Engaged Encounter

[BraveMaroon]

My husband and I did pre-counseling with our minister, and it was a mixed bag - though mostly positive.

I grew up in a mixed-religion household where we never went to Temple or Church and my husband went to Baptist Church every Wednesday and twice on Sundays til he was 18, then stopped for reasons to lengthy to go into here.

Regardless, we opted for a Judeo-Christian ceremony, and the minister, who was a friend of my father's, insisted we have 6 sessions of counseling.

Some of it was great - one question that sticks with me today is one that asked, "When you are sick, what does 'being taken care of' look like to you?" Which is great - because when I'm sick, leave a glass of juice at the door and leave me the hell alone. But when he's sick, he needs a lot of face time and popsicles.

What wasn't great is that in our first session, our minister started talking about how it was God's commandment to fill the Earth with children, and how they were arrows in our quiver. Well, we had already decided we weren't looking to have kids and we explained that to him. He insisted that it was God's commandment to fill the Earth, to which my husband replied, "Well, the Earth's pretty full." The minister said we could think about it and discuss it later.

I remember getting into the car and driving back to my apartment and we laughed the whole time.

We also had a running gag that kept us united. There's an old joke where God comes to Adam and offers him a perfect helpmate- beautiful, kind, loving... All he has to do is give up a leg. To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

So, this would come up in our workbooks from time to time, and I would always get out my highlighter and underline "rib", and show it to my husband, and he'd elbow me and give me a look, and try not to laugh.

Good times. Granted, we've only been married five years, but I think it helped a lot.

[ellebud]

AEPhiAlum: I too am and AEPhi alum and as a very old married lady we too had premaritial counseling with our rabbi. My husband, who is not Jewish and I, Reform, thought it was a good experience. My concern was his antisemitic parents (they were) and the problems they would cause (they did). The counseling brought out what was lurking and how to deal with it. I think that counseling, without preaching any dogma, is an excellent venue to relax and explore your future together.

...married 31 years...and counting.

[groovypq]

My fiance and I just went through our Engaged Encounter this weekend. We both thought it was amazing! We had some trepidation going into it, for different reasons - he thought it would be preachy and I thought it would be too emotional - but we both feel like we grew so much.

The couples who presented were both very real and very open. They shared a lot about their marriages in an honest but not oversharing way (although fiance could have lived without the hearing about the older couple getting frisky!).

I didn't really have any doubts about marrying him going into this weekend, but after this weekend, I know he's the one. I feel ready to marry him right now - but we have another seven months to go... :-)