Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen?

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

[summer_gphib]

It's probably really mean of me to say this, because I know how difficult it is, but rejection is a part of life. Yes it doesn't seem fair, and no we can't tell you "why", but what happened HAS happened. If you let yourself be demoralized by this it's not going to help your college experience.
Greek life isn't for anyone. You could try informal recruitment if any chapters offer it, or even going through the process again next year. But there are no promises.
My advice would be to develop friends in and out of the Greek system, and get involved on your campus. Just because you weren't invited to join doesn't mean that they didn't really like you. It also doesn't mean that the girls you talked to can't be your friend. In fact I always told girls to look at recruitment as the possibility to meet new people and make friends regardless of whether or not they got a bid.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

Honestly, no one here can answer your question. We don't know why this happened. There isn't much we can say other than this: decide whether Greek life is important enough to you to try again. Be honest with yourself when answering that. You have to know that the result could be the same, and your decision needs to be made with that in mind. If you're willing to go through that again, and you think Greek life would be important enough to go through that again, then by all means, give it another shot. But keep in mind, one house gave you a chance. A chance that, from what it sounds like, you weren't willing to give to them.

[MaggieXi]

Merely speculation:

You said your Pi Chi group was all freshman. Were the majority of the PNMs freshmen? Generally, freshmen can be preferred over sophmores. Do you know if your campus has a lot of sophmores placed during formal recruitment in the past?

[lyrelyre]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

sometimes the computer screws up, and so on

Why, oh why, do recruitment counselors say things like this.

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

Is this perhaps why you didn't like this chapter? Although it's late now, is it possible you didn't give this chapter a fair chance because you were concentrating on the other chapters.

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

Merely speculation:

You said your Pi Chi group was all freshman. Were the majority of the PNMs freshmen? Generally, freshmen can be preferred over sophmores. Do you know if your campus has a lot of sophmores placed during formal recruitment in the past?

It sounds like this may be the case.

[qbt1990]

I'm sorry OP To reiterate what everyone else said, no one can say for sure why you were dropped. It happens to really great girls all the time who simply fall through the cracks or don't make a strong enough impression on members. Good luck with school and informal recruitment (if that is an option and you decide to go for it)!

[gee_ess]

I am truly sorry you have had this disappointment. We don't know which school you attend, but it may be your sophomore status that hurt you the most. This is often the case in southern schools...

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

UGHH!! This is why I'm really in favor of upper class quota. I think someone else on the thread said this and as I was reading your story I got a ding, ding, ding moment. At a lot of Universities you are at a big disadvantage if you are a sophomore. If all things are equal- cute, involved, good grades and there are a ton of freshman with the same qualities Chapters tend to go with freshman because that is the life line of the group. You wouldn't want a really large sophomore group and 10 freshman- make sense? Most Chapters take a lot of freshman during recruitment so when the next recruitment period rolls around they need more freshman.

I don't think these means your not meant for Greek Life, in my opinion, you'll just need to work harder if you decide you want to do spring recruitment. If you made friends with all the girls in your recruitment group and they got bids to houses KEEP those friendships and start getting to know their friends in the different Chapters.

I'm sure your a great girl and there is nothing wrong with you. If you have your heart set on being Greek find your opportunities.

[als463]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

Here's what I hope will be the short version. I'm a sophomore at a smaller public university with relatively laidback recruitment (at least compared to schools in the south). I decided to rush this year and people have told me I'm perfect for a sorority. I'm involved in a lot of activities, love volunteering, sports, music, etc., and [I'm not trying to be full of myself] am prettier than your average girl. I'm a legacy at two different sororities on my campus, my dad was in a fraternity, and was really looking forward to going through rush and finding my place in our Greek system. I had two letters of recommendation for one of the houses where I'm a legacy, and the women in my family have been so excited at the thought of me joining a sorority, as have I!

My recruitment walkaround group was all freshman except for myself, but we all got along really well and had similar sororities that we liked and didn't like. We even talked about how all of us were such great girls, there was no way any of us would be mismatched.

Our first round, we had short parties at each of the ten houses. I felt that it went really well; I had a bunch of great conversations and really clicked with a lot of the girls I met. There were two houses where I really couldn't see myself at all, so when we did our rankings, they were at the bottom of my list.

When we got our parties back for the second round, I had been cut from three of the houses where I thought things had gone great (I loved them!) and so I had back both of the houses I had wanted to drop, for a total of seven parties. The second round was AMAZING. At two sororities I had really wonderful experiences, great conversations, and really felt like I found my place. I was worried about having to choose between those two houses towards the end. There were two other houses where I didn't have such awesome experiences, but I felt like I just needed more time to get to know them. When we ranked, I wanted to drop the same two houses I had tried to drop the first night; nothing had changed in my experiences there and I didn't feel like they were for me. There was also another house where I had an okay experience, but it just didn't feel right. So those were the three that I ranked at the bottom.

Then when I went back to get my party schedule for the third night, my Rho Chi looked at my schedule and said "I think we should go outside". She showed me my schedule. Somehow I had gone from seven houses the night before to ONE HOUSE. One house the night BEFORE preference night. We were supposed to have three to five houses. And of course the one house was the sorority I had ranked last both of the first two rounds; I felt no chemistry with the girls and was just straight up not interested in that house.

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on. I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

So I filled out the drop form and left, really embarrassed that I had been a mismatch, and totally distraught that I'm not going to be finding my place in the Greek system here.

There is the very slight possibility I could be offered a snap bid, and some of the houses may do spring recruitment if they need to fill the house, but...I don't know if I would try again to join houses that didn't want me this time around.

