Liberal and creative alumni - is there a place at the table?

[brightblue]

As a freshman, I didn't know what conservative and liberal were, and I sure didn't know that organizations leaned one way or the other. I knew how I grew up, how my parents raised me, and how my community was. I knew how to recognize good people... and I knew when I found a bunch of guys who were warm-hearted, fun, welcoming, and easy-going, that I felt comfortable with. So that's how I chose my fraternity.

I had a good experience. I have 2-3 good friends who will probably be friends for life. I have good memories, and my fraternity opened the door for me to involvement in Greek Life and meeting a whole lot of people. It helped me during my first teaching job where my assistant principal also was part of the same Greek system... not in the way of "this got me the job," but we had that common bond to talk about and that helped build our friendship.

But as an alumni, 10 years after graduation, I'm disillusioned. When I pick up the alumni magazine, I see pictures of people who value money, power, and prestige. The featured alumni seem to be chosen by how quickly they've risen in the ranks of corporations. I rarely see anyone who isn't wearing a suit on those pages.

I haven't yet seen a feature story on an eco-friendly alumni, or someone who's become a high school football coach, or on a 25-year old who's traveled to Australia and spent a year enjoying life and discovering more about himself.

It makes me wonder what this fraternity that I joined, what they really value. Is there anyone like me? Are there any members who started a community theatre, runs a small non-profit, teaches lower middle class kids, or plants trees as part of a weekend urban forestry project? Or has expanded their small pizza business after years of hard work? Or works a blue-collar job full-time so their teenagers can go to summer camp or play soccer in a summer league this year?

I haven't done those things specifically, but, these are things I relate to. I relate to people who are in "people jobs," giving generously of their time and whatever money they have. I want to celebrate those things with my brothers. But I never see them in the glossy publications or on the website.

I can't relate as well to someone who's driven with rising up the corporate and political ladder, showing off expensive cars and suits, or obsessed with having the picture-perfect McMansion, wife, and 2.5 kids. And these are the ONLY people who seem to reach our alumni publication. I'm sorry, I don't play golf. I don't have $1000 to spare to become a gold level donor this year.

Its not that I'm not building my life and my own success, but I'm doing it in a different way and at my own pace. But I feel like people who see things from my perspective aren't valued, wanted, or given a place in the landscape of my national alumni... and the same stereotype Type-A people are also usually the senders and sponsors of most of the emails and letters I get from the local chapter that I was part of.

Its disheartening to feel left out.

Its the one reason why I would not wholeheartedly recommend fraternity membership to a young person that I know. Its the reason why I do not get involved or feel affection or responsibility for the alumni association and their projects and events. Its the reason I do not give them money.

My question is, does anyone else feel this way? Has your fraternity, through their publications, events, and alumni association, both national and local, given you a valued place in their organization as a liberal, as a creative, as a plugger, or as a small businessman, or an educator? Have they given you an opportunity to participate the way you can contribute? Have they made you feel small, or have they valued you for who they are?

Are some fraternities more liberal than others? Is it too late to change my membership?

I was told when I joined that fraternity was for life, and that there would always be a place for me there. I sadly feel it isn't, and that when we don't make room at the table for everyone, that promise is broken.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by brightblue

As a freshman, I didn't know what conservative and liberal were, and I sure didn't know that organizations leaned one way or the other. I knew how I grew up, how my parents raised me, and how my community was. I knew how to recognize good people... and I knew when I found a bunch of guys who were warm-hearted, fun, welcoming, and easy-going, that I felt comfortable with. So that's how I chose my fraternity.

I had a good experience. I have 2-3 good friends who will probably be friends for life. I have good memories, and my fraternity opened the door for me to involvement in Greek Life and meeting a whole lot of people. It helped me during my first teaching job where my assistant principal also was part of the same Greek system... not in the way of "this got me the job," but we had that common bond to talk about and that helped build our friendship.

But as an alumni, 10 years after graduation, I'm disillusioned. When I pick up the alumni magazine, I see pictures of people who value money, power, and prestige. The featured alumni seem to be chosen by how quickly they've risen in the ranks of corporations. I rarely see anyone who isn't wearing a suit on those pages.

I haven't yet seen a feature story on an eco-friendly alumni, or someone who's become a high school football coach, or on a 25-year old who's traveled to Australia and spent a year enjoying life and discovering more about himself.

