Alumnae Politics?

[VikingFan]

I’ve created a new account because I don’t want this to reflect on my organization as a whole.

One of the main reasons I joined XYZ is because I wanted to be able to plan and complete more projects, and get more experience in offices. My pledge class was tiny and I “fell between” two large pledge classes; because I wasn’t “popular”, I wasn’t even able to really do the offices that I was elected to. I chose to look past all of it, and figured that the chapter was/is very young and just hadn’t gotten past the high school mentality.

For the entire time I was active, alumna were allowed to start helping/advising with the chapter as soon as they graduated. I asked to help with a minor office, just to give back in a small way without being involved with the actives (I’m out almost two years, but was only active with 1 girl left in the chapter). Apparently they are now making everyone wait 4 years to help.

I was recommended to organize events for the younger alum group. However, those positions were elected less than a year ago (two year terms) and they don’t do anything, and I was told that I can’t plan anything official (lest I step on the officer’s toes). The advisory board is made up of a group of youngish alumnae who were all active together, and are very cliquey.

I have tried incredibly hard to be the best member I can. Attending everything possible, sending cards to congratulate the chapter on pledging/initiation, still making sure to keep my distance from the actives so it doesn’t look like I’m hanging on. All I want to do is be able to be active member. I still feel like I am on the outside, like I am being kept at a distance. When I was active, the alum always said that once you are an alumna, age/popularity/cliques don’t matter. Not quite sure how they arrived at that.

I guess my questions are: is this alumnae politics thing a normal situation? Should I try to plan events anyways? Or should I not bother to try and do anything with the organization, and just “move on”, so-to-speak? I never thought that I would be at this point, but I have felt like I am on the outside looking in for the entire time I have been in the organization, because I haven’t been “in” with the “right” people.

[sigmadiva]

It sounds like you want to be involved on your terms. I think you should realize that there may be politics to hold the offices you want.

In my own alumnae chapter the unwritten rule is that a member will work their way up the officer ladder. You start with appointed positions, or positions that are not as weighty like the executive officers. If you show excellence in excelling in these "smaller" positions, then you move up.

The sisters in your chapter may not feel they know you well enough to trust you with a major leadership position. You have to work to gain their trust. It takes time.

[VikingFan]

Thank you for responding SigmaDiva!! I think part of the issue here is that the person who suggested I plan events isn't in that group. I spoke to the president of the group who said that I couldn't really plan anything, henceforth the disconnect I am facing

[sigmadiva]

No, you're not facing a disconnect. You are facing the request of the president of your group.

If this other person who told you you could plan the event is not in your group, then this other person has no say-so over how the group is run.

You have to follow the officers of your group, and not a person who is not in the group you are in.

[VikingFan]

Thank you for taking the time to respond! I guess that answers my questions then: the younger alum group that I would be in doesn't have any opportunities for me to take part in. I think perhaps another type of organization would be a better fit right now!

[sigmadiva]

Ummm..... I think you missed my point.

Don't quit the group you are in. It's just going to take a little time to do the things you want to do.

The sisters in your current group need time to get to really know you.

If you walk away now, they will never have the chance to know you.

[VikingFan]

There are less than 25 actives in my chapter total and there are about 30 active alum, they do know me well already. I'm not saying I'm going to angrily throw my badge at them and dramatically refuse to be a member, I was just thinking that maybe a group through my church that I know to be more open to different people planning might be better for me right now.

[sigmadiva]

Okay. Good luck!

[andthen]

Originally Posted by VikingFan

There are less than 25 actives in my chapter total and there are about 30 active alum, they do know me well already. I'm not saying I'm going to angrily throw my badge at them and dramatically refuse to be a member, I was just thinking that maybe a group through my church that I know to be more open to different people planning might be better for me right now.

Obviously we don't know the GLO or the dynamics and requirements. I would recommend perhaps look into doing some other type of activity with the GLO outside of the chapter you are an alum from. It sounds like based on what you had described is that there is still a lot of hurt feelings. So perhaps volunteering in a different capacity will give you a refreshed perspective on your sisterhood.

[thetalady]

I do not care WHAT kind of an organization it is, when you get a lot of people who are invested & passionate about the work to be done, there will ALWAYS be politics. Doesn't even have to be a bunch of women, although the hormones, or lack thereof, can complicate things even more.

[ColdInCanada11]

Maybe the Alumnae Panhellenic Association (or whatever it is called there)?