I want to know why this happened. I am a normal girl-there's nothing weird about me, I love having fun and hanging out with friends, shopping, the beach, and so on...so why did the sororities that told me how much they loved me, that really seemed like they would fit, not ask me back?

I guess this all means I'm not meant for Greek life, but I'd still like some opinions. I feel totally demoralized by this experience.

I have to say that I am not the least bit sorry for the OP. Once again, we have a case of the "they're not GOOD enough for me-but why do I have NO bid?" All of the NPCs have something incredible about them. When a girl completely turns down certain chapters on her campus because she doesn't feel as though that chapter "felt right" or "fit her" it is her way of saying that she was TOO GOOD for those women.

All of the NPCs have great philanthropies and a chance to get involved! I will use Phi Mu as an example. Did you know that we were the first GLO to start a Philanthropy day? We give millions of dollars to Children's Miracle Network. We give scholarships to women who want to further their education and we have a fund for women who have been victims of circumstance (like Hurricane Katrina). I can honestly (if you let me) say something GREAT about EVERY SINGLE NPC!

To turn down a great group of women who clearly want you shows that you are there for the "parties and reputation" more than what you can do to help other people. That is selfish! Guess what-when you leave college...people don't say "Oh, you were an XYZ-you must have been liked by everyone and very popular on campus!" No, people say, "Wow, you were involved with giving back to your community and yet you still maintained a great GPA or you have an incredible resume, to boot!"

If you are smart, you will realize that those sororities you turned down because you didn't "fit in" or "feel comfortable with" were great opportunities for you to give back to the community and make great friends, in the process. To this day, my sisters are the ones that I thank for making Penn State feel smaller and more welcoming. Had it not been for my sisters, I may not have stayed at such a big school.

Do I feel sorry for you-NO! Should you reconsider the chapters that were willing to give you a chance-YES!

[All-Knowing One]

OP,

I think you need to be very careful. Based on the details you've offered in this story, I am pretty sure I know where you rushed and which house you rejected. Certainly if you did not feel that this house was a good fit, then you did the right thing, but the girls in that house are really nice and fun, and I hope you actually considered them with an open mind. There is one other house on campus, besides the one you didn't like, that *might* COB in the spring, but that one probably was the other one of your bottom two.

Actives on your campus can figure out pretty easily who you are too. It wouldn't take that much investigation to figure it out.

Anyway, good luck finding a house, but you probably need to rethink what being "perfect" for a sorority means. And especially on your particular campus, you can have a perfectly great social life without belonging to a Greek organization.

The All-Knowing One

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by als463

I have to say that I am not the least bit sorry for the OP. Once again, we have a case of the "they're not GOOD enough for me-but why do I have NO bid?" All of the NPCs have something incredible about them. When a girl completely turns down certain chapters on her campus because she doesn't feel as though that chapter "felt right" or "fit her" it is her way of saying that she was TOO GOOD for those women.

All of the NPCs have great philanthropies and a chance to get involved! I will use Phi Mu as an example. Did you know that we were the first GLO to start a Philanthropy day? We give millions of dollars to Children's Miracle Network. We give scholarships to women who want to further their education and we have a fund for women who have been victims of circumstance (like Hurricane Katrina). I can honestly (if you let me) say something GREAT about EVERY SINGLE NPC!

To turn down a great group of women who clearly want you shows that you are there for the "parties and reputation" more than what you can do to help other people. That is selfish! Guess what-when you leave college...people don't say "Oh, you were an XYZ-you must have been liked by everyone and very popular on campus!" No, people say, "Wow, you were involved with giving back to your community and yet you still maintained a great GPA or you have an incredible resume, to boot!"

If you are smart, you will realize that those sororities you turned down because you didn't "fit in" or "feel comfortable with" were great opportunities for you to give back to the community and make great friends, in the process. To this day, my sisters are the ones that I thank for making Penn State feel smaller and more welcoming. Had it not been for my sisters, I may not have stayed at such a big school.

Do I feel sorry for you-NO! Should you reconsider the chapters that were willing to give you a chance-YES!

Ditto to this ... I'm getting sick and tired of all the "pitty parties" going on around the GC board lately. I am sorry that recruitment didn't turn out the way that some PNMs would have hoped but they seem to be doing it to themselves when it comes to recruitment by only wanting a certain outcome.

[bostongreek]

Originally Posted by All-Knowing One

OP,

I think you need to be very careful. Based on the details you've offered in this story, I am pretty sure I know where you rushed and which house you rejected. Certainly if you did not feel that this house was a good fit, then you did the right thing, but the girls in that house are really nice and fun, and I hope you actually considered them with an open mind. There is one other house on campus, besides the one you didn't like, that *might* COB in the spring, but that one probably was the other one of your bottom two.

Actives on your campus can figure out pretty easily who you are too. It wouldn't take that much investigation to figure it out.

Anyway, good luck finding a house, but you probably need to rethink what being "perfect" for a sorority means. And especially on your particular campus, you can have a perfectly great social life without belonging to a Greek organization.

The All-Knowing One

that's a little creepy

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by bostongreek

that's a little creepy

Its a LOT creepy.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by bostongreek

that's a little creepy

There wasn't a ton of details in the OP so as to ID the person or school, so I wonder if there's more to the story than we know...

[oncegreek]

Based on a couple of very minor details the OP gave (i.e, liking the beach...) I have an *idea* of where the OP went through recruitment. Also, recruitment at that particular school concludes today....Recruitment at that school is actually pretty competitive, and, historically, many PNM's drop out. However, Greek life is not the " be all" at that school.
Now, I could be dead wrong, and for all I know, the OP may go to school in, say, Florida....