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Old 01-27-2007, 02:31 PM
1986PALMC 1986PALMC is offline
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Honest Question

So I am a Junior and just went through Formal. I am friendly, outgoing and got along with most of the girls. I was cut right before preference night and don't know what to think. I have alot of friends (like 1/4 of them and I have ALOT of friends) in the greek community at my school, and when they saw my registration they all sent me e-mails with best wishes, and saying that I would be a great addition to the greek community. When my rho chi told me she was almost crying (which made it even more difficult for me) and said when she saw I wasn't on the list she was angry, and she seemed very genuine. I am a Junior ( i wanted to pledge last yr but was out of town during formal), could that be why I didn't get a bid? I really felt at home with three of the groups, and two really seemed like we clicked. I'm really hurt and confused. I feel crushed because I am an only child who was really looking forward to the sisterhood. Am I too old to get a bid or is it something about me? Because I have SO many friends in sororities it hurts even more, because it feels like people are telling me while I'm good enough for with to be a bf, I'm not good enough to be a sister.
I did not rely on my friends to get me in. I went all out and met lots of new girls during recruitment, showed them my personality, met theirs and basically had alot of fun.

Last edited by 1986PALMC; 01-27-2007 at 02:33 PM. Reason: addition
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Old 01-27-2007, 02:58 PM
UGAalum94 UGAalum94 is offline
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Depending the campus, your being a junior could be a huge part of it. You could ask your office of greek life if you wanted to about how many juniors typically get bids.

Try not to take it too personally and check into COB/COR opportunities if you can.
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:02 PM
kddani kddani is offline
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Nobody can tell you why you were cut. Membership selection is private and ritual.

If you went through a competitive rush, yes,chances are that you being a junior could have had an effect on your rush. Your grades, other activities, whether or not you had recs, etc. could have also had an effect. Maybe you talked about all of these friends that you say you have that are in sororities and the groups thought you were going to go to another house.

Nobody here knows, and nobody is going to be able to tell you.

There are a ton of threads on here by women in your same situation, and they give lots of good advice. Take some time and go through some of them, maybe they'll help bring you piece of mind.
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:28 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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i am sorry that recruitment did not work out for you. i know that you must be feeling confused and hurt.

no one here can(or will) tell you why you were dropped before prefs. we just don't know the reasons, and even if we did, membership selection is a private matter, not meant to be discussed outside the chapter room.

that being said, i can share with you some general reasons potential new members(pnms=rushees) might not be invited back, besides the obvious reasons. sometimes bad things just happen. sorority members can get potential new members mixed up. sometimes , if it is informal recruitment, there are only a few spaces the sorority needs to fill before they will reach campus total(the maximum number of members each sorority can have) and there are more pnms than there are spots. sometimes the chapters are told (by their headquarters)that they need to concentrate on freshman and sophomores.

depending on the campus, the sorority may need a letter of recommendation from an alumna member for each girl they want to extend a bid to. sometimes the pnm misreads the reactions she is getting from the sorority members she is meeting at the parties. the pnm thinks she has really wowed them, but in reality she did not. other times non-invitations can be because of the placement of the sororities on the pnms list. her choices of which groups she would like to receive invitations from does not match up with the sororities list.

please don't feel betrayed by your friends in sororities-i am sure they were on your side. as you can see from my list of reasons, and the other ladies lists, there are a multitude of reasons why girls do not receive bids. we just don't know.

i don't want to create false hope, but if all the sororities did not pledge quota, or did not fill to total, they may decide to hold some informal recruitment parties. if you would consider attending informal recruitment parties, be sure that your name is on the list of interested pnms at the panhellenic office-maybe your rho chi could advise you on that possibility.

