GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > Greek Life

Greek Life This forum is for various discussion topics regarding greek life. If you are posting a non-greek related message, please do so in one of the General Chat Topic forums.


Register Now for FREE!
Join GreekChat.com, The Fraternity & Sorority Greek Chat Network. To sign up for your FREE account INSTANTLY fill out the form below!

Username: Password: Confirm Password: E-Mail: Confirm E-Mail:
 
Image Verification
Please enter the six letters or digits that appear in the image opposite.

  I agree to forum rules 

» GC Stats
Members: 316,280
Threads: 115,688
Posts: 2,172,747
Welcome to our newest member, eveassasda8652
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #16  
Old 03-12-2012, 06:18 AM
BadSquirrelBeta BadSquirrelBeta is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Where old Sorority Girls go, pearls still included!!
Posts: 616
Send a message via AIM to BadSquirrelBeta
Reading this I have weighed the pros and cons shared with you throughout this thread and want to encourage you to really give this organization and your fellow sisters a fair shot.

You did accept the bid and went through, I would imagine, a pledging/fraternity education process of some sort. You also made a commitment when you were initiated. Prior to going through initiation you could have de-pledged, but, you didn't. And, now here you find yourself.

During my undergraduate tenure many decades ago now I had the opportunity to learn Greek membership is kind of like marriage, that is if you are true to the ideals of the organization and, equally to your sisters--you take the "for better and for worse" . Give the organization and your sisters a fair shot. They apparently saw something in you.

Last edited by BadSquirrelBeta; 03-12-2012 at 06:22 AM. Reason: spelling
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 03-12-2012, 07:37 AM
LAblondeGPhi LAblondeGPhi is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: GMT + 2
Posts: 839
I encourage the OP to stick it out for a couple of simple reasons:
1) You won't ever be able to join another sorority, so why not give this organization a chance. There's no harm in giving it a shot for a few more months, or at least the first year, because you won't be able to come back once you resign your membership.
2) There are so many benefits to membership after you graduate (that is, if you care to get involved)
3) You won't know what friendships you can make in this organization until you put yourself out there. You can't expect friendships or friends unless you put in some effort to be someone others want to be friends with. Kind of a Catch-22, right?
4 ) Organizations change over time - this group could be significantly different by the time you graduate.

Ok, all of that being said, it sounds like you're someone who went through recruitment on a whim because sorority life seemed fun. You're not going to get a whole lot of sympathy on GC for wanting to drop for the reasons you mentioned, because many of us were members of weaker chapters and worked hard at our friendships and bettering our organizations. Collectively, we've all seen hundreds, if not thousands, of women join chapters, have some misgivings for some reason, stick it out for a couple of months, and go on to LOVE LOVE LOVE their organizations. From experience, we know that the overwhelming majority of women in your situation will go on to have rich, rewarding experience IF they put in the time and effort. Like anything in life, what you get out of it will depend what you put in.

Sorority membership is full of obligations - attending weekly meetings, paying dues, attending philanthropy and service activities, and representing your organization in a classy manner around campus. It sounds like you went through recruitment without fully understanding these things, and I think you would have had misgivings even if you had joined a "top tier" organization, but it may have come later, after the shiny newness of the organization wore away and you were faced with un-fun mandatory stuff.

Take some serious time to consider your membership. Ignore what the reaction you get from others on campus. GET INVOLVED. You will not be friends with everyone in your chapter, but there are sisters you already have who could be your future best friends. I guarantee it. You just haven't met them yet.
__________________
I heart Gamma Phi Beta
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 03-12-2012, 07:39 AM
DGTess DGTess is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Alexandria, VA
Posts: 997
Send a message via Yahoo to DGTess
I feel for your sisters.

These are women who chose to have you join them. They invited you to be part of their sisterhood - with all that entails.

I guarantee you your sisters don't feel their sorority is weird or awkward. They believe this is the place they belong. They invited you to join that home with them. Instead of being a sister, you're the long-lost cousin whose family moved to another area and prefers to regard the family as laughable.

Why should they keep you around?
__________________
When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.
Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population.-Einstein
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 03-12-2012, 08:40 AM
SydneyK SydneyK is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
So I rushed this spring semester and got a bid to a sorority I didn't really like... I couldn't go to that many events before initiation because I was busy ... I really didn't connect with the girls and the atmosphere didn't seem welcoming.... this sorority has a reputation for being "weird" and is made fun of... I asked a lot of people for help but none of them ever mentioned the lifetime commitment rule... It's a lot of money to pay for people I don't even care that much for.