It makes me wonder what this fraternity that I joined, what they really value. Is there anyone like me? Are there any members who started a community theatre, runs a small non-profit, teaches lower middle class kids, or plants trees as part of a weekend urban forestry project? Or has expanded their small pizza business after years of hard work? Or works a blue-collar job full-time so their teenagers can go to summer camp or play soccer in a summer league this year?

I haven't done those things specifically, but, these are things I relate to. I relate to people who are in "people jobs," giving generously of their time and whatever money they have. I want to celebrate those things with my brothers. But I never see them in the glossy publications or on the website.

I can't relate as well to someone who's driven with rising up the corporate and political ladder, showing off expensive cars and suits, or obsessed with having the picture-perfect McMansion, wife, and 2.5 kids. And these are the ONLY people who seem to reach our alumni publication. I'm sorry, I don't play golf. I don't have $1000 to spare to become a gold level donor this year.

Its not that I'm not building my life and my own success, but I'm doing it in a different way and at my own pace. But I feel like people who see things from my perspective aren't valued, wanted, or given a place in the landscape of my national alumni... and the same stereotype Type-A people are also usually the senders and sponsors of most of the emails and letters I get from the local chapter that I was part of.

Its disheartening to feel left out.

Its the one reason why I would not wholeheartedly recommend fraternity membership to a young person that I know. Its the reason why I do not get involved or feel affection or responsibility for the alumni association and their projects and events. Its the reason I do not give them money.

My question is, does anyone else feel this way? Has your fraternity, through their publications, events, and alumni association, both national and local, given you a valued place in their organization as a liberal, as a creative, as a plugger, or as a small businessman, or an educator? Have they given you an opportunity to participate the way you can contribute? Have they made you feel small, or have they valued you for who they are?

Are some fraternities more liberal than others? Is it too late to change my membership?

I was told when I joined that fraternity was for life, and that there would always be a place for me there. I sadly feel it isn't, and that when we don't make room at the table for everyone, that promise is broken.

You probably know the answer to your question.

As to your complaint, BE the change you want to see. Thank you, Jim Carey.

[DSTRen13]

There are probably other members of your fraternity all sitting around lamenting the same things when they get their magazine, thinking they are the only ones. If you don't get out there and say you'd like to see some changes, then everyone will just assume that everyone is happy with things as they are. No one cares about fixing a system if no one tells them that it's broken.

[DrPhil]

This is an op/ed piece for an alumni magazine.

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by brightblue

As a freshman, I didn't know what conservative and liberal were,

Really?

Like...freshman in high school?

I'm not sure that's even acceptable.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is an op/ed piece for an alumni magazine.

[brightblue]

ree-Xi, DSTRen13, DrPhil, and dreamseeker - Thanks.

Phil - Upon your reply I turned to the magazine and found that (1) there isn't a letters page, and (2) the editor is the same CEO/chairman that was in charge over 10 years ago when I was in school. I might revise my essay and see if they respond if I send it in. Thanks for giving me a push and a boost of confidence to consider that.

Elephant Walk - I was referring to freshman year in college, when I was choosing a fraternity. I didn't walk around labeling my peers or labeling college organizations as one or the other, or think that joining a more conservative national fraternity would lead to these feelings or outcomes, years later.

From my perspective, things were not as polarized in 1996 as they are now, and the liberal/conservative divide was not as pronounced, I don't think. And, if you're referring to my high school education, no one ever gave the public schools in my city any awards for doing an "acceptable" or above average job. Besides that, does anyone really expect an 18 year old to have lived enough to understand their personal political perspective?

As I think about this, I probably had a group of brothers in my local chapter during the years I was an undergraduate, that was really down-to-earth and didn't have any kind of agenda one way or the other... just typical college kids like I was.

However, if our national fraternity happens to be more conservative than most, and might be that way for some time, I guess I feel like I didn't exactly give my informed consent to that (i.e. I didn't know!), and I don't really buy-in to that set of values. That wasn't in the brochure. If the nationals only picture "adult success" one way, then it makes it more difficult for me to proudly support the national fraternity as an alumni... even though I want to be involved, and I care.

I suppose speaking up and seeing what happens, is the best way to go.

[PiKA2001]

This is the dumbest thing I've read all day today.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by brightblue

However, if our national fraternity happens to be more conservative than most, and might be that way for some time, I guess I feel like I didn't exactly give my informed consent to that (i.e. I didn't know!), and I don't really buy-in to that set of values. That wasn't in the brochure. If the nationals only picture "adult success" one way, then it makes it more difficult for me to proudly support the national fraternity as an alumni... even though I want to be involved, and I care.

