HELP ME !!!!!!

[confused rushee]

I am currently in the middle of rush today we were supposed to go to 5 parties, I was only invited back by 3, of those 3 houses, I only like one, and I am seriously considering dropping out tomorrow morning because there is no possible way I can go into those other houses, I didn't even talk to them because I wanted them to drop me so bad but they didn't, they don't cut. What should I do!!!??? My Rho Chi said not to suicide but there is no way that I can be in those other housesk, the one I like acted like they wanted me really bad, they are supposed to say some of the stuff they said so what should I do ???!!! PLEASE HELP!!!! What is wrong with me.... I am a legacy to 3 houses here, a double legacy to one, I had almost a 4.0 in hs, took all of the AP classes, was really involved, had good conversations but they dropped me!!!!

[BCNUQT]

Gosh, I know your heart must really be racing right about now. You have to sit down and really think hard about what you want to do, because it will take a full year for you to be able to rush again if you don't get into the house you're seeking. You said that one of the 3 houses was decent, right? Take a long hard look at them.
When I was rushing, we only had three sororities on campus, 2 national, 1 local. I knew I wanted to be national, and when I went into rush, I thought I knew which house I wanted. But then the other house began to look appealing too.....Then I thought, What am I doing? I know that house 1 is the right one for me. I was letting the glitz and frills of house 2 cloud my vision. And you know what? Months after I was initiated into house 1, house 2 began to fall apart. All is was was squawballing....I'm so glad I made the choice I made. Stop for a second and try to look beyond the parties. Look at the people. How they act together - were they putting on an act, or were they real? Then ask yourself if you can wait. You can always decide to RUSH in the Spring, which is what I did, or find out if there is what is call "Informal Rush", which is what happens when the ceiling (or Cap) isn't met, or girls de-pledge. This is a more intamite form of rushing, and could quite possibly get you into the house you're aching for.


[This message has been edited by BCNUQT (edited August 23, 2000).]

[Texas Alum]

First thing to do: relax, take a deep breath, and congratulate yourself on making it this far through what can be a really long and taxing process!

Second thing to do: don't second-guess why you weren't invited back to certain houses. If they cut you, then they certainly don't deserve your time and energy now! Focus on the houses you have left, so you can make your decisions with a clear mind.

Third thing to do: DON'T DROP OUT! You still have a chapter that you like, and you shouldn't throw that one away because of the houses that you don't like. Focus on the house that you like, and be the very best guest you can when you are there. Let them know how much you have enjoyed meeting them, and how interested you are in their sisterhood.

I know that a lot of people will tell you that you can always rush again, or go through COB (open rush). But, a lot of people will also tell you that it gets progressively harder and harder. Read through some of the other posts on this Board from girls who have rushed repeatedly for an idea of what you might be facing if you drop out now.

Also, I know that your Rho Chis will tell you NOT to suicide. But, if you think there is really only one house where you could be happy, then it might be a logical choice. You should ask your Rho Chi if it will HURT you if you suicide (at some schools you can be penalized).

Just be sure to think it all through calmly, and don't make any rash decisions. If you need to, go take a walk to some quiet place and think about it.

Best of luck! Follow your heart!

[ZChi4Life]

I agree with the other posts. I'm not really familiar w/ NPC rush, but I'm learning a lot from these boards. You said that you still liked one of the houses that invited you back, right? Then if you can't get penalized for suiciding, then I say go for it. Especially since you said that the one house seemed to really want you. It seems like if you put them first on your pref. card, it seems like you've got a good chance of getting a bid from this particular house. Of course this is based on what you said. But the best thing to do is to think about what you want. If you can see yourself in the one house that invited you back and you like the girls and the sorority's principles, etc, etc. Then go for it. But if you think it's really not for you, then don't waste your time or theirs. You'll end up unhappy and that's not what you want to happen. You can rush next year, but like someone said, you'll probably have to wait one year to do so. There's lots to think about here. So just remain calm and seriously think about what you want and where you'll be happy.

Best of luck to you!

[confused rushee]

Thanks for the advice! I just finished talking to my Rho Chi and she said that she can't tell me to suicide... but, it sounds like it would be my best bet. The more and more I think about it, the house that I like is so much better that those legacy ones... the people that are getting called back to those houses are super phoney and are the type that I don't think I would be comfy with... I have met some really great girls in the house, that share the same interests, and some even have the same major as me! Today one of the girls said that they know all about me and think I am a great girl, and yesterday the pres came over and talked with me... I have liked everyone that I have met in that house. The bad thing is that for pref day I can't just go to their house, if the bad ones invite me back I have to go there too, and I don't know if I can stand it! I am for sure going to suicide it though because it is not like I am going to drop out of school and go into deep depression if I don't go Greek, I have so many other things that I want to be involved in addition to a sorority! I will find out if they invited me back tomorrow morning, and then I will know what to do! Thanks so much!

[twinstars]

going to those extra pref parties will be kind of awkward for you, since you KNOW you would never join, and they'll be bending over backward to try to convince you to become their sister, but just suffer through it and do your best to be polite.

i think that you ought to suicide, since you're positive there is only one place for you. the worst possible thing to do would be to list the other 2 sororities on your pref card, get a bid from one of them, and then not accept the bid or de-pledge in a few days. because if you do this, you could be keeping another rushee out, who really wanted that sorority. since you're suiciding, just be prepared for all possible outcomes. plenty of girls DO end up getting their second choice, so there's a chance you won't get a bid, even though everything looks peachy with your favorite house. i was POSITIVE that i would get my first choice house, based on the things they said to me during the parties, and how much i had in common with the girls, and i was STUNNED when i got my bid from my second choice. strange things happen on bid day, but everything works out for the best in the end.