How do I deal with this? Should I stay in it or just quit? Is it better to be in greek life than not?
Why did you accept a bid to a sorority you didn't like?
I find it interesting that you were too busy to go to any events prior to initiation.
Did you attempt to connect to any of the women? Were you approachable or did you stand in the corner with your hands stuffed deep into your pockets?
Had you not been aware of this group's reputation prior to accepting the bid?
During your initiation, you didn't notice anything in the language regarding a lifetime commitment? It's odd to me that you'd expect others to point out something like that.
Wow @ seeing your dues as paying for people.

To answer your final question - you should just quit. Seriously.
__________________
Never let the facts stand in the way of a good answer. -Tom Magliozzi
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 03-12-2012, 08:53 AM
frangiblefacade frangiblefacade is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 83
Send a message via AIM to frangiblefacade
To sum up the replies....

If you are willing to try a little bit, both to improve reputation and your relationships with your sisters, stay for a bit to see if you can get things to work out.

Otherwise, just quit. You only get what you put into an org, and if you really aren't willing to do any work, then you're wasting their time being a member.
__________________
Alpha Sigma Alpha
Theta Omicron
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 03-12-2012, 09:04 AM
IrishLake IrishLake is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: What's round on the ends and high in the middle?
Posts: 3,042
What's the phrase... ?

"If you're not a part of the solution, then you're a part of the problem."


Yeah.... part of me says stick it out since you cant ever be a member of another NPC or NPHC group. The other part of me says do your sisters a favor and get out.
__________________
KAQ - 1870
With twin stars and kites above.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 03-12-2012, 09:12 AM
AlphaFrog AlphaFrog is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Ozdust Ballroom
Posts: 14,899
Do y'all remember the days when anytime a NM/New Initiate came here and asked the "Should I stay or should I go?" question, and we'd almost always gush about how great Greek life is and they should stick it out because it's a lifetime of sisterhood and etc?

I'm glad those days are over.

OP - you're obviously not interested in putting in the work. Chances are that even if you got into the top group on campus, you'd still not feel connected and instead of being weird and unpopular you'd be complaining they were fake and mean.
__________________
Facile remedium est ubertati; sterilia nullo labore vincuntur.
I think pearls are lovely, especially when you need something to clutch. ~ AzTheta
The Real World Can't Hear You ~ GC Troll
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 03-12-2012, 10:34 AM
DZsis&mom DZsis&mom is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 380
To the OP:

I'm going to put this in Dance Company analogy for you.

You audition for a Dance Company (let say before your Freshman year in HS) & you join. You go to the first Competition & you find out your are not a Top Studio, that you are in "one of those filler" studios at the Competition. You hate the looks & are embarrassed to be with your Groups on Stage. Also, you really have no connection to any of your fellow company members (because you just show up for class & leave). You tell your mom you want to switch. She tells you NO, because she has already spent $3000 for all the costumes & made reservation for the whole family for Nationals.

Your mom tells you to work hard & see where it goes. So you show up early for every practice, interact with your group, & take all the extra workshops the studio offers. You also decide to start doing sleepovers & going out for breakfast with your group members. You find out you actually like a lot of them. Your hard work pays off and by the end of the session your Small Group gets Platinum at Nationals.

Some other dancers you know are looking for a studio -- well because now you LOVE your Small Group, you encourage them to audition for your Studio.

Time passes and now you are a Senior in HS & when you go to competitions, your Studio is the TOP Studio. It didn't happen overnight. You worked hard, kept asking other good dancers to join your Company, & kept a positive Attitude.

You were rewarded with High Praises & Top Awards. You grew as a Dancer, a Company Member, & as a Woman.


With all Organizations in Life, you can't just show up for the Fun Stuff. It takes work and commitment from everyone involved to succeed. Change is slow but possible.

I believe you learned a long time ago not to just give up. You need to use those lessons now. Best of luck to you.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 03-12-2012, 10:42 AM
AXEling AXEling is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by DZsis&mom View Post
To the OP:

I'm going to put this in Dance Company analogy for you.

You audition for a Dance Company (let say before your Freshman year in HS) & you join. You go to the first Competition & you find out your are not a Top Studio, that you are in "one of those filler" studios at the Competition. You hate the looks & are embarrassed to be with your Groups on Stage. Also, you really have no connection to any of your fellow company members (because you just show up for class & leave). You tell your mom you want to switch. She tells you NO, because she has already spent $3000 for all the costumes & made reservation for the whole family for Nationals.

Your mom tells you to work hard & see where it goes. So you show up early for every practice, interact with your group, & take all the extra workshops the studio offers. You also decide to start doing sleepovers & going out for breakfast with your group members. You find out you actually like a lot of them. Your hard work pays off and by the end of the session your Small Group gets Platinum at Nationals.

Some other dancers you know are looking for a studio -- well because now you LOVE your Small Group, you encourage them to audition for your Studio.

