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  #1  
Old 03-13-2001, 02:27 AM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation Second Thoughts...

I just transferred to a new school this semester and decided to rush. I ended up getting bids from the top two fraternities I wanted them from, Kappa Alpha Order, and Phi Kappa Psi. Picking between the two was one of the hardest decisions I had to make while at a new school where I knew a total of zero people, and in a new city. I ended up picking KA. It has been four weeks since rush, and for the past weeks I have been having second thoughts. It started out every time I would see a Phi Psi on campus- I would feel guilty every time they would say "hi Josh," or ask how I was doing. Then I started getting "what ifs..." I would wonder what they were doing, how they were, what their pledge class is like. it was not until last week that I really started to regret not joining Phi Psi. I am home on spring break now, and taking this week away from school to figure out what I want, and what would be best for me.
*Here is where I need your help:
Is it normal to have second thoughts about the fraternity you join?
Should I quit KA for Phi Psi?
What should I do... I really need some advice from other Greeks who do not know me or my school!!
Email me, or reply to my post!
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  #2  
Old 03-13-2001, 03:30 AM
TxTechChiO TxTechChiO is offline
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I am afiliated with Kappa Alpha Order in Texas (I am a Southern Belle), so I am kinda familiar w/what you are asking. I have spoken to several pledges who are thinking the same thoughts you are. *What is making you have second thoughts about KA?* I am not being biased, I am just wondering what they may not be offering you that you are looking for. Since it has only been four weeks since you pledged, you should give them a chance. I know there are hardships during pledgeship, esp. for males. And I know what it's like to have second thoughts. There are probably more greeks out there than you realize who have questioned their choice. I think it's normal for you to wonder about how others are doing as pledges. You probably got close to some guys you went through rush with, and even though you went your seperate ways, please realize you are all essentially in the same boat.
I know that KA's here have had pledges in your position (wanting a second chance from KA or wanting to leave KA for another GLO). I believe that it is looked down upon in most, if not all GLO's, for a pledge to change his mind during pledgship. There are probably some things that you have learned in your four weeks that they don't want you carrying to other chapters. That might not make sense, but they have already accepted you into their family. It's not a decision they took lightly.
Not knowing anyone at your school was probably the best thing for you. Probably the most difficult for you as well. But that meant that you were totally open minded, good for you! What made you pick KA over Phi Psi? Whatever this reason was, I am sure that deep down you knew it was right for you and still do. Something drew you to Kappa Alpha Order and something about you made them want you just as badly.
As far as the Phi Psi's talking to you, I am sure the KA's (or any other frat) would do the same if the situation were reversed. Surely the KA's speak to you as well.(?) Both of these organizations cared a great deal about you and where you would end up. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with remaining friends w/these guys. Just give your KA brothers a chance. Learn more about what they represent and I am sure you will want to become a part of it.
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  #3  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:21 AM
Miami1839 Miami1839 is offline
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josh80,

I rushed KA and received a bid back in Spring 1994. They were great guys. TxTechChiO gives some good advice. Dont ever feel guilty about a decision you want to make. It is a lifetime decision and do what you think is right for you. You'll still be able to be their friends if you choose another Fraternity. When I got a bid from Beta, I knew it was what I wanted. There was no debate. Initially, I did feel some guilt about it for the KAs but I got over it. My advice is to give KA a chance and go with your "gut". Good Luck.

Kevin
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  #4  
Old 03-13-2001, 01:10 PM
AOX81 AOX81 is offline
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josh8o~

Do what your heart tells you to do. Don't worry about making others happy, do what makes you happy. Let us know what you decide.

Have a nice day

~Amy
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  #5  
Old 03-13-2001, 02:09 PM
Alumnus who cares Alumnus who cares is offline
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Simple question: do you enjoy being a KA? If you do, then you have nothing to worry about.
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  #6  
Old 03-13-2001, 05:01 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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Josh, there will always be doubts, that is human nature. I was a pledge of a Big Nat. Fraternity and got the boot 32 weeks before school and iniation were over.I started a local that affiliated with LXA and have never looked back. We have been on campus of a Kansas State U. for 36 years. While I had and still do have freinds in other Fraternitys, I Am STILL A LXA, AND WILL ALWAYS BE!!!! Be True to yourself and not the world or you will get sucked into the vortex of life! Damn, I sure surprised myself on that one!!!

