Members Negatively Representing Chapter

[aquablue912]

Hi everyone,
I need some input/advice on an issue in my chapter. We have some problems with some ladies in our chapter not representing our sorority in a positive light. Some issues we're facing: risk management chair (who is underage) drinking at parties, a member openly talking to other Greeks about how she slept over at a fraternity house the night before (and she is not in an 'official' relationship with anyone there) and the fact that she has multiple boyfriends (to put it nicely), and a member who is constantly posting very negative comments on Facebook. All of these women have been talked to, but none of them seem to take it seriously. I don't think any of these offenses qualify for a membership review, but what can we do to make these women stop representing our organization negatively? Greek life is somewhat small at our school, so everyone pretty much knows everyone's business, which amplifies the problem. Anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance.

[Kevin]

Do you not have advisers? A standards board/honor council?

[aquablue912]

We do have advisors, but they have not been brought in at this point as some members do not see this as a serious issue, don't want the sisters to get in trouble, or have absolutely no problem with it. Our honor council is headed by our risk management chair (the one who's drinking). She has talked to the other two girls, but has gotten nowhere with them. I think part of the problem is that some sisters see no problem with these issues and don't hold the other ladies accountable, or are just not willing to speak up. Would you go to an advisor at this point, even if some members disagree with that?

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by aquablue912

Hi everyone,
I need some input/advice on an issue in my chapter. We have some problems with some ladies in our chapter not representing our sorority in a positive light. Some issues we're facing: risk management chair (who is underage) drinking at parties, a member openly talking to other Greeks about how she slept over at a fraternity house the night before (and she is not in an 'official' relationship with anyone there) and the fact that she has multiple boyfriends (to put it nicely), and a member who is constantly posting very negative comments on Facebook. All of these women have been talked to, but none of them seem to take it seriously. I don't think any of these offenses qualify for a membership review, but what can we do to make these women stop representing our organization negatively? Greek life is somewhat small at our school, so everyone pretty much knows everyone's business, which amplifies the problem. Anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance.

Really? Gee, I wonder what would. How large would the problem(s) need to be? Would it need to have its own zip code? or maybe area code?

Here's something for you to think over: "just because you've lowered your standards, doesn't mean we are going to lower ours."

From this and your other post, I think you have Student Code of Conduct issues (underage drinking), for a start. The time to have brought in advisors is way past. The time to teach fire prevention isn't when the kitchen is engulfed in flames.

If you don't act, eventually your organization will. I guarantee it.

Here's one last thing: "Sometimes, one man with courage is a majority." Andrew Jackson said that.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Really? Gee, I wonder what would. How large would the problem(s) need to be? Would it need to have its own zip code? or maybe area code?

Here's something for you to think over: "just because you've lowered your standards, doesn't mean we are going to lower ours."

From this and your other post, I think you have Student Code of Conduct issues (underage drinking), for a start. The time to have brought in advisors is way past. The time to teach fire prevention isn't when the kitchen is engulfed in flames.

If you don't act, eventually your organization will. I guarantee it.

Here's one last thing: "Sometimes, one man with courage is a majority." Andrew Jackson said that.

I have to agree. Bring in your advisors. They are there to ADVISE you. How do you know if it is something worthy of a membership review? You haven't discussed this with your advisors. How often have any of you actually been involved with membership reviews? Do you know the procedures behind them? Advisors are not your enemy. They are not there to get your chapter in trouble. They are there to help. Use them. It's also nice because occasionally, they help put the fear of Jesus into misbehaving members.

[Kevin]

Here's a good rule of thumb which should work universally in NPC and NIC orgs. Observe the chain of the command. If you have a major issue, first bring it to the relevant officer. If that fails, bring it to the President 9or if you have intermediaries, then do that). If that fails, then talk to the relevant advisory board member. If that fails, bring it to the chapter adviser.

Rarely, if ever, should you have to go above that level as your advisers are there for a reason. They've been trained. They've been around a lot longer than you. To them, your problems are not new. They've seen this before. Probably many times.

Conduct issues are a cancer. If you don't cure them or cut them out, they spread and can often prove fatal. Do what you gotta do.

[AlphaFrog]

Ok, I feel odd because I know I'm one of the more conservative people here, and I don't see anything terribly out of the norm for a college kid in the OP's laundry list of transgressions. Perhaps some extra discretion in how these indiscretions are handled (shack up at the fraternity house, but keep the walk of shame witnesses to a minimum).

