A disconnect with legacies?

[33girl]

I honestly think that at some of the chapters where you can fill a pledge class two or three times over with legacies, that it is probably VERY frustrating to the current members. They probably feel like they have no say in who their sisters are going to be. I can understand wanting to cut people just because you can.

Many legacies don't want anything to do with their legacy chapter, for a myriad of reasons. Many moms/sisters need to REALLY make sure that's not the problem before they get upset. Many moms/sisters don't, because little legacy hasn't been able to be truthful with them (or get a word in edgewise).

As far as giving a legacy whose mom has been more involved more consideration - what if mom died when legacy was 5? How does that work? Also - being involved with your sorority as a volunteer is not the only way to impress how wonderful Greek life is on your child. Two of my college friends have children (one boy, one girl) entering college this year, at campi where the GLOs they joined are. Neither of them has been particularly active in their GLO as an advisor or volunteer. HOWEVER - they both are STILL in daily contact with their brothers/sisters, after 20+ years. They define "lifetime brother/sisterhood." I have no doubt their children will want to pledge after seeing how much their parents have gotten from it. By this standard, though, they should get less of a look than someone whose parent volunteered.

[AXOrushadvisor]

I have been doing the recruitment gig for a REALLY long time and I will tell you that legacies are always a sticky subject. It does take a lot of education for the Chapter to understand what a legacy can do and be especially if the legacy's mom is still involved and active in the sorority. Being a legacy can sometimes be a kiss of the death for some women going through recruitment especially if they have that entitled attitude. At the end of the day it is up to the Chapter to decide who they want to bid for membership, but it is my belief that they should make that choice wisely.

There has been so many things that have changed over the years in regards to recruitment. A lot of Moms think that if your a legacy it is a guaranteed bid (is that how it was in the olden days of the 70's and 80's?). And for some reason there are some Moms who think if you have made it through round 3 that your a auto invite to pref? As much education that needs to go on with the Chapter the Moms need to educate their daughters. I'm amazed sometimes when legacies go through recruitment and we don't know it until they tell us in a recruitment party?!

I have received tons of calls over the years. One from the Mom who sent her daughter carnations the night before pref- we released her daughter after round 3. Or the one who thinks because their daughter is a legacy that they are automatically in- some of these are nice calls others not so nice. It always breaks my heart to get the calls from the Moms who are in tears over their daughters being released.

I have a daughter who is trying to decide right now if she wants to play volleyball or join a sorority in college. I don't care what she decides to do. If she does decide that she wants to be in a sorority I will educate her on the system. She will be fully prepared. If there is an AXO house we will make a visit and I will be in contact with the Advisor. She will also be armed with recs from every Chapter EVEN if it is on a non competitive campus. She will have all the tools she will need for a successful recruitment. Getting a bid to a Chapter will, however, be up to her. I will also tell you that it would be much easier for me to have my daughter release my Chapter then the other way around. I know my daughter is the total package and for her to be released from AXO would be a BIG bitter pill for me to swallow.

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Part of the education of our sorority members has to be to instill a more panhellenic spirit. I believe myself second to none in my love for Gamma Phi. However, I know that each and every one of the other 25 NPC group could offer my daughters every bit as much love, leadership training, sisterhood and fun as Gamma Phi.

I still hope to get at least one Gamma Phi, but if I don't, I'm okay with that. My youngest wants to go to a school which doesn't have Gamma Phi, so she'll probably end up a ZTA, Phi Mu or Chi O (if really great recs and contacts count)- or maybe even one of the others. I would be thrilled no matter which one.

I feel exactly the same way. Of course I would love for my future daughter (who right now is an egg) went ADPi. But if she didn't, I'd be happy and completely support whichever chapter she chose. I'd be the surrogate ABC mom who is actually an ADPi. Just because ADPi was right for me doesn't mean it will be right for my daughter.

As for the legacies, when I was in AZ, I saw way to often legacies cut so bad because they listed their legacy status and most of the other chapters "assumed" that the PNM would "go her legacy chapter". That mentality is the hinderance. They shouldn't assume because she is a legacy she is going to go that chapter.

[gaangel5]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

We enjoy seeing toddlers wearing the t-shirts exclaiming, "I'm a Chi Omega Legacy."

Can you imagine what Carnation's granddaughters would be wearing for a legacy t-shirt? There wouldn't be enough room on that toddler's shirt to list all of the sororities. LOL

[carnation]

That's a running joke around here! None of the grandbabies have any "Future ABC" clothes but the 2 granddaughters do have lots of panda and owl clothes, respectively.

My husband thinks that the Greek needlework is going to pull the wall down, though.

[NUBlue&Blue]

I was chatting with my former neighbor this morning while we volunteered at open house at school (lots of chat time!) and she told me that her daughter's chapter has 78 legacies coming through THAT THEY KNOW ABOUT! I think at this school, they are expecting quota to be around 70.

I'm really glad that my girls chose to attend a school where there was no Kappa chapter (unless they attended my alma mater, of course) because the pressure was totally off. However, it was hard for my younger daughter because she was an in house legacy, so she got dropped by almost everybody after the second day. Sometimes sisters are alike and sometimes they are totally different, so often the younger sister at the same school doesn't have a whole lot of options, especially if she is nothing like her older sister.

