How to deal with the chronically late boyfriend?

[MTSUGURL]

My boyfriend is ALWAYS late for our plans. I'm not talking 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes. I'm talking most times it's 1-2 hours. How do I deal with this? I've had people tell me to just leave the house and go somewhere when I've waited 20 minutes, I've had people tell me to just say I don't want to go anymore, and I've had people tell me to just start running on Joey time, meaning don't even start getting ready until it's time for us to leave. Help! I love this man to distraction but this is REALLY irritating me.

[AGDee]

My ex husband is like this. You have to tell him a different time from the start. He's only a half hour late always, so if we or the kids have to be somewhere at 3, I tell him 2:30. The kids know the trick too.

Or, you could decide that this is a deal breaker for you. In some ways, I think it's a real sign of selfishness that you care so little about inconveniencing others by being drastically late all the time.

[WVU alpha phi]

I've been in that situation before with both friends and a boyfriend and it drove me nuts, especially because I'm a very punctual person.

What we ended up doing with my friend was lying about the time we wanted her to be ready by. If we wanted to go out at 10, we told her 9. It worked out pretty well and if she's STILL late, then your anger can be justified ("you're over an hour late!!") even if it isn't the case.

With a boyfriend, it was more of a lack of courtesy and respect he had towards me. I'm not saying this is the case with your bf- mine was a complete dick. He managed to be on time for class, his friends, etc, and late for EVERYTHING with me. He left me sitting in an airport for over an hour one time (I found out later he was watching Good Will Hunting and didn't feel like interrupting it). If you don't think it's a lack of common courtesy, I'd try to time-lying approach.

[nittanyalum]

Get him a watch for Christmas.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

My boyfriend is ALWAYS late for our plans. I'm not talking 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes. I'm talking most times it's 1-2 hours. How do I deal with this? I've had people tell me to just leave the house and go somewhere when I've waited 20 minutes, I've had people tell me to just say I don't want to go anymore, and I've had people tell me to just start running on Joey time, meaning don't even start getting ready until it's time for us to leave. Help! I love this man to distraction but this is REALLY irritating me.

Why don't you just talk to him about it? Tell him that it really inconveniences you when he's late and makes you not want to go anywhere after having to wait for so long. If he loves you, he'll understand that and realize that he has to respect your time (just like you respect his).

After you talk to him about it, if he is still late for something, I see no problem with calling him and telling him that you have been waiting for x number of hours and that you're just going to forego the plans call it a night. I know I would just go to bed if I had been waiting on someone for 2 hours.

[SydneyK]

This would be a deal-breaker for me. Seriously.

Is he late for class/work? Is he late for the dates he plans? Or is he late only when it's something he doesn't really want to do?

Regardless of the answer to any of the questions above, I personally would have to bail. Sorry you're having to deal with that. But, as my mom always told me, when it comes to boyfriends, you get to decide what you're willing to deal with. If chronic tardiness is something you're ok with, then stick by him (and, I guess, try to find a way to change him (which is almost always a bad idea)). If it isn't, then find someone who will respect you, your time, and your time together as a couple.

[PANTHERTEKE]

I'm that guy. Although its never 2 hours late. Just 1 hour late the most. Luckily for me though, my girlfriend is understanding.

Just tell him to be somewhere one hour before you actually want him there. If you want him to be somewhere at 9, tell him to be there at 8. It works.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by PANTHERTEKE

I'm that guy. Although its never 2 hours late. Just 1 hour late the most.

Just an hour?

I get pissed off just thinking about my husband making me wait an hour for something we had planned. I mean, that's why you make plans. If you can't be there until 8pm, then don't agree to be there at 7pm. It just seems so rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful. Why would you consistently do that to someone you care about?

(I'm not really directing any of that last paragraph to you, PANTHERTEKE, it's more of a general rant. But, if you can help me understand why the people who do this think it's ok, then that'd be great.)

[PANTHERTEKE]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

But, if you can help me understand why the people who do this think it's ok, then that'd be great.

I have no idea, but maybe it's because my girlfriend puts up with it. I bet if she gave me a really hard time then I would try a lot harder to show up to places on time.

Maybe MTSUGirl and co. aren't giving their boyfriends/husbands enough of a hard time. Bitch your ass off, guys hate bitching and they'll do what it takes to avoid hearing your mouth.

[agzg]

My boyfriend always makes me wait because he waits to get ready until the laaaaaaaaaast minute. We're planning on leaving in 20 minutes and he hasn't even taken a shower yet.

Drives me nuts. But if we tell someone a time, we're there by then. If we're going somewhere, we're only ever about 15 minutes later than planned. Probably because I'm always saying "are you ready yet? Are you ready yet? Are you ready now? How about now? COME. ON." It's pretty effective.

Watch he'll break up with me because I nag him or something. I figure if this is the only thing I nag about he can live with it.

[preciousjeni]

Leave without him! What's all this catering? Lateness is so disrespectful and no one deserves habitual lateness.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

My boyfriend is ALWAYS late for our plans. I'm not talking 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes. I'm talking most times it's 1-2 hours. How do I deal with this? I've had people tell me to just leave the house and go somewhere when I've waited 20 minutes, I've had people tell me to just say I don't want to go anymore, and I've had people tell me to just start running on Joey time, meaning don't even start getting ready until it's time for us to leave. Help! I love this man to distraction but this is REALLY irritating me.

What's he doing for 2 hours when he should be getting ready?

And is this for things you should be punctual to, or are we just talking general social functions?

[Benzgirl]

I'm with Dee. I dated a guy like this and I always told him to be somewhere at 2 when he needed to be there by 3. He never caught on until his sister did it to him once and he actually showed up at the time she told him to arrive. Sister and I both got such a laugh out of it.

[aephi alum]

Chronically showing up 1-2 hours late is disrespectful and rude. What would happen to you if you were chronically 1-2 hours late to work? You'd get a talking-to. If it continued, you'd get formally disciplined and eventually fired. So - give him a talking-to. Be prepared to "discipline" him (by not waiting around for him to show up) and to "fire" him (dump him) if he doesn't shape up.

[AKA_Monet]

Gwirlfriend...

If he thinks of you in the last minute, he will treat you like the last minute...

What are you willing to tolerate from this man? Is his pee-pee worth it?