[confused rushee]

Last my Rho Chi was paged that I was only invited back to one house for pref day... I was pretty positive and this morning we went to find out which houses invited us back and.... it is the house that I LOVE!!!! I am so happy, I don't have to suicide because those houses that I hated dropped me, I think that they could tell that I didn't want to be there so I only have to go to that pref party today... hoorah!! Now I have another question... does this pretty much that I will go to that house on bid day since they are my only choice, they invited me back, and I am not suiciding? THanks !!

[PenguinTrax]

Originally posted by confused rushee:
Last my Rho Chi was paged that I was only invited back to one house for pref day... I was pretty positive and this morning we went to find out which houses invited us back and.... it is the house that I LOVE!!!! I am so happy, I don't have to suicide because those houses that I hated dropped me, I think that they could tell that I didn't want to be there so I only have to go to that pref party today... hoorah!! Now I have another question... does this pretty much that I will go to that house on bid day since they are my only choice, they invited me back, and I am not suiciding? THanks !!

Because you were only invited back to one preference party, you are techinically not giving an intentional single preference (the correct term for 'suicide'). I would say your chances of being offered a bid from this house are very good but there is no such thing as a 'sure thing'. Do not take on an attitude that you are already in the chapter-continue to put forth the same effort you did as if this were your first recruitment event, not your last.

Best of luck to you...and let us know tomorrow where your new home will be!



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Fraternally,
Barbara
Zeta Tau Alpha Alumna

If you have to go around telling everyone you're in charge you're not much of a leader.
Tallahassee Area Alumnae of ZTA
Tallahassee Alumnae Panhellenic & Sorority Recruitment FAQ

[twinstars]

after the pref parties, the sorority will make a list of all the girls who attended all 3 of its parties that night, from their most to least favorites. at your school, there are probably about 3X as many girls on the bid list as each sorority is allowed to take (quota). if you are in the top 1/3 of their bid list, you will get in for sure. if you are on the bottom 2/3, and all the girls in the top third put the sorority as their first choice, you will not get a bid. but probably not all girls in the top third will put it first, so some girls in the bottom 2/3 will get bids also. i know this process is super-confusing, plus, you never know for sure where exactly you ranked on the bid list. if you don't get in, you know you weren't in their top third.

[confused rushee]

I just got back from my one house party, I feel pretty pathetic that I only had one, but I had a great time! I have another question though, what happens if I go to the big bid day thing(it is really big here) and I don't get a bid from my one house.... what happens then? What do they do with those people, or do they kind of tell them before hand so they are not put in a situation that makes them feel any worse? I really wish that I could have had 3 houses down but it just didn't work out that way and today they asked me what other houses I was going to and I told them truth, will that influence their decision and make them think that I am a bad apple or something?!! Because I am not, like I told you earlier I had high grades, was involved, personally thought I had super conversations, I was very pleasant responded well and asked good questions with all of the houses and am a legacy!!! I am still kind of stumped why it has happened this way but I am glad it did because the house that I am up for I would have never considered and here I am loving it even more each time I go there!!! I would really appreciate your opinions!! Thank you so much!
* I am getting the feeling that this house is considered the "kind of girl you marry" house because there are quite a few that are going to get married or they talked about going to their sisters weddings they don't have a bad rep like some of the houses(that i have heard), they really do have their heads on their shoulders, everyone raves about it including my Rho Chi who wasn't supposed to be biased! Does it sound like a good house? If I named it could you tell me what this chapter is like on your campus, not that it will influence me, I have already prefrenced!
Thank you again!

[Texas Alum]

Way to Go! I am so glad that you stayed in and finished out your last party. That is such an accomplishment, because rush really can be frustrating.

This must differ at each campus, but at most of the schools I know of, the sisters are not supposed to ask you what other parties you are attending. This is to prevent the pressure and discomfort that you felt when YOU were asked. But it's good that you answered honestly, and in my opinion, at this point it can only help you. Since the sisters know that they will be #1 on your pref card, they can count on you if they put you in the top of their bid list. Every sorority loves to be able to say "all of our girls were on the top of our bid list".

Every Panhellenic Council I personally know about has some sort of procedure in place for a rushee that does not receive a bid. Usually you will get a phone call from your Rho Chi BEFORE it is time to go accept bids, so you don't have to show up. Also, often this is when the Panhellenic reps will let you know about sororities that want to offer you a snap bid. And this isn't always the "bad houses" either! You would be surprised to find out that every chapter on every campus has snap-bid at one time or another... maybe they were counting on a legacy and she didn't pref them high enough, or maybe they cut too many girls during Round One or Two and then had a short invite list for the preference list... so no matter what happens, keep an OPEN MIND!!

I hope that your wish comes true tomorrow! Please be sure to let us know how it turned out.

[dc1]

Confusedrushee..

Any updates from bid day? I'm curiouse to know how it worked out for you...
Let us know

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Faced with the Divine, I was asked; "What one gift do you seek?"
I answered ever so meekly; "I seek Honor, Truth, Integrity, and Wisdom, yet those are four. How am I to choose?"
The answer came as a pounding whisper; "The four you seek are but one. I grant thee Compassion; for without it the four make none."
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