Dealing with someone you cant stand...

lifesaver · #1 12-28-2005, 05:34 PM

Serious question, so no comments from Rudy or bobby like; 'I'd knee him in the nuts and make him my bitch."

How do you all deal with people you cant stand, yet occasionally see? Specifically, I'll be at a party on friday and I just found out that my nemisis (we'll call him Mark) will be there. I have no use for Mark. We were in the same chapter together in college. In fact, he was my little. He did some super shady things in college and after. He got one of my good friends pregnant, and wouldnt go with her to get it taken care of, or even talk to her after for about a year. He knows I know, so he's always copped an attitude around me. Saw him about a year ago at a bar and he wouldnt even look at me, and acted like it was a huge deal for him to shake my hand.

Also, I used to date his sister in college and the breakup was less than amicable. He was always saying shit like I wasnt good enough for her, yada yada yada. This goes way beyond the whole, "ya'll just need to talk it out.' I've tried two or three times, then he sent me some hatefull ass emails last year about how I dont live up to the standards of our org. There's been animosity since about 2000. I dont give a fuck about being friends or being amicable with this dude.

Point being, I dont like this guy and he dosent care for me. I dont have any intention of carrying on a conversation with someone I dont respect. I also cant shake someone's hand I dont respect. There's no way in hell I am not going to go to the party. There's lots of people I havent seen in months that will be there and I'm not gonna let one choad ruin it. I just plan on ignoring him.

I am sure all of us have people in our lives that we'd rather not see. How do you act around them? What do you do when ya'lls paths cross?

33girl · #2 12-28-2005, 05:41 PM

Everyone's got a chapter brother/sister or two they feel that way about. I'm good at being unnoticed when I want to be, so I can usually see (and avoid) someone without them seeing me.

Just say hi to him if you happen to cross paths, then walk the other way. It sounds like he feels the same way you do, so I don't think you'll have to worry about him hanging all over you.

Tom Earp · #3 12-28-2005, 05:42 PM

And Your Point is?

Hell, I never Like You!

We just put up with each other!

Do not let some ass wipe make Life Miserable for You! To many other people out there to enjoy!

Use Your Ignore Mode!

You know to many Peeps and Brothers Bro to worry about Him!

Do You Owe Me or the other way around!

Hope Ya Made it back safe and sound, well maybe just safe!

DeltAlum · #4 12-28-2005, 06:03 PM

If you come across him at the party, don't ignore him but be polite, say hello and then go on with your own thing. He's probably as uncomfortable about you being there as you are about him.

The only time I don't do that is one particular guy who gave me my layoff notice when a former employer was bought out by a larger company. He is very uncomfortable around me, so I make it a point to go up and start a conversation when I see him in public.

I love watching him "sweat" mentally.

Senusret I · #5 12-28-2005, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Everyone's got a chapter brother/sister or two they feel that way about. I'm good at being unnoticed when I want to be, so I can usually see (and avoid) someone without them seeing me.

Just say hi to him if you happen to cross paths, then walk the other way. It sounds like he feels the same way you do, so I don't think you'll have to worry about him hanging all over you.

That's what I do, too.

RACooper · #6 12-28-2005, 06:23 PM

A gentleman is cordial and polite to all in public, even with those who don't deserve it...

However there is nothing saying that you need to be nice or friendly to him - a simple 'Hello' will suffice.

Rudey · #7 12-28-2005, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lifesaver
Serious question, so no comments from Rudy or bobby like; 'I'd knee him in the nuts and make him my bitch."

First of all, I would take this all very seriously if you asked me a question like that. For example, I saw the movie Man on Fire with Denzel Washington. One of the things he does to a guy he doesn't like is tie his hands to a steering wheel and cut each finger off. He puts a bomb up another dude's butt and blows him up because he doesn't like him. So you see, I would offer serious advice.

-Rudey
--You can ignore each other, fight, or be friends...there isn't much left to the imagination on how to deal with this.

KillarneyRose · #8 12-28-2005, 07:50 PM

He knows he's a dick. What's more, he knows that you know he's a dick. That's where all his animosity is coming from.

That said, give him a polite, if curt, hello and then pretend he doesn't exist for the rest of the evening.

AchtungBaby80 · #9 12-28-2005, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RACooper
A gentleman is cordial and polite to all in public, even with those who don't deserve it...

However there is nothing saying that you need to be nice or friendly to him - a simple 'Hello' will suffice.

I agree. Even if he's a complete tool (which it sounds like), refusing to acknowledge him would put you on his level. Besides, he needs to squirm a little. I'd take the above advice.

Although, I'm sure it'd really burn his biscuits if you were really nice to him...but nah, I don't think I'd do that unless I were feeling particularly sadistic.

sigtau305 · #10 12-28-2005, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RACooper
A gentleman is cordial and polite to all in public, even with those who don't deserve it...

However there is nothing saying that you need to be nice or friendly to him - a simple 'Hello' will suffice.

Agreed

honeychile · #11 12-28-2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
He knows he's a dick. What's more, he knows that you know he's a dick. That's where all his animosity is coming from.

That said, give him a polite, if curt, hello and then pretend he doesn't exist for the rest of the evening.

Obviously, he's embarrassed to see you. If you can't bring yourself to say a very taut hello, just nod, and walk away.

Don't give him any ammunition to say that YOU weren't the gentleman!

uksparkle · #12 12-28-2005, 10:23 PM

What I do when I see someone I don't like at a social gathering is make eye contact and slightly raised my chin to acknowledge them and then look away without waiting to see if they acknowledge me. That way I've made it clear that I've seen them, but it's also clear that there's no need to make small talk or even speak. Works for me.

Rain Man · #13 12-29-2005, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
That said, give him a polite, if curt, hello and then pretend he doesn't exist for the rest of the evening.

EXCELLENT ADVICE, KillarneyRose.

Believe it or not, as far as my interactions with folk on GC goes, that will be (actually it has already been implemented) my New Year's Resolution going forward into 2006,

Truer words were never spoken!

wrigley · #14 12-29-2005, 12:45 AM

Everyone has the right idea. You don't want to be fuel for the fire of this drama boy. You'll have the upper hand if you do the unexpected by being polite.

AOIIBrandi · #15 12-29-2005, 09:09 AM

There is a brother like that in my husband's fraternity. Everyone just says hello and walks away. Then we all pray he will get the message and leave. Last year I threatened to get it over with and tell him he wasn't welcome (they said I could), but then I chickened out at the last minute. He only stayed about 5 minutes once he noticed he was being ignored.