Considering quitting

greekanon · #1 10-31-2014, 12:32 AM

Hey all,

First off, I've been a long time lurker here. I do have another username that I occasionally post under, but I've created this one in order to disassociate myself from my house. I generally avoid saying anything negative about my house EVER, but I’ve been so distraught that I just need a place to anonymously vent.

As the title of this thread indicates, I've been considering dropping out of my chapter. It's something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I'm finally nearing a breaking point.

Greek life at my school is rather unglamorous to be honest, but I do really enjoy being a part of it regardless. My chapter, however, is what you could call "bottom tier" and maybe rightfully so. There is an overwhelming lack of drive and motivation within the chapter to excel. I see all the other houses on campus doing amazing, wonderful things academically, philanthropically, and socially. Then there's my house that gets by on the bare minimum. I feel that my chapter doesn't live up to our national organization's values, and it's very disheartening.

I’ve been doing my best to keep my head up and lead by example, and be the change I want to see in my chapter, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've never felt loved or embraced by my chapter. I've never felt supported, understood, or cared for in the least. In fact, some days I feel downright hated. I graduate at the end of this school year and I've been trying to tough it out, but right now I'm not sure if I can even get through the rest of this semester.

The one thing that's kept me in the game this long is that I always remember that I made a lifelong commitment, and I take that seriously. I feel guilty for entertaining the thought of quitting for that reason.

If anyone can relate and has some advice to share, I'd be happy to listen.

ASTalumna06 · #2 10-31-2014, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekanon

Hey all,

First off, I've been a long time lurker here. I do have another username that I occasionally post under, but I've created this one in order to disassociate myself from my house. I generally avoid saying anything negative about my house EVER, but I’ve been so distraught that I just need a place to anonymously vent.

As the title of this thread indicates, I've been considering dropping out of my chapter. It's something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I'm finally nearing a breaking point.

Greek life at my school is rather unglamorous to be honest, but I do really enjoy being a part of it regardless. My chapter, however, is what you could call "bottom tier" and maybe rightfully so. There is an overwhelming lack of drive and motivation within the chapter to excel. I see all the other houses on campus doing amazing, wonderful things academically, philanthropically, and socially. Then there's my house that gets by on the bare minimum. I feel that my chapter doesn't live up to our national organization's values, and it's very disheartening.

I’ve been doing my best to keep my head up and lead by example, and be the change I want to see in my chapter, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've never felt loved or embraced by my chapter. I've never felt supported, understood, or cared for in the least. In fact, some days I feel downright hated. I graduate at the end of this school year and I've been trying to tough it out, but right now I'm not sure if I can even get through the rest of this semester.

The one thing that's kept me in the game this long is that I always remember that I made a lifelong commitment, and I take that seriously. I feel guilty for entertaining the thought of quitting for that reason.

If anyone can relate and has some advice to share, I'd be happy to listen.

I wasn't sure what to say until I read the statement in bold. Am I reading this right; are you saying you're graduating in Spring 2015? If so, stick it out! Alumnae membership is so much different, and I really think you'd regret dropping out. Your sorority is so much more than your one chapter. You're in school for only 4 years, but your membership really is for a lifetime. Many people here will speak fondly of their collegiate membership, but I think most would agree that alumnae membership seems to pull the whole idea of a sorority together and truly makes you understand what a sisterhood is.

I know it may be difficult now, but you're a senior - focus on school, graduation, getting a job, etc. Be involved with the chapter as well, but don't go overboard. No one wants to see their chapter struggle, but it's time for the younger members to step up.

I would really urge you to not give up on your sorority as a whole.

DaffyKD · #3 10-31-2014, 02:34 AM

How much of your thinking at the moment is senioritis? I too thought about dropping out my last year. Keep in mind your chapter is not the same chapter you joined over 3 years ago-- those who were already in the house when you joined are gone, the women behind you in school bring different attitudes and background. You may be outgrowing the collegiate experience, but you will find the alumnae experience is very different. When you graduate, dues in the alumnae groups are FAR less than you are paying now, you will meet women from all over, if/when you move to a new community you have an easy contact to begin to meet people, etc. Hang in there. Graduation will be here before you know it and you don't want to miss the opportunities that will be out there for you.

DaffyKD

33girl · #4 10-31-2014, 06:25 AM

You have senioritis. Lay low and find others (Greek or not) to lay low with. Also, in the case I know of personally like this, HQ didn't accept the person's request to self-terminate.

Katmandu · #5 10-31-2014, 06:55 AM

i have no idea which organization you belong to, but I can say this with absolute confidence....your national org is amazing. Stick it out. You will be glad to be an alumna. I loved my active experience, but it was 4 years out 40 and counting. (yes, I'm old). Good luck to you.

AOIILisa · #6 10-31-2014, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Alumnae membership is so much different, and I really think you'd regret dropping out. Your sorority is so much more than your one chapter. You're in school for only 4 years, but your membership really is for a lifetime. Many people here will speak fondly of their collegiate membership, but I think most would agree that alumnae membership seems to pull the whole idea of a sorority together and truly makes you understand what a sisterhood is.

