Considering quitting...at a loss! NEED HELP. :(

[ConcernedPres]

Hey everyone!

So, I am the Chapter President of a chapter that was recently colonized. Our Exec board is very diverse when it comes to opinions and priorities, which is good when trying to encompass different perspectives, but difficult when trying to compromise. Additionally, we have an officer from our national office who has been with us from the beginning that is still actively involved in our chapter, too much recently in my opinion. She makes one-on-one decisions for the chapter, schedules meetings with our new members without telling anyone, randomly appoints people to positions, and does not let us do things our chapter wants to do (i.e. new member exec positions, have a service event on our day of service, etc.) This has posed a real issue for me as the President. Half of the executive board goes along with whatever she says because she is the 'expert' while the other half is continuously questioning her ideas. Additionally, in a recent survey sent out to our chapter, there is a lot of distrust towards the executive board because of 'last minute and random decisions' that we aren't making, but she is. I, personally, feel like she is way out of line. We have approached her countless times and nothing has gotten better. I just feel like I am fighting everyone and everyone dislikes me as President so I just don't know what to do anymore. I need some general advice to figure out if I'm overreacting or not.

Being new to sororities and being a new president, I guess I'm just confused as to what my position is. For example, our bylaws have been drafted and sent for approval, yet I haven't even seen them yet or know what is in them, nor did I have any input (nor did the rest of the chapter, just a few members and one Exec position). Is that normal?

Also, one of our new members recently dropped after talking through e-mail with our national chapter officer. Our membership office was notified of it, but our national chapter officer never informed me (the only reason I know is because of my close friendship with the membership officer). Is that also normal?

What am I doing wrong?

[TriDeltaSallie]

I'm sorry to hear things have been stressful. I am sure you will get some good feedback here, but it might not be until tomorrow since you posted later in the evening.

The national officer... You said you've approached her many times. Would you please explain that a bit more? Who is "we" and what kinds of things have you approached her about? Is "we" the Exec Board? A few officers? Who exactly? And what topics/problems have you attempted to bring up? How did she respond? Was she clueless? Hostile? Indifferent? Angry?

It is really unfortunate for your chapter that her involvement is undermining the chapter leadership. It would seem that she would know that she is there to support you as you learn the ropes and establish your chapter on campus. Undermining the chapter leadership isn't going to bode well for the future of the chapter.

Do you personally know the person that this national officer reports to? As in, have you personally interacted with her? I'm not saying to call her right this minute, but just trying to get a feel for your relationship with her. What about your local advisors? Do you have those yet?

Being a chapter president is one of the greatest experiences and one of the most difficult. I loved it and it also gave me a couple of my very lowest moments in college. Hang in there. You became chapter president for a reason. Keep trying to think win-win. How can you lead your chapter effectively and also deal with this person? If you truly feel that you've exhausted all your options and she is doing real harm to the chapter... Then you might have to make the decision to call someone higher up. But be sure to document what you have done so far. Make a list of the conversations you've tried to have with this woman, who else was a part of it, what the issue was, and what the outcome was. Paper trails are always a good thing.

[DubaiSis]

You have a nearly singular opportunity to learn what our Congressional representatives haven't. Being the person in charge can be very difficult and very regularly you have to work with douchebags. And STILL have to get things done. The good news is when you start to be really annoyed by headquarters' interference, you're probably about ready to be on your own.

I'm sure you have other advisors there to help. If your national rep isn't treating you like the boss (which she should - you're the president) then you need to go over her head. It's very possible that she doesn't have that much experience and/or the experience she does have isn't similar to your situation. While I don't condone going over someone's head at the first problem, if you are that frustrated, now is the time. She is there to facilitate YOU, not the reverse.

But don't quit, for a whole bunch of reasons. Stick it out for the good of the group and for the good of yourself. If this were the only time in your life you encounter this type of hard-headed management, you would be a VERY lucky person. Trust me, and I apologize, but you've got plenty more of this in your life.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ConcernedPres

Hey everyone!

So, I am the Chapter President of a chapter that was recently colonized.

