sticky situation

txtiger · #1 01-13-2004, 01:17 AM

Hootie · #2 01-13-2004, 01:59 AM

Seriously, just ignore it. I know she's a sister, but it'll only make you looK despirate.

Sorry, but it's best if you just MOVE ON

txtiger · #3 01-13-2004, 12:41 PM

how does is make me look desperate to want to protect a sister?

xok85xo · #4 01-13-2004, 12:54 PM

sister or not, she could still potentially view you as a disgruntled ex-girlfriend

James · #5 01-13-2004, 12:56 PM

Well to me, reading ths as an objective observer, it looks like you want a little payback more than you want to protect someone.

If you think about it, what are you protecting her from? You were the other woman in this case. He was serious with her and "seeing" you.

Now that you are gone the relationship should be fine.

So why try and ruin it for her?

Also, you have little room to criticisize because you has an open relationship. I have never heard of a conditionally open relationship before. That just dosn't make sense unless you are paying word games with each other.

What it looks like is that you had an open relationship as long as he wasn't actually seeing anyone else lol . . .

ZTAngel · #6 01-13-2004, 01:42 PM

It's a catch-22 because you want to tell him that he's a creep but, if you tell her, she'll most likely think of you as being a disgruntled ex (just like xok85xo said). It seems to me that you telling her is more because you were hurt by your relationship with him rather than you trying to be a good sister. I apologize if I'm wrong and out of line but that's just what it looks like. The two of you had an open relationship and he is, therefore, free to date who he wants. I don't think anyone telling her that he's not a great guy will make her think any differently. It's one of those things she'll have to learn for herself.

ThetaPrincess24 · #7 01-13-2004, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hootie
Seriously, just ignore it. I know she's a sister, but it'll only make you looK despirate. Sorry, but it's best if you just MOVE ON

i agree with this statement. For two reasons. One, she may be a sister, but she's still a woman......... and two........I have been in the same situtation you were in once..........only this ex never broke it off with his "ex" (the one before me) like he said..........and messed with 5 other girls that i know of for sure but rumored to be more but that's a separate story. I heard from several people friends i went to high school with........the "ex's" own sister even that i graduated high school with that he was behind my back and still involved..........but i believe and trusted everything he said........also keep in mind i was an innocent, rather inexperienced, and HIGHLY naive 18/19 year old at the time fresh out of high school. The situation caused me to dismiss my friends as trouble makers and they knew nothing, when they knew it all along and I lost friendships, only one friendship i got back. Eventhough you're a grad student and he's a scumbag.......let it go. She'll eventually see him for what he is......hopefully.

pirepresent · #8 01-13-2004, 02:37 PM

I agree with everything said above.

Also, no one listens to warnings anyway. I cannot honestly ever think of one instance in the history of all of my friends who have been warned away from a significant other who have actually heeded the warning.

Even if your sister understood that your intentions were to genuinely protect her, she's still not going to listen to your warning. His own family warned you, and did you listen? Nope. We never listen to warnings. His true colors will shine through, and it's just something she's going to have to see for herself.

sororitygirl2 · #9 01-13-2004, 11:31 PM

Just move on. Everyone has to learn their own lessons.

She won't listen to you - she'll just run to him and tell him what he said. Then, he'll probably just tell her how you'll never get over him and how you're obsessed and how you are trying to break him up.

I watched it happen with some very good friends of mine.

Hootie · #10 01-14-2004, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by txtiger
how does is make me look desperate to want to protect a sister?

It's more than wanting to protect a sister. Think about it this way. Would you do the same thing if she weren't your sister? Have you ever told the next girl to "beware" before? Chances are probably not.
By telling her, you'll only cause her to get upset, and to possibly get your ex upset with you - hense making you look desperate.

To give you a little senario...
A girl in our sorority graduated and was engaged to this guy that she dated forever...like 5 years. He broke it off and started dating a new member in our chapter immediately. This new member didn't know the alum and thus didn't know the situation. It put a lot of us "older" members in a bad position, but what were we to do? And instead of the alum telling this new member what was what, we let her learn for herself what kind of guy he was. Because ultimately he ended up black balling himself from the rest of the chapter....and no one had to tell her about his previous relationship to our alum sister!

Munchkin03 · #11 01-14-2004, 12:48 AM

Just let her learn for herself what a cad the guy is. She won't listen to you--chances are she'll dismiss your concerns as jealousy.

Rio_Kohitsuji · #12 01-14-2004, 11:04 PM

Do what I did once with a shady ex...

Since you're alum of the chapter, I would go and "hang out" a bit with them, when you start talking about relationships and whatnot, say how bad this "one guy" treated you and how he used you while cheating on his more serious girlfriend. Of course drop a name..and last name. If she asks about it, casually tell her what happened while acting completely oblivious that it was her boytoy. The pieces will fall in eventually for her and she'll learn much earlier than what she would have being used by him even longer *nods*

~Kayla

--Yes, I did this in a similiar situation and it saved me and the "other woman" a whole lotta heartbreak.

Munchkin03 · #13 01-15-2004, 01:06 AM

I would just stay out of it, but then, I'm over middle-school drama...

Since you two are no longer involved, it's none of your business.

txtiger · #14 01-15-2004, 02:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I would just stay out of it, but then, I'm over middle-school drama...

Since you two are no longer involved, it's none of your business.

i'm over middle school drama too, but i would feel horrible if he ever hurt her (emotionally or physically) like he did me. and yes, i would feel the same if she wasn't a sister.

James · #15 01-15-2004, 02:30 AM

Has it ever occurred to you that he may be fine for her?

Most people don't have the best social/relationship skills anyway, look at a lot of the posts from GC women about their relationships. They just aren't very good at it and they don't know the difference.

And in this case all the problems that you are mentioning, that you want to relate to her, were not the deal breaker for you. The deal breaker was that he was having sex with someone else.

You may very well feel bad for putting up with his mental illness or his questionable relationship skills, but put up with them you did.

You are just basically eating crow for staying so long in an uppleasant scene. That does not speak well of you. Nor does it encourage others to understand.

Why kill her buzz? She is having a good time. And also, people can be different with different people.

For example, how many women have lamented that their Bf wouldn't marry them only to break up and see him marry someone else? The truth there was not that he didn't weant to marry, he didn't want to marry her.

So let her choose her own path based on the way he acts towards her. And be of good cheer, most relationships fail over time anyway, even without someone trying to sabotage it.