Thinking aboout dropping KD, I need advice badly!

absolutuscchick · #1 10-14-2003, 12:05 AM

Ok, heres the situation.
All semester I have been going through a ton medically. From the start of rush I have been ahving alot of problems, but I really thought that I could handle a sorority and school as well. It turns out that I can't though, and so I have had to start the proceedings for a medical withdrawal from school. This has been super duper hard on me and so that's why I want to be happy to have 100 girls to depend on and help me along. The problem is, no one, save one girl, has even attempted to ask me what's wrong, help me, or be there for me. I know that the girls dont know me that well but I would atleast expect them to care and be there and try to help me through everything.
On top of feeling a little bit left out, my emerald sis, pearl sis, diamond sis, and big sis, although acted excited to have me as their sis, have done nothing with me, never once called me or asked how I was doing. Nothing. I feel so uncared about by the people who shoudl be there for me; my sisters.
Second Degree and Initiation are coming up, as well as the New Member Exam and I am not able to put the energy that I need to into them because of my sickness. I feel like I have no choice but to drop. I emailed my New Member Advisor about the problem and after 24 hours I still have heard nothing at all. I feel like no one is there for me.
On the Other Side of my greek experience, my sisters in Alpha Gamma Gamma, although they are a state away have all been there for me, supporting me, giving me pearls of wisdom. I know thats what real sisters are supposed to do, and it feels awesome to have them. I just wish that my new sisters in Kappa Delta treated me the same way.

Should I drop? What should I do? I need advice!! Thanks everyone in advance!

AlphaPhiBubbles · #2 10-14-2003, 12:30 AM

I am really sorry for all the things you have had to go through...but I think that if you have to get a medical drop from school then there really isn't any way for you to have time for a sorority. Being a new member of a sorority takes up a lot of time, and i definatley think there are more important things in life (i.e. schoolwork, your health!). It's a shame these girls aren't very supportive, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you dropped...I mean the girls you are friends with will continue to care about you no matter what. Although keep in mind this is just my humble opinion and I don't know the whole story...so try to decide for yourself from whats in your heart.
Good luck to you sweetie I hope things go well!!!

kddani · #3 10-14-2003, 07:57 AM

Like I asked in the other forum, do the sisters even know that you're sick? They might also be scared, or what to give you your privacy and not be all up your butt about being sick. Or if they don't know, they probably just think that you're being a distant new member.

This is a brand new chapter, colonized last year, and they certainly don't have any experience dealing with things like this yet.

Lady Pi Phi · #4 10-14-2003, 10:02 AM

Do your sisters truely know that you are experience health problems? They might honestly be in the dark that there is something wrong and they will never know unless you tell them.
I too left school for medical reasons (mental health) and my sisters did not know there was a problem until I told them. When I finally did tell them, they were nothing but supportive and loving. Maybe you just need to tell them that there is a problem. I'm sure that they will be there for you when they know that you do have a problem.

Dropping your sisterhood is obviously a tough descion. I don't know what KD's policies are, but perhaps you could continue as a new member until you are well and initiate at a later date? I don't know when you plan (or if you plan) to return to school. Should you return, maybe you can rush again? After all you haven't yet initiated. Waiting till you're well to would probably be the better solution.

Whatever you decide, I'm pretty sure you sisters want to be there for you, and maybe they really don't know that you're sick. Why not sit down with your sisters or the ones that you are closest too and talk to them about it.

aephi alum · #5 10-14-2003, 10:06 AM

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Are you planning on finishing out the semester or withdrawing now? If you're not attending school at the time of initiation, you may not be able to be initiated - which would make your decision for you - but you could possibly remain a new member and be initiated in the spring if you return to school by then.

Is there a sister or two, or one of your pledge sisters, that you're particularly close to? Your big, maybe, or your new member educator? Maybe you can talk to them and go through your concerns?

Hope everything works out and that you recover from your medical problems.

VSUPhiMu · #6 10-14-2003, 10:44 AM

I went through something similar during my first semester as a sister. I was in the hospital five times in three months, and it really hurt my feelings that no one called or came by. What I realized is that no one really knew what was happening or going on and that's why they didn't try to help. Most of them just thought I was MIA. When you're new in a group and don't know a lot of the sisters, they don't really notice but would be more than willing to help out if they knew what was going on in your life.

I thought about leaving my chapter, but I eventually got better and am so, so, so happy I stuck it out. Your sisters do care about you, so I would give them another chance to show you that. Good luck!

33girl · #7 10-14-2003, 10:46 AM

if you haven't told them explicitly what is wrong, they might not know. I went through a LOT of crap with my ex-bf when I was pledging and the sisters wanted to help - I think they saw before I did that I was in a bad situation, but I couldn't open up to them. I wish I had and I would have saved myself a lot of trouble.

This is a BIG chapter and a NEW chapter, and people don't always instantly bond.

Also, you might be too connected to your AGG sisters to start forming bonds w/ your KD sisters. That's not a criticism, but sometimes it is hard when you have a group who knows you inside out to make those kind of friendships w/ new people.

