Upset at Big

jaymunay · #1 01-27-2017, 01:19 AM

Hello! So my Big always jokes to me and everyone about picking up a second little. He already refers to other guys in chapter as his little and treats us all like equals. I've only been there for my big and try my best to show him how much I love and appreciate him. He just never reciprocates, and when he does he gives the same amount to his other "littles." I don't understand what I've done to make him act this way. Instead of opening up his world to me, he would rather work on his relationships with his other "littles" that can relate more to his world. I've had conversations with him before about this but he just doesn't seem to understand why it makes me upset. What should I do?

FSUZeta · #2 01-27-2017, 06:10 AM

Smile, be gracious, and welcome any future littles of your big brother with welcome arms. Get your own little and have the relationship you wished to have with your big. Build closer bonds with your pledge brothers. Be happy with any sort of relationship you have with your big-that may be all he can give you.

DGTess · #3 01-27-2017, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaymunay

Hello! So my Big always jokes to me and everyone about picking up a second little. He already refers to other guys in chapter as his little and treats us all like equals. I've only been there for my big and try my best to show him how much I love and appreciate him. He just never reciprocates, and when he does he gives the same amount to his other "littles." I don't understand what I've done to make him act this way. Instead of opening up his world to me, he would rather work on his relationships with his other "littles" that can relate more to his world. I've had conversations with him before about this but he just doesn't seem to understand why it makes me upset. What should I do?

Um, you're upset because your brother treats everyone equally?

So he's not your tweener BFF. Surely you didn't expect to have only one friend in this fraternity?

PhilTau · #4 01-27-2017, 01:10 PM

"Dear Abby" used to get prank questions from Yale students. Is this 2017's version of this?

I have no advice for you.

But here's a summary of my big brother experience from the last century: Big Brother named at pledging ceremony. Big brother helps me do push ups during bonfire rally (a/k/a hazing). I make a paddle for big brother over Spring break. Big brother and I trade licks with paddle at Spring formal.

That's it. Oh! And, most importantly, big brother runs interference for me and protects me during black ball sessions.

knight_shadow · #5 02-01-2017, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaymunay

Hello! So my Big always jokes to me and everyone about picking up a second little. He already refers to other guys in chapter as his little and treats us all like equals. I've only been there for my big and try my best to show him how much I love and appreciate him. He just never reciprocates, and when he does he gives the same amount to his other "littles." I don't understand what I've done to make him act this way. Instead of opening up his world to me, he would rather work on his relationships with his other "littles" that can relate more to his world. I've had conversations with him before about this but he just doesn't seem to understand why it makes me upset. What should I do?

My big has 2 littles. I have 2 littles. We all survived.

The Big-Little relationship is great when you're getting your footing in the organization, but if you've been in for more than a semester, you can interact with other members of the fraternity. Talk to your pledge brothers. Talk to brothers in other classes. You'll be alright.

ESA1313 · #6 09-27-2017, 09:32 AM

My big actually chose me as a second choice, then the next semester took a little and it caused so much drama. My family has treated me like shit what do I do?

33girl · #7 09-27-2017, 11:48 AM

You do the same thing that people whose biological families treat them like shit do. Reach out and find a support system composed of other people.

DubaiSis · #8 09-27-2017, 11:54 AM

Here's what I just heard: I (a male) want to complain about everything every woman says about men being uncommunicative and obtuse. Ask any woman how that conversation ends up. Every time. You pledged a fraternity not a guy. If the only reason you want to be there is because of him I would 1-do some soul searching as to where those emotions are coming from and 2-accept the fact that this is going to go nowhere good. Find a way to love the fraternity or get out. But your big is not your lover. He's not even necessarily your best friend.

As with the sororities, I think WAY too much is made of the big/little thing. So re-read this:
But here's a summary of my big brother experience from the last century: Big Brother named at pledging ceremony. Big brother helps me do push ups during bonfire rally (a/k/a hazing). I make a paddle for big brother over Spring break. Big brother and I trade licks with paddle at Spring formal. That's it. Oh! And, most importantly, big brother runs interference for me and protects me during black ball sessions.

Best of luck to you.

Kevin · #9 09-27-2017, 12:10 PM

OP was six months ago. I'm kind of glad I didn't respond to the OP as I'm having a hard time believing that he is for real and if he is real, there would have to be some underlying psychological/maturity related concerns which go well above and beyond his relationship with his Big. If this is any indication as to how he approached relationships with people, it's not a shock that his big was trying to distance himself.

thetalady · #10 09-27-2017, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ESA1313

My big actually chose me as a second choice, then the next semester took a little and it caused so much drama. My family has treated me like shit what do I do?

Are you in a fraternity or sorority? Because this is so much a silly little teenaged girl thing.... Go make other friends, for heaven's sake!

DTD Alum · #11 09-28-2017, 05:58 PM

Honestly, at least in most of my friend's fraternities (not mine of course

), the "Big Bro/Little Bro" thing is primarily intended as a support channel to get you through Hell Week, get you a sweatshirt, he gets a paddle out of it he can hang on his wall, and then from there it is moot. I got along with my big and my little, but neither was THE friendship in my fraternity and eventually I got much closer to other guys in the house, and so did they.

Having a certain big or little is not an automatic ticket to a deeper friendship with him over everyone else in your house, and is not an automatic ticket to him having a deeper bond with you over everyone else.

Tons of guys have multiple little bros. Tons of guys never even get one. By trying to force it to be this mystical bond type of relationship, you're probably pushing him away more than anything.

It's not that serious.

panhelrose · #12 09-28-2017, 06:16 PM

Obviously things vary by organization/campus, but my boyfriend was very close with his big and little, actually living with both of them for two years. He decided to take a second little his senior year because his grandlittle had transferred and he wanted to leave a legacy. I think that the decision to do so depends on the relationship you have with your family and your reasoning behind it. If your friendship with your currently family is solid, then it's a blessing to add on to that bond.