Preparing for recruitment since birth

[Woof]

Originally Posted by WreckinTechsan

I thought this thread was interesting and it brought me out of lurkdom to give a male perspective.

My grandfather, dad, myself and my two brothers are all members of the same fraternity but at four different chapters (three Big 12 and one SEC). I never felt pressured or like I was "raised" to be a member of my dad's fraternity. I went with him to his old house when we'd go back for football games and I knew that most of his friends were his fraternity brothers but he never said or implied that I was looking at my future. When it came time to fill out the IFC papers for rush and list my legacy he sat me down and told me not to feel pressured to join XYZ just because he and his dad had been a member and that every chapter at every campus is different and I needed to pledge where I felt the most comfortable. During rush I realized that his house was, in fact, the right house for me. My younger brother came through rush the following year and I explained to him that he was guaranteed a bid but that he needed to have an open mind and not feel pressured to join just because I was a member (side: him and I are 180 degree different personalities). He felt it was the perfect fit for him and pledged as well. Two years later our other brother pledged at a different college.

All of that said my grandmother, mother and sister are all members of different houses but they all attended the same SEC school.

I guess we always knew we'd be Greek but we were never groomed for a certain house. However, it is pretty cool that all of us guys are "brothers."

That's pretty awesome.

Although perhaps there was a slight mental bias knowing your dad was from that fraternity.

I would love for any potential kids, heck even a relative to join my fraternity. But I do know that chapters just down right suck a lot of schools.

But if they go to the University I attend, I'd probably subtley try to get them to join my chapter. I know, I know, but hey

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Just because I'm curious question: How would a family, firmly entrenched in the NPHC react to little one pledging and NPC sorority or fraternity?

I've talked about this before, but I have a pledge brother who didn't tell his parents about Delta Chi because his father is a member of an NPHC group and he thought he would be very displeased. He went though a lot of run around and unnecessary hassle keeping it from his family, and he eventually told them. They were completely find with it, and were excited for him. Bottom line: he shouldn't have lied about it, and they wouldn't have been mad at him.

ETA: Regarding my own sons, and grandsons, while I would like for them to join Delta Chi, I don't think I would pressure them to do so. I would be angry if they didn't go to Delta Chi rush events though. I think they owe the chapter a chance.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Here's the article, she actually joined SIGMA DELTA TAU:

http://www.essence.com/lifestyle/par..._a_white_s.php

[ellebud]

Really interesting article. Lots of food for thought. And, like the author of the Essence piece (who didn't join a sorority, but she looked around), when I rushed (at the school where I rushed) Jewish girls went one place. If you read my recruitment story I said that I didn't remember if there were Black or Asian girls who went through. (It has been a long time.)

When I transferred universities my house already had Black members. We were a "top" house at that university. The biggest challenge was at that time (think Black Power) for the Black girls in the house was that they wouldn't speak to US when they were with their Black friends. (No comment.)

But for my daughter there were lots of choices and she made the most of them. Her house has Jews and Christians. All races...and yes, they are sisters.

[DrPhil]

I accidentally scrolled too far and read the comments section instead of the article. I have yet to read the actual article. I found this comment interesting. It's really long and here's the middle of the comment:

"BGLO continued the mission of great pioneers such as the Quakers (White I might add) who founded Howard University for BLACK students because they weren't allowed at most institutions at the time. They participated in the 1930s Women's Suffrage Marches to support women of ALL races in their efforts to be recognized as citizens and NOT property. Yes the majority of BGLO members are Black. But the majority of Pan-Hellenic groups are White. What is your point?! We didn't join because our fellow members' skin color resembled ours. We joined to CONTINUE the legacy set forth."

I agree with her assessment of the other reasons why BGLOers generally join BGLOs. However, she spoke too definitively on the bolded. One of the reasons that I pursued a BGLO is because it is predominantly Black and African diasporic. There's nothing wrong with that and I believe that plenty of NPHC, NPC, and NIC members feel that way (whether they admit it or not). Such social constructs are connected to history and traditions and factor into how people are prepared for recruitment/membership since birth.

[flowerpower83]

How is it not grooming when you raise your child to want to be ABC like you? It might be second nature but second nature is things we learn. I think the person who is raised to be a legacy has an unprecedent amout of pressure to join and are even more concerned about the image of the sorority and girls. I would have to say in the South the legacy to ABC even if she doesn't fit still might get in. The North, South, East, West all to some extent fear the unknown and like to hold on to tradition as a safety blanket. To atleast one person in the house they don't see us as being part of them but we are. There are girls who down right broke every rule and shouldn't have be allowed to join just to change their silver-spooned attitude but with recommendation letters from a governor's wife and a major CEO how can you say no. Her strong connections make your chapter look good even if you don't like her.

[ucsbgirl]

I think it's probably much different to be "raised" as a legacy in the South as opposed to other places. I'm from California (actually many places but that's the easiest answer) I'm a legacy (via my mom) to a pretty well-known national sorority. I've always known about sororities, and I think that when I rush this fall my mom does have some hope that I'll carry on the tradition. She's "prepared" me in the sense that she has talked to me about the pros and cons of recruitment, why she joined, what she liked, what she wasn't crazy about. And sometimes she says things like "Oh, that would be a cute rush outfit" or "Such and such would be a good thing to bring up in a conversation during rush".

