knowing a pnm too well

[trisigmaAtl]

has anyone ever had this problem/pleasure?

for example, one of my roomates is rushing in the fall. she will be a junior, but that's no biggie here. I have known her since my freshman year. She went through informal with my best friend and I this spring but didn't get a bid because she didn't attend enough events to show adequate interest. However, the whole time we were doing informal she talked about how she wouldn't take a bid anyway. then, when my friend and I took our bids she burst into tears talking about how she felt left out. now, all of my sisters like her alot so everyone really encouraged her to go through rush in the fall and reminded her that they really liked her
(discreetly, not dirty). I myself even greatly encouraged her to rush, but warned her to think about what she wanted to do during the summer. I do like my friend and think she has the potential to make a great sister, if she decides to truly commit. my problems are this.

lately she has been refering to herself as a "Sigma Pledge" in front of me and saying things sarcastically like "i'm not guareented a bid or anything hee hee". and I just want to yell at her "No, you're right you're not!!!!!" I sometimes wonder if she would even join a sorority if it wasn't for the fact that her other two closest friends had joined. does she want to be a sister, or just stay in the loop? you know?

the thing is, she and I have clashed before over things so I feel like me telling her to tone it down would be like me telling her "I don't like you" ( i do like her) or keep her from rushing (which is her right to do). I want her to rush, but I don't know how to deal with these problems i'm having with her, i feel like i shouldn't tell my sisters... i don't know. I hope that she'll do what makes her really happy, not just what will keep her from feeling isolated. and I want a nice way to tell her not to think she's gonna get a bid without sending her off the deep end. does this make any sense? are there any suggesstions?

how do you deal with a CLOSE friend who is also a pnm?

[33girl]

My best friend got 2 open bids from the sorority I joined - one the semester before I went through rush and one the semester I rushed/pledged. She turned them both down. After I was initiated, she decided she wanted to be in ASA, and she got my roomie to go through rush too. It was VERY stressful, so I can feel where you are coming from. Basically all I could do was tell her I'd put in a good word for her, and I did, but in a way I was glad she didn't get a bid cause we were together so much I wanted something that was just mine. She had a lot of issues like pressure to pledge a legacy GLO, dirty rush by our RA, etc - I think if she would have just not listened to anyone else and gone with her heart's first choice she would have ended up in a sorority that she enjoyed. but oh well.

just be honest with your friend, tell her you have ONE VOTE and that's all you can do. If she can't understand that, it isn't your fault.

[MTSUGURL]

I don't envy your position. I understand that she would want to be right there with you, but I would get irritated pretty quick with the "sigma pledge" comments.

[DG515]

Yeah, i've got some friends of mine from HS that are going to my same school and with only 2 social GLO's, there's not a lot to choose from.....I really don't like what the other chapter does in their spare time and what they're known for, but at the same time, these girls.....well, i've had issues with them and trust and their "habits" (and i'm not talking "oh my gosh, look at what she's wearing!" but more like personal choices they make regularly) and the way they treat people and I don't really want them as sisters........it sucks, but sometimes, you can only tell your opinion and the chapter has to make their decision

[SDTSarah]

My roommate decided that she wanted to join the service fraternity that I'm also in...and we are not exclusive. If you can, I would be as honest as possible with her...tell her that her behavior is making you uncomfortable and that it could be perceived by others as favoritism or even "dirty rushing." You can kind of laugh it off as, "Oh, yeah, you know ISC (or whatever your governing body is) politics!"

If she doesn't tone it down, you should probably talk to your sisters. If she's doing this to you now, she probably won't make a very sensitive sister, either. But who knows...she may change her mind before rush, or your sisters may have very strong opinions about her.

