Arranged Marriages

Taualumna · #1 01-01-2004, 05:36 PM

How do you feel about them? What about so-called "modern" arranged marriages, ones where the bride and groom meet each other well before the intended wedding date, get to know each other, and then get to make the ultimate decision on whether to marry or not? Would you consider an arrangement if it were at all possible?

Jill1228 · #2 01-01-2004, 06:17 PM

I am not down with arranged marriages. I am an adult and I have the right and ability to make my own decisions.

If ya want to do that, that is your perogative

Taualumna · #3 01-01-2004, 06:24 PM

Have you ever gone on a blind date? The latter, the modern version of an arranged marriage is basically that.

#4 01-01-2004, 06:37 PM

I personally would never take part in one, but I could never say that good things don't come out of it.

My mom met my dad one week before they got married. Six years later, they had me -- and they were married for a very long time.

pinkyphimu · #5 01-01-2004, 06:42 PM

my best friend is having an arranged marriage. he is miserable. i posted the story around here somewhere, but he couldn't stand up to his parents and say that it wasn't what he wanted. of the girls he was introduced to (in a one week period btw), he picked the girl who in his words was "resonable, practical and had a nice personality." yep, that is exactly what i am looking for in a life mate!

Taualumna · #6 01-01-2004, 06:44 PM

Perhaps people aren't reading my question correctly. I don't suppose that anyone would mind if your parents' friends set you up with their son/daughter, and you guys end up dating and eventually marrying. Modern arranged marriages are just that. A girl (who came from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm) I went to high school with met her future husband when she was 16 and "dated" him for six years. She could have said no after she finished university, but she didn't and married him. Another girl from high school (who isn't from a culture where people have arranged marriages) recently married a guy she met at a ski trip. He's the son of a family friend.

pinkyphimu · #7 01-01-2004, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Taualumna
Perhaps people aren't reading my question correctly. I don't suppose that anyone would mind if your parents' friends set you up with their son/daughter, and you guys end up dating and eventually marrying. Modern arranged marriages are just that. A girl (who came from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm) I went to high school with met her future husband when she was 16 and "dated" him for six years. She could have said no after she finished university, but she didn't and married him. Another girl from high school (who isn't from a culture where people have arranged marriages) recently married a guy she met at a ski trip. He's the son of a family friend.

i guess we aren't. when i hear arranged marriage, i think of my friend's parents going to india, meeting a few women, deciding which ones they liked and then introducing them to sam. sam met them, decided which one he liked the most and then got engaged. and this all happened within the course of a week. it will be one year before they are actually married, but she lives in india and he lives in the us, so they do have some time to get to know one another.

eta: when his older sister got engaged, his parents narrowed it down from 72 men to 12. and she didn't like any of those 12, but had to pick ONE of them.

as for people who end up marrying a friend of the family, that is totally not an arranged marriage. arranged marriage implies that the couple has no choice....or very little choice in whom they marry. to me, that sounds like a cute coincidence.

Jadey28 · #8 01-01-2004, 07:02 PM

where the bride and groom meet each other well before the intended wedding date, get to know each other, and then get to make the ultimate decision on whether to marry or not?

Isn't this what is supposed to happen in any relationship? You get to know someone before you decide to marry them?

AchtungBaby80 · #9 01-01-2004, 10:32 PM

Sign me up! An arranged marriage would eliminate all the drama that results from my parents not liking the guys I date, and trust me, for that reason alone it would be worth it.

AGDee · #10 01-01-2004, 10:36 PM

I don't consider the situation you described to be an "arranged" marriage. I have a co-worker who is from Pakistan and his marriage was arranged. His mother and sisters got to choose his bride. He was thrilled that they picked one of his sisters' best friends because it was someone he knew and felt comfortable around. He went to Pakistan to marry her and they have a baby now, but she still lives in Pakistan because, since 9/11, it's very difficult to get anybody from the Middle East over here. Regardless, he had no choice and could not back out. THAT is an arranged marriage. The other is just a blind date and those have been happening for a long time.

Dee

absolutuscchick · #11 01-01-2004, 10:39 PM

My best friend is Persian, and her mom and dad had an arranged marriage. They've made it work, but because they came from very different backgrounds and have somewhat different values, it has definitely been a struggle. I can't imagine an arranged marriage!!!

Taualumna · #12 01-01-2004, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I don't consider the situation you described to be an "arranged" marriage. I have a co-worker who is from Pakistan and his marriage was arranged. His mother and sisters got to choose his bride. He was thrilled that they picked one of his sisters' best friends because it was someone he knew and felt comfortable around. He went to Pakistan to marry her and they have a baby now, but she still lives in Pakistan because, since 9/11, it's very difficult to get anybody from the Middle East over here. Regardless, he had no choice and could not back out. THAT is an arranged marriage. The other is just a blind date and those have been happening for a long time.

Dee

The latter is actually how many more modern families in South Asia do thier marriages.

#13 01-01-2004, 11:19 PM

So families in South Asia arrange blind dates, then?

I think the majority of us have a similar idea of what arranged marriages are: two separate familiies that set forth on arranging a marriage for a bride and a groom, where, in most cases, the bride and groom don't have a say.

Taualumna · #14 01-01-2004, 11:29 PM

The families call it "marriage" because they aren't really supposed to date other people the way we date other people. How I believe it works is that the families decide that their kids are good for each other, then arrange for them to meet, go on "dates", from anywhere from months (if they're older) to years (if they're teens) and then have the kids decide later on. Most do decide to marry, but some do not. That's how it works in the more progressive/modern families. Of course, there still are more traditional families that do it the "old fashioned" way. I would prefer to marry a man that my parents approve of than someone that they do not (but would allow me to marry him because it's "my choice"). Too many people today just marry someone because of THEIR feelings, which may very well lead to "issues" with the family.

Another note: I guess the "modern" arranged marriages are really semi-arranged.

AGDee · #15 01-02-2004, 08:52 AM

I'm curious, in those arrangements, how comfortable the "kids" would actually feel saying "Sorry Mom and Dad, but the boy/girl you picked is a pig" or whether it really just appears to be a choice. In other words, do they feel too pressured by the situation to say no?

Dee