GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > Greek Life

Greek Life This forum is for various discussion topics regarding greek life. If you are posting a non-greek related message, please do so in one of the General Chat Topic forums.


Register Now for FREE!
Join GreekChat.com, The Fraternity & Sorority Greek Chat Network. To sign up for your FREE account INSTANTLY fill out the form below!

Username: Password: Confirm Password: E-Mail: Confirm E-Mail:
 
Image Verification
Please enter the six letters or digits that appear in the image opposite.

  I agree to forum rules 

» GC Stats
Members: 325,124
Threads: 115,503
Posts: 2,196,047
Welcome to our newest member, znathanhulzeo24
» Online Users: 1,428
0 members and 1,428 guests
No Members online
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-27-2004, 01:25 PM
IowaStatePhiPsi IowaStatePhiPsi is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,624
Greek Member Classification

http://www.iowastatedaily.com/vnews/.../417f1901f2c61

Quote:
October 27, 2004
COLUMN: Forget the election, let's talk about fraternities

Jon Crosbie is a senior in pre-medicine from Ames.

By Jon Crosbie
Iowa State Daily columnist

You might be thinking that I'd shift proverbial gears this week and do something more serious or political, given that one of the biggest elections of our lives is less than a week away.

Hell no, Iowa State, I wouldn't do that to you. Instead, I thought I'd write a highly researched and overly generalizing piece on the greek system. I shall focus on fraternities and more specifically, fraternal classification.

Already a legion of young men are throwing down Abercrombie visors in disgust, along with this newspaper. This is a good thing, because people who take themselves too seriously probably shouldn't read this column. I never did when I was in a house.

Yes, Iowa State, I once adorned myself with Greek letters and have a little plastic card to prove that I am a Sigma Phi Epsilon alumnus from a different school. It was the time spent there that allowed me to compile a listing of certain people you might find in a house. I call it "Knowing the Greek Dude." Every house has them.

Let us start with the most basic species, frattus stereotypicus. This particular guy is the pretty boy of his fraternity, takes forever to get ready and knows the WB's Wednesday night schedule by heart. Every house has one, and I actually roomed with ours. His name was Brian Moos, and he was physically incapable of leaving the house without two hours of preparatory grooming. Moos smelled better, dressed better and was more concerned with his shoes than most girls.

Frattus extendus familius is also quite easy to spot because of an obnoxious habit of over using the word "brother" in regard to the members of his house. It's "brother" this and "brother" that. Extendus familius is instantly recognized by the members of his own house when he refers to people as "Brother Schmerdly" or "Brother Grabowski." This is usually the guy who gets way too sentimental when drinking and will tell you (if you cannot escape) that he loves you. Then he hugs you, because brothers gotta hug, man.

Moving through the house, you can find frattus thatswhatitsallaboutus. This particular young man is convinced that everything is "what it's all about." Usually he is involved with recruitment. The phrase "that's what it's all about" along with an approving, paternal head nod separates this particular species.

"See that? A bunch of guys, sitting around, watching football ... that's what it's all about. Recruitment gentlemen ... that's what it's all about. Sharing clothes, that's the love ... that's what it's all about."

Frattus defendicus has already stopped reading this article. He is the guy who is tremendously offended anytime somebody calls it "a frat." A volcanic rage will come over him, and you should probably back slowly away before he says to you, "It's a FRAH-TUR-NIH-TEE," so you know it's a four-syllable word.

Certain frattus defendici will follow that up with "You wouldn't call your country a ..." and then trail off while looking at you as if you now believe that shortening a word is a grievous sin. Then he will go off to have a Dr Pepper because he is so original.

I shall end by describing frattus sensus candorus, or the guy who is able to laugh at himself. Those are the ones I hung out with. They believe "Animal House" was a work of cinematic genius to be celebrated, not denounced. They laugh at the punchline to the joke "How many Sig Eps does it take to screw in a light bulb?" (none, they're all too busy watching "Dawson's Creek" and wishing their middle letter was an Alpha). They do this because it's clever and also because they know the rebuttal joke (which I can't print).

I suppose I should end with something political, just on principle: I'm a fraternity alum and I approved this column. There. That'll do.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-27-2004, 03:38 PM
astroAPhi astroAPhi is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 1,482
Send a message via AIM to astroAPhi
They ran out of stuff to print this week, didn't they?





I can respect satire, but I expect my satire to be a little funnier. Or to have more of a point.
__________________
alpha phi
My love's the ivy, my love's forget-me-nots, my love's the silver and bordeaux.