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I do not care WHAT kind of an organization it is, when you get a lot of people who are invested & passionate about the work to be done, there will ALWAYS be politics. Doesn't even have to be a bunch of women, although the hormones, or lack thereof, can complicate things even more.

YES. This is just another example of Greek stuff being a microcosm of life stuff. VikingFan - the concerns you're describing could easily happen in any other kind of organization, and especially in volunteer-led ones.

Originally Posted by VikingFan

I was recommended to organize events for the younger alum group. However, those positions were elected less than a year ago (two year terms) and they don’t do anything, and I was told that I can’t plan anything official (lest I step on the officer’s toes). The advisory board is made up of a group of youngish alumnae who were all active together, and are very cliquey.

I have tried incredibly hard to be the best member I can. Attending everything possible, sending cards to congratulate the chapter on pledging/initiation, still making sure to keep my distance from the actives so it doesn’t look like I’m hanging on. All I want to do is be able to be active member. I still feel like I am on the outside, like I am being kept at a distance. When I was active, the alum always said that once you are an alumna, age/popularity/cliques don’t matter. Not quite sure how they arrived at that.

I guess my questions are: is this alumnae politics thing a normal situation? Should I try to plan events anyways? Or should I not bother to try and do anything with the organization, and just “move on”, so-to-speak? I never thought that I would be at this point, but I have felt like I am on the outside looking in for the entire time I have been in the organization, because I haven’t been “in” with the “right” people.

Originally Posted by VikingFan

I spoke to the president of the group who said that I couldn't really plan anything, henceforth the disconnect I am facing

Originally Posted by VikingFan

I guess that answers my questions then: the younger alum group that I would be in doesn't have any opportunities for me to take part in. I think perhaps another type of organization would be a better fit right now!

I empathize with what you're going through, and I think we've all been there. In undergrad, I wasn't elected to the chapter position I wanted really badly. In high school, I didn't get a senior recognition honor that I thought I was a shoe-in for. Sometimes I'm not looped into all the outings that business school classmates are going to.

All of these things can really easily trigger internal defensive feelings, and maybe a little bit of victim complex. I think that's what you're feeling right now. The problem is that once you allow yourself to start thinking "they don't appreciate me", you start to act out in a way that nobody really likes: either aloof or overly clingy, defensive, overly sensitive.

You're describing opportunities that are LEADERSHIP opportunities. SigmaDiva already mentioned that you often need to work your way up. OF COURSE the president of the alumnae chapter told you that you can't plan things, because that's another member's job. How would you feel if you were the social activities chair and some brand new member of your chapter got tapped to plan a social activity without your input? That'd be crummy and inappropriate.

What I don't get is why you haven't mentioned anything about ATTENDING events. It sounds like your definition of involvement is being in charge of something. What kinds of activities are open for you to participate in? What does the chapter do? How often do they meet? Do they need help with something totally different - like phone banking alumnae or helping write up awards applications?

In my experience, volunteer-run organizations like these have plenty of opportunities to help out, but it has to be on their terms. They don't have the capacity to add on events or programming at the whim of a new member who volunteers to do it.

I would suggest first changing your perspective a little bit. We often face interpersonal roadblocks that seem really frustrating, and you need to realize that if you don't like it, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to change your approach until you find one that gets the desired response. This is a deep exercise in self-awareness, and one we talk about in the recruitment forums all the time.

It's possible you might need to back off a bit and explore other opportunities. Sometimes your history of interaction with a group becomes too complicated and clouded, and you really do start to get some resistance that a true newcomer would not get.

It's also possible that you just need to be more open about the way you get involved. Attend events, and volunteer to help when it's solicited.

[33girl]

When you say youngish alumnae, how old specifically do you mean? Who recommended you to plan events? Why are you so intent on keeping a distance from the collegians? You're 24, not 54. Unless your school is one where everyone goes inactive midway through junior year, this behavior seems odd to me.

[VikingFan]

Without giving away the organization, there is an alumnae group for younger alum (I believe it's 21-31?). The person who recommended that I plan events for the younger group is quite a bit older than that.

There has been a problem at least since I joined (2008) of people "hanging on" when they become alumna, and the actives get incredibly irritated when those members still try to show up to everything and participate like they were still active, still try to play a role in politics. (I know this happens everywhere, even when people retire from jobs!). I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I don't care who has what position in the chapter, and I don't want to crash socials or semi-formals!

[33girl]

It sounds like the older person needs to stay in her lane. As far as actives being irritated at alums, I guess that's different at every school.