[sigmagrrl]

Originally posted by trisigmaAtl
has anyone ever had this problem/pleasure?

for example, one of my roomates is rushing in the fall. she will be a junior, but that's no biggie here. I have known her since my freshman year. She went through informal with my best friend and I this spring but didn't get a bid because she didn't attend enough events to show adequate interest. However, the whole time we were doing informal she talked about how she wouldn't take a bid anyway. then, when my friend and I took our bids she burst into tears talking about how she felt left out. now, all of my sisters like her alot so everyone really encouraged her to go through rush in the fall and reminded her that they really liked her
(discreetly, not dirty). I myself even greatly encouraged her to rush, but warned her to think about what she wanted to do during the summer. I do like my friend and think she has the potential to make a great sister, if she decides to truly commit. my problems are this.

lately she has been refering to herself as a "Sigma Pledge" in front of me and saying things sarcastically like "i'm not guareented a bid or anything hee hee". and I just want to yell at her "No, you're right you're not!!!!!" I sometimes wonder if she would even join a sorority if it wasn't for the fact that her other two closest friends had joined. does she want to be a sister, or just stay in the loop? you know?

the thing is, she and I have clashed before over things so I feel like me telling her to tone it down would be like me telling her "I don't like you" ( i do like her) or keep her from rushing (which is her right to do). I want her to rush, but I don't know how to deal with these problems i'm having with her, i feel like i shouldn't tell my sisters... i don't know. I hope that she'll do what makes her really happy, not just what will keep her from feeling isolated. and I want a nice way to tell her not to think she's gonna get a bid without sending her off the deep end. does this make any sense? are there any suggesstions?

how do you deal with a CLOSE friend who is also a pnm?

I actually had this happen, and it happened in two ways. Let me 'splain ....

First, my best friend went thru formal recruitment and she liked ANOTHER sorority (I learned this by accident. I had to remind her not to talk). Actually, all the sororties wanted her and I was very envious of that, and I wanted her to want Sigma. So, I had to back off. I kept away (hard when you are roommates) and didn't discuss recruitment (BTW, we didn't know there was that rule. We were a new local NPC and new chapter...but it was an unspoken rule on the campus...good thing, huh??). But, when decisions were made, we voted for her, she put us first, and we became sisters....

HOWEVER, the chapter started resenting that we were roommates and close. I really hated my chapter that trimester, because they kept trying to sabotage our friendship. I mean, the chapter officers pulled me in a meeting and asked me not to speak to her?!?!?!?!? HUH?!?!? SHE'S MY ROOMMATE. When she was initiated, we went out to celebrate together, and the rest of her class went to a fraternity party. We never heard the end of it....

Just be careful...

That's ALL I'm saying.

[KillarneyRose]

The best thing you can do is to make it clear to her that you are only one vote and whether or not she gets a bid is not up to you.

As far as her saying that she's a Sigma pledge; that would annoy the heck out of me, too! Maybe you could just let her know (nicely) that that's not appropriate?

[JohnsDGsweethrt]

I agree with what Hootie is saying. Going around and calling yourself "sigma pledge" is sorta dangerous. No one is promised anything in rush. I think I read somewhere on one of the rush threads about at big schools multiple legacys getting cut b/c its so competative. I would still be good to her as a roomie just explain these things to her. Have her join greek chat. Maybe that would promote more understanding

[LeslieAGD]

It's early, so before any kind of silence period begins, you need to sit her down and explain that saying things like that, even jokingly, could get your organization in trouble.

[trisigmaAtl]

thanks for all the advice, I've decided when summer is over I HAVE to say something, maybe she'll tone it down on her own but I'm talking to her the day we get back. Cuz if she ends up saying stuff like that to girls in her px group we're screwed!! and no one has EVER promised her a bid. She has been told by individual members that they really enjoyed seeing her at informal recruitment and that they PERSONALLY (not as a group) encourage her to go through recruitment in the fall. Four individual sisters (encouraging her to rush in general, not GO SIGMA), including her two roomates, is not a bid promise. Three or four out of 45 girls is a small percentage. I knew I had to do this all along, I just needed some reinforcment that this is what others would do too. I'm going to tell her the truth and then let the recruitment process go it's course. I trust that my sisters and I will be able to know she's genuine. Thanks agian, there's nothing like GC support to motivate you!!!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I don't envy you. Just sit her down and tell her that although she is your friend, she is not a pledge and is not guaranteed a bid. Tell her that you encourage her enthusiasm, but make it clear that it is against NPC rules to promise someone a bid plus it might turn off some sisters. Good luck!