All I can say is to echo everyone else and talk to them and let them know what is wrong.

absolutuscchick · #8 10-14-2003, 11:22 AM

Thanks for all of your advice!! I <3 you all for being so supportive. I guess it is hard and I do just wish that they could be there for me. I never even thought that they would consider me MIA because as a person, when I do something I do it 100%. Perhaps they just thought I didnt care. Last night I finally got ahold of my New Member Educator and we talked for a while. She urged me to stick with it and said how sorry she was that no one had been there. I guess everyone else has had alot of personal problems as well; not just me. I'm going to do my very best to get through initiation and then process my medical withdrawal by the end of the month. Thanks again for all your support and helping me see another POV.

adpiucf · #9 10-14-2003, 12:13 PM

Rachel, I'm glad you were able to look at it from the other side. Just remember-- if you don't communicate, people just assume you are apathetic. Also, if something is really important, a phone call is warranted. Don't rely on emails in an emergency situation.

There will be times when your heart wants to burst with love for your sisters and pride in KD, and there will be times living in the house when you get sucked into some girly girl drama and will want to despair. Just remember that in the end, this is a lifetime committment with fabulous benefits that can't be beat. There will be women you will meet from now and for all time who are members of your sorority, or of another sorority, and you will instantly have that connection of being Greek. Pursue this experience-- it will open doors and windows you didn't know existed! Right now, find your happy medium. And remember, if you feel ignored or not feeling the love, you need to make an effort, too--- Sisterhood is a just a longer word for "friendship." Paying dues isn't the equivalent of paying for friends, as we well know. So show your face and if things are happening in your life to prevent you from coming around, you don't need to broadcast every intimate detail as to why, but there should be someone-- a pledge class friend, a big sis, an exec board member-- a friend to turn to and advise where you are and what is happening in your life.

Good luck!

UNLADPi · #10 10-14-2003, 02:54 PM

Communication is utlimately the key to success. I initiated in Nov of 2002 into my sorority, and left in January 2003. I was sexually assaulted over Christmas break, but didn't tell my chapter why I had to leave...I didn't want to explain everything to them. For a while I was mad because no one came to be with me or call...but in looking back on it, I never made the attempt to contact them either....life really is a 2 way street. If you want something, you have to take the initiative to make it happen. I know it is so much easier to just have people come to you, and you want them to be there 100% for you, but if you don't tell them what is going on, there is no way that they can help you! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you! I know that if they know/knew what is is going on that they will be there for you...that's just what sisters do!

"We live for each other"

ASUADPi · #11 10-14-2003, 03:10 PM

Rachel,
I PM'd you

Brianna

adpialumcsuc · #12 10-14-2003, 04:39 PM

I had a similiar experience and it all happened because I didn't communicate with them. I had to drop all my classes and leave for a surgery that would have me out for over a month. At first I didn't hear anything until one of my close friends (not even an ADPi) told my chapter where I was and what was going on. I very surprised at the support that I received after that. BUT that is what sisters are for.
I would suggest letting some people know.

MTSUGURL · #13 10-14-2003, 04:46 PM

Your KD affiliation isn't just in college - it's for life. It isn't just with the women in your chapter but aomen in so many different places with so many different opportunities for you to get to know them also. You have a built in support group wherever you go - develop it in your chapter by being open about your feelings, making the effort to bond with them, and by realizing that you are now a part of these women's lives just as they are a part of yours.
Do you know the intimate details of all of their lives? Of course not. Not until they share them with you personally. Maybe you just need to share with some sisters one on one?
I know this is hard and I am truly sorry, and I wish that I could just hug you and sit down with some girls in your chapter and say, "See this girl? She's hurting - be there for her!" Look at the big picture... If this problem doesn't go away, you will always have a group no matter where you are that you can turn to. You might have to say, "Look, I need you right now," but my guess is that if you do, they won't disappoint you. Don't give up - communicate with them and make sure that you are each hearing the other.
(Sorry for the book, and I hope it made sense - I'm half asleep and I just finished midterms...)

ThetaPrincess24 · #14 10-14-2003, 06:30 PM

Like so many others have said, communication truly is key and is a two way street. I'll give another example.

This fall my lil sis quit my chapter. While part of it was for financial reasons, and she did try to get financial inactivity, she wasnt able to get it. She had been very depressed, and had neglected to come to stuff, nor tell people what was going on. So other than those closest to her such as myself, and a couple others, no one knew what was going on. People thought she didnt care and wasnt pulling her weight. As a result that's why she didnt get the financial inactivity. She blamed the chapter for not beign there for her and trying to get her to quit. Neither were true. Truly, no one knew what was going on because she made no efforts to let people know. I firmly believe though had she let more people know, she wouldve gotten loads of support from the chapter, and wouldve been granted payment plan or financial inactivity. As said before, communication is key and is a two way street!

bethany1982 · #15 10-14-2003, 06:58 PM

I don't have anything to add to the great advice you have been given, but I wish you the best and a speedy recovery.