[AUBoosMom]

My daughter is participating in Auburn's recruitment this week.

Question: because so many sororities at Auburn are in the same boat (with more legacies going through than they could possibly absorb), do these chapters drop PNMs because they assume they are want to pledge their legacy sororities? Or do they "get" the fact that many of the girls can't join those chapters because it's mathematically impossible?

It never occurred to me to tell my daughter NOT to list her legacy information on her recruitment application.

But then, we're from a different area of the country. Silly, naive out-of-staters!!

[GPhiBLtColonel]

In the recs I've written where the girls are legacies but completely open to joining a different sorority, I say so in the rec.

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

(is that how it was in the olden days of the 70's and 80's?).

Not from the mid-80's anyway. Our policy, which I think still stands is they had to be invited back once. And this tells me that any mother who has a daughter going through recruitment now should not be so surprised or devastated at the process. Grandma, who did (I suppose this myth was true at SOME point in sorority history) keep all legacies, ok. Maybe she can be angry and confused, but Mom shouldn't be. ESPECIALLY if she was in the "top" chapter at super competitive southern school. These schools have been that competitive for YEARS and I'm sure they were making these kinds of cuts even back then.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by AUBoosMom

My daughter is participating in Auburn's recruitment this week.

Question: because so many sororities at Auburn are in the same boat (with more legacies going through than they could possibly absorb), do these chapters drop PNMs because they assume they are want to pledge their legacy sororities? Or do they "get" the fact that many of the girls can't join those chapters because it's mathematically impossible?

It never occurred to me to tell my daughter NOT to list her legacy information on her recruitment application.

But then, we're from a different area of the country. Silly, naive out-of-staters!!

While we are not privvy to each of the chapter's selection processes at AU, we cannot tell you. However, I have never heard during membership selection that we should, Drop the PNM because she is a legacy of ABC and XYZ, because she will probably go there anyway. However, if you have a PNM saying, "I'm a legacy of ABC and XYZ and I only want those two chapters", I would encourage the chapter to move on to someone who wants us. We make sure the info is first-hand, though, and not a rumor.


ITA: Also, someone mentioned "legacy poaching". While we don't promote it, if the PNM loves your chapter and you love her, it's always a thrill to get her over the legacy chapter.

[BraveMaroon]

This is one of those topics that is fraught with nuances and isn't easily answered.

Here are a handful of scenarios I've encountered:

1. My roommate was a double leg at a very popular chapter at our school. She got dropped from them the night before prefs. Which did not sit well with mom, who lit up our dorm room phone (my roommate was out partying, and I kept taking messages), and probably the phones of several alum groups, etc. Lotta pissed off people, lotta drama.

I felt bad for her, especially I knew she'd been very outspoken to me and several other sororities that she was pledging her legacy. That was her bad, and she ended up dropping out.

2. I was a legacy at a house that invited me back to second round as a courtesy. They were polite and friendly and made me feel very welcome, but looking around at the party, I knew I wasn't their typical member. They didn't do anything to make me feel that way, but I was a Nilla Wafer surrounded by Pepperidge Farm Milanos. And I knew that. And I was fine with it. So I wasn't devastated to lose them from my party list after round two because I knew they'd given me the benefit of the doubt, and I was still left with a list of great parties with houses I loved. I never held it against them, and I doubt anyone, including my sister, lost any sleep over it.


3. My first year on the sister side of rush, we had a "megaleg" come through. Her mother had exposed her to our sorority, her sister had done the same, and we all loved her and she loved us. It was a great fit, and she's a model alum to this day. Everyone was happy.

4. The next year, we had a legacy coming to our house who I thought would have been...OK. She was definitely a little awkward, and while she had a few people championing her cause, not everyone was sold. She was very interested in us, which made it that much harder. Our advisors were pushing her HARD, and that rubbed some people the wrong way. So ultimately after a lot of discussion, we didn't invite her back. I felt bad, but at the same time - was it better to disappoint her than to have her join and be treated badly by half the chapter? As much as we'd like college women to behave like grown-ups, they're not always capable of it. But - we cut her after round two, and that freed her up to find a good fit. Which, thankfully, she did.

5. The same year, we had a legacy who came through and was extremely rude to her hostess, telling her she had no intention of setting foot in our house. And we weren't allowed to cut her, even though she had been a jackass. She didn't return for round two, which was due to her rankings, but we would have loved the satisfaction of axing her.

It reminds me of balancing chemical equations in high school - you have to carefully weigh every element and consider every factor or it could blow up on you.

Sometimes, even if you do it right, it can still blow up on you

[carnation]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

They didn't do anything to make me feel that way, but I was a Nilla Wafer surrounded by Pepperidge Farm Milanos.

This is a great analogy! But you know, that continues to happen all through life.

[BraveMaroon]

Originally Posted by carnation

This is a great analogy! But you know, that continues to happen all through life.

Well, it takes Nilla Wafers to make banana pudding, so I thrive on being built for comfort and not speed.

So to speak.

I remember my husband once described me to a friend as "sturdy". I was horrified, until I realized that sturdy gets the job done!

[carnation]

And they only think they're Milanos! Maybe they're just really...oatmeal cookies.

[HQWest]

Originally Posted by carnation

And they only think they're Milanos! Maybe they're just really...oatmeal cookies.

: ) nutter butters