What not to say to your alumnae/alumni

[Speechpath]

respect is a two way street and it should come from both sides. alums should not expect, or want for that matter, to have their butts kissed!

[Tom Earp]

Butt kissing , wow, waht is that.

Hell, I am the oldest Alum of My Chapter and the Abuse I get is terrible. I would not have it any other way.

The Love is still there and while I am not always listened to I still have some good ideas and thoughts!

While I am # 1. I am just a Number, along with all of those that are up into the 600 +.

While yes, I founded My Local, it took everyine to still be functioning to this day!

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by Tom Earp
No, I do not agree with the "Dont Ask Dont Tell" theory!

Just look at the Risk Management Insurance that it is costing each of the chapters.

Tom, we mean don't ask don't tell in a different fashion.

For example, as a recent alumna, I think your story about sneaking down the SigEp fire escape so nobody realized you shacked is hilarious. However, our 65 y/o alumna who writes the chapter $1,000 checks doesn't think it's funny, she thinks you're a ho and she doesn't want to hear it.

I do want to hear if you're having an open-source party at a fraternity house, because that's a no-no, and we can talk about why. I don't need to hear about your personal life and how well hung your latest XYZ boyfriend is.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
Tom, we mean don't ask don't tell in a different fashion.

For example, as a recent alumna, I think your story about sneaking down the SigEp fire escape so nobody realized you shacked is hilarious. However, our 65 y/o alumna who writes the chapter $1,000 checks doesn't think it's funny, she thinks you're a ho and she doesn't want to hear it.

I do want to hear if you're having an open-source party at a fraternity house, because that's a no-no, and we can talk about why. I don't need to hear about your personal life and how well hung your latest XYZ boyfriend is.

I agree. You have to know what topics of conversation are appropriate and what aren't. I think that it's better to err on the side of caution so you don't offend.

Funny story. A few years ago, I was taking to someone who had attended her 50th college reunion. (Not my school.) She told stories that made me blush. Apparently, college after WWII was a really wild place. There were lots of cute guys on the GI Bill who were looking for fun.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I agree. You have to know what topics of conversation are appropriate and what aren't. I think that it's better to err on the side of caution so you don't offend.

YES! If you run out of appropriate things to talk to your alums about, ask what the chapter used to be like when they were active, who they swapped with, what campus was like, whatever.

[WCUgirl]

My Creative Memories lady is a sorority member from a local university. She was telling me about how she used to be involved in her local alum. assoc., etc., but one day she sent her husband out to the house to re-do a ton of stuff (for free!) on the house (her husband works in construction). We're talking several hundred dollars worth of stuff.

Never received a thank you note, a phone call thanking them, or even a word of thanks in passing.

That's why she's not involved anymore.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by Speechpath
respect is a two way street and it should come from both sides. alums should not expect, or want for that matter, to have their butts kissed!

I've been trying to think of even one example of this since I first saw this post, and can't - but maybe that's just my experience.

I do think that, when 60- and 70-year-old alumnae come to visit, and the elevator's broken, which means they have to walk up 20 flights of 15 stairs each, smart actives would at the very least offer them a seat and a cold drink. I have unfortunately, seen these elder alumnae panting and not offered a thing. Now, that gets my dander up!

GP's suggestion is good - when all else fails, ask questions. We had celebrities both visit & live in our house, which made for some interesting conversation!

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by winneythepooh7
an active sister a few years back was overheard whining that she wanted to get laid instead of hanging out with the alumnae at alumnae weekend.

I don' t know, but I might want to get laid more than hang out with actives from my chapter on a weekend too....


I guess I think the worst thing to do with alumna is to not realize that you are sisters and deep down very similar. I feel like the minute you remember that you are all in the same boat working for the same thing, realtions become much more easy to maintain!

[Measi]

I recently attended a rush event for my chapter and was the oldest alumna there. I could tell a couple of the younger PNM's were a bit confused as to who I was, so I went directly to them to chat. They don't see me every other day like they do the active sisters, after all.

One of them asked when I graduated from BU. I told her '97, and she exclaimed "I wasn't even in junior high then!" and then quickly blushed.

We had a good laugh.

I think one of the worst things an alum can do is put on an arrogant attitude *because* (s)he is an alum. Remember that they are younger and are in college. They're simply not going to be reacting the way we as out-of-college adults would think to act.

