advice needed

auburnmom2007 · #1 08-22-2007, 01:58 PM

my daughter rushed (great girl by the way but shy) and was released on bid day, she attended 3 pref parties... now do i have this right? 3 pref parties but when she listed them she left one off (suicide?)... so the program boots her off the lists that she was probably on and placed all that maximized girls first. so she was not "rejected" by her top(only) 2 she actually booted herself?! i think i understand and so does she. let us know if we finally understand the program!!! thanks

mpmgm · #2 08-22-2007, 02:01 PM

Has she looked into COB? I don't know which groups might open rush, but perhaps Gamma Phi Beta, Alpha Xi Delta, and/or Delta Gamma.

Titchou · #3 08-22-2007, 02:03 PM

I doubt she could have been "released" on Bid Day but she could have been a "mismatch." That just means the groups she listed filled up before they got to her name. It doesn't mean she was rejected. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes with so many people going thru. There are some groups at Auburn that are doing COB (didn't take quota or are not at total). Would she be interested in one of them?

summer_gphib · #4 08-22-2007, 02:07 PM

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be a mom, with a daughter who has to be feeling rejected and unwanted. There are so many different things to enjoy about college; I would just encourage her to find her niche. Encourage her to get involved in her dorm and in campus life. Greek life isn't for everyone. That being said, I'm not sure about Auburn, but there may be a chance for COB or snap bidding if she's interested.

Give her lots of love and encouragement, and she'll find where she's supposed to fit. It may include Greek life, but it may not. There are many, many opportunities to get involved and to meet a lot of friends. It doesn't mean that the girls she met in the various houses aren't new friends, as well. It doesn't mean they didn't like her a lot. It just didn't work out this time.

Hugs going out to you both!

SydneyK · #5 08-22-2007, 02:11 PM

One of my best friends in college experienced something similar. When the option of looking into COB was brought up, she really felt like she wouldn't want to be in a group if they didn't want her to begin with. It was difficult for her at first, but she eventually moved on. She then became very involved with other campus organizations (Student Government, choir, newspaper, etc.). While I know she would have made a fantastic addition to any sorority on campus, she never looked back with disappointment.

I'm sorry about your daughter. But there are other opportunities, and she would do well to look into them. Who knows, she might be the next SGA President.

PenguinTrax · #6 08-22-2007, 02:21 PM

Did she attend preference round? If so, then she was on a bid list, somewhere. Who knows why she didn't get matched, but she should not take it personally. It's hard, I know, but maybe the less competitive atmosphere of COB would be better for her. If she really decides that Greek life is not for her, then she should immediately get involved in an organization or cause on campus to which she can dedicate her time and energy.

KSUViolet06 · #7 08-22-2007, 02:23 PM

Just be there. Sometimes when your kid is having a tough time, they just want you to listen and let them cry on your shoulder, get mad, etc.

I don't know if/when Auburn has COB/Informal, but if she wants to check it out, that's great. If she wants to check out all the other clubs instead, that's great too. Just let her know that you'll support whatever she chooses to do.

AnchorAlum · #8 08-22-2007, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mpmgm

Has she looked into COB? I don't know which groups might open rush, but perhaps Gamma Phi Beta, Alpha Xi Delta, and/or Delta Gamma.

I don't have knowledge of what chapter totals are, but DG pledged 63 girls at Auburn with a quota of 58.

mpmgm · #9 08-22-2007, 02:36 PM

I only mentioned DG because they are a fairly new chapter and open rushed in recent years. They may be over total now.

FSUZeta · #10 08-22-2007, 04:35 PM

it sounds trite to say, but sometimes pnms really do fall thru the cracks. sorority members can forget a girls name, or get the name wrong-the sorority may have a huge amount of legacies going thru...so many things can happen. it doesn't necessarily mean that no sorority wanted her. sometimes some of the chapters the pnms decline invitations from would have loved to have them as members.

if she would like to be greek, i urge her to contact the panhellenic office and get her name on the cob list. even if there are no sororities participating in cob activities this fall, some spots may open up spring semester.

tennesseemom · #11 08-22-2007, 05:05 PM

They did rush a little different this year, allowing girls to be asked back to sororities they had already "cut" if they were "cut" by ones they listed. By doing that, it is my understanding that most filled quota, and some traditionally smaller ones, were able to accept more girls than the larger ones. I would agree that maybe you could call panhellenic and see if Alpha Xi Delta, Delta Gamma or Gamma Phi Beta is doing COB. I know Kappa this year was allowed to pledge 70 girls, while Alpha Gam was only "allowed" to pledge 55. I know about 2 years ago they did, and some great girls were able to join. they did wait about 2 weeks to see if anyone "depledged" and spots opened up. My heart hurts for your daughter, and for you. My advice is to help your daughter determine if she would like to pursue COB, and then help her find her way. she will need your help in contacting panhellenic, cause it can be overwhelming for a freshman who is feeling left out. Good Luck!

SmartBlondeGPhB · #12 08-22-2007, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlum

I don't have knowledge of what chapter totals are, but DG pledged 63 girls at Auburn with a quota of 58.

And as far as I know, we pledge at least quota every year.

AOII Angel · #13 08-22-2007, 08:01 PM

Tell your daughter that rush, like life, is not always fair. We'd love to have a better system that allows sororities and PNMs to better understand each other before making these kinds of decisions, but no one has come up with a better solution. Yes...wonderful, accomplished, beautiful, brilliant women are passed over every single year, not because they have anything wrong with them but because the system is imperfect and set up to fail frequently. Some fault lies with the sororities who often pick out their new member class prior to rush even starting, but some lies with the PNMs who also frequently refuse to consider any group other than their preconceived top choices. The problem is, no one on either side really knows how sincere the other is, so assumptions are made. At big recruitments like Alabama and Auburn, women are cut without the chapter even knowing if they did or did not like the PNM because they have to cut a large number of women every night. It can't be personal if that's the case. If she really wants to be a part of greek life, she needs to lift her head up, realize she has a lot to offer and try her best to show the groups what she can do. If there are no opportunities to COB, then turning her energies toward other extracurricular activities can be just as rewarding. That being said, I know it hurts. When I was a Rho Chi, I think it hurt me almost as bad as it hurt my released PNMs. I know very few women that don't deserve sorority membership.

DeltaBetaBaby · #14 08-22-2007, 10:47 PM

I post this a lot, but I will do so again.

I was president of a chapter that participated in a very large formal rush. Sometimes, we just plain made mistakes. With PNM's in the four digits, we occasionally mixed girls up or made data entry typos. It can happen.

auburnmom2007 · #15 08-22-2007, 11:45 PM

thank you for this information i will relay it to my daughter, she did mention a form for panhellenic but she wants to mail it rather than take it by. any suggestions are appreciated, her roomate is in kappa and is a highschool friend but the roomate had a rec letter for kappa and my daughter didnt have rec letters at all.