Wanting to rush...Issues with parents

Hi, guys. I know there's already a lot of posts about how to talk to parents about rushing who are anti-Greek, but my situation is kind of difficult and I appreciate any advice anyone has.

I'm gonna be a junior this fall. Last semester, I was introduced to one of the sororities here on campus, and I want to pledge next semester. I really like this sorority, the people in it, and it's values. I've done my homework on them, and I've been to several of the sorority's events to see what it's like.
The sorority is much smaller than the others here. I'm a student worker and am planning to pay for the all the sorority fees if I get a bid this fall.

The problem-or conflict-I'm having is that I know my parents (mostly my mother, not so much my dad) thinks that sororities are wild and generally a bad idea due to bad hazing incidences. I love my parents, but I'm not sure they realize that I'm an adult. I haven't told them about the sorority or me wanting to pledge at all. I've been responsible ever since I went away to college (kept up my scholarship, made good grades, never gotten in trouble, been financially careful, etc.). My parents don't pay for my school, as I've been fortunate enough to get a generous scholarship that pays for tuition, room and board. They do let me stay at home over the summer and are letting me take one of the cars this fall (I'll be paying the insurance, gas, car maintenance).

They do tend to be overbearing. To give you some examples of what I mean, I wanted to get a 2nd earlobe piercing and they told me I couldn't just because they thought it looked trashy and that I still had to follow their rules. They have forced me to unfriend people on social media, just because some of my friends use social media for fun and not as a resume. I'm not trying to list petty instances, but my parents are overprotective than most parents and tend to micro-manage me sometimes.
I know my parents love me and I respect them. But, I'm old enough to know what I want and to make my own choices and learn my lessons and they don't seem to acknowledge this, which is why I haven't felt comfortable talking about stuff that goes on while I'm at college or about this.

I really want to rush for this sorority and I was talking to a couple of my friends about this, and they advised that I don't tell my parents I pledged until the day of the probate. They told me that I may just want to tell them right after the pledging process is over, because they think that my parents would react better just getting a surprise, rather than worrying about the thought of me getting hazed for 8 weeks. They also told me they think I would do better academically and emotionally during pledging if I didn't have my parents jumping down my throat about this.

I know that if I tell my parents about the sorority when I get a bid (which would happen shortly after rush week), they probably won't let me pledge (perhaps, they'll make threats to take away car or try to freeze my bank account at the worst). I also realize that if I choose not to tell my parents until the day of the probate, I'm not exactly going to look mature, as I technically lied to them by omission and they likely won't trust me for a while. I honestly don't know what's worse or if there's a better choice and I'm just not seeing it.

Is there anyone else who went through this with their family or has had experience with stubborn parents that can give me some advice? I just don't know what to do. I really want to pledge for this sorority. I just need help or advice about how to talk or deal with my parents.

[AZTheta]

Hello! just a clarification question: is this sorority an NPHC sorority or is it NPC or another council? I am thinking it is NPHC due to some of the terms you used in your post.

And please don't tell us which sorority it is!

Hi, AZTheta! It's neither. It's part of the MGC council, which tends to operate similar to NPHC here.

[Kevin]

If you're accepting your parent's money, you should be aware that there are possibly strings attached. Burning your relationship with your parents to join a sorority is probably not something most of us would advise and lying to your parents would likely run contra to the organization whose values you are wanting to promote. It seems to me you have a couple of options here--1) sell your parents on the sorority--that they can trust you and that you are and will remain in control and if things go South you can always drop. 2) Fill out a FAFSA, go buy your own car and truly start to adult--you can then make your own decisions without having any concerns regarding what your parents think. Choice number 2 isn't insane considering you are a junior in college.

[33girl]

^And in addition, get their names taken off your bank account. If you can't do that, pull out as much $ as you can and start a new account in your name only (preferably at a different bank).

The car isn't worth the strings attached. You don't need a car in college.

Oh, and lock down your fb so they can't see it. "Forcing" you to defriend people is way over the top.

Hey Kevin. Yes I agree that until I am financially adulting, I don't want to burn bridges with my parents over this.

33girl, yes, I'm going to be transferring money to a different account that will be private. Yes, I also agree that my parents telling me to unfriend people is kinda much. This is why I'm a little apprehensive about telling them about the sorority since they can be very restrictive, even though I'm "away" at college.

Hit post. Either way, if I get a bid from this sorority, I will most likely pledge, no matter what my parents say, as they technically can't force me to stop pledging. I guess it comes down to how strong my resolve is to tolerate any threats (empty or otherwise) my parents might make. Like 33girl said, the car isn't essential to college. I just want to do as little damage to my relationship with my parents as possible while still getting to make my own choices.

[Kevin]

The Facebook thing is silly. It's fine to give them access to whatever on there. Just conduct your private business on more private forms of social media. The actives in my chapter barely use FB anymore--at least until they have kids, then it's all nonstop baby pictures (to be fair, that pretty much sums up what I'm posting these days).

Part of adulting is separating from the parents, but it is up to you how that is done. I don't agree about cleaning out the account. I might give that advice to a divorce client, but it would seem in all of this, you value your relationship with your parents but want more independence.

If you want that independence, you'd best be ready for it. Maybe take your mother out for lunch somewhere and have that conversation which starts something like "I am now ___ years old and I appreciate what you have to done to get me where I am. I understand how much you and my father have sacrificed so I can be where I am today, but I want to work towards independence, so let's talk about how that happens..."

Originally Posted by Kevin

The Facebook thing is silly. It's fine to give them access to whatever on there. Just conduct your private business on more private forms of social media. The actives in my chapter barely use FB anymore--at least until they have kids, then it's all nonstop baby pictures (to be fair, that pretty much sums up what I'm posting these days).

Part of adulting is separating from the parents, but it is up to you how that is done. I don't agree about cleaning out the account. I might give that advice to a divorce client, but it would seem in all of this, you value your relationship with your parents but want more independence.

If you want that independence, you'd best be ready for it. Maybe take your mother out for lunch somewhere and have that conversation which starts something like "I am now ___ years old and I appreciate what you have to done to get me where I am. I understand how much you and my father have sacrificed so I can be where I am today, but I want to work towards independence, so let's talk about how that happens..."

Hey Kevin, I really appreciate your advice, especially the part about me talking to my mom. I'll talk to my mom about what you suggested and see how everything goes

[TLLK]

My advice would be to share any positive information about the group's goals, and their scholastic and charitable work if you can.

Originally Posted by TLLK

My advice would be to share any positive information about the group's goals, and their scholastic and charitable work if you can.

Yes, I definitely will

[Titchou]

You can access the group's grade info for your. Campus so I would share that as well if it bolsters your argument...like the all women's gap is 2.9 but the all Greek gpa is 3.2