Joint account or separate account

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

ETA: One more thing I forgot to mention. I remember the pastor who got the woman pregnant, he used to get on these crazy off topic sermons about how he's tired of watching married men in the church checking out the women as they walk down the isle to give, and how a man should love his wife as he loves his own body LOL! Yet, this trifling dude was screwing around on his wife and had the mistress pregnant...dude please.

How can you not go immediately to that when you hear someone (literally in your case) preaching so vehemently. After all the proof we've been given over and over again, any Congressman who is a public homophobe you KNOW is getting some in the cloak room. The best we can hope for is the man he's shtooping is a grown up. Proof once again that taking it down a notch is the way to go.

When people talk about marriages and what works, I think of a woman I know who has been married for 25 years. They fight like cats and dogs every single day. It's unbelievably uncomfortable to be around them for any extended period of time. Every little moment of less than pure bliss is an invitation to start screaming. 25 years. This is clearly the marriage they want or they'd have gotten out of that hell before they even got married - it was like this from day one. I would have bet $100 they'd never make it down the aisle. I believe they use a joint account and I highly doubt she has her own bank account. She trusts him completely, and as far as I can tell, she's safe to. But I'd have hanged myself years ago before putting up with that much negativity every day.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you're that far apart on money, IMO you shouldn't get married in the first place. It's SO much heavier than people realize. Even if you have separate accounts, if you're saying every other day "it's MY money and I'll do what I want with it" that's not a healthy relationship. Maybe you're not fighting-fighting, but you're still feeling the disapproval of the other person.

(Thanks heaven that I learned this lesson in my very first serious relationship.)

Agreed completely...I've heard many stories where money arguments end the relationship. Money touches so many parts of daily lives (job, mortgage/rent, bills, groceries).

I agree with everyone else that whether you do one account or separate accounts, there is no one correct answer. My wife and I have been married a little over 6 years, and that was one of the first issues we worked out after getting married.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

How can you not go immediately to that when you hear someone (literally in your case) preaching so vehemently.

I think most people would. I'm not saying that he should be damned to hell because of it, though (like a lot of people were saying when it happened). I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. Not because I would cheat on my s/o (that's not me) but because we all are tempted by things we don't need, or shouldn't have. It could be spending habits, eating habits, laziness, etc. In his case it's women LOL. I only left the church not only because he wasn't practicing what he was preaching, but because I'm not comfortable around men who womanize. I don't agree with it, so I don't support it by going around it (knowing about it). I guess the only thing I could hope for with both pastors is that they get help, practice what they preach, and for the most part love and honor their wives. I think a man who honors his wife, that's pretty much the most important thing he can do, not only for himself, but for his children too. (if he has any)

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

When people talk about marriages and what works, I think of a woman I know who has been married for 25 years. They fight like cats and dogs every single day. It's unbelievably uncomfortable to be around them for any extended period of time. Every little moment of less than pure bliss is an invitation to start screaming. 25 years. This is clearly the marriage they want or they'd have gotten out of that hell before they even got married - it was like this from day one. I would have bet $100 they'd never make it down the aisle. I believe they use a joint account and I highly doubt she has her own bank account. She trusts him completely, and as far as I can tell, she's safe to. But I'd have hanged myself years ago before putting up with that much negativity every day.

I see your point, and I agree with you. I don't like being around negative people, either. I know a couple who hits each other and uses verbally abusive language toward each other. They've been married for over 13 years. They have a joint and two separate accounts based on what he told me. He used to be my roomie when I was in college, and they've been together since college. When we were roommates, they got into it once when I was in the room. I told them to leave because I didn't want to see it or hear it. I think the biggest reasons for divorce are money, sex, and communication. Technically communication covers both sex and money, really. So I think it's communication that causes the most problems in most marriages or courtships. There are several reason why couples stay together, I don't think some of it is healthy, but not all couples see marriage or courtship the same way I do. As long as people don't bring their negativity around me, I just let folks do their thing, while I do mine.