still single.... - Page 3

Diamond Girl · #31 01-06-2014, 04:13 PM

I'm at a point where it's frustrating for me. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. Others may differ, but for me, it's not about wanting to meet a man to marry because all of my friends are doing it or because everybody around me is doing it, it's because I don't want to spend the rest of my life without a companion I can call my own.

I'm not buying the fact that I have to stop believing what I read. I believe what I know based on my own observations. It is by far much more difficult outside of college and in this day and age to meet and get involved romantically with a nice man. There are more trifling men out there today (based on my experience) than there are good ones. Most men are dogs, cheats and liars.

I feel the original poster's pain. It's really frustrating. But I would rather be single than in a miserable marriage lol. But there are some people who do not like to be by themselves. I'm one of those people. It should not be this hard to meet nice, single men.

DrPhil · #32 01-06-2014, 05:13 PM

The classic movie "He's Just Not That Into You" has some things touched upon in this thread. It is on E! right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diamond Girl

Most men are dogs, cheats and liars.

If you believe that....

I think it's more accurate to say "most people are full of shit until given a reason not to be." It may be the case that you find your Knight in Shining Armor, an assumed exception to your "men are dogs" rule, but if you knew how he treated the woman(en) before you, you may be apprehensive and skeptical. Even the nicest and most loving man in the world can be annoying, dishonest, and hurtful depending on the circumstances (even if it seems justified). That's about humans being human and not exclusive to men.

ASUADPi · #33 01-06-2014, 09:31 PM

Someone asked me about adoption- I would love to adopt. There are so many children that need good homes. But I would like to have my own child. I want to experience pregnancy and childbirth and everything that comes with it (as weird as that sounds).

Thank you for all the kind words and support.

ADPiEE · #34 01-07-2014, 12:07 AM

I had a long post typed up and my cat walked across the keyboard and deleted it :/

Bottom line, everyone has already given you great advice and encouragement. I just wanted to send you some sisterly support too!

honeychile · #35 01-07-2014, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ADPiEE

I had a long post typed up and my cat walked across the keyboard and deleted it :/

Bottom line, everyone has already given you great advice and encouragement. I just wanted to send you some sisterly support too!

Like!

I never wanted anything as much as being a wife and mother (okay, and the writer of the Great American Novel). Nothing. I married a man who told me that he wanted the same thing for me, and it was a complete and utter disaster.

Four years after the ink was dry on the divorce papers, I met Mr. Right. I didn't think so at the time, and it took five years for us to realize that we were better together than alone - but it took us another ten years to actually marry. We both had at least one parent who needed us, and the long distance thing was horrible. When my mother died, I knew that it was a matter of time before I moved (still don't love Chicago, but that's another story).

My advice: life doesn't always happen the way we want it. Both of us wanted a child of our own, but we're now not even in the position to adopt. I'm unemployed, we're feeling the financial pinch, but guess what? We both feel that getting married was the best move we ever made. It didn't make sense, we didn't meet the ideals that we had for a mate, but it works.

Where did I look for a mate? I went to churches, especially the older singles groups or divorce groups. No, you haven't divorced, but you'll learn a lot about life after thirty & forty. Maybe you're meant to be a stepmother - NOT the Disney kind, but a real, loving stepmother. I attended conventions and clubs in things that interested me - and I met my DH at a soccer convention. I let everyone I knew that I was open to be introduced to single guys.

And if you're sincerely interested in sports, I could probably introduce you to a few of DH's single friends. They're good, solid men who are responsible, have good standards, and are employed. No, they're not millionaires, but if you're interested, let me know. Maybe you, polarpi, & I can get together....

We'll be praying for you!

33girl · #36 01-07-2014, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Jen, hugs and positive energy to you, as well.

Never having children and/or never getting married doesn't mean you will be old and lonely. The average person in a retirement facility or who dies home alone has children. I strongly recommend not having children based on a promise for what may happen 18+ years down the road. That probability is as low and unfair as forcing a child to be her parent's bestfriend because the parent is friendless and lonely. Children don't sign contracts and promises. While legal spouses technically sign contracts, that doesn't mean the union will last through your elderly years.

TRUTH. I used to think that being an only child sucked the worst because you were the only one to take care of your parents...those with siblings had help sharing the burden. I've realized that's not always true and a lot of times (and I don't mean by geographical or $ necessity) one person ends up doing everything anyway. Same with having kids to take care of you.