If there is a serious problem with behavior, though, I'd recommend quietly speaking to that member alone or going to the president and having a quiet word.

[Little E]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I agree. You have to know what topics of conversation are appropriate and what aren't. I think that it's better to err on the side of caution so you don't offend.

Funny story. A few years ago, I was taking to someone who had attended her 50th college reunion. (Not my school.) She told stories that made me blush. Apparently, college after WWII was a really wild place. There were lots of cute guys on the GI Bill who were looking for fun.

I'm from a young chapter so we don't have our chapter alumnae, but I've heard stories from our Nat'l convention and greek alumnae from my college. These women were probably in their 70s at least and telling us the most hair rasing things they did in college. So while yes, you should be polite, I also don't think you should be afraid to get into the hilarious stories if they bring them up. From carrying men into the dorm in carpets to how they broke the no drinking rules, they were just the funniest women I'd ever met. And part of them loved that there was a sorority connection so they could tell those stories, stories you don't want to tell your children or grandchildren, and that is a very neat connection.

my 2cents

[Measi]

Yeah... I've been one to tell some stories that make the actives' jaws drop. (heh)


My attitude might change once I'm older, but for now, I simply try to act like everyone else when I'm there. Have a good time. Meet sisters that I haven't met before. Share stories, and just enjoy sisterhood.

I can't honestly say anything bad-- it was hard getting in contact with them, but once I *did* it's been fantastic. Maybe they were too intimidated to really get in touch with me at first or something!

(I don't bite... unless they want me to )

[Tom Earp]

60 or 70 year old Alums being senile is totally uncalled for!

Damn, I wish I could remember coming down the SigEp Fire Escape since there wasnt a Chapter there, Thanks GP for building my reputation!

No, it was actually when I locked and loaded a AR-15 and wanted to go SipEp Hunting!

Telling stories to make jaws drop, well I must admit, I was in many of them!

40 years one has a lot of time for Jaw Droppers!

Oh, for some reference, We who Mature in Age do not use the Other Word as in OLD!

Thank you in advance for refrazing your word of --- and using Mature!

[Glitter650]

DON'T (as our membership chair said this year during recruitment) say "OH well the alum can clean up while we make the pref list that's what they're here for that way we can be out of the room on time." That really peeved all of the alum that were there off especially since we had gone above and beyond the call of duty and helped decorate and make decorations and such as well as serve the food, collect trash, start music, turn off lights when needed etc. Please actives especially for new alum remember these women are still your friend/sister and will be hurt by being taken for granted or sort of forgotten about because I know I felt like that for a while, like the chapter had kinda forgotten about me and that's not a good feeling.

[FlyingPi]

My .02 cents is not as much concerning what NOT to say but to say SOMETHING. I've gone back to functions (enough years after graduating to not know the then current Actives) and everyone is grouped with their friends and it's been hard to get a conversation going. I also see this at another Chapter close to where I live now.

On the other hand, this other Chapter did ask me to speak about the local Alumnae Assoc., and both Chapters keep me on their mailing lists, so I suppose Chapters are trying to work with Alumnae.

OK, 2 (Sort of) what not to say's (More like what not to do's) that come to mind are:

Don't be mad at Alumnae for not showing up at events if you never follow up on how many are planning to attend! If a certain number of Alumnae promised to attend an event, then yeah, be mad if they don't attend, but if the Chapter just says they'd like some Alumnae to come to something and don't follow up on how many are attending, don't be mad at the Alumnae.

If it's some type of ceremony or meeting where the Alumnae have asked in advance who all will be attending, please don't blow it off if you have said you will attend!

[PhiSigCoco]

I have tried to be active with the chapter since taking alum status. Last year for FFr, I had a fairly warm welcome. This year was a little different. The older members who know me were excited... but the newer ones didn't care and for the most part acted like I was in the way. It got better by Bid day (as they warmed a little).

The advisor problem is that at the begining it takes some time to warm them up to you. If you don't make that connection, then it is harder. I hope that the evening at my house will allow them to get to know me a little better and allow me to find out things about them that I would have never known.

The problem is that most alum don't like the initial alienation! I want them to do well and suceed. Otherwise I wouldn't have come.

However, I don't want to be contacted only when they want money. That is wrong... even though I am more willing to now than I was as an active (duh, I have money)