Discipline: Spanking

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

Honestly, I think that's abuse and/or parental denial that their child actually has a problem. It used to be that people thought autism was just a kid being bad. Sick sick sick.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Honestly, I think that's abuse and/or parental denial that their child actually has a problem. It used to be that people thought autism was just a kid being bad. Sick sick sick.

Most of the time, it's this.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

That is sad.

I think spanking is fine on occasion and if it's done with no real harm. I was spanked as a child when I did something particularly horrible, but I would never have been spanked hard enough to bruise or cause any lasting harm. (And if I have kids I will likely do the same...no, it caused no lasting harm or psychological scarring.) Hurting a child makes me sick to think about and it's even worse when it's children that have those developmental issues. It boggles my mind that parents wouldn't educate themselves on the disorder their child is diagnosed with...because if they did they'd know spanking isn't the solution.

I also hate to see children being spanked for things that children routinely do. I was spanked when my actions would have caused harm to myself or my siblings, not when I talked back or cried or had an accident (three examples I've seen very young children spanked for).

[epchick]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

not when I talked back

THIS didn't warrant a spanking in your household? So you were allowed to talk back?

If I talked back or gave a smart-ass remark, that was an IMMEDIATE slap across the mouth.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by epchick

THIS didn't warrant a spanking in your household? So you were allowed to talk back?

If I talked back or gave a smart-ass remark, that was an IMMEDIATE slap across the mouth.

Of course I was punished, but my parents did not spank me just for talking back. There are a million ways to discipline a child besides spanking, and I agree with them that something like talking back does not warrant a spanking.

And they never, ever slapped me across the mouth.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Of course I was punished, but my parents did not spank me just for talking back. There are a million ways to discipline a child besides spanking, and I agree with them that something like talking back does not warrant a spanking.

And they never, ever slapped me across the mouth.

ehh to each their own. If my kids talk back, they'll get a slap on the mouth too.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by epchick

ehh to each their own. If my kids talk back, they'll get a slap on the mouth too.

I cannot and will not slap a child. There are many other ways to discipline. I agree with my parents' method of refraining from using any physical discipline other than spanking, and reserving that for serious misbehavior...not something as commonplace and trivial as being a little mouthy.

[Drolefille]

This falls into the "there are many ways to discipline and the vast majority are neither abusive nor going to screw a kid up for the rest of their life" category.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

This falls into the "there are many ways to discipline and the vast majority are neither abusive nor going to screw a kid up for the rest of their life" category.

To each their own.

[FleurGirl]

Brief spankings for seriously bad behavior can be effective so long as it is clearly and calmly explained to the child afterwards why they were in trouble to begin with. Using spanking excessively or overly forcefully can actually lead to an increase in behavioral problems and damage the child's relationship with the parent forever. It's not that I'm dead-set against it, but I do think it should be used with discretion. For minor misbehavior something like a time out can work better. There are several journal articles out there on this topic; it's pretty interesting.

[AGDee]

One of the key things is that you do not do it out of anger/while angry. So, when the kids are on your last nerve and it's been a long, bad day and you find yourself getting really angry, that is not the time to spank them. Socially isolate them (and you if you need to) until you are calm and then decide the best punishment.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AGDee

One of the key things is that you do not do it out of anger/while angry. So, when the kids are on your last nerve and it's been a long, bad day and you find yourself getting really angry, that is not the time to spank them. Socially isolate them (and you if you need to) until you are calm and then decide the best punishment.

I find that ANY discipline while you are REALLY upset isn't good.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I find that ANY discipline while you are REALLY upset isn't good.

I found "Go to your rooms NOW" effective when when I was really upset.

[IrishLake]

I've found saying "I've had a bad/sad day and I'm very angry/tired/have a headache and am not in the mood," prompts them to go find something quiet to do on their own.

[KSUViolet06]

With little kids, you'd be surprised at how much a time-out, threat of punishment, or even a stern look does.

My g-daughters are 7 and 4. The threat of being sent upstairs or going to bed early gets them to shape up most of them time.

Me: "If you guys can't stop fighting, then you will go to bed at 7:30 with no snack."

Kids: OhmygoshAuntieViolet noooooo please don't take our snacks. We promise we'll be good.