TKE Omicron Nu Chapter Sweetheart 2003
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-27-2004, 04:33 PM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I can't seem to keep track!
Posts: 5,803
I was ROTFL. That was great.

He forgot to include --

Frattus Stonericus... the guy whose room is always filled with smoke... and whom you'll never see in class.

Frattus Alumnus Hanger Onicus ... the alum who can't accept that he's graduated and needs to move on.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-27-2004, 05:12 PM
KillarneyRose KillarneyRose is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Naptown
Posts: 6,608
Well then, how about the girls? Doesn't every house have a:

Sorus Letterus Omnipresentus - Never ventures out without lavaliere, letter sweatshirt, letter ballcap or letter bookbag. Or sometimes all of the above.

Sorus Handus Stampitus - You can find her Friday morning in class draped over her desk and clutching a styrofoam coffee cup in one hand while the back of the other hand is still festooned with door stamps from all the bars she was hopping to and from not so many hours ago.

Sorus Sephoras - The go-to sister for all your make-up needs. Her room is Command Central before going out for the evening; everyone stops by for a quick face or hair touch-up. The hairspray in the room renders the air almost unbreathable but that's ok; you do what you have to do.

Sorus Invisiblus - The sister you see at meetings, but that's about it. No one really knows what she does or where she does it.

Sorus Crius Shoulderus - The sister who is always there with kind words, a pint of ice cream and a willingness to just listen. Knows all the dirt on the entire house but would never tell a soul.
__________________
I ♥ Delta Zeta ~ Proud Mom of an Omega Phi Alpha and a Phi Mu
"I just don't want people to go around thinking I'm the kind of person who doesn't believe in God or voted for Kerry." - Honeychile
Hail to Pitt!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-27-2004, 05:20 PM
ISUKappa ISUKappa is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,464
Quote:
Originally posted by astroAPhi
I can respect satire, but I expect my satire to be a little funnier. Or to have more of a point.
Most of his columns are like that, none of them ever really have a point.
__________________
It's gonna be a hootenanny.
Or maybe a jamboree.
Or possibly even a shindig or lollapalooza.
Perhaps it'll be a hootshinpaloozaree. I don't know.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-27-2004, 05:22 PM
elizlang_ast elizlang_ast is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 56
Okay, just for the fun of it...

How about...

Frattus Never Graduatis - The member who's been there so long, his pledge bros come back (years later) to see him at Homecoming

OR

Sororus/Frattus Smartus Everus (i.e. Sororus/Frattus Organized Scholarus ) - The one member who no matter how many activities/events you have during the week always manages to attend ALL of them, make time to study, have a social life, and still graduate with a 4.0!
(I swear, true story...)
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-27-2004, 07:07 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 15,390
Funny how some faces come to mind as you read each of these!

Dee
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-27-2004, 10:17 PM
BetteDavisEyes BetteDavisEyes is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: USS Insanity
Posts: 4,968
Quote:
Originally posted by elizlang_ast
Okay, just for the fun of it...

How about...

Frattus Never Graduatis - The member who's been there so long, his pledge bros come back (years later) to see him at Homecoming

OR

Sororus/Frattus Smartus Everus (i.e. Sororus/Frattus Organized Scholarus ) - The one member who no matter how many activities/events you have during the week always manages to attend ALL of them, make time to study, have a social life, and still graduate with a 4.0!
(I swear, true story...)
I started laughing so hard when I read this b/c our President is the girl with the 4.0 who is EVERYWHERE!!! She's awesome but I don't know how she does it.

As for the frattus Never Graduatis, one of my favorite sisters is the girl version of this. I love it.
__________________
By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she is wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-27-2004, 11:08 PM
astroAPhi astroAPhi is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 1,482
Send a message via AIM to astroAPhi
Man, you guys are way funnier than that dude.
__________________
alpha phi
My love's the ivy, my love's forget-me-nots, my love's the silver and bordeaux.

TKE Omicron Nu Chapter Sweetheart 2003
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-28-2004, 09:18 AM
AchtungBaby80 AchtungBaby80 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Lexington, KY, USA
Posts: 3,185
Send a message via ICQ to AchtungBaby80 Send a message via AIM to AchtungBaby80 Send a message via Yahoo to AchtungBaby80
Quote:
Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Sorus Letterus Omnipresentus - Never ventures out without lavaliere, letter sweatshirt, letter ballcap or letter bookbag. Or sometimes all of the above.
Awww, thanks for giving me my very own category, KillarneyRose!

You all are hilarious! I'm going to have to copy this thread and e-mail it to my friends.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:53 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.