Parent Approval

[andreakkg]

Hey all,

I pledged this past fall and I have enjoyed every moment of my experience. My experience in Kappa has been nothing but positive; I’ve met so many new people and developed priceless relationships with my sisters. My parents, however, are not very supportive of my decision to join this organization. As a result, I have to fund it on my own—which is fine. I have a steady job at the university, so money is not the issue. My parents, my father in particular, do not see Kappa as a wise investment.

My father believes that the time and money I am investing in order to fund Kappa is not worth the experience. He believes that I could get the same experience in another organization, such as a service fraternity, and not have to pay to live in a house. Because he was not involved in this kind of organization, he does not understand why Kappa means so much to me. I’m having a hard time trying to convince him of all the positive aspects and all of the advantages being part of this particular sorority. At the current time he is not allowing me to move into the house in the fall—which will result in the suggestion by Standards that I resign as a member of Kappa Kappa Gamma (due to the housing contract that I signed earlier in the semester).

I am writing to request you tell me about your experience as a Kappa—how it enriched your college experience and years after. I am hoping that maybe he’ll be able to see the benefits of belonging to Kappa Kappa Gamma if the information comes from someone other than his eighteen-year-old daughter.


Thank you so much!

[angelove]

Sorry to crash, but if you are 18 and paying your own way, then how can your father "not allow" you to live in the house?

[andreakkg]

Because as of now he pays for my school tuition and books. If I continue to pay for Kappa he sees that as a bad judgment call and says that he will not continue to pay my tuition. I go to a CSU so tuition isn't that much, comparatively speaking, but I cannot afford both tuition and Kappa.

[KD4Me]

I'm crashing, too...your post caught my attention. Perhaps you could have your parents meet one or more of your local advisors? It might be more effective to have someone sit with them face-to-face and talk about the benefits of being a Kappa, and about your chapter in particular, than what your dad might consider to be random strangers over the internet. Also, make sure that your folks see copies of your sorority magazine and try to get them on-campus to meet your sisters and see what a great organization it is. I realize that won't help you in the short-term, but it would be beneficial for them to learn more about it.

Good luck!

[andreakkg]

Yeah, this is one of my last outlets! I'm going to have him meet with a couple advisers once school starts back up again. I've also sent a letter to our mayor (she was a Kappa!) so hopefully she'll respond, too.

Thank you!

[ISUKappa]

Has he seen the Kappa website yet? (www.kappa.org). There is a lot of wonderful information on the website, especially in the For Family and Friends and Why Kappa? sections.

Paying the room and board for the chapter facility is really no different than paying room and board for a residence hall, and living in the chapter facility can potentially be "safer" as there are more strict guidelines as far as visitors and house rules go. The chapter treasurer should be able to give you a detailed breakdown of the house bill and where each portion goes. You'll find the majority of the money goes towards the operating costs of the chapter facility - utilities, salary for the House Director, meals, etc. The portion that goes directly to the chapter is budgeted between the chapter officers and is used for things like sisterhoods, philanthropies, initiation and educational training.

Perhaps he would be more amenable if you showed him the benefits of Kappa that last beyond the undergraduate arena? Networking opportunities, leadership, etc... With an alumna base in the hundreds of thousands, you can go to virtually any city in the US and find another Kappa. Internships, references, job openings, finding housing -- the connections you have as a member of Kappa can help you with almost any aspect of your post-graduation life.

[angelove]

Okay, gotcha. From a pure financial perspective, there's lots of stuff out there about how it's less expensive to live in the house (where you get your meals) vs. an apartment (unless yours is the type of campus where you live in a dorm all four years, but then you still have meal plans, etc.) if that would help you with your dad. Plus a sorority house is much safer than an apartment, as ISUKappa said.

I would also broaden your search for positive role models (for your dad) to other sororities. While our own sororities are special to each of us, all of them share many of the same positive benefits that you want to show your dad. Does he work with any sorority alumnae? Were any of your high school teachers alumnae? How about people who wrote your recommendations when you went through recruitment - could they be of any help?

Good luck to you, fellow Monmouth Duo member!

[andreakkg]

Thank you all for your replies! I'm definitely going to show him all of this (i've said it all before, but like I said before, if it comes from someone else...)

The only thing that worries me is that I go to school in the city where I grew up, so I have free room and board already. That's what gets him :/

[ohkappa]

The Live- In rule can definitely be a pain to explain to parents, but I am sure that there are girls in your house that had trouble with this as well. Speak with them. Perhaps they can help you get through to your parents. When I first moved into Kappa my parents were going crazyyyy ( I'm an only child and live fairly close to my university as well). But I suggested that they have dinner with one of my sisters who had been in a similar position. Once they spoke to her a lot of their worry went away and they haven't complained much since then.

Best of Luck!

[littleowl33]

In terms of Standards suggesting you resign - is there any way (if all else fails and you absolutely cannot live in the house because of your parents) that you can still remain a member without living in? I find it hard to believe that Standards would rather lose you as a sister than have you be a commuter student. I'm not doubting your story, I'm just saying that if it comes down to it you should have a more in-depth conversation with standards and a chapter adviser - namely, it's commuting or deactivating.

You can even come at it from a financial perspective - that you can't afford not to live at home in light of the economic situation. I've served on the Standards board for my chapter and we tend to be very understanding about that kind of stuff.

[paulam]

Originally Posted by andreakkg

Yeah, this is one of my last outlets! I'm going to have him meet with a couple advisers once school starts back up again. I've also sent a letter to our mayor (she was a Kappa!) so hopefully she'll respond, too.

Thank you!

Is there a Parents' Club in your city? If so, by all means contact them and ask that your parents be invited to join or at least asked to attend a function. Perhaps this will be an eye opener for them. They may even know some of the other parents already.

If there is no formal Parents' organization in your city, perhaps one or more of your sisters' parents could invite your parents to lunch or dinner in an informal setting to discuss the benefits (scholarship, service, safety, social, etc.).

My mother was invited to a Mothers'Club meeting where, to her surprise and delight, two of her long-time friends were in attendance. She joined right then and there and became a wonderful supporter of my chapter and eventually, President of the Mothers' Club.

I hope things work out for you.

Paula M
Sigma Delta Tau
Patrae Multi Spes Una
One Hope of Many People

[33girl]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

In terms of Standards suggesting you resign - is there any way (if all else fails and you absolutely cannot live in the house because of your parents) that you can still remain a member without living in? I find it hard to believe that Standards would rather lose you as a sister than have you be a commuter student. I'm not doubting your story, I'm just saying that if it comes down to it you should have a more in-depth conversation with standards and a chapter adviser - namely, it's commuting or deactivating.

Yeah, most housing policies I've seen (for different NPC groups) say that if the member lives with her parents in the same town as the college, she's exempt. You want to make sure the housing corp isn't doing something that is superceding what your sorority's basic rules are.