Odd sex experience, what do you think?

[James]

Here is this story.

This girl I know went out with her Girlfriend and Girlfriends's Boyfriend to a bar, had some drinks and went to a party and had more drinks.

She was pretty wasted. At the party itself she started to get kind of foggy from alcohol, she had drank a lot by her standards.

Her Girlfriend and Girlfriend's Boyfriend left early. The party was mainly full of guys from the boyfriend's faternity.

She left with a guy that she had been kissing earlier and a designated driver that took them back to the guy's house.

In the car the alcohol hit her even harder and she doesn't remember much of the ride.

She remembers having to use the bathroom in his house but not going to the bathroom.

After that she remembers waking up lucidly and realizing she was having sex with the guy, and then fading out again and then snapping back and realizing she was still having sex.

She remembers kind of snapping into focus twice during sex and seeing the clock, and then nothing until morning.

In the morning she wakes up in bed with him, sans clothing, and is kind of uncomfortable.

He drives her home, and she hasn't heard from him since.

He would be considered an acquaintance. He is the fraternity brother of her girlfriend's boyfriend. He has hung out in the group before but they have no direct relationship. Never talked on the phone or anything. But her friend says he liked her earlier in the summer.

What she is confused about is she doesn't know how she went from just kissing to sex because she doesn't remember the steps in-between and doesn't remember much of the sex either. she kept falling in and out of consciousness or awareness.

Any questions?
I figured I would ask what you guys think before I shared my own thoughts . . so what do you guys think?

[Munchkin03]

Who would want to have sex with someone who was barely lucid?

[alphaiota]

this sounds like a classic case of rape to me. any guy with half a brain in this day and age would have realized that she was way way too drunk to be taking advantage of her, regardless of how much he liked her or vice verse. no matter what had happened up to that point, once she was no longer lucid, he needed to stop.
quite honestly i don't know what else to say about it. sadly i'm not shocked that it happened, but more annoyed that some guys still haven't realized that they can't take advantage of a drunk/passed out chick. IT'S RAPE. IT'S ILLEGAL. get it through your thick a$$ skulls. you have to have some sort of brain to be in college, use it for heaven's sake!

shelley j
sigma k

[PhiPsiRuss]

She wasn't competent to consent. She was raped.

Also, this guy is a half notch above a necrophiliac.

[wrigley]

Real nice of her friend to leave your friend alone in a situation where the girl was left with virtual strangers.

As for the guy that she had sex with supposedly liking her, I doubt he's going to want to have to do anything with her now. If he did like her he would not have had sex with a passed out girl. Instead he would have directed designated drive guy take her home and not his place.

Depending upon how much time has passed, it's probably too late to have any rape kit testing done. She should take herself to Student Health or Planned Parenthood to get checked out as well as get counseling. Since she doesn't remember what happened and with whom, there's the possibility of STD's and pregnancy. Could there also be a workup to see if the date rape drug is in her system?

[aephi alum]

She was raped, plain and simple. She couldn't give consent.

At a bare minimum, she needs to go to the hospital or a clinic ASAP and get checked out. She could have been exposed to an STD and/or become pregnant. She also needs to write down what she does recall, while it is fresh in her mind.

I'm wondering if someone slipped something in her drink at the party? They may be able to do some tests at the hospital, depending on how much time has passed.

What kind of sicko takes advantage of a girl who's semi-conscious??

Was she already wasted when her "girlfriend" left? If so, you have to wonder what kind of "friend" this girl is, to leave her alone in that situation.

[James]

Its probably too late for a blook work-up. But she freely said that she drank way more than she should have or normally does.

She drank enough that a drug would have been redundant.

[Munchkin03]

96 hours is the ceiling for most "date rape" drugs. It's really more like 48 hours, since the amounts needed to cause what we saw here are pretty low. I would suggest going to a hospital so they can do the basic probes to collect forensic information.

This is rape. Pure and simple.

Please support your friend as she goes through this difficult time.

[James]

She is not all that upset really. The event is kind of surreal because she doesn't remember much of it.

I was actually wondering if I made her more upset about than she would have been.

When I talked to her it was a day or two later and she was still really processing it.