NIC and NPC members-to-be, for the most part, choose their fraternity based on the people they interact with at their college's chapter. If you would have known that (random example) KDR was the most tree hugging, socially conscious fraternity out there, but you couldn't stand any of the KDR brothers at your campus, would you really have joined that group? By the same token, would you give up the good friends you did make through your fraternity because of what you believe your nationals think?

I say this and ask...have YOU contributed to your national magazine? Have YOU been a national volunteer? For the most part, the squeaky wheel gets the greasin. People in suits are the ones sending their pictures in, plain and simple. If you allow yourself to be intimidated or made to feel left out, that's a problem you have to work out with your own psyche.

[brightblue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

NIC and NPC members-to-be, for the most part, choose their fraternity based on the people they interact with at their college's chapter. If you would have known that (random example) KDR was the most tree hugging, socially conscious fraternity out there, but you couldn't stand any of the KDR brothers at your campus, would you really have joined that group? By the same token, would you give up the good friends you did make through your fraternity because of what you believe your nationals think?

Perhaps! I've joined other groups/organizations because of their national/global outlook. If fraternities differentiated themselves by what they offer... and made this known to new members, they really could start attracting the vibe of people that they want. In 1996-1997 when I joined, there was no differentiation between fraternities other than the people who happened to be in the chapter.

But for sure, I would still have joined one of the three fraternities where I felt most comfortable with the people. The thing is, I had no information to differentiate between the three nationals. It could have been my deciding factor, if one had stood out from the others. But at that time, they were all the same, or at least marketing themselves all the same way.

Being in my fraternity didn't preclude me from being close friends with people from other fraternities and non-Greeks. The friendships I have with my fraternity brothers are special because of who they are and the experiences we have had together, but, had I met them in daily life on campus there's a good chance we would have been friends anyway.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I say this and ask...have YOU contributed to your national magazine? Have YOU been a national volunteer? For the most part, the squeaky wheel gets the greasin. People in suits are the ones sending their pictures in, plain and simple. If you allow yourself to be intimidated or made to feel left out, that's a problem you have to work out with your own psyche.

When your national fraternity doesn't seem to welcome written contributions to their magazine, doesn't have op-eds, doesn't have a forum on their website for alumni, doesn't have a letter page in their magazine, doesn't have a "suggestion box"... how many people are really going to feel comfortable contributing? My impression based on all the literature and email interactions that I've received from them in the past 2-3 years since I started paying attention to this, is that they are a top-down organization that doesn't really take much input or have many participative processes. I don't have a problem sending them correspondence, but in an organization that seems to be operated and organized that way, is it really going to do any good? It doesn't feel any more warm and welcoming than the national conglomerate I worked for last summer.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by brightblue

When your national fraternity doesn't seem to welcome written contributions to their magazine, doesn't have op-eds, doesn't have a forum on their website for alumni, doesn't have a letter page in their magazine, doesn't have a "suggestion box"... how many people are really going to feel comfortable contributing? My impression based on all the literature and email interactions that I've received from them in the past 2-3 years since I started paying attention to this, is that they are a top-down organization that doesn't really take much input or have many participative processes. I don't have a problem sending them correspondence, but in an organization that seems to be operated and organized that way, is it really going to do any good? It doesn't feel any more warm and welcoming than the national conglomerate I worked for last summer.

You're assuming a lot. For a lot of groups, the magazine is just assuming less and less importance as other forms of communication take over. Ditto an alumni forum on the "official" website. Are you part of your org's national Facebook group? Do you check it regularly and begin and participate in discussions? That's really where everything is nowadays.

I guess this would all make more sense to me if you were 60 or so and never used a computer, but you're young enough that your focusing so much on what goes in the magazine is just, well, odd to me.

[brightblue]

I'm using the magazine as an example because it is the public/official "voice" of the organization.

I can participate all I want in informal routes of communication such as Facebook comments or wall posts, but, as an alumni, a "lifetime member", a stakeholder, I'm not given any official routes to participate in the shaping or the direction of the organization as time goes on. I haven't really seen any big "discussions" on those Facebook pages, either. Its basically just news and announcements from Nationals, and undergrads who comment and cheer them on.

Perhaps I have ideas about programs or policies, or see things in my line of work, or in reading, that could help my fraternity reach its goals. Maybe my ideas are good, maybe they're not. Maybe other alumni, and other undergrads have ideas as well. But no one in our national is soliciting ideas. The way things are set up, I don't have a voice, there isn't a participative process, and there are no routes for me to communicate with leadership other than sending a random letter and perhaps getting a response. Or going to a golf outing or drinking event (which seem to be the only two things that I ever get invites for) and maybe talking with someone who knows someone and passes my idea on.