How recently is recently? Are we talking 6 months, a year, 3 years? (Vaguely - I don't want you to out yourself obviously)

Did your chapter start as an interest group on campus, or was the colonization from the ground up - i.e. national officers and volunteers came to the campus and chose the charter members?

As far as the girl dropping, your membership chairman or VP or whatever she is should have definitely followed chain of command and informed you, even if the chapter is huge.

[ConcernedPres]

The first time we confronted our national officer was during recruitment. She and a visiting officer, as well as the woman she reports to, came to our chapter to help us with recruitment. It was an absolute nightmare. They changed everything last minute, completely ran every single workshop, and would not listen to chapter suggestions when we were unhappy with how things were running. I think the visiting officers realized our officer hadn't prepared us for recruitment as she should have and they kind of went into intense control mode to make up for it. After they were all consistently rude to us, wouldn't listen to our advice (since we know our campus culture), and continuously bashed our Greek Life office, I had had enough. I approached the Exec board about my concerns, realized morale within the chapter was low, and the Exec board agreed it needed to be addressed before the second weekend. We sat down with the two officers (the woman who they report to was out of town when we met with them unfortunately, but she was just as bad) and expressed our concerns. We talked to them about how we felt our opinions weren't being heard, we didn't have a say in how we were representing our chapter, chapter morale was low because of this, how we didn't appreciate the rude comments about our Greek community on our campus, and how we feared we would not be able to stand on our own due to them taking over and doing everything, as opposed to teaching. The visiting national officer was very receptive, told us she was not offended, and definitely improved the next weekend. Our officer on the other hand got very emotional. She was borderline on tears and told us it was very hard for her to step back and assume a more "mentoring" role from now on. She said, "I don't want you to forget about me." and has said this many times since. While she improved slightly during recruitment, things got worse when she was on her own again.

The second time I approached her was on my own. I expressed to her my frustrations of being out of the loop, of not being involved in certain aspects of the chapter, and my concern of not being able to have our chapter stand on our own if she kept doing things for us. This remark was received with hostility. From my perspective, she acted like I was out of line. And maybe I was? What do I know.

I then brought this up to my executive board privately. While half of them agreed with me and supported my decision to confront her, they were unwilling to do it themselves. The other half tried to politely show their disagreement, but from what it seemed like, I felt that they thought I was the problem. One of my officers said she felt that this was just a "power struggle" and our national officer was the "expert", so we should just let her be. I personally just don't think they realize how much of an impact she has, because she does not affect their jobs as much as she affects mine and I have had a hard time trying to express this to them.

Soon after, the Panhellenic President also sent her an e-mail asking her to please take a more observatory role with our chapter from here on out. Although I had expressed my concern to the Panhellenic President, I did not ask her to send this e-mail, she did that because she thought it was in our best interest. Previously, our national officer had attended all Panhel meetings and would even speak on my behalf. She still attends, but has since stopped speaking during the meetings. Although, she does communicate things to say to our delegate that I usually have no knowledge of.

Finally, we recently brought up with her an issue on communication. We, as an executive board, told her that any decisions that were to be made, possible events, apparel, anything, needed to come to the whole executive board (and possibly the chapter) before any decisions were to be made. She agreed happily, but has sense appointed an Apparel chair without any approval, sent out potential apparel designs to the chapter without us seeing them, communicated with a New Member who dropped (and has yet to officially inform me), and planned an event for seniors spontaneously.

At this point, I don't know what to do. We wanted new member executive positions, I found out through the grapevine after a new member had expressed interested to me that she had just decided no. When confronted, she refused to budge on this. We had someone approach us about a service event at a clinic on Friday. We wanted to do this and another one on Saturday to maximize opportunities for members to go (since many have class on Friday) and she refused to let us do that, even though everyone wanted to. Our event planner has failed miserably at her job, and after we have approached her many times and not seen improvement, she still will not let us release her from her position or even elect anyone to help her. This has caused so many issues for our chapter. Events are falling through because of miscommunications and our members are SO unhappy about it. Last minute events keep popping up because she e-mails us details last minute that we had no idea about. Members are complaining about disorganization and what they see as random decisions by exec, but it is not entirely us. Members are complaining about having no say in chapter bylaws that I, as Chapter President, have not even seen! At this point, I just want to scream!