I was kind of like . . . wtf? I kept getting more irritated the more I asked questions because it seemed the guy was out of line to say the least.

The story didn't come out as clearly as I wrote it. At first she was just relating it as a one night stand, it wasn't until more information came out and I asked more questions that the situation seemed inappropriate.

Her initial reaction was kind of, wow I had sex with a cute boy, I wish I could remember it. It might have been a good time.

What I was wondering is whether our experiences are not shaped to a certain degree by the reactions of the people around us.

Would she have thought the guy was as out of line as she ended up thinking had I not said anything? OR would she have just thought "my bad."

She was still in the processing mode after all.

I felt kind of bad after talking to her because I wondered if I had made a situation that would have rapidly faded into a more significant event.

Perhaps I should have been non-commital and been totally guided by her subdued reaction rather than perhaps making the situation of more importance than it needs to be.

[preciousjeni]

Originally posted by James
Perhaps I should have been non-commital and been totally guided by her subdued reaction rather than perhaps making the situation of more importance than it needs to be.

There is still a predator out there that will do it again to another girl. I understand that she might not be uncomfortable with it, but she might want to consider the future women who will also be raped by this guy.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by James

Perhaps I should have been non-commital and been totally guided by her subdued reaction rather than perhaps making the situation of more importance than it needs to be.

It's not uncommon for sexual assault victims, soon after what happened, to seem subdued or even just "out of it." Sometimes, they are still in shock or denial.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by preciousjeni
There is still a predator out there that will do it again to another girl. I understand that she might not be uncomfortable with it, but she might want to consider the future women who will also be raped by this guy.

Agreed!

She should still go to the hospital or a clinic. If this guy took advantage of her, he's probably taken advantage of other women in the past. Who knows how many partners he's had - willing or un?

She should also write down what she can recall of what happened. A few months or years from now, she may change her mind about how she wants to handle the situation, and it will help her to have an account written at the time than some even-less-well-remembered recollections that have been dulled by time as well as alcohol (and possibly other drugs).

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I feel really sorry for your friend. I think that she should go to a doctor for an exam and a rape kit if that's possible at this stage. I agree that he is probably a predator and might do this again. I also agree that she is probably in shock about what happened.

The same thing happened to a friend. She didn't go to the authorities because she felt ashamed and embarrassed and partly responsible. She also couldn't remember the details. She later regretted not reporting it. She had a really hard time for a long time.

[UKDaisy]

Originally posted by James
She is not all that upset really. The event is kind of surreal because she doesn't remember much of it.

I was actually wondering if I made her more upset about than she would have been.

When I talked to her it was a day or two later and she was still really processing it.

I was kind of like . . . wtf? I kept getting more irritated the more I asked questions because it seemed the guy was out of line to say the least.

The story didn't come out as clearly as I wrote it. At first she was just relating it as a one night stand, it wasn't until more information came out and I asked more questions that the situation seemed inappropriate.

Her initial reaction was kind of, wow I had sex with a cute boy, I wish I could remember it. It might have been a good time.

What I was wondering is whether our experiences are not shaped to a certain degree by the reactions of the people around us.

Would she have thought the guy was as out of line as she ended up thinking had I not said anything? OR would she have just thought "my bad."

She was still in the processing mode after all.

I felt kind of bad after talking to her because I wondered if I had made a situation that would have rapidly faded into a more significant event.

Perhaps I should have been non-commital and been totally guided by her subdued reaction rather than perhaps making the situation of more importance than it needs to be.

You should not feel bad at all for making her think about what happened. As for the "surreal experience" - she was prolly in some sort of denial shock. You did the right thing by talking to her. Because if you hadn't this incident would have come up later in her life - just remembering more and more. It would've hit her eventually.
So, answering your question: she prolly would've felt "my bad" at first....then major guilt perhaps later on, then "wait a minute - this isn't right" po'd anger.
All you did was speed up the process in my opinion.

And I second the aephi alum when she said "What kind of sicko takes advantage of a girl who's semi-conscious??"

[breathesgelatin]

Rape. This is rape.

James I know we've talked about this but please let me know if you have any other questions.

That's all I'll say.