Thinking of not initiating next week.

[honeychile]

I'm going to repost something I posted on the thread of someone else who toyed with not being initiated, and also the lead in from rockwallgreek and the response of jolene:

"That magic connection may never appear in your college years. Yes, you will find close friends in your chapter, not necessarily immediately, but realize that this is a Lifelong sisterhood. I've found my true, close sisters, as I've moved through life. The women I work with as a volunteer, the women who welcomed me as I moved from pkacesetting to place. My husband spent 25 years in the military... My daughters who are now my sisters. It takes work to make those connections and I cherish each moment I have spent and continue to spend, cultivating those friends and sisters." (rockwallgreek)

"Yes.

And in addition, once you're in the Greek Community, you may find wonderful Panhellenic friends from several sororities. You may not have the bond of wearing the same pin or catsuit during initiation, but you will have many, many shared experiences." (honeychile)

"THIS! HC, I hope I can meet you in person one day. My last quarter in school (my school is now on a semester system), I was a Rho Chi. I met a Phi Mu who was a RC for her sorority. We met and there was no looking back. We were instant BFFs. That was in 1995. We'd show up at frat parties together & the guys would be like, "Why are you here together?" Then later if one of us couldn't make it and we'd be with others, it would be, "Where's J?" or "Where's T?" For privacy's sake, not writing out our real names. Jolene is a childhood nickname of mine. Basically, it became a case of where there's T, there is J.

If my sister hadn't been my maid of honor, it would have been her. We are still thick as thieves to this day. I'm one of the only peeps from college she's still in touch with. Yes, I made many close friends from my sorority and later my alumnae group, but I also made close Panhellenic friends, her in particular. She's the type I'd lay down my life for and was bummed I didn't meet her sooner. You may find a Panhell sis who will become precious to you." (jolene)


In a nutshell, it cannot be stressed enough that it's not four year, it's for a lifetime. AND, sorority is much more than one particular GLO's letters, it's the entire greek scene. Doors will open to you for being a part of the greek system that would not otherwise open. Best of luck to you.

[Bells1]

Very interesting you mentioned other sororities/fraternities... as I'm considering rushing a non PanHellenic sorority on campus- it's more service oriented and I believe it would be a better fit for me. It's been a few of months since beginning the process and we are now heading into winter break- not much has changed despite accelerated effort on my part - joining in parties/pictures/texting/ attending events, etc. It's very obvious these women are excluding as even the pictures that featured me with the group have not been included on sorority personal social media. Months of unreturned texts, plans forgotten at the last minute,on and on. Bizarre behavior for college aged women who are supposed to be embracing the concept of sisterhood. I have come to the conclusion that it’s just not inclusive and will never be. You can’t force people to be nice. Others have mentioned the clique behaviors and while I'm open to developing relationships with sisters- I don't know that this group actually values the sisterhood concept- mentoring each other & providing the emotional support of inclusion in a sorority. I was originally concerned it was something in me that caused their behavior, but since learning that I'm not the only one ( others have disassociated or not even initiated) I feel better about my plans. I’ve made friends not in PanHellenic and in dorms, so while there may be something about me that threatens these women it’s not a universal problem for me. If I'm able to keep my membership in this sorority which is one of the largest in the system and still join a non PanHellenic that's what I'm going to do because I can benefit from association and can give back through philanthropy and solitary participation . I’m going to let it go as it’s difficult to address with leadership as it can be seen as complaining or petty. They did try during the new member process after noticing the group being isolating and complaints from another ...but obviously it went over their heads. Not much you can do faced with this passive aggressive,targeted isolation. If they are at this age and this type of behavior hasn’t changed, not much hope it will in the future. Gives the sorority a bad name. I’ve come to see this is relationship bullying and withholding their friendship and support has lessened my positive feelings and connection to the sorority and what I thought was going to be a wonderful experience.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by Bells1

Very interesting you mentioned other sororities/fraternities... as I'm considering rushing a non PanHellenic sorority on campus- it's more service oriented and I believe it would be a better fit for me.