Time passes and now you are a Senior in HS & when you go to competitions, your Studio is the TOP Studio. It didn't happen overnight. You worked hard, kept asking other good dancers to join your Company, & kept a positive Attitude.

You were rewarded with High Praises & Top Awards. You grew as a Dancer, a Company Member, & as a Woman.


With all Organizations in Life, you can't just show up for the Fun Stuff. It takes work and commitment from everyone involved to succeed. Change is slow but possible.

I believe you learned a long time ago not to just give up. You need to use those lessons now. Best of luck to you.
This. This this this!
__________________
AOII
"Women Enriched through Lifelong Friendship."
AXΣ
"To bind its members with a tie of true and lasting friendship..."
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:17 PM
Jill1228 Jill1228 is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Hoping the freaking BATSH*T psychos would disappear
Posts: 7,160
Send a message via AIM to Jill1228
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I "signed up" to be in a sorority so I can be pretty and people can revolve around me whose sole purpose is to make me happy. I stand by my original statement. Drop. They're too good for you. And if they are the ugliest, dorkiest heifers who ever wore sorority letters, they're STILL too good for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DGTess View Post
I feel for your sisters.

These are women who chose to have you join them. They invited you to be part of their sisterhood - with all that entails.

I guarantee you your sisters don't feel their sorority is weird or awkward. They believe this is the place they belong. They invited you to join that home with them. Instead of being a sister, you're the long-lost cousin whose family moved to another area and prefers to regard the family as laughable.

Why should they keep you around?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SydneyK View Post
Why did you accept a bid to a sorority you didn't like?
I find it interesting that you were too busy to go to any events prior to initiation.
Did you attempt to connect to any of the women? Were you approachable or did you stand in the corner with your hands stuffed deep into your pockets?
Had you not been aware of this group's reputation prior to accepting the bid?
During your initiation, you didn't notice anything in the language regarding a lifetime commitment? It's odd to me that you'd expect others to point out something like that.
Wow @ seeing your dues as paying for people.

To answer your final question - you should just quit. Seriously.
To all these replies the only thing I can say is


Y'all are telling it like it is!

And if you think we are

You are right


If you feel this badly about your sorority, don't be the one bad apple. You really should drop. Your attitude is not doing you or your sisters any favors
__________________
"OP, you have 99 problems, but a sorority ain't one"-Alumiyum
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 03-12-2012, 12:32 PM
aesovs aesovs is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 119
I was in a similar situation last fall when I accepted my bid. I would really encourage you to stick it out and go to all the events you can and to make every effort to get to know your sisters - this means more than inviting them to go out with you. It's eating lunch or dinner with them, grabbing coffee with them, or just spending time studying or hanging out around the house (if your campus has fraternity and sorority houses, that is). If you aren't willing to make this commitment (or are unable to because of other commitments), then drop. I do not know one single girl who accepted a bid with me at my house or any other who automatically clicked with everyone in their sorority. It takes time and effort, and honestly, if you only joined a sorority because you thought it would allow you to meet hot guys and go to the best parties, you didn't choose Greek life for the right reasons. At least on my campus, you can go to any parties you want to at the fraternities if you're a girl. You don't need letters to do that.

Being in a sorority is like starting a new school - you don't make friends instantly and you may not like everyone you meet. The point is that you have to try and find the girls like you. I promise that there's someone you'll get along with - you just need to try and be around more if you want to find them. Like I said before, though, if you just don't have enough time for it you should drop. There's no point in being in a sorority if you're not going to go to the functions or get to know your sisters.

Basically, I know how you feel right now. I'm in what most people would call a "lower tier" sorority on my campus (although I hate ranking), but I made an effort and I've really come to love it. Like everyone else has said, you can either make the effort or you can drop. I'm sorry that no one told you that you can't ever join another org, but it is what it is, so you should make the best of it if you really think Greek life's for you.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 03-12-2012, 01:20 PM
sb55 sb55 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 7
Thanks to everyone who responded! You were really helpful.

To everyone who said I was lazy and just wanted the world to revolve around me without putting any work in, I wish you would've read that I said "I'm not sure I have the time/skills/effort to do that. I wouldn't be sure where to begin."
It wasn't me saying I wasn't willing to put in the effort, it was me saying I was unsure I was fit for the job.

Please read posts fully before responding, this was all pretty hateful...
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 03-12-2012, 01:28 PM
sb55 sb55 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by aesovs View Post
I was in a similar situation last fall when I accepted my bid. I would really encourage you to stick it out and go to all the events you can and to make every effort to get to know your sisters - this means more than inviting them to go out with you. It's eating lunch or dinner with them, grabbing coffee with them, or just spending time studying or hanging out around the house (if your campus has fraternity and sorority houses, that is). If you aren't willing to make this commitment (or are unable to because of other commitments), then drop. I do not know one single girl who accepted a bid with me at my house or any other who automatically clicked with everyone in their sorority. It takes time and effort, and honestly, if you only joined a sorority because you thought it would allow you to meet hot guys and go to the best parties, you didn't choose Greek life for the right reasons. At least on my campus, you can go to any parties you want to at the fraternities if you're a girl. You don't need letters to do that.

