Dear Mom

[ComradesTrue]

BUMP.

I am desperately trying to use the %$#@ search feature on this site and am failing miserably. I still haven't located what I was hoping to find, but I did stumble across this gem so I suppose that all is not lost.

[thetalady]

Using Google to search using Greekchat as a term is a lot more effective

[ComradesTrue]

Well, I tried google too. That is how I found this thread.

I thought there was a thread that was general, friendly, helpful advice to moms on how to support and encourage their daughters during recruitment. Maybe I just dreamed that. Anyone?

If not, maybe we could add it here? I am creating a hand out for the moms who attend our APH Sorority info session.

Examples:
Encourage your daughter to finish recruitment. She can always choose to not sign the bid card. However, many PNMs who make an emotional decision to drop out of Recruitment later regret that choice.

Encourage your daughter to be open to all chapters and to not enter recruitment with favorites.

Encourage your daughter to seek out her own rec writers and to make her own rec packets.

Be aware that PNMs may face disappointment at some point during recruitment. Be ready to give the "chin up, big smile, and face the day" pep talk.

You get the idea.

Any other words of wisdom for the moms?

[AnchorAlumna]

Great idea.
I can tell you from long experience that the ones who need to read it the most will think it doesn't apply to them.
That doesn't mean you should not make the effort! The smart ones will circle back, read it again and realize that it DOES apply to them.
The stupid ones....well, you can't fix stupid if it doesn't want to be fixed.

[DubaiSis]

If they are hearing in real life at an info session maybe it will break through to a couple mothers. Best of luck in your efforts!

[AnchorAlumna]

Add a section: "What happens if your daughter doesn't get a bid" with tips on what to do.
They may not read it now, but eventually they will read it. We only have about 35 to 50 girls go through our alumnae panhellenic each year, but two or three wind up dropping out or not pledging.
**Hugs - real or virtual
**Sympathy - listen and sympathize without blaming
**Rest, good food - Encourage daughter to rest, get some sleep, and eat good food (not junk) - they've been through a highly stressful period and need rest
**Suggest daughter look around and find others who did not pledge or rush to come watch a movie in her room, or go do something together.
**If you're close enough, go there and treat DD to a bit of therapeutic shopping, a mani/pedi, or maybe just a shoulder to cry on and a nice drive in the country.
**Encourage DD to find other organizations on campus. Colleges often have a recruiting day for groups right around (or during) registration for upperclassmen.

[ComradesTrue]

^^^ Great idea! Thanks!

I also have sections on finance, legacy, supporting before and during recruitment, hazing (lack thereof), academics (ASA > AWA virtually everywhere) and a suggested timeline for getting recs in order. The timeline is also in the girls packets, but it can't hurt to have that one in two places, of course.

As for those who need to read it most not doing so: we have found that those who actually attend the event are receptive and appreciative to all of our messages, even the legacy talk. It's the ones who stubbornly proclaim that they don't need to attend the event that are the hopeless causes.

[AnchorAlumna]

You might want to add NPC's websites, thesororitylife.com for PNMs and www.sororityparents.com for parents.

I also like Tammy's blog, www.sororitygirl101.com

We also add the panhellenic websites at the universities most attended by our hometown girls. The list of helpful websites (and it includes greekchat.com) is snatched up by moms and girls alike.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

You might want to add NPC's websites, thesororitylife.com for PNMs and www.sororityparents.com for parents.

I also like Tammy's blog, www.sororitygirl101.com

We also add the panhellenic websites at the universities most attended by our hometown girls. The list of helpful websites (and it includes greekchat.com) is snatched up by moms and girls alike.

Yep! Have all of those links in the girls' packet. The girls packet is quite comprehensive and has everything that they need to know about everything. We wanted to make a smaller handout for the moms that focus on things that they always ask about, as well as the "How to support your daughter before and during recruitment" topic.

We made two separate packets, but will hand them out in one pocketed paper folder. Our hope is that the moms will be more likely to keep up with everything for the next many months until Recruitment, and that all the information will be a resource and not just hit the recycle bin 30 minutes after the event.

Keep the great ideas coming!

[AnchorAlumna]

OOPs!
Thought this had failed to post.
See below!!

[AnchorAlumna]

Here we are. I wrote this for my university's recruitment parents Facebook page. You read that right - one of the moms set up a Facebook page for parents of the school's PNMs. It proved very, very helpful!
Some of the moms are sorority alumnae and they helped answer questions from the non-sorority alumnae moms, but very very few were familiar with the University of Alabama's sorority recruitment. A few of us were/are, so we answer questions as best we can.

This is tailored for the University of Alabama, but every school has something similar. Feel free to adapt it for your purpose.

"What happens if your daughter is released from sorority recruitment? No invitations...just a phone call from her counselor saying, 'I'm sorry, but you have been released by all sororities from Panhellenic recruitment.'

First - breathe.

Second - cry if you like. Uncontrollably, beating your fists on the wall. Go ahead and let it out.

Third - go outside and take a deep breath. Look around.

THERE IS LIFE AFTER SORORITY RECRUITMENT. I promise!

Remember that while we moms will be a wreck for weeks, daughters will bounce back pretty quickly - despite their protests that they want to come home NOW. They need lots of sympathy, a shoulder to cry on and...encouragement that yes, they'll still love college and will do well and WILL STILL have lots of friends.
This weekend, all the rest of the kids are moving in - including the boys - and that alone is pretty exciting, especially when you go to a meal and the place has filled up!
While it seems like the entire campus has pledged and you haven't, less than 1/3 - 30% - are members of Greek societies. When everyone has moved in, she'll see that she is part of a majority.
If her roommate pledges, she will need to make some friends beyond the roommate. When I wanted company in the dorm, I'd leave my door open to passersby. Encourage her to do the same, AND stop to chat with women whose door is open to visitors.

In a few days, there will be an event called "Get on Board Day." All the clubs and organizations at the university will have tables set up in a central place to recruit new members. There is something for just about any interest - politics, sports, sports fans, art, drama - there's something for everybody. It's also a great way to try something new - water skiing? Snow skiing? Video games? Skydiving?
Encourage her to go and explore. Joining a group is another way to make new friends.

If she still feels that she belongs in a sorority, there will be another opportunity. I will say that if her grades are under a 3.0, it's going to be very difficult to pledge unless she has close friends inside the chapter or is extremely - extremely - outstanding in some other area. But if they are 3.0 or above, there is something called Continuous Open Bidding after formal recruitment is done.
In a week or so, UA Panhellenic will post notices that COB is now open. She can go to the UA Panhellenic office to sign up. Only a few sororities participate, and there are no formal parties. She might get a phone call inviting her to come to lunch, or come over to the house and watch a movie, or meet some sisters for coffee. There is no bid Bid Day. After a few of these meetings, she may get a call or a visit inviting her to pledge.

This also happens in January, because sororities lose members due to graduation, transfers, and, sometimes, resignations. Or she could go through formal recruitment next year. LOTS of sophomores and even a few juniors do this.
But by then, she may have made lots of friends doing her other activities and decide she has no need for a sorority!

So - being released from sorority recruitment is NOT the end of the world. It's just another new beginning!"

[Lagniappe]

DD will go through an SEC recruitment this Fall, so this thread has come along at the perfect time! We've had the discussions about keeping an open mind, having realistic expectations, and seeing the experience as a way to meet new people, but I really appreciate reading all these suggestions about how to handle a crushed heart should her experience not be as positive as she is hoping for.