 4 girls disaffiliate (without going into too much detail)?

3) Why are you feeling disconnected? Is this causing you to feel apathetic, and in turn, unmotivated?

[agzg]

Lane swerve, but are there at least 2-5 sisters that have a break around the same time for lunch? Having lunch together (on campus, visible) really helped all the chapters on my campus keep that connected feeling.

We'd stake out a table around 11 and that was the Alpha Gam table - people would come and go as they needed to but the group would be there. There was a Sigma table, an ASA table, a Phi Sig table, and an AST table every single day.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by agzg

Lane swerve, but are there at least 2-5 sisters that have a break around the same time for lunch? Having lunch together (on campus, visible) really helped all the chapters on my campus keep that connected feeling.

We'd stake out a table around 11 and that was the Alpha Gam table - people would come and go as they needed to but the group would be there. There was a Sigma table, an ASA table, a Phi Sig table, and an AST table every single day.

Definitely do this!! It helps SO much, not only with getting you guys connected but as a PR tool.

It sounds as though the older members of the chapter are burnt out from keeping it afloat for so long, and at the point where they just want to graduate and get out. It's hard for them to convey what made them so psyched and happy about AST to the newer girls because they're just at the end of their rope. They're happy they got so many new people, but at the same time uneasy because that means the chapter might change a lot. It's growing pains.

If that's the case, it's up to the new girls to take the bull by the horns and get excited about the chapter on their own. I'm not saying push the older girls aside, just decide that you need to set goals as a unified group and go forward. Don't let their outlook drag you down.

[ASTalumna06]

Listen to both of these ladies!

Originally Posted by agzg

Lane swerve, but are there at least 2-5 sisters that have a break around the same time for lunch? Having lunch together (on campus, visible) really helped all the chapters on my campus keep that connected feeling.

We'd stake out a table around 11 and that was the Alpha Gam table - people would come and go as they needed to but the group would be there. There was a Sigma table, an ASA table, a Phi Sig table, and an AST table every single day.

All of the Greeks at my school would basically sit in the same area in the cafe on campus. When I first started school, before I even joined, they were VERY visible, and each GLO had its own table. Over time, all of the Greeks started sitting together in the same general area, and we would all come and go depending on when we had class, but you could always find at least a handful of us together. And on Tuesdays (the day when most of my sisters were available between 12:00 and 1:00), my chapter would have Sister Lunch. While it was "mandatory", everyone loved going.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Definitely do this!! It helps SO much, not only with getting you guys connected but as a PR tool.

It sounds as though the older members of the chapter are burnt out from keeping it afloat for so long, and at the point where they just want to graduate and get out. It's hard for them to convey what made them so psyched and happy about AST to the newer girls because they're just at the end of their rope. They're happy they got so many new people, but at the same time uneasy because that means the chapter might change a lot. It's growing pains.

If that's the case, it's up to the new girls to take the bull by the horns and get excited about the chapter on their own. I'm not saying push the older girls aside, just decide that you need to set goals as a unified group and go forward. Don't let their outlook drag you down.

This! Especially the bolded items. I've been the new member who came into the small chapter, and I've been the senior who has thought, "I love this, but I definitely need a break." Imagine having all of this responsibility in the chapter AND having to bring in a new member class that outnumbers the active sisters.. it's a lot to take on. Which again, is why I say you should take the bull by the horns and start to establish yourself in the chapter and get a head start on working a position by helping an active sister (or two, or three!). You don't even know how much there is to learn!

And because there is a lot to learn, and the chapter is so young (in terms of when girls have joined), that creates more responsibility for the older girls. I'm sure they want to teach you all they can... they just might not have the time to do it. At one point, my chapter had a new member class of 9 (with 10 active sisters), and honestly, it's kind of scary. You feel like you're handing your chapter over to people who still know very little.

Try to be understanding, and also take charge. You'll have to if you want this to work.

But I promise - the things you enjoy most in life will be the things that you work hardest for.

[agzg]

Also, what are you doing for "sisterhoods"? Is it a lot of pressure, like a planned event where people are actually doing something? Or is it something like "go to Sarah's house and watch [insert cool tv show here] every week"?

If you're doing more planned, structured events (usually these require acquiring materials/leaving campus), try doing some deconstructed events like hanging out and watching movies in someone's living room. Also, don't make attendance mandatory. Just make it on a day when there's not a lot going on. ETA: I should note that by not making attendance mandatory you're going to have low attendance for at least the first few weeks, but if a small number of sisters get together and are having fun, word will spread. Just make sure everyone in the chapter knows they're welcome and even wanted there. If you're having trouble getting anyone to show for too long, try a different tv show, or a different hangout deal. It could be anything from going to the campus gym together to cooking a big spaghetti dinner once a week to playing video games, as long as it doesn't require too much effort and is fun for most everybody.

