Rushing the Second Time around...

pnmfosho · #1 03-16-2012, 11:46 AM

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BAckbOwlsgIrl · #2 03-16-2012, 12:21 PM

Okay...

But this sounds like a troll;

Quote:

I was asked back to all my top choices for theme, but then got cut right before pref by my favorite house. I went anyway, and found that my second choice may have been what was right for me all along. The final other house had been my last choice all week long and I didn't believe I would get it anyway. The girls in my second choice really seemed to like me and it soon became my first. They seemed optimistic about my getting a bid, which was why I was so surprised the next day when I got a bid from my last pick!! I never felt a connection with the girls in that house and felt like I would be only picking the sorority for the sake of being Greek, so I declined the bid. Don't think I'm being uppity; I was very down on myself that week in general and didn't feel like it was a good time to make such a time and money commitment either if I wasn't 100% sure about it.

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=124482

Define "optimistic." It is an infraction to say that you will get a bid much less say anything leading to it.

On the off chance that you are not a troll, SEARCH the threads. THERE ARE TONS OF THREADS ON THIS.
NO ONE CAN TELL YOU YOUR CHANCES.
WE DON'T KNOW YOU.
Every school is different and everyone is different.

THERE WAS ONE CHAPTER INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOU DECLINED IT.
It is MUTUAL selection. You not only select them but they select you.
THEY ARE SHOPPING YOU AS MUCH AS YOU SHOPPING THEM.

DubaiSis · #3 03-16-2012, 12:47 PM

Your attitude going through rush could well have affected your outcome, but here are a couple things to keep in mind:
rush is harder as a sophomore than it is a freshman. You will incur rough cuts and you need to be prepared for that.
the house that you were too good for last year may still be the one you're left with at the end of this rush. Maybe you should give them a chance, if they give you another chance.
the girls who told you it was such a surprise and blah blah blah? They were blowing sunshine up your skirt. Take it for exactly zero. The possibility that you were actually a mistake is minimal at best. Those particular girls may have wanted you and they may have even thought you ended up higher on their list, but you didn't so there you go.

Next time go in happy and ready to look at every chapter with fresh eyes. If you're on a campus that requires recs, you will need them again. They don't roll over from year to year.

pinapple · #4 03-16-2012, 03:03 PM

The computer did not mismatch you. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted. What did you expect the emails from the young women who made a connection with you to say? "Sucks to be you" or "We liked you, but I couldn't get X number of sister's to vote my way"? The ladies that reached out to you had to have an attachment to you to go out on a limb to contact you. But they are a drop in the voting bucket. It is just how it is. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted.

Breaking up with a guy during rush does suck, but you need to really look deeply in the mirror and make sure you can present your best foot forward. Your GPA is stellar and if you get your attitude in alignment you can have a successful recruitment. But please understand that you are at extreme disadvantage as a sophomore and you need to adjust your expectations accordingly.

DubaiSis · #5 03-16-2012, 03:55 PM

In her defense, I didn't read what school she goes to. She will likely be at a disadvantage, but "extreme" would depend on where she's going to school. At a lot of schools it would be a disadvantage but nothing deal-breaking. And at some schools it really isn't a disadvantage at all. I would expect cuts, but without knowing the specific school or the personal details I wouldn't over-dramatize her situation.

33girl · #6 03-16-2012, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinapple

The computer did not mismatch you. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted. What did you expect the emails from the young women who made a connection with you to say? "Sucks to be you" or "We liked you, but I couldn't get X number of sister's to vote my way"? The ladies that reached out to you had to have an attachment to you to go out on a limb to contact you. But they are a drop in the voting bucket. It is just how it is. You simply were not high enough up on their list when matches were made. Call it a mis-match if it makes you feel better but the only "mis" is that you didn't get what YOU wanted, but I assure you the chapter got what they wanted.

Absolutely. The girls who called you and told you this are only doing so because they 1) are going through formal rush as members for the first time, have zero clout in the sorority and are completely clueless as to how rush really works OR 2) they may want something from you in the future, and have been brought up to make sure no one is ever mad at them...whether that involves lying through their teeth or not.

