Questioning Membership

lilcutie · #1 01-31-2004, 06:48 PM

I've posted on greekchat before but I didn't want to post under my normal s/n. Anyway, I know that once you join an NPC sorority, you can never join another. But has anyone else ever feel that once they joined their glo, that maybe they would've fit in better in a different glo on campus? I've felt sometimes like I don't belong in my org, not that the girls aren't awesome but I don't always feel like I have a lot in common with them. And I see other orgs on campus and I sometimes wish I would've waited 'til fall rush so I might've had the chance to join one of them. I'm living in the house next year, so I hope that it will change my feelings, but what can I do now? I feel bad for feeling this way and I would never drop because I did join for a reason, but still...Any advice?

Tom Earp · #2 01-31-2004, 07:04 PM

Well not to be harsh, but you joined that Greek Organization for a reason.

Now you feel that way, sorry, but it was your decision and yours only. Now you are talking about living in the House. Is this going to compound things in your mind to make it even worse.?

I am trying to cypher out who has the worst problem here, you are the Organization that you joined. What do you think of what they would feel about you if they knew your feelings. That is what Association membership is for, to see if you are compatable.

If as you say, you are an Active, then you have the chance to change things in Your Chapter, not just cry about them!

One Chapter does not make an entire Organization.

I am sorry, there is No crying towel hanging from my shoulder.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #3 01-31-2004, 08:32 PM

I think a lot of new members -- women especially -- experience a sort of "reality strikes" period shortly after they're initiated.

Many sororities shelter their pledges from the reality of sisterhood -- that it is, in fact, sisterhood, not one big long gift-giving, hugging, singing, shirt-matching picnic. There are girls you'll fight with and girls you'll disagree with, girls who will go through hard times, and YOU will go through hard times and at turns feel wholly supported and not supported in the way you want to....

pixell gave you great advice. Focus on why you were interested in joining, and what you want -- TRULY want -- to get out of the sisterhood.

I went through a rough spot with my sorority. It really made me grow up. It made me realize that I'd made a committment for a lifetime. It made me realize that these women were my sisters, no matter what. It made me realize that you can argue with people and still be friends. It made me realize that there is almost always a sliver lining. It made me realize that I will have a support base, no matter where I go, in my sorority. It made me realize that I had been trusted with secrets that have been kept by women for over 150 years, and that I was a part of carrying on that legacy. It made me realize what loyalty is. It made me realize what true friendship is. It made me realize what is so special about the friendship between women. It made me realize where I am strong and where I am weak.

It was hard and sometimes I wanted to quit.

I didn't. That was the best decision I ever made. Even smarter than the decision I made to join.

carnation · #4 01-31-2004, 08:35 PM

I think that HotDamnImAPhiMu's last post should be "stickied" at the top of the Greek Life Forum! It was FABULOUS!!!!!

sageofages · #5 01-31-2004, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
I think a lot of new members -- women especially -- experience a sort of "reality strikes" period shortly after they're initiated.

Many sororities shelter their pledges from the reality of sisterhood -- that it is, in fact, sisterhood, not one big long gift-giving, hugging, singing, shirt-matching picnic. There are girls you'll fight with and girls you'll disagree with, girls who will go through hard times, and YOU will go through hard times and at turns feel wholly supported and not supported in the way you want to....

pixell gave you great advice. Focus on why you were interested in joining, and what you want -- TRULY want -- to get out of the sisterhood.

I went through a rough spot with my sorority. It really made me grow up. It made me realize that I'd made a committment for a lifetime. It made me realize that these women were my sisters, no matter what. It made me realize that you can argue with people and still be friends. It made me realize that there is almost always a sliver lining. It made me realize that I will have a support base, no matter where I go, in my sorority. It made me realize that I had been trusted with secrets that have been kept by women for over 150 years, and that I was a part of carrying on that legacy. It made me realize what loyalty is. It made me realize what true friendship is. It made me realize what is so special about the friendship between women. It made me realize where I am strong and where I am weak.

It was hard and sometimes I wanted to quit.

I didn't. That was the best decision I ever made. Even smarter than the decision I made to join.

Oh Jackie!!! Little Sister.... I am so PROUD of you

, a Phi Mu.

*Pammie*

Kevin · #6 01-31-2004, 11:25 PM

You don't have much in common with them?

That's what Greek Life is all about! Fraternal bonds with people who have different backgrounds than yourself!

My chapter had guys from suburbia, farmer's sons, guys raised in the 'not so nice' parts of town. Heck, we had a Japanese guy for awhile (hell of a guy).

The point is that no, I didn't have a damned thing in common with most of them except for Sigma Nu -- and that's enough!

If you go through life trying to tune out anyone that's not like yourself, you'll lead a boring life. Stick with it and in several years' time, you'll not regret your decision.