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Here's a good rule of thumb which should work universally in NPC and NIC orgs. Observe the chain of the command. If you have a major issue, first bring it to the relevant officer. If that fails, bring it to the President 9or if you have intermediaries, then do that). If that fails, then talk to the relevant advisory board member. If that fails, bring it to the chapter adviser.

Rarely, if ever, should you have to go above that level as your advisers are there for a reason. They've been trained. They've been around a lot longer than you. To them, your problems are not new. They've seen this before. Probably many times.

Conduct issues are a cancer. If you don't cure them or cut them out, they spread and can often prove fatal. Do what you gotta do.

All of this, but especially the bolded. Sounds like risk management chair needs to be impeached from her position. However, the negativity really needs to be addressed. Negativity spreads so quickly and all you need is one person to start until everyone jumps on the bandwagon. I've seen it happen. Not mention that is horrible PR to the rest of Greek life and potential PNMs.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ok, I feel odd because I know I'm one of the more conservative people here, and I don't see anything terribly out of the norm for a college kid in the OP's laundry list of transgressions. Perhaps some extra discretion in how these indiscretions are handled (shack up at the fraternity house, but keep the walk of shame witnesses to a minimum).

I wouldn't say they are out of the ordinary. Discretion is what is missing. If the risk management chair is getting blackout drunk at functions/mixers etc that is a problem. If it is at a random party, it's just not healthy. If the sister wants to sleep around and let everyone know she does so, so be it. However, she shouldn't be wearing letters etc. What would actually worry me is the sister airing dirty laundry on Facebook. Everyone has a moment (or a hundred) where they hate what they are doing. That doesn't mean you should blast it to your 600+ friends who are part of Greek life/PNMs. Complain to your mom/a friend/a sister. Vent and be done but do so discretely.

Discretion does seem to be a problem with this generation as we have seen on GC with usernames and such.

[aquablue912]

I see what all of you are saying. The reason I was unsure was because our chapter is only a couple of years old and there is not really a precedent for what qualifies for a membership review in our chapter. I will take the issue to our president, and then one of our advisors if necessary. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ok, I feel odd because I know I'm one of the more conservative people here, and I don't see anything terribly out of the norm for a college kid in the OP's laundry list of transgressions. Perhaps some extra discretion in how these indiscretions are handled (shack up at the fraternity house, but keep the walk of shame witnesses to a minimum).

You could be right, but it appears as if OP isn't utilizing all of the channels she needs to use to really diagnose the issue. While she may be overreacting to a non-existent problem, it doesn't appear she's really run all the traps which need to be run in this sort of situation.

As a CA, even if a younger initiate is overreacting, I can't look into a problem if no one tells me about it. Better safe than sorry.

[AGDLynn]

Sounds like every chapter member needs to hear this video.

Just to remind you that you are always wearing your letters and representing your organization!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDF2wlxGCPE

Speaking as a former Chapter Advisor, CALL YOUR ADVISERS.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Slut-shaming women is, well, problematic. I know nobody wants to be branded the slut house or anything like that, but teaching women to be ashamed of consensual adult sexual activity is maybe not in their best interests, either.

[aquablue912]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Slut-shaming women is, well, problematic. I know nobody wants to be branded the slut house or anything like that, but teaching women to be ashamed of consensual adult sexual activity is maybe not in their best interests, either.

DeltaBetaBaby,
I agree with you. I don't think our goal would be to say that this woman is not allowed to have 'relations' with whomever she wants, but rather to not broadcast it to the rest of the Greek community. The issue was not her actions specifically, but that she freely told many other Greeks about when she slept with any guy in a fraternity. That is the part that I find inappropriate.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by aquablue912

DeltaBetaBaby,
I agree with you. I don't think our goal would be to say that this woman is not allowed to have 'relations' with whomever she wants, but rather to not broadcast it to the rest of the Greek community. The issue was not her actions specifically, but that she freely told many other Greeks about when she slept with any guy in a fraternity. That is the part that I find inappropriate.

What was her life like before college? Did she have many boyfriends or anything resembling a sex life? Some people are so sheltered they don't know what to do, or that what they're doing is inappropriate. After all, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian pretty much became millionaires for doing exactly what you're talking about. I would talk with her and ask her WHY she's telling everyone who she's boinking, not just say "that's wrong, don't do it."