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  #1  
Old 05-16-2018, 02:32 AM
APhi2KD APhi2KD is offline
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Protecting your sorority from evil...

As an alumn unaffiliated with a chapter, would you send a negative recommendation letter to a chapter who is about to meet a girl who will look very good on paper, but you know that she is actually selfish, intolerant, admits bullying, has not progressed beyond “these seats are saved”, and is just a bit racist.
The chapter doesn’t know you, so will they take it seriously?

She won’t add to them or be a good sister imo and I hate to see the chapter go that way. Thoughts?

Last edited by APhi2KD; 05-16-2018 at 03:42 PM. Reason: Removing personal info
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  #2  
Old 05-16-2018, 08:31 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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Maybe you could call the recruitment chairman.
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  #3  
Old 05-16-2018, 12:50 PM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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Don't overthink it. Send in an honest evaluation of the girl from your experience. Hopefully your chapter will consider the advice of an alumna, whether you are affiliated with a chapter or not. If it is important to you, say something! Unless there was a massive stink made over it, I doubt that they will even remember your legacy from last year.
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  #4  
Old 05-16-2018, 03:58 PM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by APhi2KD View Post
As an alumna unaffiliated with a chapter, would you send a negative recommendation letter to a chapter who is about to meet a girl who will look very good on paper, but you know that she is actually selfish, intolerant, admits bullying, has not progressed beyond “these seats are saved”, and is just a bit racist.
The chapter doesn’t know you, so will they take it seriously?
She won’t add to them or be a good sister imo and I hate to see the chapter go that way. Thoughts?
Absolutely you should. Do you want to see that girl walking around wearing your letters?
Why would the chapter not take the word of a sister, even if they don't know her? You do wear the same letters, even if the chapter is different, right?
However....what I do is check the box that says "I do not recommend this candidate" or whatever corresponds, and if sending a paper form, put a Post-It note that says "CALL ME FIRST." Or if you're doing the online form, put that in a box where you can type stuff. Don't write down any particulars.
If they're paying the least bit of attention, they should call you for details. Be prepared to back up your statements.
The most valuable recommendations are the NO ones!
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Old 05-16-2018, 04:11 PM
APhi2KD APhi2KD is offline
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Thanks, everyone!
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  #6  
Old 06-11-2018, 07:26 PM
granipc granipc is offline
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I have written literally hundreds of recs... some girls I liked better than others and some I didn't know well at all. I have written exactly ONE "no" rec, and I meant it. She deserved it for a host of reasons and no way on earth would I have wanted her wearing my letters. She pledged another house (no idea if my rec had anything to do with my house cutting her), had MAJOR issues and ended up leaving the school completely by spring semester. When you know, you know...
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  #7  
Old 06-11-2018, 07:47 PM
Just interested Just interested is offline
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There is a reason we have references and this is one of them. Absolutely send in an "I cannot recommend this girl". The chapter will contact you if they need to. I so agree with Anchor Alumnae. We had an incident last year where a legacy had a glowing reference from an alumna but collegians from her very prestigious HS informed us that she was a bully and then some so we sent a negative reference to override the positive one. Tough decision. Good news is her school had delayed recruitment and by the time January rolled around she had already "outed herself" and we think was asked to leave her university.
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  #8  
Old 06-11-2018, 08:36 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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I have only written 3 no-recs in all the dozens I have written over the years. One smuggled ivory into the country on a trip I was with, one physically attacked a camp director where I was nurse, and one took a selfie of herself urinating on our main street and left it on Facebook for months. I have never felt guilty for any of the 3.

One girl dropped out of sight and the other 2 showed their true colors soon after matriculating at their colleges. You do what you have to if you know for sure about a threat to your sorority because Greek headquarters and colleges are removing chapters left and right for risk management violations.
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  #9  
Old 06-11-2018, 08:38 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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The smuggling ivory no rec HAD to be a first.
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  #10  
Old 06-11-2018, 08:42 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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I bet it was. I gave them a detailed story, including the fact that we all could have been arrested except that we were on a Girl Scout trip and in uniform and the customs agents laughed when they saw us come through. "Girl Scouts! Like you were gonna bring in illicit stuff!" (or something like that)

They waved us through and I literally almost passed out when we got around the corner.
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  #11  
Old 06-12-2018, 07:32 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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I wrote a no on a girl who was arrested, handcuffed and driven way in a police car while at school. Don't need that on Instagram.....
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  #12  
Old 06-12-2018, 11:12 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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Here's what I want to know. When you know for real that someone would be a risk management nightmare (or whatever) to the Greek system, do you share this with other Greeks who don't need the risk either?

With the one who urinated in the street and filmed it--a member from another sorority called me and warned me that the girl was going to invitationals in my chapter and I was most appreciative. With the one who attacked the camp director, one of my Greek daughters who also witnessed it warned me that Attacker was rushing. I didn't tell any other Greeks and even though the girl was released after first parties, the college president called a sorority with one spot left and jollied them into taking her. Within a few weeks, she was kicked out of her sorority for sucker-punching a sister. We found out later that she had a police record.

So what's the best road to take when you have proof? Tell? Don't tell?
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Last edited by carnation; 06-12-2018 at 11:18 AM.
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  #13  
Old 06-12-2018, 03:34 PM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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On my day to day travels, I don't interact with a lot of people, especially sorority women (hence my love for Facebook), so I don't have a chance. but if I do have an opportunity, I will gladly pass the word. Others have passed the word to me and I'm grateful.
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  #14  
Old 07-31-2018, 10:25 AM
mkaytay mkaytay is offline
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I had a girl that was about 6 years behind me from church ask me for a rec to a school in my state, and I knew she was a huge bully (the church had to ask that her parents not send her on any overnight trips unless one of them would attend with her it got so bad). I wrote a do not recommend for my chapter, and since it was a school in my state (I didn't go there myself)I passed the word onto friends who were alums for some of the other chapters.

I know a couple sent notes to the recruitment chair and I think one sent in an actual do not rec, but I don't know what I would have done if I didn't know alums from the actual school to talk to. She joined a chapter going through their first recruitment after colonizing, and is still there, but I don't know how her behavior has been. Maybe she grew up in college, but I'm glad my chapter didn't have to deal with the potential issues.
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  #15  
Old 07-31-2018, 11:14 AM
ForeverRoses ForeverRoses is offline
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You might also want to reach out to the recruitment advisor, if your chapter has one. I have been contacted several times over the years regarding "no rec" women. Our recruitment chairs are swamped, especially close to recruitment time so a set of ears that can relay the info is always helpful.
I've seen our chapter "saved" by at least one of these calls- the woman in question has been a headache for the chapter that she did join and we dodged a bullet.
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