------------------
Tom Earp LX Z#1
Pittsburg State U. (Kansas)
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  #7  
Old 03-13-2001, 06:56 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Josh,

Second thoughts are normal, just like pre-marriage jitters! Don't feel like you are being disloyal or anything.

If you spend all your time saying to yourself "I'm so miserable in KA, I should have chosen Phi Psi" then quit. But if you are enjoying KA in general, then stick with it. Stay friendly with the Phi Psi's - just because you aren't brothers doesn't mean you can't be friends. That way they know it's nothing personal, just that you chose what was best for you.
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  #8  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:00 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally posted by Miami1839:
josh80,

I rushed KA and received a bid back in Spring 1994. They were great guys. TxTechChiO gives some good advice. Dont ever feel guilty about a decision you want to make. It is a lifetime decision and do what you think is right for you. You'll still be able to be their friends if you choose another Fraternity. When I got a bid from Beta, I knew it was what I wanted. There was no debate. Initially, I did feel some guilt about it for the KAs but I got over it. My advice is to give KA a chance and go with your "gut". Good Luck.

Kevin

Thanks. I would love to give KA more of a chance, but it seems that my gut tells me I belong at Phi Psi.
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  #9  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:01 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally posted by AOX81:
josh8o~

Do what your heart tells you to do. Don't worry about making others happy, do what makes you happy. Let us know what you decide.

Have a nice day

~Amy

Thanks. I sure will. I know I will be sure of what I will do soon, and when I get back at school I will let you know what happens.
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  #10  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:02 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alumnus who cares:
Simple question: do you enjoy being a KA? If you do, then you have nothing to worry about.

I do enjoy being a KA. But I canít determine if I like being a KA or in the Greek system in generalÖ I donít feel like I am being true to myself if I feel this way, and I donít know if what I am feeling is just nerves, or if itís a sign that I chose the wrong house.
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  #11  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:06 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally posted by TxTechChiO:
I am afiliated with Kappa Alpha Order in Texas (I am a Southern Belle), so I am kinda familiar w/what you are asking. I have spoken to several pledges who are thinking the same thoughts you are. *What is making you have second thoughts about KA?* I am not being biased, I am just wondering what they may not be offering you that you are looking for. Since it has only been four weeks since you pledged, you should give them a chance. I know there are hardships during pledgeship, esp. for males. And I know what it's like to have second thoughts. There are probably more greeks out there than you realize who have questioned their choice. I think it's normal for you to wonder about how others are doing as pledges. You probably got close to some guys you went through rush with, and even though you went your seperate ways, please realize you are all essentially in the same boat.
I know that KA's here have had pledges in your position (wanting a second chance from KA or wanting to leave KA for another GLO). I believe that it is looked down upon in most, if not all GLO's, for a pledge to change his mind during pledgship. There are probably some things that you have learned in your four weeks that they don't want you carrying to other chapters. That might not make sense, but they have already accepted you into their family. It's not a decision they took lightly.
Not knowing anyone at your school was probably the best thing for you. Probably the most difficult for you as well. But that meant that you were totally open minded, good for you! What made you pick KA over Phi Psi? Whatever this reason was, I am sure that deep down you knew it was right for you and still do. Something drew you to Kappa Alpha Order and something about you made them want you just as badly.
As far as the Phi Psi's talking to you, I am sure the KA's (or any other frat) would do the same if the situation were reversed. Surely the KA's speak to you as well.(?) Both of these organizations cared a great deal about you and where you would end up. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with remaining friends w/these guys. Just give your KA brothers a chance. Learn more about what they represent and I am sure you will want to become a part of it.

