Discipline: Spanking

[PenguinTrax]

I was spanked.

We do not spank or ever will spank Avner.

There is never a good enough reason to hit a child, ever. I find that for my friends/acquaintances that spank, their children hit other children. For my friends that don't spank, their children never hit or act out in a violent manner.

The meaning of discipline is self-control. If you teach your child self-control, then behavior issues are lessened.

You must also be consistent - if you say that you are going to leave/take away the toy/etc., then you must follow through. Do not cave in.


http://www.neverhitachild.org/

http://www.nospank.net/

http://www.positivediscipline.com/

http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

[AGDee]

And, to repeat what I had said in that old thread...

It depends on both the child and the situation. In situations like running into the street, sticking something into an electrical socket, touching a hot stove, it's important to associate them with physical harm and I spanked my kids, when they were too young to reason with, to demonstrate this. Ditto with harming others.

I had two very different children. My daughter is so extremely sensitive that just saying her name sharply (even now that she's 10) sends her into tears and apologies. She's generally a very well behaved child. Her friends' moms all say "She is welcome here any time", she is a teacher's pet, is always sweet to others and is very compassionate (well, to everybody but her younger brother, but sibling stuff is different anyway).

Then there is my son. He will take attention any way he can get it, even if it's negative (like spanking). He is now 8 and for about the past 3 years, he will not only refuse to cry if spanked, he will laugh and giggle, which makes an angry parent only more angry. My ex still spanks him and has no control over his behavior. I find though, that he responds better to the loss of playstation, game boy, computer games, etc. than he does to spankings. The "if you keep doing xyz, you'll lose playstation for a week" totally works with him. He is much calmer at my house than at his dad's (even at school, per the latch key staff). He responds to chaos with chaos. He responds to a calm, mellow demeanor with calmness. He knows that if he wants attention (cuddling, playing a board game, or just talking) from me, he will get it if he asks so he doesn't have to act out to get it. He also knows my rules and knows the consequences if he doesn't follow them. His dad is not consistent and will change the rules or consequences based on what is convenient for him at the time.

It's about knowing your kids, knowing what works and what doesn't for them, evaluating the risk of the behavior and being consistent at an early age. Oh yeah, "The Look" will do wonders if they learn it early!

Dee

[cash78mere]

there is nothing wrong with a spanking. there is something wrong with a beating.

i was beaten by my SOB father my whole life. full out beat, including being kicked and punched. yeah...real effective....

i would never BEAT my child, but i will absolutely hit my child if it is necessary. time outs are worth squat for most children. send a kid to his room and he has the tv, radio, books, games, computer, etc. yeah...some punishment

as a teacher, i can't tell you how many lunchroom conversations we have about certain children or families. these kids are so unbelievably obnoxious and horribly behaved but the parents don't believe in any form of discipline. what they need is a sharp slap to the heiny. tough love works.

however, i do realize that not all kids are the same and there will be some children that are well behaved and do not need a spanking.

[trojangal]

My sister and I were both spanked when we were kids. Usually, for me, one spanking would deter me from ever doing what was wrong again. Mom said I learned pretty quickly. My sis, though, tended to be a little more resilient and would have to get some more than I did.

DH had whippings when he was a child, both him and his brother. Unfortunately, they had an angry father who was rather heavy with his punishment, and they did not have a great relationship with their dad as a result of this.

As parents, right now at this moment, we are having a hard time with our little girl who is 4 years old. She is extremely strong willed, and lately has been a complete hellion ( defiant, talking back, yelling--she even hit a little girl one day). We prefer not to spank, but have occasionally when she had done something bad that was dangerous to her ( like running out in the parking lot). We talk with her about her behavior and we use timeouts. We take away privileges ( watching her favorite movie, etc.) Her school uses timeouts and they seem to be effective. Timeouts at home, however, do not seem to work.

I would be more than happy to get some advice from more experienced parents! We are really concerned and want to try to figure out a better way to work with her.



A very concerned mommy!

[KappaKittyCat]

Shame on me. I should have done a search first.

Who's gonna spank me?

[norcalchick]

I never got beaten. But I did get spanked, sent to my room and not watch tv or anything, sent to bed early, no dessert, my nose on the wall, restriction, and my dad's favorite: The Jail, which was our staircase that had iron bars.