We do have an advisory committee though my counterpoint seems just about as out of the loop as I am. I have contacted her a few times but she is slow in responding. My main contact point is our Greek Life Director, who is definitely on my side. He always tells me that I need to do what is best for the chapter, that I don't have to do what my national officer says all the time, and I just need to make decisions when need be. But I find it so hard to just blatantly go against her. So many of the girls in our chapter see her as a leader because she was when we were all 'new members'. I don't think they have transitioned to seeing me as the President/go to point for questions and concerns. And honestly, I'm not even sure I'd know what to do if I was because she does everything for me!

Sorry, I feel like I am rambling. I hope that makes sense.

[ConcernedPres]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

You have a nearly singular opportunity to learn what our Congressional representatives haven't. Being the person in charge can be very difficult and very regularly you have to work with douchebags. And STILL have to get things done. The good news is when you start to be really annoyed by headquarters' interference, you're probably about ready to be on your own.

I'm sure you have other advisors there to help. If your national rep isn't treating you like the boss (which she should - you're the president) then you need to go over her head. It's very possible that she doesn't have that much experience and/or the experience she does have isn't similar to your situation. While I don't condone going over someone's head at the first problem, if you are that frustrated, now is the time. She is there to facilitate YOU, not the reverse.

But don't quit, for a whole bunch of reasons. Stick it out for the good of the group and for the good of yourself. If this were the only time in your life you encounter this type of hard-headed management, you would be a VERY lucky person. Trust me, and I apologize, but you've got plenty more of this in your life.

I know. And I'm usually not so quick to jump ship. I'm such a hot headed person and I always fight for what I believe in but it feels like EVERYTHING I am doing is being thrown in the garbage.

[ConcernedPres]

Originally Posted by 33girl

How recently is recently? Are we talking 6 months, a year, 3 years? (Vaguely - I don't want you to out yourself obviously)

Did your chapter start as an interest group on campus, or was the colonization from the ground up - i.e. national officers and volunteers came to the campus and chose the charter members?

As far as the girl dropping, your membership chairman or VP or whatever she is should have definitely followed chain of command and informed you, even if the chapter is huge.

Doing my best to not give myself away, it has been long enough for us to participate in a formal recruitment, but we have been established for less than a year. I know it is not very long, but I come from a school that is not necessarily easy to get into. We are all the type of people who are ready to take control and are used to being busy and having a lot on our plate. I don't know if she was maybe trained to be around chapters that could potentially need a little more hand-holding? But I've realized that our students truly do better when they are on their own. We prefer that actually. :P

We were colonized by our national officer coming to campus and choosing the charter members, and she was FANTASTIC for us during our new member period. But once we were established and had been through recruitment, I realized how truly unprepared we were. She will be gone at the end of this semester and because of all of the decisions she has been making for us as opposed to assisting us with, my biggest fear is that we are going to be so disorganized when she leaves that'll it'll be insane to clean up. Not to mention slightly clueless.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ConcernedPres

Doing my best to not give myself away, it has been long enough for us to participate in a formal recruitment, but we have been established for less than a year. I know it is not very long, but I come from a school that is not necessarily easy to get into. We are all the type of people who are ready to take control and are used to being busy and having a lot on our plate. I don't know if she was maybe trained to be around chapters that could potentially need a little more hand-holding? But I've realized that our students truly do better when they are on their own. We prefer that actually. :P

This completely makes sense. She may have gone to/helped at/been a colonizing officer at schools where there was (to be nice) a more intellectually diverse population. There are some instances where the colony coordinator (or whatever you call her) lives in for up to two years and that's the norm. I'm guessing she's also trying to make a name for herself within her sorority (I don't mean that as crass as it sounds) and is hyper afraid of not doing everything right, but the fact is if she wants to "rise through the ranks" she has to learn to work with all kinds of people and chapters.