It's been a few of months since beginning the process and we are now heading into winter break- not much has changed despite accelerated effort on my part - joining in parties/pictures/texting/ attending events, etc. It's very obvious these women are excluding as even the pictures that featured me with the group have not been included on sorority personal social media. Months of unreturned texts, plans forgotten at the last minute,on and on. Bizarre behavior for college aged women who are supposed to be embracing the concept of sisterhood.

I have come to the conclusion that it’s just not inclusive and will never be. You can’t force people to be nice. Others have mentioned the clique behaviors and while I'm open to developing relationships with sisters- I don't know that this group actually values the sisterhood concept- mentoring each other & providing the emotional support of inclusion in a sorority.

I was originally concerned it was something in me that caused their behavior, but since learning that I'm not the only one ( others have disassociated or not even initiated) I feel better about my plans. I’ve made friends not in PanHellenic and in dorms, so while there may be something about me that threatens these women it’s not a universal problem for me.

If I'm able to keep my membership in this sorority which is one of the largest in the system and still join a non PanHellenic that's what I'm going to do because I can benefit from association and can give back through philanthropy and solitary participation .

I’m going to let it go as it’s difficult to address with leadership as it can be seen as complaining or petty. They did try during the new member process after noticing the group being isolating and complaints from another ...but obviously it went over their heads. Not much you can do faced with this passive aggressive,targeted isolation. If they are at this age and this type of behavior hasn’t changed, not much hope it will in the future. Gives the sorority a bad name.

I’ve come to see this is relationship bullying and withholding their friendship and support has lessened my positive feelings and connection to the sorority and what I thought was going to be a wonderful experience.

Did you initiate into your NPC sorority?

Or are you on grade probation, working toward Spring 2016 initiation?

Either way your time, education AND your new NPC sorority should be your main concern for the next semester.

Unless you initiated an NPC just to show them you're the boss haha and cannot be bothered to participate because they made you feel left out of their cliques.

[33girl]

I would go for it with the service sorority next semester, and hope that the pledge class next fall has people you can bond with. It almost sounds like the type of girls the chapter takes changed a lot with this pledge class and the chapter doesn't know how to handle it. Or else, since you mentioned this is one of the bigger groups in the system, their membership selection philosophy is something along the lines of "throw everything at the wall and see what sticks." I'm thinking that once you are an active and in on things like MS it'll make it a lot clearer for you to decide what to do.

[Bells1]

@Cheerio...not on grade probation, initiated into the NPC last month ( Spring16 "rush" for Service Sororities I believe) but I'm a Type A ...the more I do extracurricular the better I do academically- focuses me to complete assignments and study in a time management way. I far exceed my required study hours every week, participate in my sport , music, etc My Sorority doesn't really do much philanthropically- one or two events a year- so I'm attending other sorority events, volunteering at hospital, etc. My sorority is a very party oriented group and while I enjoy parties - I don't go crazy. I really like the older sisters, though and while my own big doesn't initiate contact very often, I do have an older sister who invites me here and there-but not being a big party-gal hinders me as well. I'm not into revenge as it's the mirror side of cliques - so if I join the service sorority as well- it's for personal growth and more involvement in the campus activities and sisterhood that I was hoping for with my own sorority.

[DubaiSis]

I'm sorry that it has continued to suck. Negative sorority stereotypes exist for a reason, and while most do not behave that way, you may really have found yourself a dud.

Before resigning your membership, would you just go above your chapter leadership and talk to an advisor? If you are not the only person who is experiencing this, as you stated, then this toxic behavior needs to be addressed. Among possible scenarios is they might let you take alumna status instead of just resigning. Now, I wouldn't go in expecting this, but if at all possible you could get the benefits of lifetime membership without having to deal with the bitchy day to day stuff in your specific chapter right now. Or you could discover that this problem is really a band-aid that needs to be pulled and some girls end up in front of standards or removed from the chapter. Or you could find out that this bitchy behavior is inherent in your local structure, but this is the least likely of all the scenarios. You've made a lifetime commitment to your sorority; it's worth the effort to find a solution beyond just quitting.