Nothing about KA is making me want to leave. The guys are nice. The house has been fun. But there is that big part of me that just wants to be a Phi Psi.
Being new to the greek system, and the fakeness of rush I was not prepared for all the bull shit. Phi Psi was my first choice from the week before rush when all the fraternities had tables set up on campus, and even throughout rush. But the night that KA gave me my bid they also invited me to their after party. I told myself at the start of rush that I would not go to any after parties because I did not want to be influenced at all. Anyway, I felt guilty for getting a bid and telling them I needed 24 hours to think about it (and Phi Psi had not started bidding yet) so I went to the after party. I had so much fun with the guys, and that is the main reason why I chose KA over Phi Psi. Even though Phi Psi offered a lot more that I was looking for, and was the ďrealestĒ fraternity I visited during rush.
You have to realize something; I knew no one at this school, I did not click with anyone of my floor in my dorm, and I was lonely. Looking back now I see a fraternity trying to impress me and win me over just so I would sign their bid. I realize I made a mistake, and want to correct it, regardless of the consequences.


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  #12  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:07 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally posted by Hootie:
I hope what I'm about to write will help ya out a bit too!
Sometimes after recruitment, some chapters choose to kill people with kindness by still saying hello to those who didn't choose their chapter. I'm not necessarily saying that's what this one chapter is doing, but I've seen it happen.
Just because you didn't join doesn't mean you can't be friends with those men.
Personally I had doubts but mine were of even staying in. I didn't want to join another sorority. I just had doubts that I belonged and that I fit in. But then again, as a freshman I had other problems. ALL my friends went away to school and I didn't...I was the only one of my friends to go greek and I got crap about it...stuff like that. But finally I realized that I needed to make the effort because no one was going to force me to do stuff.
I hope things go better and that you can find the answers to your questions!


I thought about that too, but that is not the issue. Regardless of what they do, I feel guilty. And Iím constantly thinking about this other house. When I talk to people and tell them that I am a pledge of KA I always mention that I almost went Phi Psi (and not in a sarcastic rude way, I say it with pride like itís a honor).

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  #13  
Old 03-13-2001, 08:09 PM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally posted by 33girl:
Josh,

Second thoughts are normal, just like pre-marriage jitters! Don't feel like you are being disloyal or anything.

If you spend all your time saying to yourself "I'm so miserable in KA, I should have chosen Phi Psi" then quit. But if you are enjoying KA in general, then stick with it. Stay friendly with the Phi Psi's - just because you aren't brothers doesn't mean you can't be friends. That way they know it's nothing personal, just that you chose what was best for you.
Thanks. I am trying to figure out what is best for me right now.

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  #14  
Old 03-15-2001, 03:17 AM
josh8o josh8o is offline
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Angry

i have been talking to some of my friends back home who are in the greek system at other schools, and some of my friends at school who are not in the greek system. they all seem to say the same thing: if i quit i am screwed. ka will talk shit and hate me, and the other frats at my school will find out that i quit and not bid me the next time around, or even worse; phi psi will not bid me again. what do you think? is this likely? should i worry if i decide to quit ka?
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  #15  
Old 03-15-2001, 09:31 AM
gphi2k gphi2k is offline
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Wow . I just caught this thread, and....wow.

He're my take (i always seem to have one! ) It seems to me like you already know in your heart want you want to do.

It appears that you are staying at KA more out of the fear to leave than the desire to stay. I would never suggest depleging. No one can give you advice on that. But what I would suggest is seeing yourself with the people you have chosen to call brothers. It is a committment for life and not one to be taken lightly. You obvoiusly felt comfortable enough with the KAs to pledge them. So my guess is, you wouldn't be miserable if you stayed. But if you always think of the other frat then, I dunno.

Compare it to chosing a wife, a lifelong partner. If you chose to marry her because you do really care for her, but are always wondering about that other girl you were seroiusly into, then eventually you will resent the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Or, you may realize that you made the right choice and find true happiness with the one you've chosen. It stinks that we can't all have crystal balls. Life would be so much easier!

Make the choice that is best for you and have no regrets.

I hope it works out for you.

Leslie

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