In 12 years I haven't been sent a single survey asking my opinion or asking me to rate my experience as an undergraduate or as an alum. The leadership hasn't done a single Q&A or webinar. If you're asking me to expand my view to include technology, those are three things that could be done - that my national has not done. I've certainly never been asked to vote on anything.

I just don't feel this is a very democratic or participative organization as it stands right now. My chapter when I was in it, was run democratically. National isn't. Some group of executives in Indianapolis is deciding everything about the direction of the fraternity, and not formally asking anyone else for input, but still expecting me to "support the fraternity" no matter what they come up with. I don't know how they make decisions, and no one has really ever told me.

All I'm saying is that if you're a member of something... and fraternities lock you in for life, you can't change your fraternity membership ten years later... then every member should have an equal opportunity and an open door to share their input in some kind of appropriate way, and its the organization that has the responsibility for creating that door so it can have as much good quality interaction as possible with its stakeholders.

And, if there's going to be an official publication that depicts what the fraternity stands for, it should be more representative of all of its membership.

With these things maybe alumni of all kinds would be more motivated to stay involved, to contribute time, and contribute money... if they knew they were valued.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by brightblue

I'm using the magazine as an example because it is the public/official "voice" of the organization.

I can participate all I want in informal routes of communication such as Facebook comments or wall posts, but, as an alumni, a stakeholder, I'm not given any official routes to participate in the shaping or the direction of the organization as time goes on. I haven't really seen any big "discussions" on those Facebook pages, either.

Perhaps I have ideas about programs or policies, or see things in my line of work, or in reading, that could help my fraternity reach its goals. Maybe my ideas are good, maybe they're not. Maybe other alumni, and other undergrads have ideas as well. But no one in our national is soliciting ideas. The way things are set up, I don't have a voice, there isn't a participative process, and there are no routes for me to communicate with leadership other than sending a random letter and perhaps getting a response.

In 12 years I haven't been sent a single survey asking my opinion or asking me to rate my experience as an undergraduate or as an alum. The leadership hasn't done a single Q&A or webinar. If you're asking me to expand my view to include technology, those are three things that could be done - that my national has not done. I've certainly never been asked to vote on anything.

I just don't feel this is a very democratic or participative organization as it stands right now. My chapter when I was in it, was run democratically. National isn't. Some group of executives in Indianapolis is deciding everything about the direction of the fraternity, and not formally asking anyone else for input.

If you have facts to prove otherwise... please share.

The whole point of having executives is to do the day to day running of the fraternity. Do you seriously expect them to put out the money to ask the opinion of every single Brother for every littler thing? Not to mention that fact that nothing would get done. If you feel strongly about a particular issue, then contact them, simple as that.

[brightblue]

No, but I expect to be offered the opportunity for input every so often, even once a year or so. Most of the web companies I've done business with give me that opportunity. My U.S. representative sends a survey once in a while. My hospital just sent me a 30 question survey asking me how they could improve their services. I don't think its very expensive to send web surveys, especially if you have it on your own website.

If you asked me to support a non-profit in my community, I'd want to know how they make decisions and if they have public board meetings that I could attend, and how they allow their contributors to participate.

I guess I feel that if I don't agree with my national's executives' agenda, or if I don't understand their approach because they don't communicate very well about it, my only choice is to not participate/contribute, because they're not encouraging me to share my opinions.

Then I would be another statistic of the alumni who "don't care" and the statistic of alumni attrition would go up another percent.

Then they would wonder why their alumni attrition is so high. And I and other people could tell them why, except they've never asked us why.

[PiKA2001]

Soooo instead of joining/starting an alumni association, advising a chapter, or writing/calling Nationals you are sitting on your a$$ waiting for nationals to call YOU ( some random living alum out of 20,000) and ask you how your life is going and what ideas you have? Wow.

I really don't see what the issue is. You had fun in college and made great friends. Why does the fact that they feature prominent alums and not kids "finding themselves" in Australia bother you so much ten years after graduating? Are you self conscious? Do you feel like a failure at life after reading the fraternity mag? Have you ever considered just tossing the magazine when it comes in the mail without reading it since it bothers you so much? Do you really believe that NIC fraternities are either liberal or conservative? Are you RUOXAlum/OptimistPrime cuz this is the same type of silly shit that comes out of his head.