Picky dinner guests (kids)

[ree-Xi]

When we invite my sister's family over to eat, there's always a battle of some sort. Two of my sisters kids (8 & 10) are very picky eaters.

Whether it's a five-course Turkey dinner, or a cookout with burgers, dogs and chicken, they will ask me for chicken nuggets. And the nuggets have to be the ones that are shaped like dinosaurs. If not, they throw them away.

I always have a variety of dishes to suit everyone. I even ask what each person will want before they show up, to make sure that we cook enough of each type of food. My food is not overly flavored, though I have a variety of dressings and spices should someone want bbq or teryaki on their chicken, or mesquite on their steak. Basically, everyone (else) enjoys my food.

If the kids does choose hot dogs, they say "yuck" when it goes on their plate, because they will only eat dogs from the ballpark, and won't eat hot dogs with "lines on them" (from the grill). Same with burgers. Once on their plate, they announce that they will only eat McDonalds burgers. And whatever they do put on their plate, 75% goes in the trash, claiming that they are stuffed but ready to move onto dessert. So even if I do get those dinosaur nuggets, out of the 8 bucks for the pack of 25, maybe 6 pieces re eaten.

I used to indulge them when they were younger, but it's at the point where I think the kids should eat what I cook.

My sister regularly makes remarks like "we'll get McD's on the way home, kids, or will say "we should have stopped on the way so that the kids will have something they will eat. Mind you, the six year old will eat anything put in front of her - steak, chicken, salad, broccoli, fruit, vegetables.

Other friends of mine with picky nieces and nephews refuse to indulge and make 5 different meals. What do you all think? Yes, the two older kids pull this at home as well. When I was growing up, you ate what was put on your plate.

Any ideas on how to handle this? I don't want to be inhospitable, but it makes for some drama, and I hate having drama. And lastly, I always have a lot of leftovers that we end up not being able to eat.

[DrPhil]

I blame your sister. The kids sound spoiled beyond their preference for food.

I'm a picky eater and my family and friends cook to accomodate picky eaters and people with food allergies. However, there's an understanding that if you're too picky you need to take your ass to a restaurant or cook it yourself/purchase the food that they cook for you. And I'm not an ungrateful GUEST who would complain or say "ewww" over something that someone cooked.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Yeah it sounds like the mother is the main root of the problem since she excuses the behavior. If you and her both gave them a choice of eating what is served or nothing they would.

[knight_shadow]

Ages 8 and 10? That's a little old to be THAT damn picky.

[DaemonSeid]

"When I was growing up, you ate what was put on your plate. "

^^^^THIS!!!

You know what in my mom and grandmom's house, there was no being picky...it was eat it and don't argue.

If you did,there was a pop to the mouth or worse.

I don't have that problem with my nephews and niece.

My house is the same way.

Want to avoid drama, they need to stay home or bring their food. Otherwise go back that that statement above.

I got money that says that's not the only issue dear sister has with her kids.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Yeah it sounds like the mother is the main root of the problem since she excuses the behavior. If you and her both gave them a choice of eating what is served or nothing they would.

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Ages 8 and 10? That's a little old to be THAT damn picky.

Yes and yes. Obviously your sister knows how picky they are. If they can only eat dinosaur chicken nuggets (Seriously? At ages 8 and 10!?!?!?! I mean, ok, if it's a 4 or 5 year old, but come on!), she should bring the damn nuggets or buy them something they will eat. It would be different if they had food allergies or your sister's family is vegetarian (always easy to have options/adapt meals to be friendly to both), but she is excusing their behavior. It is not your job to cater to ridiculous whims.

Though, if they do like hot dogs but don't like "lines", would they eat them if they were boiled or microwaved? That way you don't have to buy anything extra and it's not much extra work.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

If the kids does choose hot dogs, they say "yuck" when it goes on their plate, because they will only eat dogs from the ballpark, and won't eat hot dogs with "lines on them" (from the grill). Same with burgers. Once on their plate, they announce that they will only eat McDonalds burgers. And whatever they do put on their plate, 75% goes in the trash, claiming that they are stuffed but ready to move onto dessert. So even if I do get those dinosaur nuggets, out of the 8 bucks for the pack of 25, maybe 6 pieces re eaten.

This to me is the real issue. Yes, kids that age (and older) can be picky eaters, and sometimes that pickiness can be exasperating. I know it first hand. And I think you have done what any thoughtful host or hostess does -- trying to know their preferences beforehand and have something they'll like.