Last edited by FSUZeta; 01-27-2007 at 03:34 PM.
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:32 PM
AChiOhSnap AChiOhSnap is offline
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Originally Posted by 1986PALMC View Post
Because I have SO many friends in sororities it hurts even more, because it feels like people are telling me while I'm good enough for with to be a bf, I'm not good enough to be a sister.
Try not to get caught in this mode of thinking. A friend in a sorority is only one member out of the entire chapter. The fact that you were dropped before pref isn't your friends telling you you're not good enough to be a sister. A sorority friend is one voice out of many involved in the bidding process, so try not to take it personally. They wouldn't have been so supportive in the beginning if they didn't think you were right for the process.

Kddani is right -- they won't be able to tell you what happened since membership selection is private, but don't take it as your friends trying to "tell" you anything. Talk to your Greek Life office if you want to know if your status/campus climate/grades/whatever may have been a partial reason why you were dropped, if you think that will bring you some comfort. I know it's painful that you were dropped and I'm sorry it happened. I hope that you feel better soon.

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Old 01-27-2007, 04:33 PM
1986PALMC 1986PALMC is offline
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thanks you guys, you are really sweet. it was probably the junior thing because i have a 3.3 gpa and never talked about my friends to other groups. thanks for all your kind advice
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Old 01-27-2007, 05:25 PM
GeekyPenguin GeekyPenguin is offline
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If you are still interested, you could talk to your friends who are in sororities and see if they'll be doing any informal recruitment events - sometimes it is easier for juniors to get picked up in these situations.
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Old 01-28-2007, 09:24 PM
1986PALMC 1986PALMC is offline
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another ?

So I am a junior right now (it is spring), but I am going to be here 5 yrs instead of 4. Is it worth it going through informal in the fall? Like I really wanted to be a part of the Greek System. I love that all these girls working together can actually make a difference (vs. volunteering alone). Would I look pathetic/hopeless informally rushing as a senior (although I am going to be a super senior)? Also i almost worry it would be practically impossible for a senior to get a bid?
i talked to my rho chi, and there is no cob options this yr @my school.
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Old 01-28-2007, 09:35 PM
UGAalum94 UGAalum94 is offline
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It just depends so much on your campus and how you all do rush. Some places what year you are doesn't matter that much, and other places it alone can keep you from getting a bid at some chapters. See if your campus office of greek life or student activities can tell you what the placement for junior or seniors is like.

If I were going to guess, I think a group would be more likely to give a bid a junior or senior at informal if they were going to give one at all, but I don't really know.

Last edited by UGAalum94; 01-28-2007 at 09:40 PM.
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Old 01-28-2007, 10:31 PM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
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I'm sorry things didn't work out. You've gotten some good advice from Greek Chat, and you seem to have a good attitude and good friends to help you over the disappointment. I'd give informal a try this spring and move on from there. Even though you have an extra year tacked on before you graduate, your class rank will still be viewed the same. You won't have as many options for sororities in the spring, as not everyone will hold informal, but I think it is your best bet. Upperclassmen at a campus with more competitive recruitment will sometimes have a better shot this way. Good luck.
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Old 01-30-2007, 06:56 PM
EGAOPi EGAOPi is offline
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Regardless of how many years you plan on staying in school, if it was your junior status that hurt you this time around, chances are you senior status will hurt you even more. It wouldn't be right for you to set yourself up for disappointment again.

I know how disappointing it can be and I can imagine how you must feel when your good friends are running around to their sorority activities, but recruitment is a competitive environment and if your school has a tough Greek system, being in junior or senior standing no matter how many years you have ahead of you can really hurt you.

AChiOSnap made a really good point about how your friend(s) are 1 member or so out of an entire chapter. Friends can always put in good words for you, but they can't necessarily sway an entire chapter. I am sure that your friends were being sincere when they said they felt you'd be a great addition to their chapter, but there's no telling why. You could have been dropped for any number of reasons, but if you think your age was a factor, it most likely was.

Check out COBs/CORs, like the other girls suggested, if you're still interested. If informal is less competitive, that may work out well for you. I admire your dedication. Just keep in mind that things may not work out this time around, but if it means enough to you to give it another shot, good luck! I really hope things work out for you.
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