Help me help my daughter

MrsPineapple · #1 07-18-2013, 10:43 AM

Hello everyone,

I found this site a few months ago when my daughter decided she wanted to go through recruitment. It's not like she went through high school with this in mind, so she didn't exactly plan her high school years around that, but she does have a 4.0, volunteered in a lot of areas, and has extracurriculars. I am not a legacy and have no idea about greek life, but want to help her to have the best recruitment possible. She will be attending an SEC school and we are instate. I honestly don't think she really knows what she is up against and is very innocent about how all of this will work. I have talked with her and helped her to find women to write her recs. She has them for all chapters but one. She doesn't know many young women who are in sororities so, I'm not sure if there will be anyone to "fight" for her. She plans to keep an open mind and really just go with the flow during her recruitment. She says she will just be herself and see where she meshes well and where she doesn't. I have read all of the stickies and feel like so far I have a pretty good idea about how I can help her, but honestly as a woman who never went greek I am limited.

If you have any wisdom or words of advice I could pass along to her that would be appreciated.

carnation · #2 07-18-2013, 10:48 AM

There are many words of advice in this forum on GC! As an alumna of 3 SEC schools, I advise you and your daughter to read, read, read.

azureblue · #3 07-18-2013, 10:54 AM

Your daughter sounds like a very well-rounded young lady! I would advise her to keep an open mind and an open heart. I would tell her to be herself, try to stay away from the tent talk, and look at every invitation as an opportunity to connect with a great group of women. Try to look at the big picture...shw will have the opportunity to do philanthropy, experience sisterhood, socials and gain leadership experiences in whatever group she ends up in!

She can research and learn about the national sororities at her school at the NPC site here: https://www.npcwomen.org/about/membe...nizations.aspx.

AXOrushadvisor · #4 07-18-2013, 10:59 AM

Here are things I find myself repeating to my daughter and her friends.

Have fun. It is a new experience. Everyone is in the same boat as you. Hardly anyone has a perfect recruitment. If you are released it doesn't mean something is wrong with you, your ugly or not dressed right. It is a numbers game and women are released by very small margins. Have fun.

When you get your invite list you can be sad that your favorite released you. Be sad for a moment then move on and treat the Chapters that have invited you back as the only Chapters on campus. You can not go back and can not change your invitation list so you have to move forward.

Don't quit no matter what. Stick it out to the end and go to all your preference parties. If you get through the whole process and don't like it you are under no obligation to sign a bid card. Also, there has been more then one girl who has changed her mind after Preference.

Take really good notes. You will need them for ranking and making your final decision. Think about the way the Chapters make you feel.

thetalady · #5 07-18-2013, 11:01 AM

Mrs Pineapple, may I offer a few words, wise or not, to you? From what you posted, it doesn't sound like being in a sorority is really important to your daughter. It sounds like she thinks it might be fun, but not something she is dedicated to doing. If that is her attitude, I hope that you are able to let her approach recruitment at her own "speed". Don't YOU become more invested in her joining a soroity than she is. You cannot care more about it than she does.

MrsPineapple · #6 07-18-2013, 11:16 AM

Thank you all for such quick replies. The stickies here are all fantastic and a wealth of knowledge. I truly am taking it all in for her.

Thank you, thetalady for your words. I appreciate the freedom in not feeling like I have to be invested. I just didn't know how to help her navigate this new territory. Being in a sorority wasn't on her radar until about April. I think it became something she wanted to do after getting accepted to school, all paperwork finalized, and then got to a point where she was actually thinking about college life. She is excited about it, but is taking a trip out of country and that is what's on her mind at the moment. When she gets back she will move on to her next focus, which will be recruitment. I am trying not to talk a whole lot about it with her right now, but want to informed for if and when she has any questions. I want this to be her recruitment and to have fun.

Thank you all!

FSUZeta · #7 07-18-2013, 11:20 AM

I find your daughter's attitude refreshing, and it will probably serve her well as she goes through recruitment, and even life. She has covered the bases by securing recs. to nearly all the houses-and I would continue to work on that last remaining house, because that might just be the one she falls in love with.

Every girl who receives a bid did not necessarily have someone "fighting' for them in the chapter-if it were the case that every PNM had someone fighting for them, some schools sororities would probably be just finishing up with their membership selection process now. She has her recs., she will comply with the suggested recruitment dress code, present herself well, and carry her end of the conversation. That is all anyone can do. Please let us know where she ends up.

MrsPineapple · #8 07-18-2013, 11:27 AM

Thank you FSUZeta! I love your signature

I am feeling pretty good for her and if nothing else she will have a fun time getting to know a lot of girls around campus whether she is in a sorority of not. Ah, life experiences are the best.

Ladybugmom · #9 07-18-2013, 11:58 AM

Hello Ms. Pineapple..from one mom to another, good luck to your daughter and to you..if you like wine, my best advice for you is to buy multiple bottles for that week

.

It may not seem like it will be all that stressful for you right now,but trust me, that will change. Your daughter will most likely become invested in the process once she gets there, and she will want nothing more than to find her home.

My daughter's scenario was similar in that she wasn't a legacy and she really didn't plug into the idea of going through recruitment until she was accepted into college. She also didn't know many girls from her high school that were in sororities, which made the process a little more challenging, as she is at UT=super competitive. She did find a home and has been very, very happy and very involved, but it was a hell of a week.

She will most likely have a lot of ups and downs, but just try to keep her focused on the positives. Most importantly, stress to her the importance of keeping an open mind and not listen to the tent talk. I don't know what school she will be attending, but I can promise you that most SEC schools have very healthy greek systems and any of the chapters are stellar and can be a fit for almost any girl who is willing to keep an open mind.

Like others have said, read, read, read this site. Good Luck!!

MaggieXi · #10 07-18-2013, 12:24 PM

Words of wisdom that someone once said on GC: everyday is a new day when it comes to recruitment. New parties, new pnms in line with you, new sorority women to meet, new things to learn about yourself and the sorority.

Sciencewoman · #11 07-18-2013, 03:30 PM

I noticed that my daughter wasn't as into the preparation as I was. She skimmed through the Rush Right book, and had a lot of fun on informal "rush dates" in the fall, and she really enjoyed shopping for outfits, but she was much more laid back about the process than I was. Right before recruitment she got anxious.