When you were elected president (when all of the officers were elected for that matter) how was the slate done? Did she basically say "I think ConcernedPres would be a great president" or was the slate completely created by the members without her input? Or were there 2 different people running for prez and she was more in favor of the other one instead of you?

I would make an effort to keep communication with her via email rather than phone or texts so it's clear exactly what is being said, and what she is doing and not doing. It sucks to have to CYA like that, but if there's a split in your exec board it may be all you can do.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This completely makes sense. She may have gone to/helped at/been a colonizing officer at schools where there was (to be nice) a more intellectually diverse population. There are some instances where the colony coordinator (or whatever you call her) lives in for up to two years and that's the norm. I'm guessing she's also trying to make a name for herself within her sorority (I don't mean that as crass as it sounds) and is hyper afraid of not doing everything right, but the fact is if she wants to "rise through the ranks" she has to learn to work with all kinds of people and chapters.

When you were elected president (when all of the officers were elected for that matter) how was the slate done? Did she basically say "I think ConcernedPres would be a great president" or was the slate completely created by the members without her input? Or were there 2 different people running for prez and she was more in favor of the other one instead of you?

I would make an effort to keep communication with her via email rather than phone or texts so it's clear exactly what is being said, and what she is doing and not doing. It sucks to have to CYA like that, but if there's a split in your exec board it may be all you can do.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

This. It is a good habit to form now. You'll need it later in the business world. Contact your regional/network official that is a step above her. You are right. If she is leaving soon and your chapter hasn't been allowed to make decisions with her WATCHING with help when needed instead of doing everything for you, you may not do it right when she is gone. I'm sure she means no harm. Some Type A people really can't step back and watch others do when they can do it better...you know what I mean? I don't think you are over-reacting. There may be perfectly good reasons for her decisions, but they ALL should be discussed with your Exec Board. You'll never learn if you don't get your hands dirty. Good luck.

[ForeverRoses]

You stated that she "doesn't want to be forgotten". It seems like she has forgotten that she is no longer an active, but an ADVISER. that is supposed to ADVISE. As I tell my girls all the time, I am like the cool aunt. I can treat you like a sister, keep your secrets, and then kick your butt when you are being stupid. But above all, I give advice. I don't make the decisions. I make sure the rules are followed, but sometimes I need to step back and let them fail a bit.

good luck to you!

[ConcernedPres]

Hi all!

Thanks so much for your advice and motivation! I am going to power through these last few months and call her out when I need to, and ultimately, do what is best for our chapter! Hopefully, things will look up.

[SUZTA83]

Keep us informed!

[MaryPoppins]

Please do let us know how it goes.

[wavycutchip]

Good luck to you! BTW, as far as chapter bylaws....Yes, most chapters vote on them. But at minimum, you as President should have a copy, and know the policy to change them. As president your job is to make sure they are enforced. While a field consultant is important, at this point you guys should be running your own chapter (which is what any national org should want - a chapter running within the national policies on its own). I encourage you to ride it out, but bring to your HQ any concerns. Do you have a post visit survey from your HQ you can complete? If so, that might me a good option as well.

[Kevin]

This is all pretty good training for the corporate world and it probably won't be the first time you're put in a position where you are smarter/more qualified than your supervisor. In this case, you are blessed with the knowledge that if your chapter accomplishes certain things or if X amount of time passes, this person will no longer have much influence over your chapter.

You would do well to heed the advice being given to you here regarding documenting everything. Make sure you make a written record of all of your concerns. You might, for example, with regard to the recruitment things being changed at the last minute, email your adviser and your exec board some of your observations and maybe a what worked/what didn't work/what we need to pass on to the officers next year sort of analysis. This works to confirm who did what/made what decision and place it on the record while inviting them to comment and make admissions they might not make if your email takes a "you effed up, it's your fault" sort of tone.

If you fail to document the heck out of these things, in your chapter or in the corporate world, inevitably, when and if failure occurs, the incompetent superior will blame you and you'll be ready.