Oh and if you haven't noticed, many of the folks on this board have been with their respective organizations for years. Don't think you'll get a lot of folks telling you to cut ties and try to switch

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 01-31-2004, 11:50 PM

It's normal to feel doubts. Did I pick the right sorority, major, college, etc.? I think that you should ask yourself why you think ABC or XYZ would be a better fit for you than your current sorority. Do you think that they are closer as sisters, nicer, cooler, they have more fun, a better fit? Whatever you feel is missing, you should try to bring out in your own sorority chapter. In order to have great sisters, you need to be a great sister. I really believe that you get out of your sorority what you put into it. Sisterhood needs to be nurtured in order to grow. I think that if you put forth the effort and have a positive attitude, your doubts will disappear.

lilcutie · #8 02-01-2004, 02:17 AM

Thank you very much for the supportive posts! It makes me feel better to know that it's normal to have doubts every once in a while. It's not that I don't love my glo (and yes, I have been initiated for almost a year now), it's just that it's sometimes difficult to relate to a lot of the girls because though not traditionally, our house has a majority of Jewish girls and unfortunately, it's a strong tie for them that I don't share (but I do like to try to learn as much as I can). And my lil sis has felt the same way too, but we realize that we chose our house for a reason and we just have to keep remembering all the wonderful things. I think that living in the house will help me to strengthen the bond with a lot of girls that I might not have felt before.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #9 02-01-2004, 03:57 AM

Cream summed things up very nicely, I thought, and I'm glad you're thinking more positively about your sisterhood. Honestly, it's a normal thing to have doubts..... it's what you do NOW that matters!

LIOB, Pammie.

I love my sisters.

Rio_Kohitsuji · #10 02-01-2004, 11:03 AM

lilcutie, I'm going through the same thing you are right now! It sucks to even question the thought of dropping your letters. Hopefully, I will stick through it, and so will you.

PM me if you need to.

Greek Love, Kayla

AchtungBaby80 · #11 02-01-2004, 11:23 AM

I went through this, too, only it didn't hit me until the fall after I was initiated. My sister always told me that you join a sorority where all the members are just like you, but that's definitely not true...if it is, things would be pretty boring, wouldn't they? I stuck with it and I hope you will, too, but it's a tough road. Just remember--you're not the only one!

33girl · #12 02-01-2004, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lilcutie
I think that living in the house will help me to strengthen the bond with a lot of girls that I might not have felt before.

Living in the house DEFINITELY helps you to feel a part of the sorority - or at the very least living with other sisters.

rhochi2002 · #13 02-01-2004, 01:06 PM

I too have at times felt the what if. But in all reality I can not image being in any other sorority. We certainly all come from different backgrounds, but that is part of the beautiful about all our organizations. Our founders were not carbon copies of one another, but they built all of these amazing organizations that have in fact continued to grow on and despite our differences over time.
I think it is a developed task to really learn to respect and value all of your sisters, despite the "bad times". I know that my sisters can have a fight and be friends again tomarrow.
But being in a sorority is a life long commitment, that exudes with even more pleasure after you graduate. So if you are thinking about all that is wrong... try making a list of everything that is right. going for midnight icecream, shopping for formal dresses, staying up gossiping about boys... I promise that if you dwell on all that is going well you will see that maybe you made the very best decision for you.

astroAPhi · #14 02-01-2004, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
I went through a rough spot with my sorority. It really made me grow up.
It was hard and sometimes I wanted to quit.

Ditto that. I think every single person questions whether they did the right thing. But that year made me a much stronger person. As a matter of fact, I can say that it's made me a better, happier Alpha Phi. I learned to focus on the positive instead of all the negatives. My sisters sometimes can't stand how damn positive I am about Alpha Phi all the time, but it helps balance some of them out.

Not everything is always going to be super-duper happy. A sorority teaches you how to deal with the cards you're dealt in life.

Amen, HotDamn, amen.

Munchkin03 · #15 02-01-2004, 02:24 PM

What everyone said is true. Sometimes getting more involved or moving into the house can change your perceptions about your sisters. It can be an excellent growing experience.

But, we always talk about those for whom Greek Life isn't the Best Life. Most women and men are lucky enough to realize that early, or when they're going through Recruitment or while pledging. Well, what about those who realize that they shouldn't be in a GLO after they're initiated? What if they're having drama within their chapter that's negatively impacting their lives outside of the sorority? What if there is something at a higher level with which she/he fundamentally doesn't agree? What if one's unhappiness can be traced to their Greek organization membership?

Being in a sorority isn't always chocolate and roses. But, if it is seriously making you so unhappy and every effort at reconciliation and improving the situation has been attempted and has failed, I seriously don't see anything wrong with getting out of it. Being in a sorority is a lifetime commitment, but, should you stay in an unhealthy sorority relationship because it's a lifetime commitment? No.