I don't have kids yet, but they will get spanked if they act out. They'll also get toys taken away, restricted for X amount of time, time out,, all depending on what they did.

I hate when kids scream and yell in public. Like I'll be at the mall or something and some kid is screaming at the top of their lungs. And the mom isn't doing anything. I say in a situation like that, you swat the kid in the behind and go to your car for a timeout.

Dr. Phil said something about when the fmaily goes out to eat and one kid is acting up, that one parent needs to take that kid to the car for a timeout. They'll see that while they're in the car for a timeout while their sibling is inside the restaurant eating, that they'll wise up and be quiet because they want to go back inside.

It's up to the parent to stop all the nonsense. I see kids all the time being rude and obnoxious. And I think that they needed a quick smack to the butt while they were growing up.

And don't get me started on the people that give a glare of death when someone spanks thier child.

[AchtungBaby80]

My parents spanked me, and I firmly believe I turned out all the better for it. Sure, I had to do something pretty bad to actually get spanked--usually my mom would give me The Look if I was being naughty and that was enough to stop me in my tracks--but it sure let me know where to draw the line. So many kids today grow up being given "time outs" and other bollocks like that...I'm sure time outs can work, but most parents just don't seem to know how to use them as punishment. That's why we have so many rude, spoiled brats running around--and if you don't believe me, just ask anyone who works with kids. They'll tell you.

[KappaKittyCat]

I suppose I should add my developing opinion here. After having taught for quite a while and thinking that what many of my students needed was a swift kick to the head (to say nothing of a swat on the behind), I think that if my kids got out of control, I'd spank them. Or I'd let Mr. KKC do it. I'd try time-outs and the revocation of privileges first, but as a last resort, spanking might come out. The ivory tower idealist in me says that there's never any good reason to hit a child, that violence and love are mutally exclusive, etc., but I swear, I will NOT have my children behaving like most of the kids in my classroom.

[Jill1228]

I hear ya! Unfortunately, I got the latter (and got the therapy bills to prove it)

I have no problem with spanking a kid...I have a problem with beating. When you leave marks on a kid with a belt or an extension cord...that is child abuse

The kneeling thing is child abuse too

In my experience, time outs aren't worth isht.
Disrespect or talking back: a hand or paddle on the butt (not down with slapping across the face)
Misbehaving: take away something they enjoy
"Forgetting" chores: take something away

being irresponsible with possessions: hit them where it hurts: the pocketbook. Ya know that allowance you were getting? That item costs: $100. Your allowance is mine until it is paid off...

That usually does it

Oh yeah I am not down with kids having a TV in their room
If you want a game for your playstation: use your allowance or earn it by doing extra chores

Originally posted by JocelynC
There is a BIG diff between spanking and all out BEATING a kid for the hell of it.

[DGqueen17]

I got spanked. My mom did it most of the time. I think that my dad spanked me like twice and I knew I did something really bad if my dad spanked me.

[dzandiloo]

Originally posted by AGDee
Oh yeah, "The Look" will do wonders if they learn it early!

Dee-
Your kids & mine could be carbon copies (only the boy is the older sib in my family). And "The Look?" My sister & I were talking about this this very morning! Our dad was the master at "The Look." I didn't inherit the gene though, and my kids just look at me all puzzled if I try to give it to them.... Man, the look would tell us w/o words that we had done wrong, cause us immeasurable shame, and convince us never ever to do it again. Man, I wish I had "The Look!"

[KSUViolet06]

bumping because I got into a discussion about this earlier.

[agzg]

OMG I can't imagine D's daughter being 10.

[AGDee]

LOL. No kidding. Now she's trying to pass her road test. I will give an update though.

Both of my kids are amazingly well behaved. I feel very blessed. I was thinking the other day how weird it is that I have never even had to ground my daughter as a teen. And my son, only once. They are really great kids and have great friends and I'm so totally blessed and proud of them.

[KSUViolet06]

My parents spanked me, and I didn't die. We always got fair warning that it was coming, though.

Example: If you fight over that video game one more time, you're getting a spanking.

Or if you got some form of discipline in school (ex: timeout during recess), it was just understood that it was coming (and you got the dreaded "2 hour wait of doom" until dad came home). lol.