Non-Greek Friends

[penguincutie]

Removed

[Benzgirl]

Instead of talking to "them", why not invite one of your friends to coffee. Chances are, she won't gang up on you and you can talk things through. Continue to do things with your non-Greek friends on a regular basis, even if it's one at a time. In time, they will see how important they are to you

[SWTXBelle]

Depression is the pits - I know. But you can't let your friends bring you down. What kind of friend isn't happy for whatever another friend does if it makes her happy? It may be that you just need to move on from your friends in the dorm. Try not to let them get to you, and spend more time with your sisters. If the depression keeps up, go see your university health clinic and talk to a doctor. Good luck.

[Senusret I]

That's good advice.

Also, are you a freshman? I feel like it's around this time during anyone's freshman year that the big huge cliques start splintering off and hating each other. (Even non-Greeks)

[Senusret I]

I also just wanted to tell you not to worry and all that..... looking back on my college years, I can honestly say that my dorm was just where I lived and *home* was wherever my real friends were.

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Depression is the pits - I know. But you can't let your friends bring you down. What kind of friend isn't happy for whatever another friend does if it makes her happy? It may be that you just need to move on from your friends in the dorm. Try not to let them get to you, and spend more time with your sisters. If the depression keeps up, go see your university health clinic and talk to a doctor. Good luck.

Two things I learned in college:

• you don't always get to keep your old friends because interests eventually change
• your circle of friends may get smaller, and it's okay if that happens

Now, as I'm heading into my thirties, I realized that I don't need a huge pack of "friends". I'm blessed with a few select individuals I can count on, and I'm grateful for that.

A true friend supports the decisions you make in your life. They don't put you down. Get to know your sisters better. Start up conversations with classmates. Don't let these girls be your be-all, end-all of your collegiate experience.

[LegallyBrunette]

(-----hug-----)

All advice that's been given has been excellent. I'd also suggest filling in someone in your chapter that you're close to, maybe your big sis like you said, or someone else you feel close to. This is a time in your life with tons of changes (starting college, going Greek, leaving home) and I know the challenges I experienced during similar times were always a little bit easier when I knew there was someone who knew what I was going through and was supportive.

yitb,
J

[KSUViolet06]

True friends support their friends when they're involved in something that makes them happy, whether it's something they personally enjoy or not.

If they're being so mean to you, stop making an effort to hang out with them. People who insult you and your sorority (to your face or behind your back) are not your friends. I personally think you should cut your losses and hang out more with your sorority sisters or other friends.

[skylark]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I feel like it's around this time during anyone's freshman year that the big huge cliques start splintering off and hating each other. (Even non-Greeks)

One of the truest insights about college social politics. I wonder why that is true?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by skylark

One of the truest insights about college social politics. I wonder why that is true?

Those initial friendships are made very quickly and are primarily created because nobody knows anybody. You make friends with whoever is in close proximity to you (usually those who live in your dorm, in your wing/suite/room) just to have human contact. Eventually, you really get to know people and the friendships that develop then are based on more things that you have in common, not just "we are lonely and these people are humans to hang out with". The friendships that were made out of convenience can fall apart if there was no real substance to them in the first place. That's my theory anyway.

[Thetagirl218]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

True friends support their friends when they're involved in something that makes them happy, whether it's something they personally enjoy or not.

If they're being so mean to you, stop making an effort to hang out with them. People who insult you and your sorority (to your face or behind your back) are not your friends. I personally think you should cut your losses and hang out more with your sorority sisters or other friends.

Amen!!!!

penguincutie, I can relate to your friend problem. After I joined a sorority, some of my friends insulted it and made fun me every time I wore something with my letters on it. After we had a little conversation about how rude that was, I cut my losses. If they were going to keep being jerks, they were not my true friends. On the other hand you may discover that some of your best friends are not greek and that not all non-greeks are jerks. My best friend went to school with me and she is not Greek, but supported my decision to join a sorority, even though she didn't understand it at the time.

As for the depression, please do not be afraid to seek out professional help. Most likely your campus has a free counseling center or similar resources to help you during times like depression. We all go through hard times, and that is what those resources are there for!

[Ilaria Ame]

ditto to everything. i can't even count how many groups of friends i've bounced in and out of since i started college, but there have been a few people that were consistenly there for me the entire time. same with my sorority sisters: sure we have our ups and downs, but at the core of everything we know we're there for one another and i truly hope that you can develop that type of relationship with you sisters. i'm a little bit nervous for you that you'll let your old friends mess that up for you by causing you to pull away from your new group out of guilt. don't let people who aren't true friends do that to you!!!

[RaggedyAnn]

This reminds me of my college roommate. Three of us were friends freshman year and decided to live together. I decided to rush/pledge sophomore year. When we had our open bid party for our pledge class, the sisters encouraged us to bring people with us that we thought would make a great sister. One of my roomies decided to go and got a bid, the other decided not to come...but gave us major attitude about what we were doing. We had a sit down and found out she was jealous of all of the attention we were getting and all of the fun we were having. When she got onto a team that she had to try out for we made her door knockers, she was so happy she cried.

If you don't know why the other girl decided not to take her bid, she could just be jealous. She may have wanted to pledge but didn't have the money, her parents could have had a huge issue with it...any number of reasons.
Negativity can spread. Gossip can spread. Even jealousy can spread with good PR.

Enjoy your sisters in the meantime. Hopefully things will turn around with your other friends.

[MaggieXi]

Talk to your big or even some of the girls in your new member class. They may be going through the same kind of situation. Unfortunately, it happens.

I was best friends with a girl on my hall who had to drop out of recruitment because she had been diagnosed with an illness and had to go home for the week of recruitment. When she got back, a bunch of us who were friends were all greek -- wearing our stuff, decorating our doors and going to activities 24-7. We tried really hard to include her in open events and tried to do stuff with her. Eventually she pulled away from us, she made new non-greek friends and became pretty nasty towards us and greek life.

The following fall, she joined a colony and actually came up and apologized to me and my old roomate for being such a jerk during our nm period.

Your friends may not fully understand what the greek life experience is and insted of learning about it, they seem to be rejecting the whole idea. See if you can talk to them, if they aren't receptive, then maybe its time to move on.