ASUADPi, don't take this the wrong way but if you feel like the virginity issue is hanging you up/holding you back, you might want to see about a sex surrogate. Sex and love don't always equate and it might be healthy to separate the two.

carnation · #37 01-07-2014, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

ASUADPi, don't take this the wrong way but if you feel like the virginity issue is hanging you up/holding you back, you might want to see about a sex surrogate.

OK, I'll be the one to ask. Is a sex surrogate some kind of "professional" or is it just some random guy?

33girl · #38 01-07-2014, 11:20 AM

No, I mean a professional. The only reason I say this is fear of either having a perfect relationship with a man and then sleeping w him and it sucks, or the opposite - having sex so good it clouds your brain to things you should be clear headed about. My point is that sex is often messy and ridiculous. If you romanticize it too much it can lead to heartache.

Like I said, that's only if she feels virginity is a hurdle that's holding her back. If it's not and you own it, then it's not a big deal.

Munchkin03 · #39 01-07-2014, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

OK, I'll be the one to ask. Is a sex surrogate some kind of "professional" or is it just some random guy?

It's a professional. They work with a client and a therapist to make it happen for the client.

I think there was a movie about this recently with Helen Hunt.

Diamond Girl · #40 01-08-2014, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The classic movie "He's Just Not That Into You" has some things touched upon in this thread. It is on E! right now.

If you believe that....

I think it's more accurate to say "most people are full of shit until given a reason not to be." It may be the case that you find your Knight in Shining Armor, an assumed exception to your "men are dogs" rule, but if you knew how he treated the woman(en) before you, you may be apprehensive and skeptical. Even the nicest and most loving man in the world can be annoying, dishonest, and hurtful depending on the circumstances (even if it seems justified). That's about humans being human and not exclusive to men.

lol true to that. Nobody is perfect, but I'm talking about men who are honest, mean well, and who don't cheat or never have cheated. Today, there are more liars, cheats, and dogs out there than there are men who are not that way.

DrPhil · #41 01-08-2014, 10:51 AM

I read something about the assumption regarding women and regret. Every time women think for ourselves, ignore the naysayers, and choose a life that works for us, we are told we are going counter to the life script and "you will regret it." Men are most often trusted to know what the hell they are doing with their lives.

Humans are social creatures (including introverts) so it isn't shocking to let what people say get to you to some extent. That includes if you use what people say as illustrations of why your choices are what's best for you.

This thread only has women posters which is indicative of how gendered this topic is. Men tend not to encounter this issue to the extent that women encounter.

StealthMode · #42 01-08-2014, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This thread only has women posters which is indicative of how gendered this topic is.

I noticed that as well.

I2K BetaMu · #43 01-09-2014, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

ASUADPi, don't take this the wrong way but if you feel like the virginity issue is hanging you up/holding you back, you might want to see about a sex surrogate. Sex and love don't always equate and it might be healthy to separate the two.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It's a professional. They work with a client and a therapist to make it happen for the client.

I think there was a movie about this recently with Helen Hunt.

Hold the hell up. They got a dude who ass taps for a living? LOL! So basically, dude can come in to fill out the application, turn in a resume and medical history, and if they think dude is cool, he would get a job like that? If I would have known about this before I tied the knot, I would have interviewed for that position a long time ago. Free ass, and then to get paid to hit it? goddamn LOL!

ASTalumna06 · #44 01-09-2014, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I2K BetaMu

Hold the hell up. They got a dude who ass taps for a living? LOL! So basically, dude can come in to fill out the application, turn in a resume and medical history, and if they think dude is cool, he would get a job like that? If I would have known about this before I tied the knot, I would have interviewed for that position a long time ago. Free ass, and then to get paid to hit it? goddamn LOL!

Hey, prostitution has been around for a looong time.

Seriously, though; am I reading this whole "professional" thing right? How is that legal? Or is it..?

I2K BetaMu · #45 01-09-2014, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Hey, prostitution has been around for a looong time.

Seriously, though; am I reading this whole "professional" thing right? How is that legal? Or is it..?

LOL Exactly. I feel you AST. I look at prostitution as illegal, although it shouldn't be. But the way I'm reading what was posted is a dude or dudes who work for a company that females can call who want to have a shorty, but are having a hard time meeting a cool dude who would hit it and give them the shorty. I wonder how they would charge.

First nut I bust is $350.00. If I gotta bust two more back to back nuts, that's $1,000.00 LOL!!!