Greek_or_Geek? · #7 03-17-2012, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pnmfosho

One of the girls who contacted me went to high school with me and was apparently my biggest advocate in the sorority because she saw my leadership in everything I did in high school. Another was the person who wrote my rec who was a recent grad and still came to a lot of recruitment stuff. And the third girl from the emails was the girl who talked to me on theme AND pref night, and I didn't know her at all. I do understand that I will have a lower shot at getting into a sorority this next time. And once again, I didn't decline the bid without considering it. I'm glad I declined it now that I know some girls in the sorority now; the only ones in my honors dorm who wouldve been in my pledge class are the same ones who I've only met when they were extremely drunk...which is a lot. I've worked really hard at my GPA and getting involved this year. I don't care about being the "top house" at all, the reason I was upset with my bid was that the one I got was literally the ONLY one of the 8 where I didn't feel welcome, or like it was my place. I go to Western Kentucky, so the Greek system is competitive but not as crazy as UK or somewhere like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pnmfosho

Also, my definition of their "optimistic" is showing me how to do the hand symbol for pictures, and specifically finding ME on FB and messaging me to say they were upset when they didn't have to. They told me to keep their sorority in mind and that they would be keeping me in mind as well should I rush again. Also, I haven't gotten much advice yet, just insults on how I wasn't good enough for any sorority I liked..

First of all, we don't know you. If you have all of these advocates in the sorority of your choice, I have no idea why you're asking strangers on the internet for advice. Ask them for advice. In person. (Although as others have said, those people obviously didn't have enough influence in the chapter to get you a bid the first time around.)

Second of all, recruitment for a sophomore who is rushing for a second time is more difficult at any school. A re-rushing sophomore who turned down a bid has even more obstacles to deal with. Unless something has changed dramatically since your last failed recruitment (and by that I don't simply mean "Yay! No boy drama this time!") you will probably not have a happier outcome.

I know you don't want to hear all of this, but it's the honest truth.

melindawarren · #8 03-17-2012, 02:22 AM

Question (if this borders on murky territory, let me know): when the actives prepare their list, do they have a rough idea of where the cut-off is for invited and not invited?

DubaiSis · #9 03-17-2012, 03:12 AM

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

33girl · #10 03-17-2012, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pnmfosho

Also, my definition of their "optimistic" is showing me how to do the hand symbol for pictures, and specifically finding ME on FB and messaging me to say they were upset when they didn't have to. They told me to keep their sorority in mind and that they would be keeping me in mind as well should I rush again. Also, I haven't gotten much advice yet, just insults on how I wasn't good enough for any sorority I liked..

No one insulted you. We are simply saying that the people who contacted you may have given you inaccurate advice, without intending to do so - going by how THEY felt, instead of how the sorority as a whole felt. 3 women out of nearly a hundred is not a lot.

There were some girls I LOVED and would have wanted to be my sister, and pulled for them extra hard, but the rest of the sorority didn't feel the same. In retrospect, they were correct.

So, go through rush again, get recs again, and try to stay in a better frame of mind.

PS: It would be in your best interests to delete the part of your post talking about why you are glad you didn't take the bid from the other group.

33girl · #11 03-17-2012, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

It's not. At all. Even remotely.

MaryPoppins · #12 03-17-2012, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

the thing is if you attend preference you ARE on the bid list. Somewhere. But you might be #60 out of 60 and the pledge class will be 30. The only time you are assured your spot on the top of the list is if you attend preference and you are a legacy. And I believe the rush secretary and the alumna adviser keep the exact order under pretty tight wraps. But I don't know if that's true for all sorority chapters everywhere.

When Chapters do not keep the bid list order under tight wraps it leads to inferiority-complexes for individual members as well as the entire Chapter. Keeping them close to the vest helps Sisters to treat each other with respect and to respect their Chapter as a whole.

DubaiSis · #13 03-17-2012, 03:27 PM

That's what I thought, but I would be the last person to speculate as to membership selection. I remember it being a very big deal for us to try to get an accurate read on their interest so we could attempt to put the girls in the right order for the highest acceptance rate. I don't remember anything about a final list of who was on the first bid list or below, but have I mentioned that it's been more than 5 minutes since I went through any of that? And with as many years as it's been AND a major change in how rush happens at schools all over the country, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole MS process has changed. They might have even done away with the ouija board and tea leaves.

DeltaBetaBaby · #14 03-17-2012, 04:40 PM

Many chapters also want to protect each member's right to her own opinion, so things may be done by closed ballot, so to speak. In addition, GPA's are generally not known by everyone in the chapter, so if GPA is used as a criterion, most chapters members won't know how that affects the order, either.

MaryPoppins · #15 03-17-2012, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Many chapters also want to protect each member's right to her own opinion, so things may be done by closed ballot, so to speak. In addition, GPA's are generally not known by everyone in the chapter, so if GPA is used as a criterion, most chapters members won't know how that affects the order, either.

Also very true. By the way I always enjoy your answers, and those of DubaiSis, and learn a great deal from every conversation in which either of you take part.