Rescinding your Recommendation

adpiucf · #1 07-15-2006, 02:51 PM

Just curious: Have you ever submitted a rec for a PNM (someone's daughter, neighbor, a relative) and then received or confirmed information about the PNM that made you reconsider that recommendation? I know we've discussed situations in the past where alumnae have written letters to "warn" chapters about incoming PNM's, but this is a different issue.

This hasn't happened to me personally, but I thought it was a legitimate question especially in light of recent web sites like Facebook and My Space where people and their friends post random comments and pics (in addition to general information coming out about people in the course of regular goings on).

Zillini · #2 07-15-2006, 04:15 PM

I've had maybe three or four instances over the years were we've recieved recs then the alum contacted me to pull it or somehow discount it. In these cases the alum felt pressured to send one, but really didn't think the PNM was a good fit for varying reasons. The alum simply wanted to honestly tell the PNM or mother that she had sent a rec. Strange how some people's minds work.

I've never had a situation where after someone wrote one they then realized it was a mistake. I'm sure it happens, but either I haven't seen it or the alum never bothered to follow up on it.

carnation · #3 07-15-2006, 05:16 PM

There were a few times I wanted to after my daughters or their friends supplied "extra" information months later. I remember when one sorority contacted one of my girls at home in the middle of rush to ask her whether this rushee really did something that they'd heard she did. My daughter, who was at that party, witnessed the whole thing.

She played ignorant but the sorority cut the girl anyway, probably figuring rightly that my child was trying to be loyal. The funny thing: this wasn't a chapter of HER sorority that called--it was another group!

Moral of the story: behave before you rush.

Tom Earp · #4 07-15-2006, 05:23 PM

As I understand it from reading Sororitys posts, Legacys and Recs ar not a sure thing.

Not everyone for many reasons will not fit into a GLO.

Am I correct?

33girl · #5 07-16-2006, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

As I understand it from reading Sororitys posts, Legacys and Recs ar not a sure thing.

Not everyone for many reasons will not fit into a GLO.

Am I correct?

Yes you are correct.

But even if it's not a sure thing, if you write a rec for Rhoda Rushee and then find out that she's got a shoplifting problem and her daddy paid off a bunch of people to keep her out of jail, you DON'T want your name on something saying you think she would be a suitable member. That can come back to bite you in the butt.

KSUViolet06 · #6 07-20-2006, 01:35 PM

This happened before to one of our alumnae. She had written a reference (Tri Sigma word for rec) for a young lady coming through COB. We don't get very many recs at our school because our Greek system isn't competitive. So we figured that this woman must be really great if one of our alumnae took the time to write one for her.

Well, the next week, the alumna found out that she'd been involved in some drug dealing and was on probation. She called us THE NIGHT that this woman attended her first event with us. We had to call our CC (regional director) to find out what the procedure was for this because we really didn't know what to do. She told us to get the alumna to fill out a "no rec" for her, and that was that.

carnation · #7 07-20-2006, 01:45 PM

I've noticed that a lot of sororities no longer have a space on the rec for negative comments. Instead, they ask you to call them if you aren't putting something positive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

But even if it's not a sure thing, if you write a rec for Rhoda Rushee and then find out that she's got a shoplifting problem and her daddy paid off a bunch of people to keep her out of jail, you DON'T want your name on something saying you think she would be a suitable member. That can come back to bite you in the butt.

alum · #8 07-20-2006, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

I've noticed that a lot of sororities no longer have a space on the rec for negative comments. Instead, they ask you to call them if you aren't putting something positive.

In this era of our litigious society, this omission may prevent the recommender and/or her GLO from getting sued.

honeychile · #9 07-20-2006, 01:58 PM

I hadn't heard that, Carnation. Ours has the standard "no recommendation" space, along with your name & phone number so it can be confirmed why. There's a HUGE difference between "she beat out my daughter for a place on the Homecoming Court" and "she deals drugs and here's the proof"!

AlphaFrog · #10 07-20-2006, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alum

In this era of our litigious society, this omission may prevent the recommender and/or her GLO from getting sued.

Recs are a private matter though, and I think even if a PNM was extremely agressive in trying to find out why she was cut, I doubt that a chapter would tell her that she was cut because of a no-rec. Unless that PNM got a court order for them to produce proof of why she was getting cut, but I don't see a judge wasting their time writing up that order.

carnation · #11 07-20-2006, 02:08 PM

Our house has been Rec Central this summer, and not only for the 4 sororities we represent. It's so hard to get all the resumes together when you need them that several sorority members have just brought their rec forms over and we filled them out together. So, I've seen the rec forms for about 12 sororities and I don't blame the sororities for omitting the space for no-recs. Someone will always call if you check that no comment/call me space.

As I mentioned in another thread, we've had many sorority members call our house about PNMs and about half of them are in groups not represented in our family.

Little E · #12 07-20-2006, 02:11 PM

Are Recs destroyed after bids go out? or are they filed? (or am I not allowed to ask that?)

Drolefille · #13 07-20-2006, 02:13 PM

For my chapter I believe we shred them along with the rush applications. (Not that we had many of them) We have all the data on a computer if we are interested in contacting someone who withdrew for COB or something, but we delete that shortly thereafter.

carnation · #14 07-20-2006, 02:30 PM

Most that I've seen say that they should be destroyed after recruitment. Of course, if you cut someone because of what you heard over the phone, it'll be very hard for a PNM to prove slander. (It's hard enough to get a lawyer to take a libel case when you have written proof.) Plus I doubt that a PNM could find out that she'd been cut because of something a sorority heard by phone...which sorority would admit that? I also feel that if one sorority heard some really bad stuff on a a PNM, then others did too.

Drolefille · #15 07-20-2006, 02:38 PM

Plus, no PNM or NM should EVER be told why they were cut/what discussion occured during the whole process.

That information is 100% confidential and is usually not supposed to be discussed outside of the room even with sisters who were there.
I'm sure parents have tried to sue sororities for dropping their "precious darlings" before, but what are they going to prove?

The few times that stuff has come out, such as the alleged racism in one chapter, it tears the chapters apart.