Dating dilemma

ilovemyglo · #1 04-30-2001, 01:57 AM

Okay, so I need some help from someone away from my situation and none of my sisters are unbiased, so I am turing to you all.
Here I go:
I am dating my 4 exboyfriends all at once, and they all know. I don't need a relationship cause I can't develop one right now.
EX #1 Ernie- We dated for eight months two years ago. I fell madly in love and I am still the only woman he has ever told he loves. We were good friends for months before we dated. One day out of the blue he breaks my heart. His pride wouldn't let him say he was wrong or sorry. He graduates next week and we started talking again as friends awhile back. He tells me he wants to marry me someday, but right now develop a deep friendship. He wants me to come visit him in Montana (I am in KY) and has told me he will fly me out there. He is sweet and we laugh and are close... we have shared a lot and I never really got over what happened with us.
Ex #2- Jack- not my type to date. He is really a wonderful friend but when we dated he was too protective and overbearing cause of a bad breakup. We both were on the rebound but now we are both good friends and have fun together. We are so opposite that it gives us something to always be different and talk about. We also talk about the other people we date a lot to each other. We only dated for four months, but that was almost two years ago (after Ernie)
#3 Todd- My best friend. We dated for a year and a half. I thought we were going to get married. Everyone loves him, hell even I do. But I am not in love with him I realize. We have grown apart and our relationship is more of a big brother type, but he still wants to date. All of my sisters love him. He is a big brother to everyone of us! We have known each other three years but he and Ernie are in the same fraternity (they are pledge brothers) and that makes things weird too (I don't date around fraternities but he is such a good guy).
#4-John- My ex from 5 years ago. Won't date me til I move home for good from college. We talk long distance constantly and he is my best friend through everything. He knows EVERYTHING about me. Kind of closed off emotionally and 150 miles away from me while in school. He and I are close and we are really cool with each other (we are getting married if we are both single in ten years)

Okay, so anyways, what do I do with these guys? I don't want to string anyone along, but it hurts cause I don't know what I am doing!! I hate dating anyways cause it hurts. I just wondered what it sounds like to you all I am thinking, cause I cannot figure it out!! HELP ME!

LeslieAGD · #2 04-30-2001, 09:38 AM

Here's my take on the situation:

Todd and John are two of your best guy friends. Trust me, I know about falling for guy friends but one person always pulls out of it feeling weird and it sounds like you are the one that wants out. Jack sounds like your distraction. You said the whole thing about being opposites which keeps the relationship/friendship new and interesting. The reason I said that I think Jack is your distraction is because Ernie is moving out of state/is already out of state. Ernie is the only guy on this list that you said you were in love with. If it was me, I would let the other three know that all you want is friendship and try to work things out with Ernie.

Hope that helps!

Katey Alpha Gam · #3 04-30-2001, 11:19 AM

I completely agree w/my girl Leslie! I think you should go ahead and try to work things out with Ernie and all the rest of tem you can be friends with but in reading what you wrote, it really seems like Ernie is the one you love

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Katey, ZA chapter of AGD
"Could I have been anyone other than me?"-Dave Matthews

ilovemyglo · #4 04-30-2001, 01:51 PM

Thank you so much for your replies. My sisters in my chapter are too close to the situation (although you can hear the jokes about dating four exboyfriends at once)!!!

ilovemyglo · #5 10-01-2001, 04:40 PM

Okay I had to dig up this post so I can update and ask for your help again!
Okay I ended up dating Jack again.. we have been back together for six months. Things have been better than I thought they could ever be. He has been sincere, loving, caring.. we have had a great time together and he has shown me nothing but support and love. My family spent a lot of time with him this summer and they love him too! He gets along with everyone and I adore him. I had a terrible breakup a few years back and I hadn't loved anyone that much.. until now.
So here is the problem. Things went from bliss to huh in 2.5 seconds!!
He went from wanting me around and wanting more time than I had (which sounds weird) to not caring when he sees me or if he sees me! It used to be that if I didn't come over every night he was torn up, now if I don't come over it is almost like he is relieved. This has only been 2 weeks (TOPS!). So of course I asked him about it. He said he has been depressed and really just doesn't want to be around people. He was really honest and told me he just wonders what it would be like to be without me, but that he loves me and doesn't want to break up (kind of like, "Can I live without her?" type deal). So he then told me not to worry because it will pass and that things are going to be fine because he doesn't want to break up, he just wants us to do our thing for now. So of course I freak out and that upsets him.
So, do I give him space? For how long? What if he decides he doesn't want me? Why are guys like this? They want something so badly and when they get it, they flip! The worst part is I finally fell so in love with someone and now, I may lose him and my heart. I don't think I could ever get over that.
So that is the story.. oh and Ernie is coming in town soon and wants to hang out and then Todd will barely speak to me cause I am back with Jack and now he does and i miss him being around (as a friend). But Jack gets jealous when I am over there.

AGDLynn · #6 10-01-2001, 05:56 PM

I vote for Ernie!

jeannine · #7 10-04-2001, 10:55 PM

Men are such a pain!
Just when you think that things are going great, they do a 360!
As for John dump him, after spending all summer with him, I can't believe that he is now "unsure" about his feelings. If he is now acting that way (depressed or not) he does not deserve you!

It is understandable to Todd feels that way, just continue to contact him and be friendly, eventually he will come around and "settle" for your friendship.

I think that I would have to agree with the other ladies, either Ernie or look elsewhere.

There is some reason why you have not ended up with one of the four, whether it was not the right time, or that you both were not feeling the same way at the exact time.

I say keep looking, at some point, you will find the one for you and both of you will know it at the same time.

P.S. Nothing wrong with dating others as long as the others that you date don't have a problem with it. But by what you describe they do have a problem and that should be your hint that either you change your dating style or that you chuck them out the door for not accepting you for who you are, a person that does not mind dating people and having friends.

More of my two cents than I meant to write!
JR

lilangel81agd · #8 10-16-2001, 12:23 PM

Hey girl! I am the relationship fixer upper with all my friends and sisters! I'm thinking I should start charging! Anyway, what it sounds like to me is that Jack is unsure of what he wants and doesn't want to commit. He says he loves you because he wants someone around and guys know that saying those three words will keep a girl an option for them. I think you need to kick Jack out of the picture. Ernie sounds like a really cool guy and maybe now that time has passed and you have grown a little you could give that relationship a shot. If that doesn't work you really should set your sights on someone completely new and no more exes. Usually things are cool for a while and eventually you end up bringing up old stuff or just compare what the "new" guy does what the "old" version used to do.

I hope you work everything out!

ilovemyglo · #9 10-16-2001, 09:44 PM

Well Sunday my boyfriend and I broke up it basically came down to he is unsure of things in his life right now and says he isnt being what I deserve, which is so true. So, I met a new guy (I KNOW I KNOW... ALREADY) but it is just a fling type thing. He is at home and I am at school, but let me just tell you.. this guy is delicious looking! He is already graduated and his nickname at the sorority house is hot sex because he looks like walking hot sex... not in the actualy way.. just really easy on the eyes type. So he and I are talking but more as just friends who are extremely attracted to each other. I am not looking for a relationship right now, I don't need one. But, I do think that I will end up marrying Jack because we have something i have never had before, he just needs to grow up!
Thanks for everything!
Sarah