I know it may be difficult now, but you're a senior - focus on school, graduation, getting a job, etc. Be involved with the chapter as well, but don't go overboard. No one wants to see their chapter struggle, but it's time for the younger members to step up.

I would really urge you to not give up on your sorority as a whole.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

You have senioritis. Lay low and find others (Greek or not) to lay low with. Also, in the case I know of personally like this, HQ didn't accept the person's request to self-terminate.

I agree with both of these statements - I was sick of sorority by the time I was a senior and wanted to drop -but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. Your sorority is so much more than just your chapter and even though your org may be "bottom tier" at your school, there are many top tier women alums that you haven't met yet. Alumnae membership is way different and lots of fun! Does your org give you the option to go early alum?

greekanon · #7 10-31-2014, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOIILisa

I agree with both of these statements - I was sick of sorority by the time I was a senior and wanted to drop -but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. Your sorority is so much more than just your chapter and even though your org may be "bottom tier" at your school, there are many top tier women alums that you haven't met yet. Alumnae membership is way different and lots of fun! Does your org give you the option to go early alum?

I'm not sure if I have the option of early alum, but I'd like to look into it. Problem is I'm not comfortable talking with any of the officers in my chapter about it, but I'll see what I can find out from other resources.

I also if my financial aid allows, I might not have to take a full load of classes next semester, thus forcing me to become inactive or an alum (I'm not sure which, I'm not familiar with the process)

honeychile · #8 10-31-2014, 10:48 AM

Please don't think that any of the posters aren't taking you seriously. No one is doubting your feelings right now. Many of the most active alumnae posters on GreekChat had bouts of senioritis. I admit to using the back door half of the time during my last term.

Yet, looking back, I'm so glad that I stuck it out. Your national organization and the sisters (both of your own sorority and other NPC greeks) will be there for you when everybody else disappears.

It's only a few months. If you have to use the mantra of "if I can stick this out, I can do anything," do it. Just try it - you will be happier in the long run!

Kevin · #9 10-31-2014, 10:51 AM

A friend of mine was a member in the bottom tier house on campus and is now chapter adviser to the top tier house on campus (the chapter has improved greatly).

It depends on what Greek Life means to you. If you are part of the 4 years and done crowd, drop. If you joined something because you wanted lifelong connections, stick it out.

DeltaBetaBaby · #10 10-31-2014, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekanon

I'm not sure if I have the option of early alum, but I'd like to look into it. Problem is I'm not comfortable talking with any of the officers in my chapter about it, but I'll see what I can find out from other resources.

Is there a chapter adviser? That's probably your best bet.

I don't know why people are suggesting it, though. Early alum is for women with extreme circumstances, not for women who just don't feel like paying dues their last semester.

thetalady · #11 10-31-2014, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I don't know why people are suggesting it, though. Early alum is for women with extreme circumstances, not for women who just don't feel like paying dues their last semester.

The mention of wanting to become an alumna early because of financial reasons is just rude. The OP never mentioned money in any way. It was not even implied.

Senior year is really, really stressful. Time to start making plans for the next chapter of your life. STICK IT OUT!

Remaining a member of any GLO has implications on your life down the road that you might not even be able to imagine right now. How about the day when you might have a daughter going to college who wants to rush? How about your best friend (who you haven't even met) has a daughter that asks for a recommendation to your GLO? You move to a new city where you don't know anyone, but you see a woman wearing your sorority symbol at Starbucks? A new chapter opening in the city (where you don't even live now) contacts you and needs advisors?

You CAN do it!

DeltaBetaBaby · #12 10-31-2014, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thetalady

The mention of wanting to become an alumna early because of financial reasons is just rude. The OP never mentioned money in any way. It was not even implied.

Okay, replace "pay dues" with "attend chapter" or whatever else you associate with remaining a member in good standing. The point is that I'm not aware of a single NPC organization that allows this just because someone is dissatisfied with her chapter. It's bandied about on GC like an obvious solution, and to the best of my knowledge, it's very, very rare.

amIblue? · #13 10-31-2014, 02:08 PM

If you're planning on having an unusually heavy class load in order to graduate next semester, I would look into requesting an inactive/associate status. I wouldn't quit when you're in the home stretch.

33girl · #14 10-31-2014, 02:54 PM

I'm also guessing that from your "unglamorous" comment that your chapter and the Greek system as a whole are small. In those circumstances, it's REALLY easy to get annoyed (and the constant "on" of social media just makes it worse).

If you do drop to part-time student status, you may become an automatic alum in some groups. If you don't feel comfy asking anyone associated with the chapter, contact your national headquarters. Actually, contact them anyway as there as many variations in this type of situation as there are NPC groups (pretty much) and you need correct info.

33girl · #15 10-31-2014, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

If you're planning on having an unusually heavy class load in order to graduate next semester, I would look into requesting an inactive/associate status. I wouldn't quit when you're in the home stretch.

She is saying the opposite - that she might only have (example) 9 credits when a full time student has 12 and therefore her group's policy may compel her to become an alum while still an undergrad, even if that was something she didn't want.