ETA2: If sisterhood is pretty strong in a chapter, these things kindof start to happen naturally, because they're things you just do on a random weeknight with your friends. Once it starts feeling natural and stops feeling forced you'll be in pretty good shape.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by agzg

Also, what are you doing for "sisterhoods"? Is it a lot of pressure, like a planned event where people are actually doing something? Or is it something like "go to Sarah's house and watch [insert cool tv show here] every week"?

If you're doing more planned, structured events (usually these require acquiring materials/leaving campus), try doing some deconstructed events like hanging out and watching movies in someone's living room. Also, don't make attendance mandatory. Just make it on a day when there's not a lot going on. ETA: I should note that by not making attendance mandatory you're going to have low attendance for at least the first few weeks, but if a small number of sisters get together and are having fun, word will spread. Just make sure everyone in the chapter knows they're welcome and even wanted there. If you're having trouble getting anyone to show for too long, try a different tv show, or a different hangout deal. It could be anything from going to the campus gym together to cooking a big spaghetti dinner once a week to playing video games, as long as it doesn't require too much effort and is fun for most everybody.

ETA2: If sisterhood is pretty strong in a chapter, these things kindof start to happen naturally, because they're things you just do on a random weeknight with your friends. Once it starts feeling natural and stops feeling forced you'll be in pretty good shape.

Going off of the tv idea.. one year, our Social Chair had everyone in the chapter write down any tv shows they consistently watched every week, and also had everyone write down their favorite movies. The complete list of everyone's favorites was then distributed to all of the sisters at the next meeting. Girls could volunteer to have tv/movie nights at their house, depending on which show they liked, and the level of interest by the rest of the chapter. The biggest event was always the Grey's Anatomy night, and the same girls hosted it every week. A good number of the sisters who attended were the same each week, while some others attended periodically, and a few others came once or twice out of curiosity, or just to hang out.

Other girls would look at the list and find movie interests they had in common with other sisters, and they'd get really excited when someone else liked the same obscure movie they did.. and they'd plan a movie night.

All it took was a list of tv shows and movies, and suddenly everyone was making their own plans to hang out with each other.

[kt8319]

ASTalumna06,
To answer your questions:
1) Why is morale low?
Because we haven't been making much progress and keep losing members.
2) Why did the 4 girls disaffiliate (without going into too much detail)?
They felt that sorority life wasn't right for them/AST was not a good fit.
3) Why are you feeling disconnected? Is this causing you to feel apathetic, and in turn, unmotivated?
I feel that I am not close to any of my sisters, except one, even though I have reached out to other sisters. And actually, I am feeling even more motivated. I was given the position of Recruitment Director and I'm working hard to make sure our informal spring recruitment goes well.

To answer other questions about sisterhoods:
Ours are pretty somewhat structured: tie-dying AST shirts, a trip to a cider mill, etc. I guess we have to have a more relaxed plan so we can actually get to know each other!

Thanks for the advice everyone!

[victoriana]

Hey sister!! I'm in a fairly small chapter too, it's about 35 girls. During the beginning of my new member period (earlier this year) I kinda felt the same way, like I wasn't connecting with all the girls. We ended up really bonding as a group through activities like sleepovers, planning fundraisers, hanging out after meetings, and getting together at the house for sisterhoods. Have you guys tried spending a longer amount of time together as a new member class? I know the sleepover was the thing that really helped us, because our sisterhoods were never longer than 2 or 3 hours, so that was the longest we would see each other. Having to spend 12+ hours together really gave us more time to get to know each other and it was tons of fun! After that, we started making plans more casually outside of sorority events, and our friendships just grew from there. I really hope that the new semester brings higher morale and lots of new girls for you!!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by kt8319

ASTalumna06,
2) Why did the 4 girls disaffiliate (without going into too much detail)?
They felt that sorority life wasn't right for them/AST was not a good fit.

In other words, they said "it's not you, it's me." It really is true in this case. Just move on. The absolute worst thing for a small chapter is people who aren't into it. 4 blah people in a chapter of 100 is not really a biggie, 4 blah people in a chapter of 17 can bring everything down all the time.

Try having a lock-in or a retreat (if you don't have a house, see if someone has a cabin or even if you could have it in the student center). You can plan some things that are LIGHTLY structured, but honestly the best thing is just to get a couple of dumb movies and sit around laughing with each other. Those are the best times.