Being in a sorority is like starting a new school - you don't make friends instantly and you may not like everyone you meet. The point is that you have to try and find the girls like you. I promise that there's someone you'll get along with - you just need to try and be around more if you want to find them. Like I said before, though, if you just don't have enough time for it you should drop. There's no point in being in a sorority if you're not going to go to the functions or get to know your sisters.

Basically, I know how you feel right now. I'm in what most people would call a "lower tier" sorority on my campus (although I hate ranking), but I made an effort and I've really come to love it. Like everyone else has said, you can either make the effort or you can drop. I'm sorry that no one told you that you can't ever join another org, but it is what it is, so you should make the best of it if you really think Greek life's for you.
Hey just wanted to say thanks, this was so helpful! And I didn't join to meet guys and party, I really wanted to make good friends and meet new people.

I knew it wouldn't happen right off the bat but the atmosphere was almost unfriendly, which threw me off.

And yeah, I'll try to quit something or other so I can make more time to get to know people. Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 03-12-2012, 01:33 PM
AlphaFrog AlphaFrog is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: The Ozdust Ballroom
Posts: 14,899
Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
Thanks to everyone who responded! You were really helpful.

To everyone who said I was lazy and just wanted the world to revolve around me without putting any work in, I wish you would've read that I said "I'm not sure I have the time/skills/effort to do that. I wouldn't be sure where to begin."
It wasn't me saying I wasn't willing to put in the effort, it was me saying I was unsure I was fit for the job.

Please read posts fully before responding, this was all pretty hateful...
What part of not having the time/effort is NOT lazy? If it was important to you, you would MAKE time. As for skills...that's a cop-out. Everyone has got something they could contribute skills-wise, unless you're a brainless blob. Addressing COB invites, hanging event flyers, and those sorts of things don't require any particular skills that a college student (or first grader) wouldn't have.
__________________
Facile remedium est ubertati; sterilia nullo labore vincuntur.
I think pearls are lovely, especially when you need something to clutch. ~ AzTheta
The Real World Can't Hear You ~ GC Troll
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 03-12-2012, 01:40 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 5,932
Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
I get where you're coming from, but I didn't sign up to work super hard to improve our reputation and make us look good on campus. i signed up for a sorority because it seemed like fun; it seemed like somewhere I could meet a lot of people and have a good time. Of course I would love to help out with stuff...but not improving-reputation kind of stuff. I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin with that. I don't think I have the time, energy, brain-power, patience, and skill to pull off something like that...but is that such a crime? There wasn't a "membership contract" that said that.
Honey, I hate to break this to you, but there are a lot of things that go along with joining a sorority that you won't find in any membership contract. You won't find advice about consoling a sister whose parent just died, you won't find tips on how to deal emotionally with low recruitment numbers, you won't find ways to deal with a sister who slept with your ex-boyfriend, and you won't find information about the possibility of your chapter closing.

Unexpected problems occur ALL THE TIME. Some of them are small, some of them are huge.. And many times, there are no set of instructions as to how to deal with each one of those issues. These are life experiences that you have to work through. Sorry.. But with sorority membership comes WORK - it's not all fun and games.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
Ouch, woman.

You're the one who said I should help improve their reputation and I replied that I wasn't sure I had the skills/ability to do that...so really, calm down.
You don't have the skills or ability to fix things, but you haven't even tried. That's a good way to go through life......

Tell your future boss that when a problem arises at work
Tell your future husband that when times get rough
Tell your future kids that when they start crying

I'm sure they'll all understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Row View Post
Good luck with not working hard in your future ventures too.
Exactly.
__________________
I believe in the values of friendship and fidelity to purpose

@~/~~~~

Last edited by ASTalumna06; 03-12-2012 at 01:43 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What do you feel like right now? cashmoney Chit Chat 7 06-19-2005 10:15 PM
How do you feel when a sorority/fraternity cancels a mixer? annice22 Social 10 01-01-2003 10:20 AM
Do you feel you're getting uglier as you grow older? I do and I feel like sh*t! Curiousgirl Chit Chat 35 09-03-2002 08:44 AM
How do you feel about these NPC changes? dzrose93 Recruitment 8 01-10-2002 08:10 PM
How do you feel about other race joining your sorority AKADIVA06 Alpha Kappa Alpha 1 07-31-2001 08:46 AM



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:01 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.