That being said, it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't join her sorority or even if I chose not to rush at all, and while I've been "prepped from birth" somewhat, because I'm a little bit more familiar with Greek life than most people, I still am nowhere near the level of intensity as someone from a much more competitive area. Not even close.

[kateee]

Originally Posted by tld221

and it continues with decorating the child's room in organization colors/mascots, allowing the child to use the handsign in pics or doing the call in public, attending EVERY stepshow/conference/chapter meeting, threatening to not pay tuition if said child pledges something other than your org (or "brother/sister" org), joining the youth affiliate group and treating it like a little brother/sister club...

the list goes on.

i mean seriously. let the children have a mind (and affiliation) of their own. creating a legacy is awesome, but shouldnt be the rule.

I read these threads from start to finish haha. Sorry to bring up something so old.

I am at a college in the North East. I don't see much of this. A majority of the girls in GLO's on my campus never really gave much thought to going greek before entering college. Reading this is weird to me, and this was over the top. Wow. I would probably have never made it through recruitment in the south.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by kateee

I read these threads from start to finish haha. Sorry to bring up something so old.

I am at a college in the North East. I don't see much of this. A majority of the girls in GLO's on my campus never really gave much thought to going greek before entering college. Reading this is weird to me, and this was over the top. Wow. I would probably have never made it through recruitment in the south.

She's describing BGLO groups, btw. (NPCs don't have brother/sister orgs, traditionally do stepshows, have calls, etc.) You'd have been fine in the South. Being a legacy with a super obsessed mother is a different story.

[naraht]

(Looking at myself on this thread)
My wife and I met through our co-ed service fraternity and I'm still active on National Committees. Our oldest child has been to a number of area conferences and actually has t-shirts from some of the conferences.

On the bright side in this regard, Alpha Phi Omega has *no* official concept of Legacy. While I was an undergraduate, we did have a male brother whose sister pledged while I was there, but the fact that she was his sister wasn't as important as the fact that she had already completed half of the requirements (service hours, attending meeetings etc) before she officially became a student.

[UGAgirl93]

Oh my gosh, this topic crosses my mind all the time. There are so many ways many southern girls are prepped for recruitment from birth (and probably some northerners, too, but I'm from the deep south so I can't speak from experience). It seems to me that it's usually the wealthier families. The parents send their girls to private schools or the best public schools. They learn their manners and slowly pick up that southern charm and winning accent. In middle school they go to cotillion to learn all sorts of etiquette and how to do old-fashioned dances and how to interact with others. In high school, they move on to guild, where they participate in community service and "theme" dances and the ever so fabulous Christmas formal. They learn to drive, they get a car and they get out and socialize, they're encouraged to join clubs and be leaders. They're always well dressed, and even on days when they come to school in Nike shorts, they're makeup is done perfectly. By graduation they have a million friends who have moms who will gladly write them rec letters. They've accumulated tons of gorgeous pictures from prom, guild, senior shoots, etc. that show off their beauty and taste. They receive a very large influx of graduation money to spend on rush jewelry, dresses, and shoes. They've perfected the art of hair and makeup. They know how to walk, and speak. The resources and know-how just sort of build over their lifespan. By the time recruitment arrives it should be a breeze, especially if they go to a school where past HS graduates joined sororities. The ONLY thing I've ever seen hinder one of these types girls is grades, and even that is pretty rare because they're usually held to a high standard grade-wise.

It's pretty interesting to me.

P.S. I hope no one takes this in a negative way. These are girls I admire!

[carnation]

To the top!

[TriDeltaSallie]

It's funny this got bumped. I STILL think of that little Theta cheerleader story from time to time. I'd love to know what happens to her eventually. LOL!

[sissyintexas]

This is a great topic! I know this thread is old, but fascinating. Have things changed just a little bit? I'm not sure.

[tcsparky]

Originally Posted by UGAgirl93

The resources and know-how just sort of build over their lifespan.

I think that this is one of the important things to remember about these girls. No one systematically set out to "prep" them for Recruitment. The characteristics sororities look for, the grades, social graces, activities and connections, are not consciously cultivated, that JUST ARE. It builds up gradually in layers during their lives, and joining a sorority is just one event along the way. They join a certain organization because that's just where girls from their (summer camp, high school neighborhood, country club) end up, not because they consciously planned it out, plotted for it and targeted it.

However, others, who want to end up like these girls, will target, prep, plan and scheme to get there, and aren't usually successful, because it's not "natural" for them- it's part of the artifice that they've created.

They may end up at mixers with the "right" boys, but don't marry any of them because they don't click, because they're not comfortable, or don't entirely fit in, with the lifestyle they are wanting to have. It doesn't "feel" right, because-again- it's not natural for them. Those using sororities for social climbing often end up in situations for which they don't have the "soft skills" and background experiences needed to blend in.