The problem is not that they're picky eaters; it's that they're rude and your sister is letting them be rude.

If they don't like it, they can not eat and be hungry. If sister is so inclined, she can provide for them to eat something else before or after. But she should never allow a "yuck," an "I'm not eating this" or "I only eat McDonalds' burgers." Not acceptable.

I know younger kids sometimes have a instinctive need to say "yuck." I worked out a signal with mine. If they really needed to let me know how yucky they thought the food at someone else's house was, they could scratch an ear. I'd know what they meant. But under no cirumstances could they verbalize that feeling or indicate it with facial expressions.

[KSUViolet06]

I babysit for a little girl who is 5.

When she got into being picky around age 2, instead of encouraging her to eat what was cooked, they would make her entirely separate meals everyday (of hot dogs, Kraft mac, or nuggets).

Now she is 5 years old. They are obviously tired of catering to her pickiness, and want her to start eating what Mom and Dad cook (it's healthier for her than her usual food too).

So they have started refusing to make her a separate meal of frozen nuggets and Kraft mac. Only problem is now she is so used to getting her way with food, that it is an all out battle to get her to eat what's there.

The last time I sat for her, mom made breakfast before she and dad went out for brunch on Mother's Day. They told me that she was either supposed to eat the food, or just not eat until lunch. She had a tantrum the entire morning.

All of this to say that pickyness needs to be addressed at some point or it will become a bigger issue and it will be very hard to get them to eat normally after catering to them for so long.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

All of this to say that pickyness needs to be addressed at some point or it will become a bigger issue and eventually they will come to GC and complain that the chapter who gave them a bid is not good enough for them.

Fixed that for you.

[RaggedyAnn]

I accomodate for allergies and vegetarians and that is it. I also make sure I have whole milk in the house too, so that parents don't need to bring beverages with them. I have one brother who likes to serve his son particular foods, so he brings that with him and serves it at dinner, but that child is 2.

I think you have gone way above and beyond. Don't feel guilty about just serving what you planned. Unless their Mom is going to pay the $8 for the nuggets, I would stop and not feel guilty at all-but that's just me.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

My sister regularly makes remarks like "we'll get McD's on the way home, kids, or will say "we should have stopped on the way so that the kids will have something they will eat.

You really shouldn't let her attempts at guilt-tripping get to you.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Fixed that for you.

You win. LOL.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

This to me is the real issue. Yes, kids that age (and older) can be picky eaters, and sometimes that pickiness can be exasperating. I know it first hand. And I think you have done what any thoughtful host or hostess does -- trying to know their preferences beforehand and have something they'll like.

The problem is not that they're picky eaters; it's that they're rude and your sister is letting them be rude.

If they don't like it, they can not eat and be hungry. If sister is so inclined, she can provide for them to eat something else before or after. But she should never allow a "yuck," an "I'm not eating this" or "I only eat McDonalds' burgers." Not acceptable.

I know younger kids sometimes have a instinctive need to say "yuck." I worked out a signal with mine. If they really needed to let me know how yucky they thought the food at someone else's house was, they could scratch an ear. I'd know what they meant. But under no cirumstances could they verbalize that feeling or indicate it with facial expressions.

Co-Sign all of the above.

I was a picky eater as a kid, and I promise that it was not an issue of just wanting my way. To this day there are a wide range of food items that I just find unpleasant despite the fact that I truly do continue to "try them" for the sake of making life easier. However, I was taught very young to never be rude to my hosts and my parents would either feed me prior to an event, bring along snacks, or just tell me to eat what I could.

The issue is that your sister has not trained her old-enough-to-know better children how to be polite in a setting where there may be food that they don't enjoy. Also, at this age, needing chicken nuggets in a certain shape or hot dogs without lines does NOT constitute pickiness... it constitutes brattiness. There is a huge difference.

Do the parents allow the children to eat dessert after that type of behavior and so little intake of the actual meal? Yikes.

Anyway, you are by no means obliged to indulge these children anymore. A pre-schooler is one thing, but these are more than old enough now.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Fixed that for you.

You win at life. Best post ever.

[SydneyK]

ree-Xi, do you think that your sister allows her children to be rude to you simply because you're family? I know several people who think there's an obvious divide between what's appropriate for family and what's appropriate for non-family; unfortunately, the divide results in the family always getting dumped on. Personally, I think it's sad to treat non-family better than family, but hey, it seems to work for some people. I suspect your sister is one of those people. If I were in your shoes, I'd have a heart-to-heart with Sissy.